- Two weeks later, Johanna has become Katniss's roommate in District 13. -
- Haymitch just broke the news that Peeta hasn't recovered. He says Peeta will remain in a vegetative state as a result of his continuous torture in the capitol. -
Haymitch's words rang in her ears and she felt her anger rising. She could feel the bitter taste of it at the back of her throat. Haymitch looked at her expectantly from across the room as she spit out, "You promised." She felt her teeth clench and suddenly she was overwhelmed with emotion. Haymitch shrugged his shoulders as tears welled in his piercing blue eyes. Katniss launched herself at him, grabbing his throat in both hands. "You promised me! You fucking promised me! You said that he would be the one to get out!" Suddenly Katniss felt a pair of hands pulling her arms behind her back, effectively immobilizing her. She shrieked in anger and struggled against Johanna who held on tighter than before. Haymitch breathed heavily while clutching his throat that was now blossoming with finger-shaped bruises. Katniss suddenly felt hyperaware of Johanna's breathing in her ear. "Get out, Katniss. Let's get some air," Johanna growled. Haymitch shook his head slightly as he continued to hold his throat.
Johanna didn't let go of Katniss's arms until they were in the room again. She pushed her away from her and turned to lock the door. Katniss stumbled forward and caught herself on the edge of her bed before turning around to face Johanna.
"What the hell were you doing?" Johanna spat out, eyes still flashing with anger.
"I was angry!" Katniss began.
"We're all angry!" Johanna yelled back. "Don't you think this affects us too?"
Katniss shook her head angrily before arguing, "You don't understand. I made Haymitch promise me months ago that Peeta was our priority. He swore to me that Peeta would make it out instead of me."
"You think he just let this happen, Katniss? Haymitch did everything that he possibly could. Once Peeta was in the capitol it was out of his hands. He had to stand by and hope that Peeta was strong enough to get out alive." Johanna paused to take a breath before continuing, "And let me tell you, it destroyed him to watch Peeta get ripped apart like that. Before you two came along, he had no one; he watched tributes get slaughtered for years before he found you…and you two gave him hope. Blaming him for Peeta's condition is one hell of a way to repay him for all the shit he's done for you!"
Katniss exclaimed, "I was angry! Haymitch promised to save Peeta instead of me…and now Peeta is gone. No matter how hard we tried I still fucking lost him."
"For fuck's sake Katniss, you're not the only person who's lost someone!" Johanna roared as she threw her blankets to the foot of her bed. Katniss wheeled around and opened her mouth to retort as Johanna cut her off, "No, fuck you, don't start with me." Katniss closed her mouth and looked Johanna in the eyes before letting her continue. "Haymitch lost his family, his fiancé, his everything. Finnick physically still has Annie but mentally she's as good as gone," Johanna slumped onto the edge of the bed and pulled her knees up to her chin. "I lost everyone. The games…the capitol…they ruined us…all of us. Don't you see that? None of us are ever going to be okay," she sighed and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. Her voiced sounded strained as she said, "I tried, Katniss. In those cells in the capitol I tried to hold him together, to keep him sane. I did it for you…but it wasn't enough. I couldn't save him."
Katniss felt her breath catch in the back of her throat as she felt the walls that Johanna had built around herself come down. Johanna took a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around her knees. She sniffed once before clearing her throat and saying, "You have your family, and Gale, Haymitch and me..." Her voice trailed off as she looked Katniss in the eyes. Katniss slowly walked to the edge of the bed and Johanna leaned forward. She rested her head against Katniss's chest as Katniss put her arms around her. Katniss felt Johanna's tears soak through her shirt as she rubbed soothing circles into her back. She brought one arm up to smooth Johanna's hair before mumbling, "I know, I'm sorry" into her hair and resting her lips on top of Johanna's head.
Johanna stiffed slightly and pulled away from Katniss. As Katniss backed away, she turned around and began rearranging the blankets on her bed, clearly she was no longer in the mood to talk. She curled up on her side facing the wall and pulled the blankets up over her head before reaching out and turning off her light.
Katniss quickly changed and climbed into bed, her head still reeling with today's range of emotions. She turned off her light and muttered, "Good night." She rolled over in the dark and spent the night analyzing everything Johanna had told her.
. . . .