As you may have noticed, I went back and named all of the chapters I've written thus far. This story is going to be another long one,(I've just about finished my story outline, and it currently consists of 45 chapters in total) so I wanted to make it easier for you guys to find your favorite chapter later on, if you're looking for something in particular;)
Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews and PMs, I appreciate them more than you know!
-Hazel
Kensi can hardly believe that Deeks just did that.
Took the blame for everything, just so she might be able to get off easier was a selfless thing to do, but his attempt to help her might've been in vain. Regardless of what Deeks said, Julia is still fuming.
Kensi waits around five seconds after she hears the door latch shut before speaking, her voice raised but quivering.
"You can't just toss him out like he's trash!"
"I can do whatever I want, Kensi," she states firmly. "That boy isn't good for you."
Those six simple words make her blood boil. Fuming with rage isn't exactly how she wishes to feel, but there's no stifling the urge to shout.
"That's not true! We just wanted to get away for a little while!"
"I've made my decision, and it's final."
"You can't just-just keep me away from him!"
"Yes, I can." Julia points towards the staircase. "You're grounded. Go to your room."
In a teary eyed stupor, she opens her mouth.
"But-"
"Go."
She wants to stomp the floor, but knows that it's not going to get her anywhere. So before Kensi does something regrettable, she places one foot in front of the other and sprints up the stairs towards her bedroom.
Slamming the door shut, she can't even make it to the bed. Kensi sinks to the floor, pressing her back up against the wall.
Wondering whether or not her mother is going to hold true to her statements is the worst part of it all, honestly. You're not going to be seeing my daughter anytime soon.
It sounds so definitive as she hears the words run through her mind, their persistence unrelenting. She contemplates how her mother plans on making that happen, as she can't keep Deeks from her forever. They attend school together, so there's no escaping him.
Except it doesn't really matter. Kensi mostly just wonders what Deeks could be feeling; how he's processing it all.
They'd been stupid to think that the consequences for their actions wouldn't be dire, and she's having a hard time trying to decide whether or not she should be angry with herself for running off with him.
Maybe. But it's too late to have regrets.
Truthfully though, even as tears roll down her cheeks like rivulets, Kensi can't make herself wish they hadn't gone. The day and a half had been utter perfection, and even with the screaming and yelling, she wouldn't trade a second of it.
The way his tan skin glistened in the sun, how he smiled at her upon waking up and realizing exactly where he was. His eyes, his laugh, his voice, his scent, his hair... everything.
And although he's only been gone from her sight for about five minutes, Kensi already misses him.
Deeks drives home through misty eyes, his vision cloudy.
He feels like an ass. Not for any reason in particular- there's just an overall sense of insecurity clouding his mind, a feeling that's superseding everything else.
She's probably being screamed at, and it's all his fault.
The simple thought forces Deeks to press his foot against the accelerator. The engine groans in protest, but his truck still manages to pick up speed as it travels down the residential street.
He pulls into the driveway of Ray's house and slides the key out of the ignition, wondering if Kensi is currently blaming him just as much as he's blaming himself.
At around midnight, she tiptoes down the stairs. All the lights have been cut, so Kensi has to use a flashlight in order to navigate around the pitched black quadrants of her house.
Getting out of there is the only thing on her mind. Unable to sleep, she knows that it's completely necessary to see him before school tomorrow.
She walks on the tips of her toes, a sense of relief flooding her mind upon reaching the back door. Crossing the threshold, Kensi breaks into a sprint once she's finally outside.
The air is sharp and crisp, burning her lungs as the pace at which her feet hit the blacktop grows faster and faster. She allows the sensation to drive her- all six blocks to Ray's house.
It's not far away, and Deeks pointed this fact out to her a couple of days ago. She thinks back to the moment, missing the normality. Back when things were simpler.
