The Doctor transferred himself to the holodeck within moments of hearing Seven's agonised cry for help. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to find, perhaps the holodeck had malfunctioned in some way and Seven had been injured, but it wasn't the scene he saw before him as he materialised. He stood in a darkened set of quarters, identical in layout to those throughout Voyager, but he didn't take the time to study the holographic setting further as Seven demanded his attention. She lay in a crumpled heap, lifeless except for an occasional involuntary jerk of her heavy limbs. Commander Chakotay stood protectively over her, visibly distraught and obviously overwhelmed with relief by the sight of the Doctor. "Doctor! Thank God…"
"What happened?" The Doctor demanded as he moved purposely forward towards where Seven lay.
"We were…" Chakotay swallowed hard, pressing a tense hand to his forehead as he exhaled guiltily, his huge, fear-filled eyes fixated on Seven, "…having an argument and then she just collapsed…" His body tensed further as frustration entered his tone and he stared at the Doctor pleadingly, "What's wrong with her?" he questioned insistently.
"I'm about to find out." The Doctor replied tersely, although not entirely without sympathy, as he ran his tricorder over Seven, noticing her attire for the first time. Normally the dress, as well as her loose golden hair, which spread out from her head like a shattered halo, would have distracted his romantic mind, but for now his medical programming was at the forefront of his concerns. "Her cortical node is shutting down…" He realised with a dazed, fearful gasp, hurriedly taking her unyielding body by the shoulder to check her over visually, "And where are her facial implants?" he asked, now utterly bemused as well as worried. Seven's implants, a map of her Borg past written all over her body, should have been on easy display in her revealing outfit, but they were nowhere to be seen, completely erased despite what his tricorder was telling him.
Confusion clouded Chakotay's ashen features as his gaze moved between Seven and the Doctor uncomprehendingly, "I thought you had removed all of her cybernetic systems…"
It was the Doctor's turn to be uncomprehending and he looked up at the Commander in disbelief, "What? I could never do that, she'd die…" He stopped mid explanation as he finally noticed that the Commander was, like Seven, out of uniform, and something clicked in his mind as he remembered exactly where he was. "Computer, deactivate programme." He ordered softly.
Disgusted anger passed over Chakotay's face for an instant, obviously unable to understand why the Doctor wasn't attending to Seven, but almost as soon at the expression appeared, he and the scene around him evaporated like a mirage. The Doctor sighed as he glanced sadly over at his patient, still unconscious but now back in her familiar form, clothed in a biosuit and with her implants as present as ever, sparking and jolting violently. "What have you been doing?" He murmured to her sorrowfully as he fondly pushed the hair away from her still face.
"Commander…" Seven mumbled, pushing the word through her dry throat as bright light assaulted her eyes. Even when dimly aware of the return of consciousness, enough of it hung back to trap her in her last memory for a few more seconds.
"If you're referring to your other holographic friend, I'm afraid he's not here." The Doctor informed her in a brisk, dry tone from somewhere above her.
These words hit Seven like a cascade of ice water and brought her mercilessly back to awareness with a sharp, horrified gasp. She sat bolt upright and almost fell off the biobed she found herself on as her head screamed in complaint, but she instinctively steadied herself enough to be able to choke out, "What?"
The Doctor peered at her knowingly as he encouraged her gently to lie back down, "Your simulations with a hologram of Commander Chakotay, you had a malfunction in the holodeck."
Seven tried to fight the shame of discovery that flooded her cheeks with a traitorous blush but found that it was futile. Instead, she focused on the part of the sentence that she was willing to acknowledge. "A malfunction?" she breathed tightly.
The Doctor sighed heavily. "Yes, and a major one. Your cortical node was shutting down when I found you." Despite her mortification at the situation, that information was shocking enough for Seven to meet his eyes and he continued, "The Chakotay hologram told me that the two of you were having an argument just before you collapsed, could you tell me about it?"
Seven's lips pressed together until they were white and bloodless, her brows knitting together mutinously, "What does that have to do with my cortical node?" she finally ground out stiffly.
"Everything, I think." The Doctor answered, "Look, environment affects everything. I need to know what you were doing just before this malfunction to help me figure out what caused this." He couldn't stop his exasperation from building as Seven remained stubbornly silent, "This is life threatening Seven, I had to resuscitate you when you came here!" He took a deep breath to calm himself as he watched Seven withdraw from him, her arms crisscrossing her body defensively and her eyes frozen to the floor. He decided to try a different tactic and placed an empathic hand on her shoulder, flinching as she shuddered at his touch. "It was a very nice programme Seven. The dress, the quarters, the candlelit meal… It looked very relaxing and…intimate."
