It was lightning, sharp sparks and bright flashes as they fell harder and harder for each other. Each conversation, each song, each message shared between the two of them was tying them even tighter together.

"It's your birthday today, isn't it?"

"Tomorrow," Castiel said, and Dean grimaced. He thought for sure he was right. "But because it's Halloween, my friends wanted to have a party for me today"

"Really?"

"They always do. I'm assuming it's just going to be a Halloween party at some club with cake, but it's the thought that counts."

"Are you dressing up?"

Castiel laughed. "I am."

"Really?"

"Mhmm. And what about you, Dean? Are you going to dress up? Put on some makeup and have a good time?"

Dean chuckled. "I don't see the point. I'm not going out."

"But it's fun!"

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Do you like dressing up?"

"I love it."

"What are you being this year?"

Castiel hummed. "I haven't chosen. It's either a fireman or a criminal."

"A criminal?"

"Yeah. Do you want to see?"

"I, uhh… Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Okay." Castiel was smiling, Dean could tell. "I have to go to class, and then give me some time to finish getting it ready… I'll tell you when I'm ready?"

"Okay. You leaving to class?"

"I probably need to."

"Go," Dean said. "Who knows. Maybe I'll put on a costume."

Castiel laughed. "Really?"

"Not a chance."

Another laugh. "Okay. I'll talk to you later."

"See ya, Cas."

Castiel was back in a few hours.

cassienov Are you ready?

iamdean I guess.

There was a ringing from the speakers. A bubble popped up, and he clicked it shut.

iamdean I'm not video chatting.

cassienov Oh, come on.

cassienov How else am I supposed to show you?

iamdean A picture?

cassienov No.

cassienov Video chat me, come on.

iamdean No.

cassienov Please let me see you.

Dean swallowed hard. It was such a risk for him to take. So much could be riding on this, and he'd never know until he tried, and that was the most terrifying aspect of it all.

He swallowed again.

iamdean Fine. Okay.

cassienov Really?

iamdean Just give me a second to take the tape off of the camera.

He was in the process of rubbing off the residue from the tape when the ringing was back for the second time that day.

His stomach fell down deep, deeper than he thought he had room for, and he could barely even release the effort he needed to click 'accept' on the call. He was frozen, and his insides shook hard.

He finally clicked answer.

It was a moment before the screen in front of him lit up, Castiel's face filling the rectangle.

The image was about as clear as Dean anticipated it to be, and he wasn't disappointed. Castiel looked just like the picture he'd sent when they'd first met, and he felt simultaneous shocks of both relief and terror roll through him.

Castiel met his expectations. Would Dean meet his?

"Woah."

Dean's heart sank.

"What?"

"I thought you said you weren't doing anything for Halloween!?"

What? "What?"

"Your makeup! That's so cool!"

He finally understood. He thought his scars were fake. He swallowed, prepared to tell him the truth, but he looked so happy and incredibly alight and excited. He didn't have the heart to take that away for a more somber tone.

He smiled. "Thanks."

"That scar is amazing. How'd you do it?"

Dean had to bite back a laugh. "It was painful," he said truthfully.

"I bet," he responded, not truly understanding what Dean had meant.

Dean changed the subject. "But we're not here for me. Come on, Cas. Show me your costume."

Castiel beamed. "Okay, but give me a second. I have an entrance. Oh, by the way? You're really handsome, Dean."

He disappeared from the screen with a final smile, but Dean barely even noticed.

Handsome.

He thought he was handsome.

He felt the pressure behind his eyes again, but he shook his head. He wasn't going to cry about it. He wasn't.

Luckily, Castiel was back in the shot quickly, his wrists bound behind his back loosely, which was graced by a ripped open black and white shirt torn haggardly down the front. He had on matching pants that looked to be a size too big, the waistband clutching dangerously low on his hips. He had on a hat, and a black mask across his eyes.

He grinned. "What do you think?" He turned around slowly.

Dean was staring with wide eyes. "You look super hot."

"Really?"

"I'd bail you out."

Castiel laughed, walking back to his desk. He sat down, taking off his mask. "Thanks. I like this one but the shirt won't stay on."

"I can't imagine why."

