M is for Mistletoe
"Rachel…really? Is that REALLY necessary?" Kurt gestured towards the greenery that the girl was busily fixating over the kitchen sink area, balancing precariously on a stool to do so. She had already done the same over the doorway to their apartment, and as Kurt stood back with crossed arms, watching her, his eyebrows knitted together into a furrowed line of what seemed to be genuine concern.
"Of course it is not necessary, there is not a very long list of things in life that are fully and truthfully necessary," was Rachel's dismissive reply as she continued to concentrate on carefully thumb-tacking the plant exactly as she wanted it. "But Kurt, surely you understand that if not necessary, it is rather traditional. Of course, being Jewish, I do not usually decorate or celebrate the spirit of Christmas within my own home, I usually reserve this for gatherings of friends and of course, Glee club events at school in the past. However, as I am now living with you and Santana, who both do celebrate Christmas each year, and I believe Santana may even have some sort of spiritual tendencies, however muted and dim those might be, I of course would like to fully support you both and therefore make your home as festive as you both would enjoy and feel accustomed to."
"See, that is where the problem lies, Rachel," Kurt pointed out, exhaling. "I'm not exactly accustomed to mistletoe hanging over every corner of my house around Christmas time. Most Christmases in the Hummel house consisted of me and Dad, and having to kiss my dad every time I happen to cross through a doorway…that would just be weird. And wrong. Maybe even illegal."
"Illegal? I kiss my dads all the time, it's certainly not a crime," Rachel responded with some surprise in her tone as she finally stepped down from the chair, scooting it backwards so she could inspect her work. "Yes, I think that will do nicely… "
"Dads and daughters are a little different than dads and sons…or should be, anyway," Kurt muttered, even as he quickly stepped back from being anywhere within the general range of Rachel and the mistletoe as she came down from the chair. "Look, Rachel, I understand you're trying to be spirited, but…mistletoe may not work in this place. Or do anything except make weirdness. I mean, look who lives here. There's me, and no offense, but I don't really want to kiss you like that and I definitely don't want to kiss Santana-"
"Thank all holy beings above for that," came Santana's interruption as she emerged from behind her curtain, meandering into the kitchen area and leaning her elbows casually into the counter as she looked between Kurt and Santana. "What's up? Who's Kurt locking lady lips with now?"
"And then there's the Santana factor," Kurt finished up, nodding his head towards her as though there was no further need for explanation, and as Rachel turned towards her, bemused, it appeared that she did not agree with his assessment.
"The Santana factor? What does Santana have to do with anything?"
"Do you really want to string mistletoe all around any house that Santana Lopez is occupying?" Kurt pointed out, his tone slow, making it obvious that he knew exactly what the issue was with that even if Rachel didn't, and as Rachel continued to frown, eyes shifting between him and the other girl, she noticed how Santana's eyes lit up, how her lips curved into a wicked smile, and suddenly she did doubt her own décor decisions.
"Gotta say I love the decorations, Berry," Santana almost purred, even as she advanced slowly towards the brunette, long fingernails trailing over the countertop. "Really puts me in a festive mood…"
As she play-stalked a suddenly nervous Rachel, practically backing her up against the sink, Kurt sighed, shaking his head, as he attempted to decide whether to stay and attempt to reign in Santana, or simply slip away before she dragged him in on her own private amusement as well.