title Girl Anachronism
author pinkeop
summary Behold the world's worst accident, I am the Girl Anachronism. ( AU )
authors note Alright, the first scene of this chapter was origionally intended to be part of chapter four, but it was already six thousand something words by the time I was done with it! So I just thought, hell, split it up! Besides, this chapter is when all the fun stuff happens.
Thank you for your kind reviews! My reviewer of the day who gets a big hug and a shout out is Insanity's Partner, and I think I know how I got on your author's alert list- I HAVE written Twilight Fan Fiction, once upon a time. I was formerly known as Shawnell.
Love!
Pink Elephants on Parade
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chapter five A Little Priest
"Now..." Nellie said as she pulled the curtain over the door to the parlor after grabbing the bottle of gin from Toby who fell asleep promptly on the floor infront of the fireplace. She turned back towards Ana and Mr. Todd who sat side by side in the booth of the shop. The baker poured each a small glass of gin. "Drink it down," she ordered.
"Now," she continued, taking her place on the stool and resting her elbows on her thighs. "We've got a body mouldering away upstairs... now what do you expect we do about that thing?"
Mr. Todd spun the gin around in his glass before looking over it at Nellie. "Wait until it's dark.. take it to some secret place... bury it..."
"Chop it up piece by piece," Ana said lazily as she downed her glass of gin. It burned her throat on the way down. "Burn it."
"Well... sure, we could do that..." Nellie murmured, standing and moving towards one of the windows in the shop, peering from behind the lace curtains. Ana frowned at the thought of dragging that trunk somewhere far away. She grabbed the bottle of gin and poured herself another glass. Mr. Todd rose his brows at her. The two exchanged quiet looks. Silent looks- as if Mr. Todd was uttering some sort of apology for his actions earlier and Ana was telling him to think nothing of it, his tantrums were becomming accustomed to her. But of course, everything got lost in translation.
"S'pose he doesn't have any relatives that would come pokin' around up there..." Nellie was saying. She turned away from the window, a look on her face that suggested she had some sort of revelation. A smile flit across her lips as she looked to Ana and Mr. Todd. "Well.. you know me... I get a bright idea and I just keep thinking... Seems a downright... shame."
"Shame?" Mr. Todd repeated.
"Seems an awful... waste... Such a nice, plump frame wot's 'is name has... Well, had..." Nellie tapped her finger against her chin. "Has! Nor it can't be traced..." She paced slowly towards the counter. "Bus'ness needs a lift... debts to be erased... Think of it as thrift... as a gift." She looked over her shoulder at the pair at the booth. "If, of course, you get my drift."
Ana gave her an annoyed look and shook her head.
"No?" Nellie said, slightly disappointed. "Seems an awful waste... I mean... With the price of meat what it is... when you get it... if you get it..."
"HAH!" Mr. Todd said loudly, slapping his hand down on the table top. Ana pulled her brows together. A slow, dawning realization came over her as Nellie nodded, stepping forward, a wide grin on her lips.
"Yes, Ana?" Nellie asked excitedly.
"Oh, no, Nellie," Ana groaned, pressing the heel of her palm into her eyes. She didn't mean... did she?
"Oh, yes, Ana!" Mr. Todd said, slapping the table.
She did.
"Why waste, I suppose," Ana finally agreed, looking up and flashing her baker a smile. Nellie clapped her hands together excitedly and began to pace to and fro in her light stepping way.
"Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!" She said. "Business never better using only pussy cats and toast! Now, a pussy's good for six or seven at the most! And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!"
"Mrs. Lovett!" Mr. Todd said, sliding to his feet and starting towards her. "What a charming notion!"
"Well, it does seem a waste!" Nellie laughed.
"Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always!" He said.
"It's an idea..." Nellie crooned.
"Mrs. Lovett how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know!" He wrapped one large arm around her shoulders and turned to grin at Ana. "How delectable, yes, Ana? Also undetectable!"
"Think about!" Nellie said to Ana. "Lots of other gentleman'll simply come in for a shave! Won't they? Think of all them pies!"
"How choice!" Mr. Todd said. Ana jumped to her feet and shook her head, finally allowing herself to smile at this plan- this ingenious, flawless plan. She wanted to be disgusted with herself, she wanted to gag and toss up her breakfest at the thought of what was to become of that man upstairs. Baked into a pie. It became increasingly clear, however, that the pair meant more than just the one time. Over and over this process would be repeated. And where would they get the space? The shop was small! And how would they get the bodies from the barber shop to the pies to the oven without people noticing such a thing? An ingenious, flawless plan that needed some serious kink-working-out.