Seven grimaced as it dawned on her just how much he had surmised and jumped off the biobed to walk away, able to feel the Doctor's eyes burrowing into her back as she paced Sickbay. Humiliation burned hot in her veins and when mixed the regret and self-hatred she had already felt there was a toxic combination of emotion that wore down her control and composure. She turned slowly to face the Doctor again, swallowing hard. "I presume your programming contains the concept of doctor-patient confidentiality?" she asked quietly.
Hurt flashed across the Doctor's face. It stung that she felt that only his programming would prevent him from breaking her confidence, he'd hoped she had more trust in their friendship than that, but given her fragile state, he let it go. "Of course it does Seven." He assured her, "I'd never repeat anything you told me in private, I never have."
Seven nodded in acknowledgement, hearing sincerity in the words, but she felt dread as well as relief, she'd committed to telling him now. "After my experiences in Unimatrix Zero…" She sighed, glancing at the Doctor to see if he was following. He nodded to her, he of course knew of Unimatrix Zero and of the freed drones Seven had communicated with within it before it had been destroyed, but he'd never delved into how deep those relationships had been, despite their obvious effect on her. "I found my life here to be…incomplete." Seven flushed at this admission, it sounded weak, even conceited, Voyager was her life. Who was she to ask for more? Still she continued under the Doctor's watchful gaze , "I found that I…missed the emotions I had experienced there and wanted to feel them again." She bit her lip, regret clawing at her again, "The holodecks seemed the simplest way to achieve that."
The Doctor nodded in understanding, "Yes." He acknowledged, giving her a few seconds before he broached an even more delicate aspect, "You chose a hologram of Commander Chakotay to help you?"
Seven sighed, feeling cornered and unconsciously crossing her arms again. "Yes." She admitted tersely, fighting another blush that rose up her neck as the Doctor waited for more. Gritting her teeth and avoiding the Doctor's eyes, she added, "I respect the Commander, he has many…admirable qualities." She cringed slightly as she heard the stammer in her own voice.
The Doctor felt a smile pulling at his lips despite wanting to keep Seven at ease. Her bashful manner, so different from her usual blunt assessments of people and situations, was a pleasant revelation. In recent months, in the wake of Unimatrix Zero, he'd reluctantly begun to believe that Seven would never open up to close relationships and be as alone as The Borg intended, but now that fear was receding, much to his relief."He certainly does." He agreed warmly, letting himself smile fully now as she relaxed slightly. "This is wonderful Seven!" He told her empathically as he gave her shoulder an understanding squeeze.
Her utterly perplexed expression made his heart sink a little as she shrugged off his grip. "In what way?" she spat out incredulously, almost sounding insulted.
"You're growing! This is a huge step forward for you Seven, forming intimate relationships is the most naturally human of experiences…" He enthused, leaving her to go to his console, "When I've figured out what caused this malfunction, you can certainly expand your experiments on the holodeck…"
"No." Seven interrupted wearily, "I am going to delete the programmes, creating them in the first place was a terrible error."
"Seven…" The Doctor gasped in exasperation, "How can you say that when they've already helped you so much? There's absolutely no reason to delete them, they're nothing to be ashamed of…"
"They distracted me from my duties!" Seven snapped, "The ship could have been destroyed…" Her voice caught guiltily and the Doctor seized her arm.
"Just because you got a little too involved once doesn't mean you can't learn to balance work and recreation." He told her firmly, "Everyone on this ship has had to learn to do that at some point, even the Commander."
Seven flinched at his mention of Chakotay and wrenched her arm free. "Well, I have been convinced that I've experienced enough "recreation" for the time being." She declared icily, although there was a painful edge to her tone. "Contact me when you can correct the malfunction." She said tightly as she stalked towards the door.
The Doctor sighed in defeat, but tried again to soften her resolve. "You have good taste." She spun back around as if his voice had electrocuted her, her cheeks reddening as she read into the meaning of his words. "Your quarters." He clarified with a small smile, "They suited you."
Seven took a deep breath, startled by the tears that pricked at the backs of her eyes and had to close them for a moment to stop the salty liquid from forming fully. "They were only holographic fantasies Doctor." She reminded him resignedly as she stepped out of Sickbay.
The Doctor sighed as he stood at the foot of Seven's regeneration alcove, bracing himself to tell her of a realisation which had shaken him to the very core. He only had to shake her arm to rouse her and almost immediately she stared down at him with those piercing but unreadable blue eyes. "Doctor?" she queried coolly. Obviously their earlier confrontation had not been forgotten.
"I've found the reason for your malfunction." He told her, himself not bothering with a greeting.
Seven felt a shiver of foreboding run over her, she could tell from the Doctor sombre, professional manner that the news was not good and for the moment she dismissed the embarrassment she still felt from her mind. "And?" she pressed with a calm she did not feel.
