Choices. Everyone makes so many every day. But choices have consequences, and bad one's haunt me. It was stuff I wasn't sure I could ever get over. I was over Luke's death and everything...but it was still in my mind all of the time. Everyone said it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't help thinking that I did something to trigger it. Something that made it possible for him to kill himself in front of me. I wish there was something I could of done to stop it. There was. I know there must have been.
I was all dressed for dinner with Anti, and I had some hours to spare. It wasn't like I was lonely, I had tons of people that would come to hang out with me at my call. But I yet again, hid out from everyone for 10 minutes to think. Last time Anti had interrupted me, so I didn't think I was going to get the full allotted time. But even so, I curled up in a blanket. I began to relive one of the most painful memories I knew I would have to get through to fully forgive Luke.
It was late summer that year, and Luke had been acting...strange. I figured as his girlfriend I was the only one who could tell but I think everyone noticed his weird reactions. He said he had been getting awful nightmares. And ever since our quest we went on, the one that we had failed but Luke had come back with a nasty scar, he had been more bitter then usual. I couldn't even mention our parents without him making a face in distaste. He had told me we needed to talk, and I was getting sort of worried. Had I done something to get the break up speech? Because if I got an "its not me its you" I think I would shoot someone.
We meet in the woods. The moon was lingering over me and the late August wind had been running through my hair as I made my way to our meeting spot. It was enclosed and surrounded by trees, so no one would bother us. We were supposed to be in bed now, which was why we snuck out. Whatever he was going to tell me had to be completely private.
As soon as he saw me he quickly ran and pressed his lips to mine. It felt urgent, as if he was trying to savor the kiss because he didn't know if it would be our last. He put his arms around me bringing me into a hug as he kissed me harder and harder. He bit on my lips, asking for entrance as I let his tongue wrestle with mine. Then I pulled away nervously.
"Luke...what's gong on?" I asked him as he couldn't meet my eyes. I usually didn't get worried about things, but Luke was important to me and I didn't want this to be our last night as a couple.
"Sit," he sighed, as I rested on a rock facing him.
I opened my mouth to start and he shook his head. "No. Let me talk I have a lot to explain." he said pacing, as if he had rehearsed what he was going to say millions of time but now he was here he didn't know where to start.
"Olympus. The 12 Olympians...they've been in charge for forever. And their too busy to even pay their children attention. My dad...he left me and my mom. And then he gives me a quest that had already been done. Just so I fail and come back to camp for everyone to feel sorry for me. And I hate him Tess. I really do, he doesn't love me, none of them love us!"
I interrupted not sure where he was going."My mom, she talks to me every once in a while. She loves me; II'm like almost a splitting image of her," It was true, since Aphrodite never had a childhood I swore she was living through me.
"What about your dad? When was the last time he gave you a call?" Luke asked accusingly. Never. Never was the answer, and he knew it.
"Ok we all have daddy issue's whats your point?" I said back wondering why we had to bring my dad into this. I didn't hate him, I just didn't know why he couldn't get a day off holding the sky to come visit.
"I've been getting these...dreams. Ever since the quest and I came back. This titan, Kronos. I think he's like your uncle or something."
"Great Uncle." He was my dad's dad's brother.
"Whatever. And he's been telling me of this great new...age! A new age, Tess a golden age! And we can rule it together think about it..." He marveled, like he had been having pictures in his head.
"Wait I'm confused," I said honestly lost on what was going on.
"I stole Zeus's bolt. And he Helm of Darkness. Well, I tried. But then Ares found me and we fought. He would've won, but I was underestimated. Then he took the bolt, but agreed with me. This can cause a full out war; and the Olympian's will fight amongst themselves. But now that new kid, Percy, is gong to try and f**k everything up, so I'm going to kill him. Kronos want's him dead, if he manages to actually succeed. And then we're going to go, you and me." I looked up to him with an incredulous look. To where exactly we were going I wasn't sure, but I guess he had a plan. Maybe a surprise.
"Wait, your asking me to help you start a war?"
"No. I'm asking you once we win the war, to rule the New Olympus with me. Or whatever the hell we want to call it." He said to me, finally siting down and looking me in the eyes.
"I..I don't know Luke. I mean your trying to take over the world?"
Luke shrugged, "More or less." he admitted.
What was I supposed to do? Mom hadn't given me the girls guide to: what to do when your boyfriend wants to take over the world. But I could really use it right now. I wasn't convinced his was a good idea. I didn't even care that the Olympian's had been ruling. I still loved my mom. But I saw his point about his dad. I just wasn't getting how this was all fitting and why we needed to take over the world. Couldn't they just go to family counciling? This just seemed like a waste of time, and I wasn't sure he knew what he was getting into.
"Luke. My uncle, great uncle, or whatever. He's no joke do you really know what your doing?" I tried to reason with him. Kronos was the titan of time. And this guy tried to eat his own kids. Maybe it was just me, but he didn't really remind me of a friendly neighbor down the street. What kind of guy creeps on you in your dreams and then is like "Hey lets take over the world and kill your father! It'll be fun!" Sorry, this wasn't sounding good.
Luke shuddered, then nodded. "Yes I know, those nightmares I told you about...those were him. He's been mad about the whole bolt thing. Me being caught by Ares. But I swear I'll never fail him again."
I sighed, I wasn't sure I wanted him to do this.
Luke looked at me with pleading eyes, "Please Tess, you could rule with me. Be my queen...forever. I love you, you know that. And I don't know if I can do this without you. You're immortal.. I'm not. If we succeed, I don't have to die." He came over and sat on the rock next to me, wrapping his arms on me and kissing my forehead.
So he was trying to romance me. Well it was working. I knew somewhere deep down that this was not a good idea, but I loved him. I was foolishly in love and if this was what he wanted I would stand by him. I knew he would've done the same for me.
"Ok." I whispered, kissing him softly. I turned around on the rock so that my legs were now wrapped around his waist. I laughed, before kissing him again, as he stood up lifting me with him. He spun us around as I giggled in glee before he put me down.
"You trust me?" He asked me seriously.
I nodded honestly, "I do, I really do. And if this is what you want, I'm in with you 100%." I said hugging him. He picked me up again, and then laid me on the grass. We rested there together, as he played with my hair. I never let him touch it, but right now it was sort of the calm before the storm that I had a feeling the next few years would be. But I knew my agreement to come with him was all he needed for permission.
I went back to reality, a stinging pain in my heart. It truly was my fault. I sighed his death slip. I told him I was in 100%. But it wasn't my fault, I was 16 and stupid. It was better then being 16 and pregnant like some of the other girls. But still I had done it. I looked my 19 year old boyfriend in the eyes and told him that it was ok and that I would stay by his side. And once it was over, he had died fixing the problem he solved. While I was here trying to move on.
My heart was sinking, flooding with guilt. My heart couldn't breath and began to drown in the reality. It was suffocating. No matter what anyone said, it was my fault Luke was dead. And not because I was an awful bitchy girlfriend. I was a sweet, innocent, blinded by love 16 year old girl. I had let him do it because I loved him and couldn't bear to hurt him. My feelings had came before my mind, trying to protect him. Luke on the other hand, protected me instead of doing what his heart wanted. Somehow I knew if he could've found a way for us to still be together without the world getting destroyed in the process he would've. He knew it was too late and accepted it.
I couldn't get over the guilt that it really was my fault. I could forgive Luke now, but I couldn't forgive myself. My broken heart was shattered, and I think I was the one who was holding the hammer.