Hi, sorry this took a little while to post, my computer crashed and it took some time to get it going again. One quick thing to address, someone had mentioned Darcy seemed out of character towards the end of the prologue, and I agree, that version of Darcy was a hard to reconcile with Austen's Darcy. However, the way I saw it was he had reached an all new low. In his mind this was the end of any chance of being with Elizabeth, on top of realizing he would have to face her again, at his best friend's wedding no less. Combining that with the alcohol, and the fact that, unlike with her rejection of his proposal, there was no anger to tint his sorrows, made me feel like he would be an utter wreck and that his grief would be a little more unadulterated.
Hopefully that made sense, anyway enough rambling, here's the first full chapter.
The next morning did not greet Darcy very well. He awoke to a pounding in his head that worsened with movement, and reminded him of why he often limited his intake of brandy to a glass a night.
The longer he lay there the more he recollected of the previous night. Mortification slowly crept through his body, causing a rosy hue to spread across his cheeks. Not only had he allowed his sister see him deep in his cups, he had cried in front of her. The thought caused him to bury his face deep into a pillow and groan. If that had not disturbed her sensibilities enough, then surely the confessing of his history with Elizabeth must have.
What she must think of me. He groaned again, and it dawned on him that he had shared the details of his ill-fated proposal, his intrusion into Bingley's affairs as well as his part in patching up the Wickham-Lydia scandal. Wickham, good lord, he had mentioned that blackguard in front of his still recovering sister. His stomach dropped just thinking about how much damage may have been caused by his drunken words. It was all the motivation he needed to quickly rouse himself and ring for his valet.
Not a minute later, Daniel Thompson stepped into his master's room, unsure of the state he may find the normally poised man. One look at Thompson and Darcy immediately remembered the events that followed his little tête-à-tête with Georgiana. The details were scarce, but once back in his chambers he recalled becoming quite ill due to his gross intoxication, and Thompson had to tend to him until what he could only imagine was quite late in the night.
At the look of dread spreading across his master's face, Thompson attempted to reassure Darcy with a friendly smile and nod, but the gesture had little effect.
"Thompson, I...I am" he sighed deeply and decided to forgo mentioning anything that alluded to his conduct the previous night. "I should like to bathe this morning" Thompson nodded and set about getting things prepared.
Georgiana Darcy often found that if she allowed her thoughts to wander as she sat at the pianoforte her hands would take on a mind of their own. The music they played would often reflect her mood, and today's tune was fairly melancholy. She sighed wistfully as her fingers danced along the keys, concern etched into her delicate features. Everything had seemed so well at Pemberley. Miss Elizabeth had been nothing but kindness and charm, and Georgiana had not missed how her brother looked upon the witty lady from Hertfordshire. On one occasion she had even witnessed the two with gazes locked, almost as if having a wordless conversation. She had hoped it was the start of Fitzwilliam finally finding happiness after being hounded for so long by the women of the ton and their mothers alike, but after last night nothing seemed certain.
The door creaked open and she glanced up, catching sight of her brother's tall figure in the mirror in front of the instrument. The worried look on his face instantly caused her to stop playing and turn to face him.
"Good morning, Fitzwilliam" her smile was tentative as she was unsure of how he was faring. He nodded in return and stepped into the room, allowing the door to close behind him. "Georgiana I came to apologize for my atrocious conduct last night. To witness me in such a state...I cannot imagine what you must think of me. The things I said...oh Georgie, I beg of you to forget it all, if you think it possible." She smiled again, this time without hesitance, it was not often one saw the veritable Fitzwilliam Darcy so discomposed.
"Fitzwilliam, there is no need for such apologies" she spoke while approaching him, and looped her arm through his before guiding them towards a set of wingback chairs. She sat and gestured to the other seat. "After all it was you, dear brother, who was always there for me when I felt overcome by my difficulties. If not for you I may never have recovered from such an experience."
His head lowered slightly at her words, and she could see that he still blamed himself for the entire Ramsgate affair. "Fitzwilliam I beg of you to not think as you are. I am doing better each day and there will eventually come a time when I will be perfectly alright. I am thankful every day that you are such a wonderful brother for it may not be so otherwise."
He fixed her with a look of astonishment, who was this young woman sat in front of him and where had his timid little sister gone? "When did you become so insightful, little one?" She blushed, and shyly lowered her gaze. "I would not wish to cause you pain."
