Chapter 6:

"Hi," he said.
"Hi," I muttered.
"So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." I avoided his gaze.
"Right. You left early this noting without a word-"
"I left a note-"
"-and you came back late with hardly anything to show for a long day of hunting."
"Not much out." I shrugged
"Katniss if this is going to work we have to talk to each other."
"Nothing to talk about. Now lets eat I'm hungry. Long day you know." I still wouldn't look at him in the eye.
He sighed and we walked into my house, ate dinner, and went to bed without another word.
It was Peeta's turn to leave early this time. And even though I was very much awake I decided not to get up until I knew for sure he was good and gone. I stayed home today and decided to add my addition to the memory book. It was officially time to add the boy with the bread, the man I thought I loved who could never love me again because he was as good as dead.
I can't draw as good as Peeta, actually I can't really draw at all but somehow this seems to be turning out all right. After awhile I realize the drawing is useless so I should focus on the words. I write about the first time we really met, when he gave me bread. Obviously I knew him long before but the bread was a change in our relationship. If I hadn't owed him that debt or recognized him at all, who's to say that I would have taken to him like I had even just on the train ride to the Capitol. Then of course the Hunger Games which was probably one of the most defining pieces of our relationship and then the Quarter Quell where it peeked wonderfully and then died quickly when I was saved and this boy ultimately died. I began to cry just then. Not one or two tears but an entire river of tears just began to flow out. Everything I ever felt in this last year or so all came out at once right then. I cried about having to leave my family, especially Prim, for the first time. I cried about Peeta almost dying so many times. I cried about Rue. I cried abour coming home and hurting Peetas feelings. I cried about having to go back into the arena. I cried about hearing Prim's bloodcurdling scream. I cried about getting taken out of that arena without Peeta. I cried about losing Prim, my mom, and Gale all in the same day. I just cried. Loud. So loud I didn't even hear Peeta come back in. I didn't notice until he was pulling me in his arms, rocking me, holding me close. I held him back and cried more because this body felt just like his, the boy with the bread. But it had to be false, right?
As my crying finally died out I saw Peeta starring at the tear strained pages of our book. He looked puzzled and taken aback but he didn't say a word or even look at me.
"I don't understand," he said finally, sounding hurt and wounded, "are you afraid of me?"
"No," I responded, honestly, "of course not."
"Well what's this about?"
"You've changed..."
"Well no kidding..."
"I mean like... You always thought I was perfect and could do no wrong and you loved me. But now...you don't. You've changed."
"Well then I guess we should go an entry for you because you've changed too."
I was surprised by this.
"Yeah you let me in now. You never did before."He was right and I knew it. I wasn't the same naive and guarded girl I was when I went into the Hunger Games. Sure I got hurt very bad, emotionally and physically. But I learned that I needed people more than I ever realized. I learned that I could stand up for myself. I was different. Or maybe I had just learned that I needed him.
"Besides," he said quietly looking down. "I never said I stopped loving you."

My eyes widened. So he did still love me. I breathed a sigh of relief and began to open my mouth when suddenly Peeta raised his head and quickly stood up. He moved so fast I could barely take a look at him before he turned his back but I could've swore I saw a tear. "Anyway. Lets it! I brought cheese bread, your favorite."
"Great," I smiled lightly. It was my move now and I knew it. But was I ready for that? If this didn't work we'd both be lost and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I certainly know he isn't. Even if they are not as often as before, he still has way too many episodes for me to let him go. I must have looked strange because while we sat I felt Peeta's eyes on me so I quickly smiled and began to strike up small talk. I didn't know where else to go. There wasn't much else to talk about I felt. And he must've agreed because he never brought up anything either. At least not for a few days. About five days after my meltdown he came home from the bakery. I was asleep on the couch. I hadn't been sleeping much since then so I often slept when Peeta wasn't around. But I still didn't sleep much without Peeta because if the more frequency and intensity of the nightmares so I was getting little sleep anyway. It also meant we were left without much meat to eat. I could tell Peeta was a little peeved when he woke me up. "Would you like to tell me what's going on, Katniss?" Still groggy I just mumbled. "You haven't talked to me or hunted or slept with me in days. What did I do? Is it because I told you I loved you? Because I'll take it back." He sounded wounded again. "I'll take it all back. I just need you in my life. You're-you're all I have."
"I know," I muttered. "I'll hunt tomorrow."
"Fine," he responded, sharply. "But today lets go to bed." He held out his hand for me to take and I had the best sleep that I've had in days. Only waking when he got up to work. I followed suit and went hunting. It felt good to be out there again. When I came back we had a visitor, Haymitch.
"Well hello sweetheart. Haven't seen you in ages. Thought maybe something killed you." He winked.
"Nothing can kill us, Haymitch." Peeta chuckled. "Well except me."
"Still having those flashbacks? "
"Yeah. I am."
"Sorry to hear that. I'd share my alcohol... If I had any left." He muttered angrily.
"You'd do that for me, Haymitch?"
"Anything for you kid." He winked lightly and then we all chuckled. Haymitch was hard to swallow in the beginning but after awhile I learned he was just wounded severely. Just like anyone else that survived the Games.
"How are you, sweetheart." He asked sincerely.
"As good as can be expected." I nodded slowly and Haymitch nodded with me. We still had our own shorthand.
"Did you guys here what they are doing with the district?" Haymitch began to layout the plans for us. As the mining part was now impossible we had to make ourselves a whole new speciality and it turns out the plan was agriculture. Definitely an interesting choice. We sat talked and ate with Haymitch for a little while but then Peeta announced he had to go to the shop again, leaving Haynitch and I alone, which I could tell was his plan all along. He immediately tried to back me into a corner.
"So what's with you and Peeta?"
"I don't know," I responded
"You're not as cozy as you were in the games."
"Yeah it was an act remember."
"Oh come on, sweetheart. The only people you are fooling by that is yourself and Peeta. Why do you think your "cousin" left? He knew it was you two all along. And so do you."
I stayed quiet for quite awhile; Haymitch glaring into my eyes, knowing what I couldn't say aloud. Finally I turned away and admitted he was right.
Haymitch clapped. "Finally! So are you gonna tell him or what?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"We're all he has," I shrugged.
"And..."
"And if this doesn't work out, who does he have then?"
"Me!"
I roll my eyes
"So your doing this for him?" he continued.
"Yes"
"Bull"
I roll my eyes. "Fine don't believe me."
"I won't. Your just scared, sweetheart. I know we're alike remember?"
He could be right I suppose. It is scary how often Haymitch and right are in the same sentence without the word not in between them.
But still I couldn't tell him straight out. I would have to find a way to do it subtly.

Thanks for being patient. I hope you enjoyed. RXR.