Castiel laughed again, and his shoulders shook. Dean could see his collar bones below his long neck, and wanted nothing more than to just attack and lavish that whole area. He licked his lips.

"I have the firefighter one, too. You want to see it?"

"I'd be stupid if I didn't."

Castiel winked at him and left.

"You ready?" he called from off screen a few minutes later.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Castiel walked out in low slung and very loose fire-pants held up only by red and yellow suspenders and absolutely nothing else on but a hat and some boots. He had black streaks across his cheekbones.

That's why.

Dean stared at him. "Fuck…" he muttered, unable to look away from the deep v of his hips.

Castiel smirked. "Like what you see?"

"I would take you right now, on your bed, and fuck those perfect little hips of yours…"

Castiel's eyes widened in pleasant shock, but Dean was gone, lost in a trance.

"You'd fuck me?" Castiel asked, stepping to the computer. He gave Dean a good look at his hips before he sat down.

Dean just nodded. "Or you could fuck me. I don't care. I just want my hands on you."

Castiel was thinking. "Dean, what are you doing tonight?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"Come to my party. Come meet me. In person. I… I really want you."

Dean was frozen. He didn't want to go. Scratch that. He couldn't go. Not like this. He shook his head but he didn't want to say no. "I… I don't know…"

Castiel sighed, but didn't push it. "Well, I'll give you the address my friend Anna gave me. If you show up, then you show up. And if you don't… Then I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I'll think about it."

He smiled faintly. "I need to finish getting ready. I… I really hope I see you tonight, Dean."

Then he was gone. Dean felt himself relax despite being disappointed at losing sight of the other. There was a ping from their chat, and then another when he logged out.

Dean stared at the address Castiel had just sent, contemplating and arguing about it in his head, unsure of what to do. He wanted to meet Castiel, God did he want that. But a simple touch to his face brought him out of it. He couldn't see Castiel like this. He absolutely cou-

He paused. Makeup. Castiel had thought it was makeup. He dragged his fingers down his scars again, and nodded to himself.

"Sammy," he said, making his way out of his room. "I need your help."

Sam looked away from the TV. "With?"

"I'm going to a Halloween party."

"What?" Sam was interested. He turned on to his knees, digging them in to the couch as he watched Dean over the back.

"I'm going to a Halloween party," Dean repeated. "To see a guy. I… Yeah. To see a guy."

"The one you've been talking to?"

Dean nodded, stepping in to the bathroom. He turned on the shower. "I need a costume. Make me… Frankenstein, or something.

"You mean the monster?"

"You know what I mean," he said, shutting the door.

Sam had something for him when he came out. Dean looked at it strange. "What is that?"

"An outfit? Dean, it was the best I could pull up in twenty minutes."

He took it from him, stalking back in to the steamy bathroom.

It was a nice fitting suit costume that made him look like a mobster. He smirked, putting on the hat. "I look good, Sammy," he said, stepping out of the bathroom. "But what am I?"

"Think hard."

Dean looked over his body. "Badly scarred Scarface?"

Sam looked almost guilty. "I figured you might like that a bit more. If it's offens-"

"-I like it, Sam. It's okay."

Sam smiled. "I hope you have fun, Dean."

"Me too."

"You nervous?"

Dean had some time, so he sat down. "Very. Sam, you should see him. He's… wow. And I'm… no. And I… I hope this doesn't mess it up."

"Has he ever seen you before?"

"Just today."

"Then it won't be a problem!"

"He thinks my scars were fake. You know, Halloween makeup."

"They're not that bad, Dean."

"Then why did everyone point and stare, Sam? Huh?" Sam fell silent, and Dean dragged his hand down his face "I'm sorry, but pretending like they aren't a detriment to me isn't helping at all."

"Okay. When do you need to be there?"

"Whenever I'm ready. The party's kind of far away, so…" He shrugged, and Sam nodded.

"Call me if you need anything, Dean. And…" he laughed. "Be safe."

Dean grinned. "You're not my mom," he said, hopping up. "I'll see ya, Sammy."

"Bye Dean."

The party was far away. Much farther than Dean had assumed it would be, but it gave him time to try and calm his nerves. It didn't really work, his stomach tightening into even tighter knots every mile closer he came to the address he'd been given.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this.

