A/N: Alright, chapter 6. I'm still not really happy with this but it's the best that I can come up with at the time. It's short and confusing, I know. I blame the confusing part on Shadow's mind and the shortness on my incapability to write irrational doubts. And there are more of these in the next chapter. But for this you'll have to wait till next week. And I want to thank everyone who reviewed until now. I thought this is an idea that deserves dumping. Well, there are probably a few people out there who think it does, but there are still some who don't think so. You rock. Anyway, I'm rambling but I'd really appreciate it, if you were so nice to leave a review. See you next time.
Chapter 6 - Will You Love Me Tomorrow
Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun
- Will You Love Me Tomorrow - The Shirelles -
Shadow looked over at River next to her.
The faint moonlight streaming into the room illuminating it enough for her to see. River was fast asleep and so should Shadow be. But she had a troubled mind.
She had doubts about what had happened and what was going on between River and her.
It had been amazingly, mindblowingly good, but was it just a one-night stand or was it more?
As assassin, Shadow was supposed to be immune against matters of the heart. But Shadow was no assassin, at least not anymore. And with coming to this universe, she had shaken off the last bonds that had kept her from living a normal life.
But what normal life was for other people, meant for her a lot of running and fighting against aliens. Even in the other universe it had meant a lot of running and fighting. She had acquired a lot of enemies across the galaxy, most of which wanted her rather dead than alive.
And anyway, even if her life didn't almost entirely consist of running and fighting, it would be nothing to be desired. She wasn't the type of person that went well with other people. Her mental capabilities usually scared people off because they couldn't follow her thoughts.
But River was partly Time Lord that could mean that she had the mental speed of them. As a fact stood River's ability to regenerate, well, she had been able to.
And that was another reason that spoke against a relationship with River. She had killed her dad. Or she will?
River didn't seem to remember it. She had said that she had killed him but that had sounded a bit like she had accepted the fact itself. But she could've already killed him. Regeneration was a tricky process after all. The memory could've just been kicked out of her mind. And it would explain her matter-of-fact-ness when she had told them.
Or she will kill him in her timeline but was imprisoned after the date that she will have killed him. So her pursuers thought she had already killed him, but for her it is the future. Time travel; it doesn't only mess up your sentence structure but also gives you a headache when you try to unravel what has happened when and at which point.
But the death of her dad seemed to be quite the fixed point. No getting around that one. The Doctor will die.
We're all going to do that. The ominous voice in her head interjected.
Shadow closed her eyes and sighed. Great, now not only her logical mind was against her but the voice, too.
But to be fair, the voice had told her that she would have to send River away again, if she were to take her with her. But right now, the decision wasn't about sending River away, but if it was better for Shadow to leave.
But Shadow's 'emotional' side was betraying her logical side. Shadow didn't even know she had an 'emotional' side until then. Sure, she had compassion and empathy but they weren't a determinant of her actions. She preferred to justify her actions with logic. After all, logic has only two options, being wrong or being right.
Emotional actions where so much a matter of grey area. With emotionally justified actions, one could be wrong but still right and vice versa. It's like the question about the poor woman that had a severely ill husband, but not the money to buy the medicine that would cure him. So she stole it. Now, was she wrong or was she right. Logic says she was wrong, because she broke the law. Emotions say that she was right because she was willing to do everything to save her husband.
But the matter at hand was obviously not a matter of logic, Shadow decided as she watched the serene features of River beside her.
Well, on the plus side was that River seemed to be able to hold her own. But Shadow knew one thing about herself for certain and that was that she couldn't be trusted. She'd probably do anything to save her own skin. But River seemed as if she'd do just the same.
They seemed to be quite the same. Almost the same background, same target, same decision, in the end at least.
And there they say opposites attract.
This is most definitely not about attraction. Shadow began a discussion in her head with the voice.
I have to agree. It is not about attraction. Or opposites for that matter.
I was afraid of that. Shadow didn't know where this was going. But about what is it? Allegiances?
Fate and Destiny.
I hate when you say that. And when you say that I have to preserve the timelines. Shadow's mood changed suddenly. Will I ever be free? Free to decide what I want to do and actually being able to do it?
One day you will be. But for now it is your duty to preserve what is. And with that the voice retreated into the back of Shadow's mind.
That was just brilliant. Now Shadow had still no answers, but more questions. But for now she decided to look at the possibilities.
One was to stay and face whatever the morning would bring.
The other was to leave and to hope that River was able to fend for herself.
But what choice had she really? If she were to stay, she would have to send her away eventually. And that was something that Shadow didn't want to do. Couldn't do.
Shadow looked out the window. The horizon was lightening already, soon the sun would rise.
Looking back over at her companion, she didn't know if she had the courage for either. But what she knew, was that she had to make a decision and that soon.