Chapter 8: I Can Hear the Bells...

I ran to my old house (or what was left of it). To my old life. Where everything was simpler. I hunted, went to school, and traded. That was it. I was the breadwinner. It was hard, but it was consistent. The only thing I had to worry about was getting food on the table. Yes, it was a lot to worry about, but now I feel like what I have to worry about is harder. I'm my own breadwinner. And my family and Gale are gone. Peeta. Haymitch. Even Effie. They are my new family, which sounds so strange, since I didn't even really know them until about a year ago. Until the Hunger Games. Until my life changed irrevocably. I looked at my old house with admiration. With longing. With sadness at what had been. But I also looked on it with hope. Hope for my new life. I had never been one to depend on people. I depend on me because I know I can count on me. But now maybe I can count on someone else too. The someone else who risked his own life for mine. Who begged me to let him die instead of me. Who was tortured for me. Who came back to me. Maybe I can even depend on the man who lied to me throughout most of it, but still had my best intentions at heart. The man who didn't have hope. That is, until we came along. Or the woman who is strangely obsessed with pleasantries and being on time, but helped me through the toughest of times. The Hunger Games were perhaps the worst experiences of my life. Watching people die, killing people myself. And having the people I loved die right in front of me. But without those three people, I wouldn't have survived. Maybe it is them that I need, now more than ever. And now, one of them wants to marry me. Marry. Me. A year ago, I would have said no. I am just not made for that. The marriage to Peeta was Snow's plan and under no circumstances do I want to follow his orders or do things for his benefit. I hate him, after all. And I always will. But maybe someday I could marry Peeta. Maybe. Because, let's face, I can't make it through life without him anymore. Without any of them.

I started to walk back to my house. I saw Peeta running towards me.

"Katniss," he was out of breath, "what is going on?"

I led him back to my house and sat him down.

"I'm sorry, Peeta, but I can't marry you."

He cocked his head to the side and looked at me quizzically. Not an expression I was expecting.

"I just can't." I said, matter-of-factly.

The corners of his mouth turned up, "Katniss…," he began, but I cut him off.

"Look, everything between us is great so far but…" I continued, avoiding his gaze.

"Katniss…" I could sense the smile in his voice, but I couldn't understand why.

"It's just that, we don't even know what's happening and—"

"Katniss!" He said, forcefully, almost laughing.

"What?" I finally responded, finally looking up, frustrated that he wouldn't let me talk.

"I wasn't going to ask you to marry me." His smile was bright and beautiful as always, unwavering. Mine, however, must have drooped.

"What?" Now I was the one confused.

"Look." I opened the jewelry box. He was right. It wasn't a ring at all. It was a necklace. Another locket, actually. With different pictures this time. Peeta. Effie. Haymitch. "I thought you needed one of us, the new family. Not to replace your old one, of course. To add to it." He smiled. And I smiled too and I gave him at tight squeeze. He was perfect. And I was stupid.

As we pulled apart, he started to frown. "Katniss…," he said slowly, "does that mean….you…don't want to be with me?"

"No!" I practically shouted, quite quickly.

"Oh." I don't know if he sounded dejected, interested, or confused. Maybe a bit of each.

"Not what I meant! Peeta! I just don't know. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have said no. Or even a few months ago. Because I didn't want my kids to grow up in a world like the one we had to…with the Games."

"…and …now?" He wanted an answer. And I knew that, after all we had been through together, he deserved an answer.

"Now…we don't know what will happen. Who knows if the Games will come back? I just don't know." I was confused. My emotions were running high. He is my family. I just don't know what that means yet.

That night I went to bed reeling from the day. Do I love him? Do I not love him? I don't know. Does he love me? Does he even really know anymore? That night I fell asleep with those thoughts. My dreams were swirls of colors and swirls of dead bodies of those I loved. Prim, Rue, Finnick, even Mags and my father were in my dreams that night. I woke up screaming and panting, crying for Peeta, like I had in the Quarter Quell right before I got picked up. And this time, Peeta wrapped his arms around me and held me so tight, I knew he was never letting me go. And I knew I didn't want him to. I knew that I loved him and that I always would and that I would never have to question it anymore. This was real. I burrowed myself into his arms and slept soundly until midday, after Peeta had already left. I found a note on my pillow. He had asked me to come to his shop that day, if I had a chance. So I dressed feeling refreshed and in love.