But he continued driving despite his internal struggles.

Getting out of his car was a different story. He was parked in a lot beside the club, and he could see lights flashing inside. The music wasn't quite audible, so he was hopeful that he'd have the opportunity to actually talk to Castiel if he could actually get himself out of his car.

He finally did it. He wasn't weak. He wouldn't let the terror beat him over again. He slammed his door behind him, and stalked over to the club, his falsified confidence falling the closer he got to the entrance.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. What am I doing?" he muttered to himself, smacking his forehead. "Oh god. Oh fuck. Shit fuck shitty fucking shit shit god- Hi." He stopped in front of the bouncer, who was really just a young girl with crazy hair and glittery makeup on.

"Hi!" she said with a grin. "You want in?"

Dean nodded. "That's why I'm here."

She scanned her eyes over his body. "Well, you've certainly got the costume. Scarface?" Dean nodded. "Nice. Now all you need it to take this-" she slid an orange shot toward him. "-and not spit it up."

Dean picked it up, bringing it to his nose. He smelled it, the sweet and fruity aroma causing him to wince, but he took it anyway.

He gagged. "Holy shit!" he coughed. "What the fuck is in that?"

"Fruit juices and everclear." Dean squeezed his eyes shut tight, shaking his head and she laughed. "You can head on in," she said, gesturing to the door. "You're a good sport."

"Thanks," Dean muttered out, clearing his throat as he passed her on his way in. It went over his head, barely even noticing that it had been his first personal contact with a human besides Sam in months. He was handed a free drink, but he didn't care. He was on a mission. He didn't have time for a distraction.

The lights were still flashing, but had been right in assuming that the music wasn't as loud as most clubs. All he wanted was to see, however, so it wasn't much of a trade-off. He scanned his eyes up and down the floor, looking for Castiel.

His heart stopped when he saw him. He was dancing near the middle of the floor, a neon drink in his hand, his fireman's hat angled awkwardly on his head, his hips gyrating to the beat of the song.

A girl, Dean assumed a friend, tossed some bills at him, and he laughed, not stopping his hips to take a drink.

Dean was entranced. He was walking numbly toward the dance floor, downing the strong drink he'd been handed on the way. He placed it down on the last table he passed, his eyes locked solidly on Castiel, not stopping until he got to him.

He hesitated for half a moment, but shook his head and stepped up behind him, grabbing his hips.

"Hi," he whispered in his ear, pressing up against him. No going back now.

Castiel gasped. "Dean?"

"It's me."

Castiel relaxed back in to him almost immediately, and Dean was amazed at how easily he accepted it, not even looking back to see his face, to check that he was who he said he was. But he didn't really care. Castiel's hips were rocking from side to side against his own, causing him to fall in to rhythm.

Dean slid his hands forward across Castiel's bare stomach and under his suspenders, fingers trembling at the touch. He was feeling him, holding him in some way, and Castiel wasn't fleeing, wasn't shirking away from his touch. He dipped his head down, nuzzling closer, his lips resting against the convex of his neck and shoulder.

Castiel covered Dean's hands with his own after dropping his empty glass on the ground, moving one up his body to rest below his ribs, the other sliding lower down on his hips.

"You came," he said, eyes still shut as he tipped his head back to rest on Dean's shoulder.

"I couldn't resist."

"Are you nervous?"

Dean pressed his hands harder in to Castiel, his body solid under his palms. "Are you?"

"Of course," he replied. "But I've been wanting this for months." The song ended, and Castiel took the chance he got with the quick break in music to turn in Dean's arms, wrapping his own around him, nuzzling his face in to his neck, hugging him as his hips began to rock again. "It just feels too good to really care about being nervous."

Dean brought a hand up to the back of Castiel's shoulder, the other down to the low small of his back, almost on his ass. "It feels good?"

"I've been wanting you since Valentines, Dean." He kissed his neck, and Dean shivered at how soft his lips were. "And now I have you here. I have you right in my grasp…" He kissed higher up on Dean's neck before sliding back just enough to look at Dean's face.

Dean smiled lightly at him. "You're so much better in person."