"How rare," she agreed. Mr. Todd's answering smile was so surprising that she was still trying to comprehend it as he pulled her close to his other side with one arm slung around her shoulder. The trio leaned to the window and peered outside.
"What do you hear out there, my dears?" Mr. Todd crooned, his hand resting lightly on the back of Ana's neck. Shivers errupted down her spine and her brows pulled together in the middle of her forehead. Maybe it was the gin that was making her go along with this. If it was, then she wanted another glass and many to follow. She had beat a girl within an inch of her life, once. But cooked a man that really hadn't done harm before? Oh, no. That was beyond her forte.
"What's the sound of the world, Mr. Todd?" Nellie asked, looking up at him with excited eyes.
"Those crunching noises pervading the air!" He crowed.
"Yes, Mr. Todd," Ana agreed. "I hear it."
Mr. Todd grinned down at her. "It's man devouring man, my pet. And who are we to deny it in here?"
Nellie laughed excitedly and broke away, skipping towards the oven. Mr. Todd kept his hand on the back of Ana's neck even as they both turned to follow the baker with their eyes. "These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett," he said with a deep chuckle in his throat. "And desperate measures must be taken."
"Here we are!" Nellie teased, plopping down a pie on the counter top. Mr. Todd edged closer and wrinkled his nose.
"What is that?" he questioned.
"It's priest," Nellie crooned. "Have a little priest!"
"Is it any good?" He asked. Ana danced around to the other side of the counter and leaned beside Nellie on the table. Sudden inspiration hit her and she pointed down at the little pie.
"Sir!" Ana joked, playing along. "It's too good! They don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's rather fresh."
Mr. Todd slapped his hand on the counter top, his deep laughter such an odd sound to Ana. It scared her, and yet a small part of her longed to hear it over and over and over. Which was odd in itself, because he had made it very clear before to her that he was not a nice man. Her arm was still slightly tender and that made her want to hate him, the way he man handled her like that. But he smile, tightlipped but wide across his face, warming the ashen features and smoothing some of the lines out, was a little bit worth it. Just a little. She leaned over the counter on her elbows and looked up at the man with a open-mouthed smile.
"Awful lot of fat!" He said, poking the pie with his finger tips.
"Only where it sat!" Ana assured.
"Haven't you got poet, or something of that sort?" He questioned.
"No, sir," Nellie crooned. "You see, the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest!"
"Not as hearty was bishop, perhaps," Mr. Todd said critically, peering at the pie that probably contained nothing more than lard. She didn't blame him for not really tryng it. "But then again," he went on. "Not as bland as curate, either!"
"And good for business too!" Nellie pipped up. "Always leaves you wanting more."
"Trouble is," Ana said lightly. "We only get it on Sundays." She and Nellie burst into a fit of poorly stiffled laughter.
The two women moved towards the window on the other side of the shop, peering out into the street. Nellie tapped her fingers on the class as they peered out into the world. Ana felt Mr. Todd behind her, just his presence, leaning over her shoulder to see what they were seeing.
"Lawyer's rather nice," Nellie murmured.
"If you want to pay," Ana defended.
"Order something else though to follow since no one should swallow it twice!"
Mr. Todd's chuckle startled Ana. "Anything that's lean?" He questioned.
"Well," Nellie thought curiously. "If you're British and loyal, you might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it's clean..."
"Ah, but my dear Nell, it tastes of wherever it's been!" Ana crowed, the two women leaning into each other, laughing quiet laughs.
"Is that squire, on the fire?" Mr. Todd asked as he leaned his fore arm on the window, his other hand resting on Nellie's shoulder, Ana trapped between the two of them.
"Mercy, no, sir!" Ana said, looking up at him with a flash in her eyes. "That there's grocer!"
"Looks a bit thicker. Are you sure it isn't... vicar?" He challenged.
"No, it 'as to be grocer, it's green!" Nellie crooned.
Mr. Todd wrapped one large arm around Ana's shoulders and pulled her into a clumsy dance, swinging her around as Nellie laughed warmly from the counter. Being so close made her head spin, not to mention the jerking movements that were not at all smooth or gentle. The man couldn't dance, and it didn't help that she had the grace of a giraffe on stilts.
"The history of the world, my sweet," Mr. Todd said to Ana, pulling to a stop, but with his arm still around her.
"Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors!" Nellie reasoned, chewing on her pinky nail.
