The day before rehearsals...
At the Nine Muses, all the guys were wondering what the girls were up to. The six girls who frequented the Nine Muses the most - Hermione, Pansy (who had threatened to break Fred's nose if he didn't let her in), Lavender, Luna, Diana, and Ginny - had been planning a musical number all week, but wouldn't tell anyone what it was. Well,
besides Fred, but he was in the number, apparently.
Cedric, Harry, and Ron all sat at the same table this time. Harry said, "Hey guys, what do you think they're up to?"
"I dunno," Ron said. "Maybe a group 'Lady Marmalade' or something."
Cedric shrugged. "I doubt it... must be something to do with 'Chicago'."
Just then, the girls walked out onstage. They were all wearing black dresses with their hair in French twists. They all walked up to the one microphone.
They all said at the same time, "Now, this song consists of both past relationships and possible break-up scenarios - guys, don't take it seriously! You know we love you!"
With that, the lights went out. Cedric could hear someone clearing the tables from the center of the room, as well as people rushing to the spot. Fred picked up the microphone and said, "Now, the Nine Muses would like to present to you the Six Break-Up Queens of Hogwarts, in their rendition of 'The Hogwarts Dorm Tango'." The audience started laughing.
The spotlights showed in the center where the tables had been cleared. The girls were all standing up straight with their eyes to the floor. The music started.
Hermione looked up and said, "Snap."
Pansy looked up and said, "Six."
Lavender looked up and said, "Squish."
Luna looked up and said, "No way."
Diana looked up and said, "Broomsticks."
Ginny looked up and said, "Potter."
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
Now there was only one spotlight - Hermione.
She said, "You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like... Viktor. Viktor liked to chew gum. No, not chew. Snap. So I come back to the common room this one day and I'm REALLY irritated and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy, and there's Viktor, lying on the couch, drinking a Firewhiskey and chewing. Not, not chewing. Snapping! So I said, 'Viktor, if you snap that gum one more time...'" Hermione sighed. "And he did. And that's when I snapped!"
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
The spotlight switched to Pansy.
She said, "I met Draco Malfoy on the Hogwarts Express about 3 years ago, and he told me he was single. We thought that we were both rather cool. So, we started dating. We'd go to the Hog's Head on weekends, parties at the Malfoy Estate, things like that. And then I found out - single he told me. Single my ass! Not only was he going steady, oh no - he had six girlfriends. One of those players, you know? So that weekend, when we went to the Hog's Head, I threw my drink in his face and told him to piss off!"
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
The spotlight switched to Lavender.
She said, "Now, I always tried not to pay attention to Ron's faults. But sometimes, they really wore me down, you know? And then, when we were at the Halloween Dance last year, he stepped on BOTH my feet and said, 'Oh, sorry, didn't see you'. Didn't see me?! Well let me tell you, when his mother saw him afterwards, she cried!"
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
The spotlight switched to Luna.
She said, "Why does Neville think I did it? Someone wrote him a letter saying I wanted to break up with him, and then signed it with my name, and he thinks I wrote the letter! Neville, believe me, I didn't do it!"
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
The spotlight switched to Diana.
She said, "If you looked at Cedric and I, you'd think you'd never find a better relationship. We did everything together - talking, homework, dinner, each other." She paused to let everyone finish laughing. "Perfect existence, right? Wrong. This one night, we were at the Three Broomsticks, and I had to go to the bathroom, so I went. I came back, went to the booth, and there's Cedric and his ex, Cho - kissing! Needless to say, I broke up with him on the spot."
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
The spotlight switched to Ginny.
She said, "I loved Harry Potter more then I could possibly say. He was a real revolutionary guy - clever, creative. He would go out every night getting people to petition against Umbridge, and along the way... Cho, Parvarti, and Padma signed up. I guess you could say we broke up because of varying levels of common sense - he saw himself as a nice guy, and I saw him as a jerk!"
They all sang, "He had it coming,
He had it coming,
He only had himself to blame...
If you had been there, if you'd have seen it,
I betcha you would've done the same!"
Hermione whispered, "Snap."
Pansy whispered, "Six."
Lavender whispered, "Squish."
Luna whispered, "No way."
Diana whispered, "Broomsticks."
Ginny whispered, "Potter."
The lights went out once again. The applause started up, and all of the lights went back on, and all 6 of the girls curtsied and went back to their tables. Ron and Harry went to sit with Hermione and Ginny.
Diana sat down and said, "Well?"
Cedric raised an eyebrow. "Um... what to say to something like that... very funny, actually. You spent all week making that up?"
"Mmm-hmm. Everyone wrote their own verse."
He laughed, "I'm not even going to ask where you came up with the idea for yours."
Diana smiled, trying not to show her teeth. "Call it a brain storm."