"You too." He kissed his jaw, and Dean shivered again. "Do you want to go back to my place?"

"I'd love to."

Castiel smiled and stepped back, taking hold of Dean's hand, leading him through the club and outside. "I'll call a ca-"

"-I have a car."

Dean regretted driving the moment they were out of the lot. Castiel was insatiable. It started with him holding his hand, then kissing up his arm. Soon he was in the middle seat, kissing up Dean's neck, sucking on his earlobe.

Dean had never been so turned on in his life.

"Cas, I'm trying to drive here."

"And I'm trying to get with you."

Dean pulled off the side of the road. "And you'll have me." Castiel was kissing up his neck, and Dean had to nudge him away, locking his finger under his chin, tilting his face up. "Slow down, baby. We'll have all the time in the world in a bit." He rubbed his thumb a few times across his chin. "Okay?"

"Okay."

Castiel still didn't stop while he was driving, still kissing at his neck, but after a while, Dean stopped complaining.

He pulled up outside of Castiel's house, and Castiel was pushing him out of the car and then dragging him toward his house the second the car was shut off.

He pinned him to the door the second they were inside. "I want you so bad, Dean."

"I want you, too," Dean said, kissing Castiel's cheek, then the corner of his lips, letting Castiel grind himself up against him as he pleased.

"I'm so fucking horny."

Dean was turned on too, but he wasn't feeling it. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel like how he'd imagined it to feel for the past few months. It didn't feel like it had earlier that night, when they'd first met. "Cas, we should stop."

Dean was scared by how ferocious Castiel's eyes turned in a flip of a second. "Why? I don't want to."

"I've waited so long for you," Dean said. "I want it to be good. Sober."

"And it's not now?"

"Not unless you usually grind like you're trying to polish rocks."

That got to him. Castiel froze his hips, staring up at Dean for a moment before dropping his head down on Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said. "I drank too much. I was just… so nervous."

"Hey, hey, hey," Dean said, and Castiel looked up. Dean noticed the black streaks on his cheekbones were smudged. "I'm nervous, too. But you know what? You're amazing. Just being with you is worth all of the nerves, and stomach-churning worry. Just touching you is calming me down." He cupped Castiel's cheeks. "Please tell me you're feeling the same way."

Castiel nodded. "I am. I… I am."

"Cas?" Castiel snapped his eyes back up to him. "Let me be good to you. Let me take you back to your room, and hold you, and sing to you, and be good to you. Please."

"Please…" Castiel repeated back as his response, nuzzling in to Dean's neck again

"Where's your room?" Dean asked.

Castiel pulled away to lead him in to it, pointing at the bed as he walked to his bathroom, reemerging a few minutes later with the black streaks washed off his face and only a pair of boxers gracing his hips. He smiled at Dean, who had his arms open as he sat on his bed, and ambled over to him, immediately curling in to him, nestled between his legs.

He kissed the top of his head. "You're so…" He laughed at himself. "You're so gorgeous, Cas."

Castiel nuzzled closer to him, grabbing one of Dean's hands. "You're very nice to me, Dean."

Dean kissed his hair again. "What do you want me to do?"

"Sing to me?"

"What song?"

Castiel let his head rest on Dean's chest. "Whatever you want. Just sing to me."

Dean cleared his throat, threading his fingers with Castiel's, his other hand holding on to his hips, his thumb rubbing small circles.

/Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go / You have made my life complete, and I love you so / Love me tender, love me true / All my dreams fulfilled / For my darling I love you, and I always will/

"I love Elvis," Castiel muttered.

"Who doesn't?"

They both chuckled, and Dean continued.

"Love me tender, Love me long, take me to your heart / For it's there that I belong, and well never part / Love me tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine / I'll be yours through all the years, till the end of time/ When at last my dreams come true / Darling this I know / Happiness will follow you / Everywhere you go /"

"That was so sweet, Dean."

"Did you like it?"

"I loved it."

He kissed the top of his head. "I'm glad."

Castiel looked up at him. "Are you going to stay the night?"

His eyes were pleading, and Dean felt a horrible guilt build up in him with his answer. "I can't."

Castiel looked hurt. "Why not? Don't you want to stay with me?"

