E is for Elf

"Santana…is that…is that the dress they gave you for…"

Rachel's worlds trailed off as she stared at her roommate, having just emerged from behind her curtain in the outfit that she had supposedly been given as her costume. They had been very lucky that someone in the department store had heard about Pamela Lansbury and decided not only to seek them out to ask them to give a performance, but also to pay them for it. It was amazing publicity for them and would undoubtedly insure that a good portion of New York City's holiday shoppers, which would not be small in number, would hear and see them and possibly remember them for future performances.

Of course, the downside to this was that they were required by the store to dress in goofy elf costumes and to sing only ridiculous Christmas songs like "Here Comes Santa Claus" and "The Chipmunk Christmas Song," but as Rachel had repeatedly pointed out to the less than enthused Santana, this was nevertheless good coverage for them as a band, and they could only work their way up from there. Santana had pointed out that this was not necessarily the case; considering how many young children would see them, singing while standing near Santa Claus, they might in fact be remembered only by parents who wanted to book entertainment for children's birthday parties, and they might be requested to sing everything from nursery rhymes to the Barney song. Even if this were the case, though, Santana had a feeling that Rachel would still find a way to spin a positive out of it.

But right now, Rachel seemed to be having rare difficulty finding words, and as she blinked, looking Santana up and down slowly, she actually lifted a finger and pointed towards her before attempting to speak again.

"Santana…I am fairly certain that this is not the way your dress looked…."

"Well, yeah, there was no way in hell I was wearing that puffy ridiculous tutu skirt thing," Santana rolled her eyes, smoothing her hands over her hips, and the very snugly fitting material now smoothed over them. "If I turned too fast it would flare up and hit me in the eye, and probably whatever small child was standing nearby too. They really ought to consider safety hazards when making these things. Not to mention, it totally hides my ass, which is considered by many to be one of my best features, and of course, it makes me and anyone else who happens to be wearing it completely ridiculous," she added as she deliberately looked Rachel, who happened to be wearing the exact costume that she was dissing, up and down as though for emphasis. "Also, there is no way I'm wearing an identical outfit to you, ever. I don't care how hot it is, I don't do carbon copies. I did Cheerios uniform for four years and that shit is over now."

"But Santana…that dress didn't belong to you, it belonged to the store!" Rachel pointed out, her voice rising slightly as she waved both hands towards the dress, as though this would somehow get through to the other girl. "You can't just rip pieces off of it and…and cut the hemline and…"

"Make it way better than it was before? Don't worry, Rachel, when they see it on me they'll probably pay me a bonus and ask me to cut up yours too," Santana's lips quirked at one corner. "Don't be jealous, I could fix yours up for you too. Only not the same way 'cause I'm gonna be an original, let's get that straight right now."

"But…Santana, it's so short, and….and tight, and…are you sure it's quite appropriate to wear out in public, where…where people will look, and…" Rachel couldn't seem to take her eyes off Santana, her eyes seeming to especially have difficulty lifting off her breasts and hips, as Santana rolled her eyes again, putting one hand on her hip and shifting her weight more heavily towards that side.

"That's the point, Rachel. I guarantee people will remember me in this thing way more than they're gonna remember you in your puffy disaster. You talk about publicity, might as well help ourselves along as much as we possibly can. They ain't gonna have any problem forgetting THIS."

As Kurt, having taken considerably longer to dress himself in his own elf costume, emerged from behind his own bedroom area, his eyes skipped past Rachel, barely acknowledging her, before settling straight on Santana, and he too widened his eyes, looking her skimpy attire up and down before commenting. "Um…that's not the same dress as-"

"See!" Santana exclaimed, triumphant, as she pointed a finger at Kurt as though to prove her point. "Even the gay guy stops and takes notice. This is gonna make us famous, you wait and see!"

As she drifted towards the bathroom, seemingly to check her reflection in the mirror, Kurt leaned closer to Rachel, muttering towards her ear," One of us should stand behind her at all times and make sure she's not mooning the world if she moves wrong, because that is NOT the way I want to be noticed and remembered."

"You get ass duty, I get breasts," Rachel whispered back, every bit as intent. "Because I see a potential for disaster in that regard as well…"