V is for Visions of Sugar Plums
"I always kind of wondered," Santana commented from where she lay sprawled across half the couch, head pillowed against Dani's shoulder, "what the hell is a sugar plum?"
It wasn't the night before Christmas, but it was the night before she, Kurt, and Rachel went to Lima for Christmas, and to Rachel, that was the same thing. She had insisted on gathering the group of them together as a "family" to read "The Night Before Christmas," although Santana had suggested that watching The Nightmare Before Christmas would have been much more interesting.
"It has music, Rachel. It has weird ghoulish fashion for Kurt and it has a wannabe eglomaniac star in the making for you, not to mention a lovesick outcast girl that your high school self should totally identify with. Two Berry stand-ins, what more could you ask for?" she had attempted to steer the girl in that alternate direction, but Rachel had remained firm.
"We can watch it afterward if you so wish, Santana, but The Night Before Christmas is a classic and a traditional poem and it should be shared as such every year with those who spend the holidays together," Rachel had maintained, setting her jaw in such a way that her roommates knew better than to push her much further. Doing so would only further delay the experience of listening to the poem, and Rachel would only feel the need to read it in a louder volume and use that much more overdramatic expression.
It had not been sufficient for Rachel to look up the poem online and read it off her laptop; oh no, she had insisted that it must be a bound, published copy, complete with illustrations to show everyone like story hour at a children's library, and she had managed to obtain the last copy at the library before she settled the group together to read aloud. Each of them having heard the poem countless times before, no one was paying much attention, but Santana, being Santana, couldn't resist occasional interruptions, just to get on Rachel's nerves.
"Santana, you know what a sugar plum is," Kurt exhaled, rolling his eyes, and Santana smirked, raising an eyebrow back at him as she commented, "Well, yes, Kurt, usually the term would be used to describe you or your kind, but I'm thinking most likely the little kids in this story weren't having nightmares about prancing queer boys all night long. If they are then Santa is gonna have to do a little better than provide them with Barbies and G.I. Joes to ease those mental scars, 'cause otherwise their toys are gonna be carrying on some interesting scenarios in the morning."
"Santana," Dani poked her ribs, reproving, but Santana heard the smile in her voice and knew she was trying not to laugh. Rachel lowered the book slightly enough to huff in her direction, an edge to her tone even as she couldn't resist the opportunity to enlighten.
"A sugar plum, Santana, is a small round candy consisting of flavored boiled sugar. In those days I suppose that children were not commonly given access to candy or other sweets, and children who were not wealthy did not often obtain toys for Christmas, so they would most likely dream of being given candy for Christmas. Now if you will allow me to resume my reading-"
"The kids literally dreamed of candy? Of BOILED candy, the kind a grandma would offer out of her pocket?" Santana laughed, shaking her head incredulously and dodging Dani's second poke. "What else did they dream about, socks, tooth brushes?"
"Actually, Santana, new socks would most likely have been a luxury in those times as even undergarments were often hand-me-downs, and a tooth brush such as those that we utilize today didn't even exist-"
"Okay, let me get this straight," Santana sat up entirely, her shoulders held loosely by Dani's arm as she pointed a finger towards Rachel. "We're reading about kids who were too damn sad and poor to hope for anything more than a sucky piece of candy for Christmas, who would do cartwheels over getting socks, who can't even brush the cavities out of their teeth from the sucky candy that they think would be a dream come true, literally…and this is supposed to be a heart-warming and inspirational setting for the holidays? Damn, why don't we just give them some acid so they can stay in their sugar plum visions all day long, 'cause they're gonna have a lot more joy outta that then they will when they wake up Christmas morning."
It seemed from Kurt's and Dani's barely suppressed snickers that they happened to agree, even as Rachel earnestly attempted to explain and recoup all over again. Not that anything she said at this point would convince Santana- give her a boiled piece of candy or a tab of acid, and she knew what she'd pick. At least she could sell the acid for cash and buy a decent Christmas gift.