She tries to recall the exact directions Deeks had given her before- they were vague and indirect. But as soon as she reaches West 5th Street, Kensi instantly knows which house is his. That perfect little pickup truck is parked out front, glaring back at her in all of it's just-driven, slightly-battered-and-most-definitely-beaten glory.
Making the trek over to his house is the easy part. Getting up the courage to rap her fist against the door, on the other hand, is rather challenging.
But she's come all this way, and Kensi knows that he's within a thirty foot radius of her.
So she knocks. Three times, to be precise.
He's sitting on the couch, watching the television yet not really watching it at all. The timid rapping sound radiates throughout the room and Deeks jumps up from the couch, tripping over his own feet twice before making it to the door.
He knows who's waiting on the other side.
She smiles as he turns the knob, but Deeks can tell that it's strained.
"Hi."
"Hey."
Stepping outside, he pulls the door shut behind him, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Are you okay?"
No, not at all. Nothing's okay.
"I'm alright," she answers.
"That's a lie."
"What do you want me to say?"
Kensi's got a point, as he has absolutely no idea what either of them should say.
Deeks shrugs, almost sheepish but trying hard not to be. Silence wafts around them as Kensi stares down at the dewy grass, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Tell me that it's worth it, Deeks."
Completely caught off guard by the request, he responds in the only way he can.
"What do you mean?"
"Just- tell me that all the fighting, the lying, the sneaking around..." Tears swirl in each mismatched orb, her voice breaking. "Tell me that it's gonna be worth it, in the end."
He steps closer, pressing his shoulder blades together. "It's gonna be worth it."
No explanation, just a simple statement that's pretty damn hard to refute. Kensi clenches her jaw while simultaneously lifting her eyes to meet his.
"I-I'm standing on my frozen lake."
Deeks shakes his head slightly, furrowing both eyebrows.
"I don't know what that means, Kens."
"It's something my dad taught me," she says, the sentence coming out sounding smaller than she intends for it too.
"Your frozen lake is the name for what you want the most in the world and you want it... you want it so bad, that you'll do anything to get it." Her eyes stray away from his. "And your heart takes over. But because of that, it destroys you, in the end."
Deeks' face falls but Kensi continues on, trying to keep her voice from cracking beneath the pressure.
"It's right there, just sitting in the middle of this frozen lake- and you think you're fast enough to go out and grab it before the ice cracks."
He looks to his toes, finally grasping what she's trying to say and hating himself for it. Feigning incompetence is much easier than understanding it all. Deeks exhales, his lips shaking as he does so.
"And what you don't realize is, you're already standing on the ice and it's falling apart all around you?"
He poses the sentence as a question rather than a definitive statement, hoping there's a chance that his hypothesis is inaccurate. But much to Deeks' own dismay, he isn't mistaken. Kensi simply nods, providing conformation to his suspicions.
He's waiting for something more, and there's only silence. A couple of frogs try to fill the void of noiselessness with their croaks, but Deeks desperately craves something more.
"Where does that leave us, exactly?"
She shrugs, her cheeks damp. Kensi's jacket sleeve tries to dry them, but another couple of water droplets sneak out of her eyes the minute she lowers her arm.
"I don't know."
Frankly speaking Deeks feels the same way, but he's been hoping that divulging that information won't become necessary. Clearly, the odds aren't working in his favor tonight.
"I don't know either."
Kensi appears defeated at the sound of those four words, so Deeks offers up a different three.
"I love you."
And then suddenly, she's practically sobbing. His heart crumbles.
Even in the face of her tears Deeks remains strong, his grip forceful as he wraps and contracts both muscled arms around her back.
"I love you," he repeats.
Breathily, the words "I love you too" come tumbling out of her mouth.
Deeks nods, acknowledging her remark by gently tightening his hold.
"We'll figure it out."
Kensi's eyes open, but she doesn't move her body away from his. "I thought that was too vague, remember?"
Beneath her head, his chest deflates just a touch.
"For now, it's all I've got."