Chapter seven
When the sun set they did the same thing as the night before, only alteration was in Pakkuns attitude, which was now carefully optimistic.
"If I'm not mistaken, I think we are gaining on them. The scent is stronger than this morning."
"Good" Kakashi said, hoping that they would catch up sooner rather than later. Running around in a mindless game of tag did no one good. And the stakes were high.
The camp for the evening was situated at the base of a steep slope. Pakkun was at the top, keeping watch. Eventually it got dark enough to see the stars. He was pleased with this place, the ground was softer here, easier to sleep on.
"This pointless running is getting on my nerves" Naruto said, his voice coming out of the dark to his right.
"This is the worst part of any operation" he agreed. "The waiting."
The moments before a "planned" fight was nerve-wrecking, everything still hung in the air, fate yet to be decided, or perhaps more correctly, you were still unaware of it. Actively pursuing someone was even worse, at the same time you wanted to find them you also did not, out of fear that fate might greet you with an unwanted surprise. He was experienced enough to avoid being affected by his nervousness, had fooled death enough times to see a way out. Not to say it wasn't an odd feeling, deliberately seeking out someone with a violent intent. As if he was running towards fate with his arms wide open, daring fate to catch him, and then avoiding impact at the last second. Hopefully. Though it had happened that he'd veered too late, and lost his life as a result.
I could have died, he thought.
Nay. He did die.
He never thought about it, as a rule. It was impossible otherwise. To get up, to start anew. It was impossible to properly function, to live, if he was aware of the fact that every moment might be his last. Dying had, contrary to what he had believed, not given him anything. He'd suddenly been dead, and then not-dead. There had been nothing in between, no maker or reincarnation or insight. He had stopped being only to somehow begin again, woefully far away from an enlightened existence. He was a little disappointed, though he'd never admit it, least of all to himself. Maybe cheated was a better word. How dead did you have to be to get some peace of mind? Some sense of understanding?
When he had woken up again, he'd sensed a ton of different chakras around him, and he could tell he was still in a war-zone because of how they felt; all were stagnant and in varying degrees of disarray, he felt their weight on him. He came to but had no idea of where he was or how he'd gotten there, feeling broken and awkwardly put together, everything within him unsure of how to function as one, not able to tell where one thought ended and another took off. He was weary, his head was empty, like a room with a bed that no one slept in. A little later he felt his chakra, so strong. Like when you've been sick in bed and go outdoors for the first time, that exact moment when you feel the sunlight on your skin. A sun that both warms you but also makes you close your eyes because of how bright it is. A sun both kind and cruel and unrelenting.
Next to him, Naruto had fallen asleep.
He had always cared for him, kept a watchful gaze upon him, a lot of the years only out of obligation towards his sensei, doing what he couldn't and all that, but recently it had become something else entirely, he'd been looking at him for the sake of looking at him. Being back in active duty had been a bliss. The city had been killing him, smothering him with old scenarios and countless hours of wondering or begging that something would stop him from feeling like he felt.
One time, how long ago was it?, he'd seen him as he walked down the streets, careless, looking so flamboyant, reassured of his place and worth and impact and it had felt like cold fingers up his spine, a bubbling desire made itself known, an irrevocable wanting of falling down with him, a ferocious need to make him shiver in his arms. For a moment he was abashed at his own thoughts, and he set out to object but had nothing to hold on to.
He watched as Naruto walked away from him, he kept advancing and soon he wasn't visible, he'd walked out of his life while Kakashi did nothing. He was chained by shackles woven out of secrecy and rules.
Kakashi. Have you no shame?
He looked for his bright hair in the crowd, for the clothes that he had picked for someone else's sake.
He had no shame.
Only hunger.
It was sometime around lunch and he knew it was going to rain before it actually started, felt the clouds pressing down on him, daring him to stay out in the open. At first it drizzled and they pretended not to notice. They sky gradually got darker until it looked more like the bottom of a well than the blue sky they were so used to. The rain intensified, got heavier, the drops turned to blotches and they got wet and cold, their clothes got soaked and the sight worsened.
"We should find somewhere to stay until it gets better" Kakashi said, louder than usual to get heard over the rain. Naruto jumped back towards him, clearly agreeing. The surrounding cliffs had a variety of little hollows and they cautiously made their way to under one of them.
"Damn it," Naruto muttered, took off his backpack and dug up one of his sweaters. He took off his jacket and rid himself of the wet t-shirt, Kakashi stared out into the rain, searched for shapes of friends or foes.