It took a long time for the Doctor to answer. "Your cortical node seems to have a function neither of us was aware of." He took a deep breath, "There is a component which appears to trigger if a drone ever reaches a certain level of…emotional stimulation…"
Seven gulped silently as she completed his train of thought. "This component, when triggered, deactivates the drone? As I almost was today?"
The Doctor grimaced at her bluntness. "Yes. It seems to be a kind of fail-safe device, designed to kill drones who become too emotional and thus independent of the Collective." He saw her pale and was quick to try to reassure her, "But I've got a plan, I think I could safely remove it. It would take several operations and I'm still researching the details, but it's definitely possible…"
Seven's sigh made him pause and he looked at her to see that she stood in her usual determined stance. "You need not concern yourself Doctor, I…do not wish the failsafe to be removed."
The Doctor baulked at her. "What do you mean?" he hissed incredulously, "This is dangerous Seven! You won't be able to continue with your simulations…"
"Precisely." Seven stated, her eyes distant. "The failsafe will give me further reason not to stray from my duties again to indulge in irrelevant fantasies."
The Doctor grabbed at her in frustration. "That's the Borg talking, not you." He said with unshakable certainty.
Seven gestured contemptuously at the alcoves and other Borg paraphernalia that dominated the Cargo Bay in which they stood. "I am Borg." She told him in a deadened tone, her eyes glittering for a moment before the lids flickered closed, shutting the Doctor out entirely.
She waited without moving a muscle until he'd reluctantly left her, convinced she'd retreated into regeneration, then she stepped swiftly down to the floor and strode over the Computer console. "Computer, show all holodeck programmes created by Seven of Nine." She ordered. She watched as the short, but meaningful, list appeared on the screen and her chest tightened involuntarily. "Delete all programmes, authorisation Seven of Nine Omega One Six." She whispered, flinching in physical pain as any sign of the programmes, with all the memories and emotions they conjured up, disappeared. If only the emotions she'd tied to them were so easy to erase…
Chakotay was adept at tuning out the noise of the Bridge, but in this particular shift he knew that he was truly distracted, several people had had to repeat information he had asked for more than once and that wasn't like him at all. He had hoped that with the Captain having spoken to Seven of Nine, he could forget about his tangled involvement with her over the past few days but that hope had proven to be ridiculously optimistic. Finally, he gave into his curiosity and bent over his console to find her whereabouts, although he wasn't at all sure what he'd do with the information. The location that popped up on the screen, he wasn't going to vocally ask the Computer in the middle of a busy Bridge shift, made his gut twist unexpectedly. Sickbay. What was she doing there? What had happened? The excessive unease he felt troubled him and he tried to suppress it down with the rationale that she was probably attending her usual maintenance check with the Doctor. Still, despite his best efforts, all of his crewmates around him noticed that their cool and collected Commander was a great deal more antsy than normal during that shift.
It was another two hours before he went off duty and could leave the Bridge unhindered, and before retreating to his quarters he headed for the holodecks, trying not to analyse his reason for doing so. He had just reached the door for Holodeck 1 when the Doctor walked past him, a strange look passing over his face at the sight of him. "Taking a break on the holodeck are we Commander?" he asked, his voice tight.
Chakotay couldn't help but feel flustered under the hologram's oddly searching gaze, as if he sensed something was amiss. "Oh…Uh, I was just checking something out." He muttered sheepishly before a question of his own sprang impulsively to his lips, "Is Seven okay?" He saw the Doctor's surprised expression and tried to explain, "I was looking for her to…ask her something and the Computer said she was in Sickbay. I was…" He raked through his mind for an appropriate word, deciding "worried" was too strong, "…concerned about her." He finished lamely.
The Doctor stared at him, almost disbelievingly, for a few seconds before his face clouded over, which Chakotay noted with unease. "She's fine now." He said shortly, "One of her implants malfunctioned, that's all."
Chakotay could see there was more to it than that but didn't feel able to pry. "Will you be able to fix it for her?" he asked worriedly.
"If she lets me." The Doctor muttered to himself under his breath, but Chakotay heard him. "Excuse me Commander; I should be getting back to Sickbay." He said abruptly.
"Of course." Chakotay agreed, stepping aside to let him pass before slipping into Holodeck 1. "Computer, activate recording of programme Seven of Nine Beta 3. Override privacy protocols, authorisation Chakotay Alpha 9 Zeta 2."
"Unable to comply." The Computer intoned solemnly, "The programme Seven of Nine Beta 3 has been deleted by the registered user."
A/n: Wow, I didn't intend for this chapter to be so long, I hope you all like it! PLEASE REVIEW! :D