Summary: Alex goes to teach the soldiers combat. One-shot.
This is dedicated to Blown, who gave me the suggestion for the plot.
Disclaimer: I dream of the day when I own Alex Rider. I also dream of the day that I rule the world and everything is my mindless minion. MUWAHAHAHA!
I also would like to thank ENSIGN, for giving me permission to use the Squirrel Move, from their story 'The Innocence of Guilt'. Unfortunately, I haven't done it justice.
Causing Chaos: Round two
Alex was getting some much need rest, when Blunt called him in again. Really, the man needed a name change. Something like Grey or Manipulating-Guy would be suitable.
"It seems your lecture made quite the impact, so the Sergeant has requested your presence once teach them basic combat," the man told him.
Alex smirked. Another chance to beat up guys with superiority complexes? Sure!
"When am I going?" he asked, smirking while he thought of what to teach them.
"As soon as you can pack, you will leave," replied Blunt.
As he had last time, Alex left the office with a swish and a flick of his angelic blond hair.
It was another cold and miserable day at Brecon Beacons, and the soldiers were eating lunch, when the Sergeant stood up.
"Men, Agent Rider is coming back to give a demonstration in combat. You have 5 minutes to finish your lunches and make your way to the fighting hall. I expect you to treat him with respect."
The men all glanced at each other, wondering what a mere kid could teach them in fighting, but followed the Sergeant's orders. He hadn't been put in that position for nothing.
Five minutes later, the fighting hall was packed. The men waited in silence, for the emo-boy to enter. As the doors swung open slowly, the room quieted expectantly as they saw the Sergeant being followed by someone small.
Craning their heads, they stared at the stranger, expecting to see a dark kid with stringy black hair and many piercings like before. Instead, they were treated to the sight of an angelic looking boy of about 15 years, blond hair shining in the non-existent sun and freshly scrubbed, pink skin that glowed in the light of the non-existent sun. They looked at each other. Why didn't they get a non-existent sun?
Not realising that spies are generally good at disguises, they didn't cotton on to the fact that it was still Cub, but he had just had a shower after some fitness training, and had also removed all traces of his disguise from his last mission. He had also put on the soldier uniform that he rarely wore because of his job needing him to fit in.
In all, he came across as a namby-pamby kind-of soft boy who had never seen real blood in his life, except for in movies and on the first-aid videos he was shown at his 'exclusive private school'.
While the soldiers were wondering when 'Cub' was going to show up, Alex and the Sergeant had reached the front of the room. The Sergeant glared at the soldiers for not paying attention and cleared his throat. They immediately jumped, reaching for their guns, blushing when they realised there was no threat. Alex raised an eyebrow. This was Britain's Elite?
"Men, this is Cub. He gave you a lecture on guns a few weeks ago. Listen to him and follow all his orders." With that, he left Alex's side, going to the side of the room to observe.
Alex wondered what would have happened if he had ordered the soldiers to give themselves wedgies. They would have had to do as he said because the Sergeant had ordered them to...
"Okay," he started, "The first thing you should know is to keep it simple. Your enemy won't care if you can twirl around like Lucius Malfoy in A Very Potter Sequel; your main goal is to just incapacitate them so you can finish your mission. One of the most useful moves you can do is the Squirrel Move. Has anyone heard of it?"
No-one moved. Alex could see that most were questioning his sanity.
"Right. It seems none of you have, so I'd like to demonstrate it for you. Would anyone like to volunteer?"
A soldier, eager to knock down the kid, raised his hand quickly. His name was Boar and he was one of the best fighters in the ranks.
"You there. Boar. Come here then." Alex smirked and the eyes of those watching widened indiscernibly. How did this kid know their names?
Unfortunately for Boar, he was too dense to notice Alex's feral grin and walked up, smiling smugly at the thought of showing the kid how real men fought.
"On the count of three, I'd like you to try your best to knock me to the ground. I shall try to do the same to you, using only the Squirrel Move. Good luck," Alex said, and moved into a fighting position.
"One –"
If the room was silent before, it was dead silent now. You could hear a pin drop. Alex wondered if any of the soldiers could sew.
"Two –"
The soldiers leaned forwards in anticipation, their eyes comically enlarged, as if by making them bigger they could see better.
"THREE!"
Immediately, Boar sprang into action, like a… well, a boar. He lunged at Alex, who quickly spun out of the way. Alex stood up straight flashed a smile to a non-existent camera (how come we don't get non-existent cameras, whined the soldiers), and swung his foot into the man's balls. Needless to say, he went down quickly.
Turning to the soldiers who were wincing in shock and sympathy for Boar, he continued. "The Squirrel Move is named for its easy-to-remember technique – all you have to do is go for the nuts."
He smirked, spun 180 degrees, and left the room.
The End