"God, of course I do, Cas. Of course I do. I just… can't."

"Why not? You can change, and wash off your makeup, and come sleep with me."

Dean stilled at the mention of his makeup, which he didn't have on. He shook his head. "I have to help Sam with something in the morning, and you live so far away…" he lied.

"Would you have left me if we'd had sex?"

"Not while you were awake…" Dean knew he was digging himself in to a hole. He just hoped he wasn't messing anything up.

"You'd let me wake up alone?"

"But I'd hold you close as you fell asleep, and make you feel loved and cared for as long as I was there."

"I'll miss you in the morning," he said as he curled in to Dean, shifting himself to wrap his arms around him.

"You can talk to me still."

Castiel laughed. "Tonight's going to seem like a dream."

"It sort of was."

"Please tell me this is real."

"It's real, Cas."

He kissed Dean's chest through his clothes. "I sure hope so."

They didn't say anything else, and Dean wouldn't leave until Castiel was asleep. He was extra careful to lay him down without waking him, kissing his forehead and writing him a note before leaving.

Sam was confused when he came home. "I thought for sure you'd stay."

"Then why are you awake?"

Dean was cold and lonely, and Sam had nothing else to add, so he retreated to his room, flopping down on his bed, passing out in his costume.

He shed his clothes when he awoke, turning on his computer before stalking to the bathroom.

There was a message when he came back.

cassienov Last night was unreal, and so quick, I'm unsure if it really happened. But my bed smells like you, and there's a note on my counter, and I thought I knew what it was like to be lonely, but it's nothing compared to how I feel right now.

The message had been sent when Dean was asleep, and he didn't know if Castiel was online, but he responded.

iamdean I promise you it was real. I still feel your body against mine, and the kiss your lips pressed against my neck. I want you here, with me. I want to hold you again, and sing to you, and smell your cologne as we cuddle…

cassienov I want that too.

iamdean You're awake.

cassienov I am.

Dean called him.

"Yes?"

"Cas, I'm sorry I couldn't stay," Dean admitted. "I wanted to, and I missed you the whole ride home."

"At least you didn't fall asleep with someone just to wake up alone."

"I didn't get the pleasure of the first one."

"And you didn't get the pain of the second."

"I'm sorry."

Castiel sighed, and Dean could hear him rub his face. "I need to see you again. I need you again."

Dean shook his head. "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" Castiel sounded pissed.

"I mean… I can't."

"You just said you wanted me. How can you not see me?"

"Because I can't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because I'm fucked up, Cas!" Dean blurted out, dropping his head in to his hands. "I'm fucked up, and you won't want me once you see the real me."

"I saw the real you last night, and I loved him, and I want him back!"

"Well you're not going to get him! You're never going to get him."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I can't see you."

Castiel scoffed, his end of the line quiet. His voice was barely audible when he spoke. "So, what? This is it? You lead me on, meet me in person, make me fall in love with you, then you leave me out in the cold?"

Dean didn't know how to respond. He wanted Castiel. He wanted him more than anything. But he couldn't have him. He felt a tugging deep within, and he curled in on himself. He felt tears welling up behind his eyes the more he thought; the more he realized that this was the end. He couldn't keep doing this to Castiel, and as much as he wanted to keep him, he had to let him go.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, clicking out of the call.

cassienov What do you mean, Dean
cassienov Dean?
cassienov Please respond to me.
cassienov Dean, I don't want to lose you.

He called a few times, and Dean clicked out of each one.

cassienov Dean, please.
cassienov Please.
cassienov I'm going to cry.
cassienov I can't lose you, Dean. I don't… I can't.
cassienov I need you.
cassienov Please, we can fix this. Whatever this is, we can fix it.

He called a few more times, but Dean couldn't handle watching it happen anymore. He knew how bad he was hurting him, he could feel it in his heart, the sudden longing tugging at every inch of his being as the tears fell freely from his eyes.

He didn't want to, but he had to.

He clicked out of the final call from Castiel, then logged out of his skype, closing the application and crawling back in to bed, curling around his pillow, sobbing until he felt he couldn't do so anymore.

Then he fell asleep.

Whoomp, there it is.