The statement puzzled him, which reflected in the tilt of his head and narrowing of his eyes. "Never dearest," he reached out and grasped her hand in comfort. She peered down at her lap, searching for the courage to continue. "As I stated earlier, you, brother, are ever important to my recovery, Mrs. Annesley too, for she has been steady where I am not," she inhaled deeply, attempting to settle her nerves. "When...when we were at Pemberley last, you were...it seemed you were...happy, truly content, more so than I have ever witnessed," she coughed, hoping to rid herself of the lump in her throat. "It made me want to be better, to be truly happy too."
A silence fell on the room, and Georgiana found she did not want to raise her gaze from the ground, but hesitantly did so when he cleared his throat.
"Georgie..." he inhaled deeply "all I could ever want for you is your happiness, please try not to let what has or has not occurred alter that." The pain in his eyes was unmistakable, but now was the time for her to be the stronger sibling. She squared her shoulder and nodded with a determination she had not felt for a long time. "I promise Fitzwilliam."
The door was so close, an extended hand could almost grasp the handle, but silence was pivotal. The wrong step upon a well worn floor board would alert everyone in the house to her location, a threat which made her hold her breath for the last few steps. It was not until the sun shone brightly on her face that she felt safe to breathe normally again, and even then there was a strong urge to bolt for the nearby tree line.
The fresh air was exhilarating and the nature surrounding her immediately calmed her mind and body. A calm she so desperately needed for the past week had been more than she could handle. A constant flux of emotions had assaulted her person, and there were few outlets currently at her disposal.
Her mother had been unbearably eccentric over Jane's recent engagement, an event which brought her both immense joy and an aching sorrow. There was no doubt in her mind that Jane and Mr. Bingley would do well together and if anyone deserved to be truly happy, it was Jane. However, partaking in the planning of such a joyous event caused her mind to constantly stray to the past, to misunderstandings, to prideful speeches, to blue eyes full of so many emotions one could be overrun if not careful.
She shook her head, hoping to dispel her ruminations. Normally she would turn to Jane or Charlotte for guidance in a time like this, but Charlotte now had Mr. Collins to look after and she could not imagine placing such a situation upon Jane during a time of such elation. To add to her turmoil, her father had taken Lydia's near disgrace quite hard, he had not been the same since and rarely left his study. When he did grace the family with his presence it was clear to see that there was a certain light missing in his eyes.
Oh how she despaired for a way to alter past events. She would have been more stern about not letting Lydia leave for Brighton, would have shared the horrible reputation of a one Mr. Wickham with her dear sisters, would have withheld such harsh judgment on a truly good man, a man who her heart had wholly come to desire.
Oh curse her resoluteness.
To be so truly humbled felt utterly gutting. It kept her awake at night and distracted during the day. It mattered not how often she reprimanded herself about the uselessness of recollecting events gone by, her mind simply would not leave her be.
She sighed sharply.
"Well Elizabeth, you have crafted your bed, now you must lie in it." With that self assurance she rose and headed back towards the house.
Later that day, Lizzy found herself sat in the drawing room listening to her mother despair over being unable to choose what particular pattern of lace she wished for Jane's wedding dress. As Jane attempted to sooth their mother's nerves, Sarah walked in with the day's post. Elizabeth leapt up at the chance to escape Fanny's woes, and was rewarded by a note from her Aunt Gardiner. Her eyes skimmed the letter which included the normal salutations and inquiries of familial health in addition to an invitation for her and Jane to travel to London and stay with them while they shopped for Jane's trousseau. Her heart fluttered at the possibility of escaping Longbourn, and for the first time in a while she felt a lightening of her spirit.
The missive went on to state that the Gardiners could arrive at Longbourn in a week's time to collect her and Jane if the plan was to their satisfaction. After sharing the letter with her family and listening to her mother's rapturous excitement and list of demands for the trip, Lizzy quickly moved to the desk and grabbed and fresh sheet of parchment, eager to respond.
It was often said that time healed all wounds, Darcy was not quite sure he believed such a sentiment. Also in disagreement were the pile of neglected correspondences perched atop his desk, time seemed to be doing little good for them.
He distractedly grabbed the first letter of the lot and began to inspect its contents. It was an invitation to the Atwater's ball in a few days time. He gripped the bridge of his nose tightly, this was not an invite he could politely decline seeing as he had avoided society completely for the past week. He resigned himself to attending with a sharp breath as a his study door flew open.
"Darcy, old man, you are in quite a bit of trouble"
It took every ounce of his good-breading to keep from allowing his eyes to roll. Instead he closed his lids and clenched his jaw. His cousin would be the death of him.
"Mother was absolutely incensed when Mrs. Tisdale called on her this morning, only to ask how long the Darcys had been back in town"
Richard flopped down into a chair directly in front of his desk. Darcy gave him his best Master of Pemberley stare.
"Really Richard, could you not even bring yourself to knock?"
