CHAPTER SEVEN

When Hermione found Severus he was sitting on a flat rock beside Lily Potter, with Tonks seated on the grass below. She felt a dark rush of jealousy, which was only interrupted by an uncomfortable glance from Tonks. Severus looked up, almost beaming, glad to see her. A hand reached and pulled her down beside him.

The first word anyone would use to describe Lily Potter was beautiful. It made Hermione prickle inexplicably, and she sat stiffly by Severus. He leaned down towards her.

"What is it?"

"Severus … " She licked her dry lips. "…remember what I've said about your wand?"

He had an amused smile on his face.

"That it will allow me to cross over into the living?"

Hermione nodded, hoping to impress the seriousness of the situation on him, though he looked amused and dismissive.

"I'm not going to stay here forever, Severus. I want you to come back with me."

"My wand won't let me cross over again—"

"Yes it will."

"Even if it did, why would I want to do that?"

Lily laughed from beside him, tucking an auburn strand of hair behind her ear.

"What is she talking about, Severus?"

The clear laughter, melodious and innocent to any other ear, sounded hateful to Hermione. She felt her back straightening as she regarded the pretty, young woman. Lily Potter was murdered at twenty-two years, which made her five years Hermione's junior now. It was an odd way to think of a friend's mother, but it made Hermione prickle even further that to think that she was being laughed at by a woman much younger than she was. Severus seemed to share the amusement as well, and Hermione grew angry.

"And how do you remember her, Severus?"

He was surprised by that question. He lifted an eyebrow and glanced from Lily, back to Hermione.

"You mean Lily?"

Lily looked puzzled as well.

"We were school friends."

Hermione laughed bitterly, a black humour beginning to swirl inside of her.

"Oh really? Severus, you gave your life for her."

They both looked shocked. Severus looked confusedly at Lily, as if to ask if Hermione was referring to the same person.

"Hermione?"

"And when she died you devoted yourself to her memory, still doing everything for her. And for what? To die someone else's puppet."

Hermione was growing excited, her field of vision clouded by a red haze. She could see Severus with glazed eyes, things slowly turning in his mind. Lily was sitting, pale and still confused.

"You."

Hermione barked, and Lily started.

"Are you married down here?"

"T-to James."

Severus' hands clenched the edges of the flat rock, an ugly sneer suddenly carving onto his face.

"James Potter."

His voice was no longer the rich, throaty chuckle that murmured in her ear, but the acid-dripping sibilant drawl she knew as a girl, roughened by invectives and uttering dark curses.

Lily jumped as Severus swung around to glance at her with hurt, wild eyes. There were still memories flying through his brain, a lifetime of despair sweeping through him on the spot. Hermione felt perversely proud of herself for having finally evoked such a strong reaction from him.

Lily was trembling; she didn't fully understand what was going on. She reached out a shaking hand towards him.

"Severus?"

He knocked her hand away, suddenly volatile in his fury.

"Why him—why him?"

Severus leapt to his feet, his breathing ragged, his voice consumed by dark passion and hatred. He clutched his head with both hands, his fingers tensed into agate claws. When he finally opened his eyes they were stormy and tempestuous. He slowly lowered his hands, anger simmering just beneath the surface of his still demeanor.

"She's right. I did suffer many things on your behalf. There was only misery that made up my sorry excuse for a life."

Lily looked beseechingly at him, reaching out to hold his hand.

"Severus, why are you angry?"

He seized her wrist in a vice-like grip and she cried out, startled. He pushed it away from him, shamed and bitterly proud.

"What I want to know is why." He suddenly turned to Hermione, frightening her. "Why did I do all these things? Why …?"

The cold authority in his tone sent chills down Hermione's spine, it was the same voice that had once looked at her and hissed "I see no difference". The situation was beginning to spin out of control, but she was determined not to regret anything.

Understanding passed across his face.

"I gave you up to him, didn't I?"

Severus' knees suddenly buckled and he collapsed to the grassy floor. His burning anger was slowly being replaced by anguish and he looked fearfully at the three women gathered around him, ashamed at being witnessed in such hurt and vulnerability. His crippling self-consciousness caused him to shrink into himself.

"It was because of me, wasn't it?"

His face was hidden by his hands, his voice unnervingly steady. Tonks gathered Lily protectively in her arms and eyed Severus cautiously, wary of another outburst. Lily could only look upon the scene, horrified.

"I don't blame you for anything, Lily. I truly don't. You were a child. I was a child. I remained the child. But I was always there, I—"

He struggled with the words, causing a blip in his steady delivery that was difficult to recover from.

"You were always important, I mean. Always."

Lily's voice was soft and slightly strangled, startled tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"You were always important to me too, Severus."

"No, I wasn't," he replied sharply, the barbs back in his voice.

"I think you should leave now. I don't want to look at you anymore."

"Severus—"

"I said I didn't blame you for anything. Now leave, or are you going to make me repeat myself?"

