The Emptiness That Comes With Being Alone

Part one of two

Isaak leaves for a few days to get his affairs in order and while he is away the urges of the Dark Passenger come back with a vengeance.

To say I was pissed off would be a major understatement. On the outside I was calm as could be, minus a slight downwards twitch of my smile. My mask was slipping, I need to kill.

I knew my body well; the headaches, quick temper and stress was my dark passenger's way of saying "I'm waiting but not for much longer." Had the other part of me been able to text I imagine it would have said that, along with a little frowney face, maybe even with one of those 'Greater than' maths symbols as angry eyebrows.

I needed to kill. I had left it far too long, forty-five days too long. The longest I had gone without killing anything (animal or human) since I was eighteen, was after Brian, when Doakes followed me non-stop and when I did get the chance to kill I still could not.

This however was five days longer than that and what was worse was that the unbearable need and anger had occurred within hours. Four days ago it had started, work took up my time to stalk which would not have been much use anyway because I had no one to go after. Not that there was no one likely worth being strapped to my table but likely was not good enough. I had to find the cases that could be linked, find the person, find the evidence, find the kill room, buy things for the kill room; I'm lacking in plastic sheeting, near out of duct tape and there was just no time for all of this. I always keep an eye on my supplies, I always keep an eye out for possible victims, I never don't look forward to my next kill, so what had kept me distracted for all this time minus four days ago? Would you believe Isaak Sirko?

We spent time on the boat, we spent time with Astor, Cody and Harrison; out on the boat, at the beach, even at a zoo. We went out for meals and drinks together and Isaak took me to an outside gun range to prove I could actually shoot. Then there was the time we spend with Harrison and the times we stayed in to watch films. Bit by bit I had forgotten. I looked up possible killers now and again, trading ideas with Isaak but nothing ever came about. I still looked at my slides when I happened to think of them, and run my index finger down the slides oh so gently, pleased to hear the glass pieces lightly taping against the others. There was a want, a want for the thrill but I barely thought about it. I felt no need until Isaak was gone.

"But you have to admit she has a sweet rack." Vince said "God, I would kill to do her."

'Oh God, can I kill for him?' I thought to myself, not that I believed in a God but if there is one please, please, please make a serial killer fall into my sights and give me the time to kill them, Oh and if you could pop to the hardware store too that would be great.

"Hey Dex, who do you think would give the best head?"

'I'm never going to get out of here.' I need to kill but I don't think I even had the control left to do that. I can't take this.

"The blond from the coffee place down by where Peterson nearly got hit in the face with a brick after that gang showed up. Or the red-head that... Dexter?" Vince asked, sounding worried "What's up with your leg? Are you okay?"

I need relief.

"Dexter?"

"What?!" I snapped, my words sounding harsh and cold "What?!"

Silence.

Vince looked stunned but I could not really give a flying fuck at the moment. I was about to demand what was so damn important or if it was just in his nature, like the rest of humanity to get in my damn way all the fucking time, when I heard it.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The thumps were somewhat light and quite quick. I looked down to see my right leg bouncing it's self off the ground, like that of a recovering addict. I placed both my hands onto the leg and pushed it down, it went down but I could feel the muscles wanting to move. All these feelings, basic as they maybe were attacking me all at once but the emptiness was worse than ever before. What's wrong with me?

"Guys I need your help." Vince said walking into the small kitchen (which was only really used for coffee) where Quinn stood, leaning against the counter, Angel followed behind Vince having been called over by him.

"With what exactly?" Quinn asked un-amused, but the look of fear on Vince's face make him blink.

"Dexter just snapped at me, a decibel or two off a scream." Said Vince.

"What did you do?" Angel asked, moving to stand next to Quinn.

Vince help up his hands in defence "I asked if he was okay. His leg was jumping about like he was about to have a panic attack."

"Is he on someth-" Quinn paused when he saw the elevator doors close behind a fleeing Dexter "He just left."

"What?" Angle asked, looking over to the elevator.

"See." Vince said, turning back from where he had also been looking at the elevator "That's not like Dexter."

"Jamie did say that Dexter did seem a little stressed but this..." he walked over to his desk "I'm going to give Jamie a call, see if she can shine some light on this."

I sat in my living room, swinging back my beer, still pissed of and empty.

Jamie for some reason had told me I could not leave yet, not that it mattered, I was too pissed off to kill. Hello rock bottom, I'm Dexter Morgan.

"Where are you going?" I asked when she started to pack a bag for Harrison.

"Harrison is going to stay with Angle and I for the night." she says "I got hold of a crib for the night, so don't worry." she smiled "Just enjoy your night."

I raised a brow "What?"

"I know you've been unhappy lately so I invited a friend over."

"Who?" I asked.

"You'll see." she said.

Nothing else was said for a long time until Jamie's phone buzzed on the kitchen table, she picked it up and smiled. "Okay," she said "I'm off." she picked up Harrison's bag full of toys and other bits, pulling the strap over her head and lay in on her shoulder. She then when to Harrison's room and picked him up too.

"Say night daddy."

"Night daddy." Harrison said, his words were not very loud but he would in time gain courage in time.

I smiled "Night Harrison."

I sat on the sofa for no longer then 34 seconds when I heard a knock on the door. That must have been the person Jamie had invited, due to their speedy arrival after Jamie left it was safe to say that he or she must have texted her. Would I have really left pretty much as soon as she had? Yes, that was pretty likely. She knew me well.

I got up, placing my beer on the table and made my way the window to see who it was before I let them in, an old habit. I peaked between the plastic binds to see... Isaak?

My heart thumped wildly in my chest and I quickly moved to the door, I grabbed the handle and thankfully remembered that the chain lock was still on. Now that would have been embarrising. I moved the chain away and opened the door.

"Hello Dexter." Isaak said, he smiled but his eyes looked full of worry.

I reached out and held the back of his head. I missed his short hair, his skin, his eyes. I took everything in for about five seconds before I pulled his head forward and slammed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him in closer and after a lick at his lips he let me inside.

Isaak allowed himself to me dragged into my apartment but the bang of the door closing behind him changed him. He pushed me against the wall and moved down to kiss my neck, when he got to the area above my jugular he bit down, hard.

The blood started to rush down to my genitals. It felt oh so good. It was amazing just being able to feel again.