"Is those below serving those up above," Mr. Todd continued.
"Every body shaves... Think of all them pies!" Nellie said, slapping one hand down into a mess of flower on the counter.
"How gratifying for once to know that those above will serve those down below!" Mr. Todd released Ana, and the girl moved away greatfully. It was so odd to see him with light in his eyes, playing and dancing and god forbid that odd noise that left his throat every so often, laughing! Pity it had to be over such a... subject. But Ana wasn't complaining either way. When Mr. Todd wasn't angry, she discovered, the better.
"Now let's see here..." Mrs. Lovett said, peering into the small oven by the window. She reached one hand in and pulled out a pie, dropping it on the counter.
"What is that?" Ana questioned brightly, leaning her elbows on the counter.
"It might be a bit stringy," Nellie said with a gleam in her eyes. "But the o'course it's... fiddle player!"
Mr. Todd shook his head and pointed at the pie. "No, this isn't fiddle player- it's piccolo player."
Ana snorted a laugh. "'Ow can you tell?"
"It's piping hot!" Mr. Todd said matter-o-factly. Nellie and Ana exchanged glances before the baker managed out between a fit of laughter.
"Then blow on it, first!"
The barber moved around the counter and took Mrs. Lovett by the hand, swinging her into the same awkward dancing- but with the baker it somehow looked more graceful. A smile graced Ana's lips as she watched them. Her baker and her barber. Yes, that sounded just about right.
"The history of the world, my pet," he said, swinging her around and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"Oh, Mr. Todd, what does it tell?" Ana questioned.
"Is who gets eaten and who gets to eat!" He explained with a twisted grin on his lips- evil, and dark and not at all soft like Ana expected it to be. No, that smile had hidden promise behind it, of pain and destruction. Suddenly, remembering the sound of his laughter, it seemed much darker to her now.
"And, Mr. Todd, too Mr. Todd, who gets to sell!" Nellie pipped up, drawing Ana from her thoughts.
"But fortunately, it's also clear..." He paused, glancing between the women before sweeping a hand up in a finale motion. "That everybody goes down well with beer!"
Nellie laughed and moved to Ana's side, grabbing the girls hand and pulling her away from the counter. "Have chairty towards the world, my dears," Mr. Todd said. "We'll take the customers that we can get. We'll not discriminate great from smell, no, we'll serve anyone, meaning anyone, and to anyone, at all."
"High born and low, my love," Nellie agreed.
Mr. Todd's hand gripped Ana's shoulder tightly. She tried not to feel too uneasy, but it was difficult. The evil in him revolted her. You're no better, her mind reprimanded. You've got blood on your hands, now. Welcome, partner. She looked up at him, his face smoothed, yet his eyes crinkled just around the edges, his ebony irises alight with shining excitement. The childish giddiness hadn't faded just yet. She bit her lip, moving away from Mr. Todd, his hand dropping to his side.
"Times is hard, Mrs. Lovett," Mr. Todd agreed warmly. Neelie clapped her hands together, looking up at the ceiling.
"We'll 'ave to take care of the aye-talian before 'is meat can't be used." The baker said thoughtfully, tapping her fingers rhythmically against her chin. Ana cringed indwardly at the thought. What, she wondered, would this do for her already unstable mentality? She thought back to all the horror movies she'd seen about human-chopping slasher-flick murderers. All the grotesque things she'd seen on screen seemed almost to pale in comparison to what was to come. All the earlier fun seemed to be sucked from the room. Ana felt suddenly cold, a chill raising goose pimples along her flesh. She watched as Mr. Todd poured another glass of gin and was surprised when he shoved it under her nose.
"Drink it down," he ordered as Ana took the glass in her hands daintily. "You look like you're going to be ill."
"Thanks, Mr. Todd." Ana mumured, sipping the gin- it stung all the way down yet again. Nellie peered at her from around the counter.
"Are you alright, darling?" She questioned warmly, placing a hand on her back. Ana looked between the two of them and her stomach sank. To her right was Nellie, the picture perfect vision of a loving devoted mother, if not an evil genious under the surface. Ana couldn't deny, being without any other company but Nellie had done her wonders and the care she had for the woman was that of a daughter. And to her left was the mysterious Mr. Todd, having shown for the first time any sort of emotion other than a cold rage. Despite that his humor and amusement had been sick and wrong, it had been, to Ana, something beautiful. Something beautiful in the gloom. The pair were like light houses in the dark- one perhaps a bit more dim... Quickly making her resolve, Ana shook her head.