I walked in just in time. I called out to him as soon as I walked in.

"Peeta! I got your note. I slept well last night. Sorry if I woke you..." Then I realized that he hadn't responded yet. I walked into the back and found him holding a chair. He was hijacked again.

"Peeta!" I cried.

"You murdering witch!"

"Not real!"

"You killed all those—"

"Not real! Peeta please. It's me!"

"You liar!"

"No, Peeta," I began to cry, "I am not"

This was the worst I had seen in awhile. It continued like that for a few minutes. Finally, I said, "Stay with me."

And he replied, "Always" in a whisper, but I knew he was coming back so I took his face in my hands and held it, looking into those beautiful blue eyes, tears running down my cheeks. Then he said, almost inaudibly, "You love me. Real or—"

"Real." I said as profoundly as this weeping willow could muster.

It was all he needed. He smiled lightly. He was about to get up, but I put my hand on his chest, tears still running freely. I looked down to the floor. "You love me. Real or not real?"

He didn't respond. I waited a few seconds and I started to get up, still looking down, tears running faster. But he pulled me to him and kissed me. The kiss was not innocent as many of them had been before. We had only had a few of these kisses before, and most of them were in the Games, so I was never sure how real they were. But this was real. It was full of passion, love, and maybe some lust or longing too. Longing because it took us so long to get here.

After a minute or so he pulled away. "Was that real enough?" He asked, playfully.

I smiled and responded with another kiss.

"It was Game worthy", someone said from behind us. We quickly turned. It was Haymitch, smiling behind us.

"No, Haymitch. This is better." I said, smiling back.

"Glad you realized it, finally!" He laughed, then frowned. "Guess I have another wedding to plan."

"Not yet. Don't get too far ahead of us." Peeta said, noting the flicker of nervousness in my eyes. I hugged him.

"Fine, but how about you two get off the floor and help these customers?" Haymitch snarled, jokingly.

The rest of the day the bakery was busy so we did not get much time to talk about what just happened. I stayed to help but we were hardly able to say two words to each other that did not involve bread. But as soon as we were about to close up, we did. As he counted the money, I changed the sign on the door, locked the door, and steadied myself with it. When he finished, he walked up to me, grinning. I returned the happy smile as he snaked his arms around my waist. I put my head on his shoulder.

I was the first to speak. "Is this real?"

He laughed. "Shouldn't I be the one to ask that?" He paused. "Let's go eat." We walked to what has become our house, hand in hand. We kissed many times that night and in the days after, as if we were trying to make up for the times we did not kiss.

Things weren't perfect all the time, of course. Just like any relationship. But something that was different with us was that we always realized our fights paled in comparison to everything we've been through. We always realized our love would win out. Always. I don't know why it took me so long. Maybe it was because I never had anybody. I was always on my own. Except Gale really. But I opened myself up in the Games, because I had to, to survive. But I guess I never figured that it wouldn't just save my life in the Games, it would save me life outside the Games as well.

Now when I think about choosing Peeta, it makes perfect sense. It's not that I didn't need Gale; it's that I needed him before the Games, before my life changed. It's that, Peeta and I, we couldn't survive without each other in the Games, so why would that be any different in real life, especially when our lives were (and are) constantly being bombarded by the Games? Now whenever I wake up, scared, Peeta just pulls me in closer and I fall right back asleep and when Peeta turns into a statue at dinner, I just put my hand on his cheek and lightly kiss him to bring him back. We need each other. But more than that. We love each other. He always loved me and maybe secretly I did too. I just would never let myself know it because I didn't want to have a family with the world in chaos. But, since it isn't anymore, that has changed. Certainly not right away, but maybe someday in the future, because I know Peeta wants one. When the time is right, we'll know. And you know what? I am actually pretty excited to hopefully get married to him one day. For real, this time. I got my dandelion in the spring and he got his fire in the winter.

Thanks for reading! hope you liked it! I have one more chapter in the works that I will add. It will be like an Epilogue sort of thing. So watch out for that :)