P is for Presents

"Berry, I promise you you're not gonna rip up a golden ticket to backstage Streisand passes if you open your gifts in any less than thirty minutes time for each one," Santana snapped, impatient, as she tapped her fingernails rapidly against the floor. She, Kurt, and Rachel were seated in front of their Christmas tree, two days before Christmas and driving home to Lima, and it had been decided- or rather, dictated by Rachel, with no protest from Kurt and Santana- that they would open their gifts to each other early, before going home to their families.

It wasn't so much the amount of time Rachel was taking to open her gifts, or the painstakingly slow, cautious way she insisted on sliding up the slivers of tape without damaging the wrapping paper, carefully untying and then actually flattening out the creases of every ribbon and bow, or even the way she was folding each piece of wrapping paper, making sure they were whole and undamaged, before she would so much as look at her gift. Or the fact that she had so far managed to complete the unwrapping of one and only one of her presents.

Or maybe it was all of that, actually. Maybe it was the fact that Kurt and Rachel had both decided that rather than everyone open their gifts at once, they would each taking turns opening one present at a time with the other two sitting back and watching. And the fact that at the rate Rachel was going, it would Santana approximately until New Years before she could open her own.

For her part, Rachel remained unruffled, simply sending Santana an infuriatingly patient smile. That was another very annoying thing about the evening- the girl appeared determined to remain cheery and good-hearted in spite of all efforts on Santana's part to rattle her, which had been increasing in number as the night wore on. Partly due to Santana's dislike of driving long hours in heavy traffic, partly due to her dread of returning to Lima, where it seemed that nothing remained except reminders of all that she had lost in the last few years, of all that had changed that would never be the same, all that had hurt her that she had been trying so hard to separate herself from.

And partly, of course, because Rachel could be so friggin' annoying.

"Santana, it is both practical and respectful towards the gift and the gift giver to be very careful with the wrapping, which is as important and meaningful as the gift itself," Rachel informed her, even as she pried up another sliver of tape. "If someone has taken the time to select paper and carefully wrap the gift rather than simply stick it in a gift bag with tissue, then I should at the very least take the time to properly appreciate it."

"I don't give a shit if you "respect" me or my presents or anything but my fast dwindling time," Santana retorted, pointing with exaggerated gestures towards her watch. "And I'm gonna tell you right now that I'm gonna rip right into whatever you gave me so don't expect me to sit around half the night drooling over the wrapping paper. If it's as important as the gift I should have just given you a roll of friggin' wrapping paper, plus I could have used it like a baseball bat to hit you upside the head if you took too long taking the plastic wrap off of THAT."

"Santana, really. Can we not get through Christmas Eve, Eve, at least, without threats of concussions?" Kurt sighed, even as he gestured towards Rachel, seeming to agree with Santana in spirit if not verbalizations. "But she's right, Rachel, please move it along. We both appreciate your appreciation-"

"I don't," Santana interrupted, but he ignored her, continuing as though he hadn't heard.

"We appreciate your care towards the gifts, but really, we would also like to get through the night. We won't take it as disrespect, especially since both of us had the paper chosen and wrapped for us in stores. There was no effort or choice in the matter at all."

Rachel's hand froze on the gift she was currently practically cradling in her lap as he said this, and she looked down at it, then back up at her roommates, the expression on her face now resembling a wounded puppy. "Well that certainly says a lot, doesn't it," she muttered, even as Santana huffed out loud, her exasperation growing that much more exponentially.

"Rachel, I swear if you're gonna get on a hump about us not loving you or some shit like that because we didn't personally obsess for a week over exactly what wrapping paper to buy for you individually and then take three hours to wrap it up, I swear I am gonna knock you out with the Christmas tree stand even if I have to knock over the whole tree to do it. Now I spent three days' wages on that thing you're pouting over in your lap, so OPEN IT ALREADY and SMILE and SING and THROW YOURSELF AT ME AND SMOTHER ME WITH JOY, NOW!"

And although she sounded far from loving or jolly or good-hearted, it was the kind of message that Rachel could understand and even see the hidden message of genuine regard beneath- for Santana to spend that much money on anyone other than herself was indeed impressive, and said a lot. And within the next minute and thirty-seven seconds, all which Santana timed in great irritation, Rachel was indeed reacting exactly as she had demanded.

It took Santana approximately three seconds and Kurt a still impressive eight to open their gifts from Rachel, but then it was back to Rachel, opening her gift from Kurt, and the waiting had to start all over again.

"Berry…"

"I can't appreciate this one either?"