"Nothing..." she whispered hoarsely. "I'll be okay."
Mr. Todd nodded and grabbed her roughly by the arm, pulling her towards the door and giving her a good shove. "Good. Then help Mrs. Lovett bring the trunk from my shop to the bake house."
Ana wanted to scream at him never to man-handle her again, but all she managed was a threatening growl from the back of her throat before Nellie pulled her by the hand out of the shop to the flat upstairs.
That night Ana learned more than she ever wanted to know about cutting, slicing, gutting, chopping and grinding up a human body. Clothes had to be burned and what wouldn't be burned would be left for Mr. T to take away after nightfall. Valuables were kept. Burning skin smells awful, so chuck the remains into the furnace inbetween pies. Bones were left to be taken away after nightfall. Long, smooth strokes while skinning. Run the meat through the grinder three times. Keep your hands away from your face while working. Ignore the face... always ignore the face.
The cool night air soothed Ana later in the evening when she had Nellie finally crawled into bed, the blanket too hot for that night. Her thoughts were clouded with Nellie's teachings. Her father had been a butcher, turns out. Been cutting meat since she was young, turns out. With Nellie working beside her, she decided, it would be easier to focus on her always happy chatter rather than the body counter. She'd only done one- how much more difficult would six or seven a night be? Ana didn't want to think about it. No, but it was hard. The smell of the body was stiched into her nostrils, but at least she hadn't gotten sick yet. Ana rolled over, the night gown she wore hiked up around her hips, and nuzzled into Nellie's sholder. She tried to concentrate on the baker's cool skin rather than the popping sound the ribs had made when Nellie pulled them out resounding in her ears. But every time she closed her eyes, the lifeless, open mouthed face reared it's ugly head, no pun intended.
She'd all about given up on sleep and instead stood from the bed, smoothing her ngiht gown down over her legs- it brushed her ankles. Quietly, Ana stepped out of the room and into the palor. Young Toby lay fast asleep on the couch infront of the fireplace and Ana smiled at his gin-induced stupor. His face was gritty and he looked like he hadn't a proper bath in a good while. His thumb was stuck in his mouth, his breathing silghtly rattling. Ana watched him sleep for a short while, reluctant to leave the cool parlor. However, in a quest to find a cure to the ghostly vision of decapitation, Ana moved on, finding herself in the shop, eying the bottle of gin left on the able from that afternoon. When she shook it the glass was full of empty spaces. But anything to get the image of Pirelli's dead expression out of her mind! Uncappiny the bottle, Ana tipped her head back, the gin's previous burn not so strong as before.
A business like this could drive a girl to drink herself into oblivion! Don't worry, her mind cooed as the alcohol began to take a delicious tingling affect. You'll become desensitized soon enough. Ana sighed, the shop cold and quiet and dark all around her. She sat at the booth, her consience weighing twenty pounds, the weight pressing into her chest.
Another gulp of gin.
She wondered mildly what it would be like to be in one of those pies. Of course, being dead, it wouldn't feel like much. Her mind wandered to what it would be like to be awake the entire time you were being sliced- Pirelli's wide, shocked eyes haunted. Ana chugged the last bit of gin from the bottle.
"It's not befitting of a woman to drink like a sailor," a deep, rough voice came from the court door and Ana jumped at the sound. Mr. Todd stood there and Ana hadn't remembered hearing him come down from the steps. She looked to the empty bottle of gin and shrugged her shoulders. "Why are you up so late?" his toned suggested he really didn't care. Ana shrugged again.
"I couldn't sleep," she murmured. "I keep seeing his face. It's stick in my head. Those eyes..." She looked back up to Mr. Todd, his shadowed frame the only thing visible. The air seemed to change as the man stepped into the room. An odd electricity, a mix between a childish, giddy excitement and a cold offstanding feeling.
"It'll go away," Mr. Todd assured. "That consience of yours."
Ana snorted an intoxicated laugh. "What're you going awake, Mr. T?" she asked. The man said nothing for a long moment.
"Working," he said softly.
"I didn't hear you moving," Ana accused.
"I was in the bake house." He admitted.
"Whatever for?" she asked. Mr. Todd gave an annoyed sigh.