The dangerously soft, silky threat in his voice shocked and hurt her, though it was all too familiar in Hermione's ears. Tonks helped Lily to her feet and then backed away slowly from the scene. The murderous look Tonks shot her and the wounded look in Lily's eyes made Hermione flinch inwardly.

Severus slowly got to his feet, his face a still, porcelain mask, betraying no emotion. He smoothed the front of his black robes and regarded Hermione with a look of utter contempt.

"Sit down, Miss Granger."

She looked at him blankly, and he drew in swiftly, catching her off guard. His hands gripped her shoulders painfully, and he towered above her, his voice lowered to a soft hiss.

"I said sit down, Miss Granger."

She sat down on the flat rock, trembling, and watched as he sinuously paced in front of her, a sardonic, cruel smirk on his face.

"What happened to Potter?"

"W-what?"

"It was a simple question, Miss Granger, and well within your capabilities to comprehend if what they say of your formidable mental capacities is true. Or was that even more Gryffindor boasting?"

He leaned in and gave her a nasty, mocking smile.

"Were you truly only good for memorizing dull, redundant texts?"

She opened her mouth angrily, but forced herself to snap it shut again. The look he gave her promised her he would make things very unpleasant should she voice her retort.

"Harry's alive and doing quite well. He's in the Auror Department at the Ministry."

The shock on Severus' face filled her with dread.

"But the Dark Lord died—tell me he's gone."

"He is. Voldemort's dead."

Severus flinched at the name.

"Then how is Potter still alive?"

The mounting horror on Severus' face made Hermione squirm uncomfortably.

"Lily's blood, it had something to do with them both sharing Lily's blood—"

Severus looked as if something had just burned him. His eyes were wild, his mouth working itself into a frenzy. He grabbed her wrist and hauled her to her feet.

"Hey!"

"Come, it will be easier on you if you comply, but know I'm not loathe to the thought of dragging you behind me."

Hermione stumbled a little and then had to half-run to keep up with his long, urgent strides. She soon found herself at the Dumbledore tent, and Severus dragged her over to where Albus sat—chessboard and all.

"Albus!" Severus barked. The old man had been dozing and woke up at the sharp noise. Severus finally let go of Hermione's hand and pointed imperiously at her, trembling with rage.

"She tells me Potter's alive, she tells me he still lives!"

"Pardon me, Severus?"

Severus slammed a hand down on the chessboard, causing the pieces to jump.

"What game were you playing at old man? Why were you still keeping things from me till the very end?"

Severus looked wildly at Albus, desperate.

"Did you ever trust me? Ever? Albus, speak!"

Albus regarded him curiously and stuck a finger in his ear, massaging his abused eardrum.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about."

Severus looked at Albus with an imperial gaze that commanded attention. He spoke slowly, his voice dangerously calm again.

"The Potter boy still lives because of Lily's blood. You must have known he would have survived. Yet that entire time you told me he would die as the last Horcrux and all my efforts had actually been for your 'greater good'.

"And I accepted that, and I made sure he knew all he had to in order to fulfill this. And what do I find? That you've played me yet again and pulled a fast trick behind my back?"

Dumbledore still looked at him blankly, as though he thought Severus was raving mad.

"Why would you let me believe that? Why wouldn't you let me know he would survive it? Did you think I would have sacrificed myself more easily knowing Potter wouldn't survive the war either—did you really think me so petty? I had sworn to protect him, Albus, I expected him to live."

Dumbledore pushed his half-moon spectacles up the bridge of his nose.

"Are you here to play chess?"

Severus looked away, a pained expression on his face. He then swept the board from the table, allowing it to crash to the ground in a shower of black and white playing pieces. There were a few scattered pieces still left on the table, and Severus picked up a black pawn.

"Yes … you played a chess game even well into your death, old man. You let me sacrifice myself for a boy you had ensured would still have a chance to survive. You made sure that to the very last, he would never truly have to give up anything."

Severus tossed the black pawn into Dumbledore's lap.

"I suppose it was laughable on my part to think you'd extend such a sentiment to me."

Severus turned away from Albus, looking weary and as if gravity was punishing him more severely than the next man. He looked at Hermione and his upper lip curled.

"You're just like him; obviously he teaches you Gryffindors well. Orchestrate everything to fall in place with your obscure sense of morals. My house was shamed for having the honesty to admit they were self-serving. A virtue, I think, you all grossly lacked. Especially you, Miss Granger, you're a disappointment."

She couldn't bear to look at the accusatory glare on his face; the disgust in his voice curdled in the pit of her stomach. She sat down on the wooden chair and exhaled shakily.

"It seems Severus does not care for a game. Would you?"

Dumbledore had retrieved his chessboard and was re-assembling the pieces. Hermione gave a hesitant nod and mutely set up her side of the board.

They played in silence, and she was grateful that Dumbledore did not once acknowledge her shamed, guilty tears.