His boisterous cousin threw his head back with laughter and was met with a deep sigh.
"Come now Darcy, you and I are beyond such pretense"
A sly grin overtook the younger man's face, his eyes dancing with laughter at the buttoned-up manner of his counterpart.
"You have truly invoked the rage of Elena Fitzwilliam this time. I for one cannot wait for the put-down she intends for you. Not even bothering to send a note about your presence in town..."
He shook his head in joking reprimand, clicking his tongue in time with the movements. However, Darcy could not even bring himself to school his expression into one of regret, or even acknowledgement of what Richard was prattling on about. The lack of reaction caused the smile to fall from Richard's face.
"Darcy?"
His jaw clenched again at the tone of Richard's voice. He slowly drew his eyes up from the paper in front of him.
"Yes Richard"
He offered in a drawl voice. One of the younger man's eyebrows crept upwards.
"What is the matter with you, man?"
Another sigh followed the inquiry.
"Perhaps I dislike when people enter my study without first announcing themselves"
Darcy turned back to the sheet in front of him, picking up a quill as a distraction from his curious cousin. If he was not cautious Richard would read him easily as he would a book. The scratching sound of pen on paper filled the silence for a moment, but he could feel Richard's questioning gaze burning into his person.
"Good God man, you look absolutely horrid"
The scratching stopped as the quill fell onto the desk. He brought his right hand to his head in attempt to massage away the encroaching headache.
"Richard I would rather not wish to entertain you at the moment"
"Are you well?"
"Quite well, and I do apologize for not attending to your family since returning to town, I have had a rather large amount of business to conduct. Would you convey the sentiment to your mother?"
Richard saw the comment for what it was, a dismissal; however, he was not one to give up so easily.
"Whatever has you so distraught, business? No, it could not be, the ever attentive master of Pemberley always has his affairs in order. Hopefully it is not our dear Georgie? No, for surely you would have kept me abreast of such issues. There remains only one possibility..."
A wolfish grin crept across his face causing Darcy's heart to race in dread.
"Has the perpetual bachelor, Fitzwilliam Darcy, a true master of the art of evading matchmaking mamas and social climbers alike, finally found himself enamored by a lady?"
Darcy silently begged his body no to betray him to his cousin, but such a cause was a loss.
"It is!" Richard chuckled loudly. "Come now Darcy, you mustn't be so glum, eventually we men all fall to such emotions"
"Richard" Darcy's tone was stern, at attempted warning to his prying cousin.
"Unless perhaps she is unfit for your station..." He gasped mockingly. "Is that it dear cousin, have you endeared yourself to a woman of lower breeding, a maid perhaps or maybe the daughter of a tradesman?"
Even though Darcy knew Richard was merely teasing him to garner a response, he could not help the surge of defensiveness that shot through his body. Before he knew himself, he jumped from his chair, toppling it to the floor in the process.
"She is more deserving of such a station than almost every woman of the ton I've ever come across!"
No sooner than the words had left his mouth did he recognize his error. His eyes momentarily widened before he corralled his features into that of indifference. However, the damage had been done, the astonished look upon Richard's face proved as much.
"Well then Darcy, what in the Devil are you waiting for?"
Fitzwilliam stepped out from behind his desk and moved for the door to his study.
"Richard, I have much to attend to, and no time for such frivolities as you baiting me"
A slight smirk crossed the younger man's countenance.
"But Darcy I haven't even had the chance to extend mother's invitation for you and Georgie to dine with us tomorrow evening, and there's still so much to be heard of your mysterious lady"
Richard stood and faced Darcy with a widening grin.
"She is not my lady"
"Yes but she could be if you stopped brooding in dark corners and attempted to socialize a bit"
Darcy gripped the door handle tightly, a mix of anger and despair welling in his gut and seemingly creeping up his throat. He opened the door roughly and trained his gaze on the floor.
"No...she will never be so because she will not have me." His words were barely a whisper.
A sharp silenced followed the heavy statement, and Richard knew he had exhausted Darcy's patience for his humor.
"Please apologize to your mother for me, and let her know Georgiana and I would be delighted to dine with your family on the morrow"
His voice was flat but slightly louder than before, and his eyes never left the floor. A slight feeling of guilt gnawed at Richards stomach. He started to say something, but then thought better of it, settling on a simple nod in response before pacing out the door with a mind full of thoughts.
Alright chapter 1 done. Thought I was going to fit more in this one, but this seemed like a good stopping point and it hopefully means the next update should come much sooner than the last.
Let me know what you guys think.
Next up: Elizabeth comes to London, Darcy dines with the Fitzwilliams and perhaps in the in the process their paths will cross.