"Come with me." The barber turned and stepped out of the door, turning onto the stairs. Ana didn't move from where she was for half a beat before finally scrambling to her feet and following after Mr. Todd up the stairs. She wanted herself to feel uneasy, but the gin made her warm in the cheeks and her judgement clouded. Whatever could be up in his shop was beyond her. On the landing was a small pile of things- wood things and such. Curiosity abound, Ana followed him into the shop, a few lit candles chasing away the darkness. In the middle of his room was the chair- but it looked too different. It looked bigger than before and the vinyl was more of a deep red and a foot grate was at the bottom. A peddle sat at the side of the chair and cogs were stuck haphazardly through each other. At the bottom of the arms were two carefully carved animal heads.
"What'd you do to Nellie's chair?" She snorted, wrapping her arm around her stomach. "Mr. Todd looked at her with an almost upset expression. As if to say, You don't like it?
"It tips back," he explained, running a hand over the back of the chair. "When you press this peddle. I was down in the bake house to see how I could fix a trap door so the bodies slide down. I wont have to deal with finding a place to hide them." He pet the back of the chair lovingly, his eyes gazing upon his handywork. "I haven't found a way just yet..." He admitted quietly. "But it shouldn't be too hard."
Ana rose a brow. "Does it work?" she asked. "Besides your lack of trap-door-problem?"
Mr. Todd's smile was malicious as he leaned over the chair to look at her, eyes flashing. He gestured towards the chair. "Care to find out for me, my pet?" he questioned. Ana narrowed her eyes at him. Both his hands were bare- no razor, thankfully -and the gin whispered that all would be well, nothing was out of the ordinary here! So, following the gin, Ana moved to sit on the chair, running her hands over the smooth wood of the arms. She carefully tucked her night gown around her legs so it wouldn't fly up if he were to press the peddle unexpectedly.
She could sense him behind her. All her hair stood on end the moment she felt a cool metal against her throat- one of his razors, surely pulled out of his arse. Her breathing heaved as she felt him pull the metal, held flat to her throat, across her skin in the motion of slitting a throat. Gripping the arms tightly so she wouldn't be spilled onto the floor, Ana let out a soft yelp as the man suddenly stomped on the peddle on the side of the chair. It straightened out like a fold away bed and tipped back in a rocky, not quite smooth motion. Her fingers hurt with the force she used to grip the arms on the chair as she peered at the floor a few inches from her face. Her heart was pounding in her chest, in her throat, and her vision blurred, her head beginning to ache.
Suddenly, the chair righted itself and her breath hitched before she expelled it slowly.
"My, my... that works lovely," Mr. Todd said. His foot stomped against the floor behind it. "Now to get the door..."
"Don't pound your foot like that!" Ana snapped. "You'll wake Nellie."
Mr. Todd rose his brow lazily before turning away from her. "Leave me, then," he said lackidasically, waving one hand in a slow flop. Ana frowned and pulled her brows together, not bothering to move from her spot on the chair. When she didn't move, Mr. Todd turned his face, a dark look in his eyes. "I said leave me," he hissed.
"Why do you do that?" Ana questioned, looking down at her feet. "You either want me here or you don't, but you can't have both whenever you feel like---"
"OUT!" He roared. That'll do it. Ana was up and out of that chair quicker than she'd ever retreated in her life. Her feet stumbled over themselves as she dashed from the flat and back down the stairs, panting and shivering by the time she made it back into the shop. Everything was as quiet as it had been when she left. When she moved through the parlor, Toby was still asleep, as was Nellie when she slipped back into the bedroom. Feeling suddenly tired, Ana crawled into bed and pulled the blanket up over them both, pressing herself into the woman's side.
Nellie stirred and moved one arm around her shoulder. "Hnnn... Jesus, Ana, yeh feet are freez'ng," she murmured sleepily, holding her to her body, Ana's head resting on her collarbone. "Where were yeh, love?"
"Thought I heard a noise..." Ana whispered, wrapping one arm around her waist, the other folded up against her own tummy.
"It's just this ol' 'ouse..." Nellie said tiredly, turning and resting her cheek ontop of Ana's head. "Makes noises... like it's talkin'.. an' Mr. T... pacin' away... Don' worry, love... s'nothing to worry about... Yeh safe 'ere."
"Here with you," Ana whispered, her arm tigthening around her waist. Nellie made a noise.
"Yea... 'ere with me, love." She murmured, her breathing becoming lighter and more relaxed, and Ana could tell she was slipping back into sleep. Ana pulled her brows together and closed her eyes as she lay curled up against Nellie, her cold feet pressed into her warm calves. Instead of the dark, wide eyes of a stunned, opened mouthed Pirelli, Ana could only picture the a malicious, cheshire cat grin glowing in the darkness of her minds eye.