Chp 11

Matt stood by the well, pouring a dipperful of cold water over his head before pulling another one up to drink. He and Bud had been hard at work for four days now, with the assistance of most of the younger kids, and they'd managed to tear down the rest of the barn, stacking any useable wood to the side and pulling the rest off and away so that they could rebuild.

The work had been hard and hot but it gotten accomplished. They were now ready to rebuild once they got more wood. Though they'd been able to salvage some from the old structure, it wasn't nearly enough to even put up a frame.

"We're gonna have to go into town and get some lumber, ain't we?" Bud asked as he walked up and helped himself to the water.

Matt nodded. "Yeah. We don't even have enough here to make a start."

"We're going to need some supplies as well." Kitty added as she walked up to stand beside them. She'd waited until they'd taken a break so she could talk to them. "Flour's getting low and so is the sugar and coffee. I'm not a bad cook but I can't make do with nothing."

"I don't know, Kitty." Matt gave her a wry wink. "You've been doing that with me for a while now."

Mindful of the young man standing with them, Kitty held a smart remark and simply shook her head at him. "So, when are you all going?" She redirected the conversation back the main subject.

"Well, it's a bit late today," Matt looked up at the afternoon sun. "But we could go in tomorrow."

"Good." Kitty smiled. "I'll get you a list together of things I need."

"You don't want to go with us?" Matt suddenly looked concerned. It wasn't like Kitty to turn down an opportunity to go somewhere.

"Wish I could." Kitty answered regretfully. "But I've got several things here I need to get done and Georgie's not feeling real good. He had a slight temperature earlier. I just don't think it's a good idea to take him anywhere."

"Martha can stay with him." Bud spoke up. "You don't have to." He was grateful for the help the Marshal and Miss Kitty had given him but they weren't responsible for himself and his siblings. He felt like it was his job and he was feeling bad that they were doing it for him.

"I appreciate that, Bud." Kitty told him. "But I'd feel better if I stayed here and looked after him. Besides, like I said, I have a lot of things I need to get done and with all of you kids out of the house, it'd make it a lot easier to do."

"You're not my mother." Bud suddenly snapped at her. "You don't have to do anything. Georgie is my worry, not yours."

"Bud!" Matt exclaimed. "Now wait a minute here, son."

"I'm not your son." Bud practically yelled as he suddenly turned and took off running towards the knoll above the house, where his parents lay.

Matt looked over at Kitty. "Honey, I'm sorry he said that. I don't know what brought that on but I'm going to find out."

But Kitty grabbed his arm. "Uh huh, Cowboy." She shook her head. "You stay here. I think it's my turn to talk to Bud."

"You think he'll listen to you?" Matt looked up to where the boy was kneeling by his parents graves.

"I think so. Just give me a little time." She followed his gaze to the lone figure kneeling on the ground.

Matt nodded knowing Kitty had a way with people that he, himself lacked. "I'll go in and check on Georgie. Call me if you need me."

Kitty nodded and began to walk up to where the oldest boy still knelt in his grief. "It's awful hard to lose your parents." She said, when she finally reached his side. "Kinda leaves you adrift."

Bud said nothing. He didn't even acknowledge her presence.

"My father abandoned my mother and me when I was just a few months old." She ignored his refusal to look at her. "My mom died when I was twelve. I lived with a woman called Panacea for a couple of years but she was never really my mother. She did teach me how to deal cards and serve drinks though. Guess that's something."

Bud slowly turned and looked at her. "Twelve?"

Kitty nodded as she carefully sat down on the ground next to him. "Um hum. By the time I was fourteen I was on my own. Matt was pretty much the same, you know. Both his parents died when he was young. He lived with some people for a while but they weren't family either. That's an advantage you have over both of us. You have brothers and sisters to share your grief. Of course Matt and me didn't have anyone to be responsible for, other than ourselves, so I guess in that aspect, we had the advantage."

Bud looked back at his parents markers. "Were you scared? I mean when you were left on your own?"

Kitty nodded. "Yes, I was. I didn't know anything other than my mother and when she died I was really frightened. But Panacea helped me. While she didn't replace my mother, she at least gave me someone to talk to and someone to lean on for a little while. The family that Matt lived with for a while did the same for him. That's all Matt and I want to do for you and your brothers and sisters, Bud. We have no intentions of trying to replace your parents. We just don't want you to feel like you don't have anyone to help support you, if you need it."

Bud wiped a sudden tear from his cheek. "I know I'm responsible for them." He said softly, mournfully. "And I don't mind taking care of them. Like you say, they are family. But I guess…" He finally looked back at her. "I guess I'm just scared too. I don't want to fail them."

Kitty leaned over and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Life's not easy, Bud. It can sometimes take down even the strongest among us. But you can't give up and you can't try to do everything on your own with no help. Everybody needs someone to lean on from time to time. Matt and I want to be there and do that for you. But only if you want it and only when you want it. Understand me? You make the choice and we'll stand behind you."

Bud turned into her embrace and laid his head on her shoulder, letting the tears, he'd stifled since his parents deaths, finally come.

Kitty held him tightly and said not a word as she allowed him the time to grieve, much as she had his sister and perhaps as she probably would for the others too, when they needed it.

When his tears finally subsided, Bud pulled away and gave Kitty an embarrassed look. "I'm sorry." He almost whispered. "I just… it's…" He took a deep breath. "I haven't cried since they died. I haven't had time to. I'm sorry for acting like a little boy."

Kitty shook her head with a gentle smile. "Do not be ashamed of crying, Bud. A real man knows when he's reached his limits and knows when it's time to shed his tears and grieve." She brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes, before finally climbing to her feet. "I'd say you're well on your way to becoming a real man."

Bud smiled shyly as he stood up beside her. "Well, I'd say I'm a real hungry man, anyway."

Kitty laughed as she started back towards the house. "Well, what you say we go back and get all of you men and us women fed."

"Yes, Ma'am." Bud grinned, falling in step beside her.

TBC