A/N: Well, another chapter of drama. Or something like that. Well, I'm still struggeling with the feelings part of this. So if it sucks, I'm blaming it on my inability to put deep emotions into words. If it doesn't, it was a lucky shot. And I'm especially proud on my new OC that has a little cameo here. (You know who you are. ;) ) But now, let's get this over with. The song is a direct soundtrack to the first part of this chapter. It's sort of Shadow's thoughts in hat moment. Anyway, leave a review. Please?

Chapter 7 - I'll Remember You

I'll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I'll remember you
But that's all that I can do
But I'll remember
- I'll Remember You - Sophie Zelmani -

As the first rays of sunlight streamed into the room, Shadow stood, fully dressed, with one hand on the door handle.

She had made her decision. She wouldn't cause River more pain than necessary. And in her opinion even that was too much. She would leave. And savor what had happened between them.

But before she left, she turned around to look one last time at the one that had brought her so much joy, happiness...and pleasure.

She briefly let the events of the night play out before her inner eye.

All that had been was amazing. They had needed neither words nor sounds to communicate. They had connected on a level that was so much more powerful. Their minds had brushed against each other; they had reached out for each other. Had taken comfort and safety from each other.

But that wasn't the issue here. The issue was that she didn't want for River to be dragged into something that would hurt any or both of them.

Shadow opened her eyes, a very sad expression on her face. She better left before she couldn't anymore, before the courage left her. So she opened the door and left.

She checked out of the hotel and took a direct way to the train station. Tosh had given her the ticket yesterday. It was for the first train that was heading for London. It was an almost three-hour trip. Too much time to think. But she had to get home somehow, hadn't she? Maybe she could sleep a bit.

As she boarded the train, she knew that sleep was nothing she would get. For that she had too many doubts and other thoughts on her mind.

She wasn't even gone long, but already missed River terribly. What the hell was wrong with her?

Shadow let her head fall against the window. She should make a self-analysis of her feelings to determine what exactly was wrong with her.

Was it that she was incapable of feelings? No, she did have feelings. But it seemed that these feelings were quite extreme. Either nothing or everything. In the case of River it seemed to be everything. The feeling that had been rising within her that had peaked when she had slept with River was now the one that caused her the feeling of longing and almost physical pain.

Shadow felt like she had been sucked into one of these cheesy love movies. Whoa, love movie? Was this what love felt like? If it was, she could do without. Seriously, all this drama was nothing for her.

She would remember River, and she would always have a place in her heart, but in the long run, there would be nothing between them.

Acceptance of facts, that's what had kept Shadow sane all those years. And it would keep her from falling apart now. She had to accept that there was a strong attraction between River and her. And anyway, they would probably never see again. The universe was a big place after all. And it was very unlikely that River would come after her. River would probably think it to be a one-night stand and move on.

But still, it would be nice, if River weren't to give her up without a fight. No! Shadow couldn't allow herself to think that way. It would cause even more pain than she already had.

It would be better, if she were to put the whole deal behind her and move on.

Moving on, that was good.

By the time Shadow came to that conclusion, she was almost in London at the station she had to get off. She resolved to not let herself get down by the matter and appear as normal as ever. Then she got up and off the train.

Upon arrival on Bannerman Road she was stopped by on of the neighbors, Petulah Welsh.

The woman was coming towards her in a pink bathrobe and had her hair in curlers. That woman was like a curse, she always appeared when she was least needed. And always wanted to talk to you and in the end she was just yapping herself. But that woman could afford it; she was making a fortune with writing erotic novels. Shadow herself had the whole package of novels collecting dust under her bed. Jack had thought it very funny to give them to her last Christmas. Shadow hadn't thought it very funny and neither had Sarah Jane.

Sarah Jane still thought Shadow to be 17. Actually Shadow was 26 by now. Shadow had herself experienced the effects of negative Rift activity. It had placed her somewhere, where Shadow really didn't want to think about. To her it had been a couple years, to Sarah Jane and the gang it had been a week. Shadow still hadn't the courage to tell her how long she really had been gone and where she had been.

Anyway, that nagging neighbor demanded a bit of attention, so Shadow put on an interested face and started listening a bit to give the appropriate answers.

"Oh, my dear. I haven't seen you in a long time. Have you been ill?"

"No, Miss Welsh, I haven't been ill. I was visiting a friend up in Cardiff." If she only knew, where I really was, Shadow thought to herself.

"Cardiff? Really?" Shadow nodded. "But isn't that a long way away? Well, when I was younger I traveled around a bit. Even further than Cardiff." 'Glasgow?' Shadow thought while still nodding. She tuned out the rest of Miss Welsh's yapping, only nodding every now and then or making an affirmative noise. After a couple of minutes, Shadow tried to subtly look at her non-existent watch. Of course, Miss Welsh noticed, just like Shadow had intended.

"Oh, where has the time gone? You can completely forget the time when you are having a nice chat." Shadow smiled her best fake smile.

"Yes, totally. But I'm better going. You know, Sarah Jane probably wants to know that I'm safely home. Was nice talking to you, Miss Welsh." And Shadow took off. That woman could be used to get a Dalek to surrender.

Shadow hoped that Sarah Jane hadn't already finished breakfast, for she was hungry like a starving lioness.

After she had closed the door behind her, she was greeted with Sarah Jane looking at her from the entrance of the living room.

Shadow tried to cover up any surprise and, of course, any trace of her melancholy. "Good Morning, Sarah Jane."

"Good Morning. I hadn't expected you to be here so early." Shadow did absolutely not like the look that Sarah Jane was giving her right now. It meant that she knew something. Shadow decided to check and confirm with a more or less offensive move.

"Jack called?"

"Jack called." Shadow sighed. That was definitely not how she had planned the day. She had planned for a nice shower and then a long and relaxing sleep.

"Look, I'm really tired, but I will answer your questions, if you promise me a cup of tea. I'll just run up and change. I'm there in five minutes." Shadow silently pleaded.

"Alright. But it won't be nice for you, if you aren't in the kitchen in five minutes." Shadow ran up the stairs to her room. She didn't know what Sarah Jane would do but she really didn't want to find out.

And exactly four minutes and 53 seconds later Shadow sat down at the kitchen table. Sarah Jane put down a steaming mug in front of her and took a seat opposite her. Shadow took a sip from the mug and put it down on the table again. She then looked down on the table, closed her eyes, sighed deeply and eventually let her guard drop.

"I'm sorry." Shadow whispered and looked up with one of the saddest looks in her eyes that Sarah Jane had ever seen. It almost broke her heart to see the strong personality before her so broken.

"What happened?" Was all Sarah Jane could say. But it was enough.