My apologies for the slight delay in an update, but I ought to be writing much more frequently now as I'm off school for holiday break! I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please review as always! I love reading them:)
-Hazel
She hears something reminiscent of bells chiming in the distance. It sounds somewhat familiar yet still rather vague, and it takes Kensi a long moment to understand exactly where the sound is coming from.
It's simply the repetitious chime of her doorbell.
Kensi contemplates who could possibly be coming over at this late of an hour, and just assumes that her father has somehow managed to lock himself out. She chuckles at the thought, pulling herself out of bed and checking the wall clock as she passes. It's just around midnight now, so it stands to reason that he'd be coming home. Maybe drinks with the guys ran a little late?
As Kensi descends the staircase the doorbell goes off about three more times, the repetitive noise making her want to break something. It's persistence is unnerving.
"Geez, Dad! I'm coming, just try to be patient for one sec-"
She swings the door open, and immediately stops speaking upon discovering that the person standing in front of her is not Donald Blye.
Instead, Kensi is staring at a police officer.
He shifts around uneasily, his face sullen and his eyes dropping from what seems to be exhaustion. Her heart instantly begins to palpitate, as she's sure that this stranger isn't just dropping in for a visit in the middle of the night.
"H-how can I help you?" She asks, both eyebrows thoroughly furrowed.
"Um..."
The man collects himself, clearing his throat and trying to stand tall as his eyes dart around her face. His demeanor his even more off putting, so she prompts the cop with yet another question before even giving him the chance to respond.
"What's going on? Is something wrong?"
By now he's had the chance to get his emotions in check, and seems ready to speak.
"Sorry to disturb, ma'am- are you Kensi Blye?"
She turns her head to the side, narrowing both eyes.
"Yes. Who are you?"
"My name is Joseph Laine, LAPD." He flashes her his badge, and she feels the terror set in. "I regret to inform you that your father has been involved in a... car accident, this evening."
Car accident. The two words hang in the air for awhile, everything else in her mind taking a backseat.
Kensi's face turns ashen as panic washes over her. It threatens to pull her beneath the surface, but she tries with all her might to keep it at bay. Kensi has to be strong- it's how her father has always taught her to be.
"Is he alright?"
Officer Laine clenches his jaw, both eyes softening. Suddenly he looks less like a cop, and more like a father.
"I'm sorry, but-"
There it is. But- a single word that changes everything.
She's always tried to brace herself for the possibility of losing him, but no amount of preparation could get Kensi ready for hearing something like this. Her stomach's churning, her mouth is going dry.
"Please no," she whispers as a hand flies up to cover her mouth, muffling the words as they try to escape. "No no no, please-"
"Ma'am, I need you to try and calm down-"
"No!"
He shrinks back at her ear-splitting exclamation, which is desperate and filled with anger.
Kensi's breathing becomes staggered, her heart aching as she asks a question, hoping to get a 'no' in response.
"Is he gone?"
"Ma'am-"
She closes her eyes, hating each and every syllable as they escape her lips.
"Is he?"
There's a silence, but Kensi can't force herself to look at him. If she does, that means it's real.
"Yes."
No longer can she breathe or think properly. It's as if her body is shutting down, refusing to work.
Panic completely encapsulates her, superseding all other feeling or sense of emotion that might try and possess her. His words reverberate deep into the chasms of her mind, as if she's just been screamed at and taken a blow to the face. The officer's statement was gently worded and soft spoken, but the difference means nothing to her.
No longer is Kensi held back by the bounds of sanity. Her mind can travel where ever it pleases, her lips can utter whatever defiant sentence they wish to.
"I-I'm so sor-"
She holds a hand up and turns around, sinking to a crouching position in the doorway. Kensi doesn't want his pity, nor does she crave any of the formalities that he's trying to console her with. Impersonal apologies, or the proverbial "I'm so sorry for your loss" won't do.
Being a military daughter, she's seen it all before. And when one of her father's friends dies, Kensi always gives out exactly what she suddenly doesn't want to receive.
In the back of her mind she's faintly annoyed at herself for using those phrases on others so many times in the past, but it doesn't matter anymore. She's experiencing it, not comforting those who are.
"I'm supposed to take you down there, if you'd like to go," he says, whispering the words as if not wanting to spook her. The officer is treating Kensi like she's a grenade, ready to explode at any minute.
Her brain wants to go, but her heart doesn't. It's a toss up.
She decides rather quickly though that in this precarious of a situation, Kensi's brain should win over her heart. The latter is broken and bruised- she probably shouldn't listen to it, at least for the time being.
So Kensi stands up, the motion cumbrous despite her many attempts at stabilization.
"Let's go," she says, her voice croaky. 'Being strong' isn't exactly in the cards for her right now.
The officer looks down at her with an expression of sadness and utter despair, as if his heart is aching for her. She assumes from the brief, two second glance they share that the man has children, quite possibly even a daughter. Something in his eyes just screams it.
Kensi chokes on one of her own sobs, pushing past him. Don't be weak, she tells herself scoldingly. Don't let him see you crumble.
A patrol car is parked out in the driveway. The shiny white roof glistens in the light of the moon, and as she looks upward for a brief moment Kensi wonders how the sky can be so beautiful when her life has just become unbelievably foul.
She assumes it's selfish to believe that the weather should reflect her mood, but decides in the end that selfishness is an okay thing to feel. At the moment it's warranted, and nobody in their right mind is going to tell her otherwise.
The door opens with ease as her fingers greet the handle, and Kensi doesn't bother being gentle as she slams it shut, slipping on the seatbelt. Her head remains tucked as Officer Laine follows close behind, but she can almost feel his gaze boring into her skull, his eyes closely monitoring her each and every move.
The man doesn't speak, though. What can he offer up that will make her feel better, or change the outcome? Nothing at all.
Kensi tries to do the same, but finds it impossible not to cry. She turns her head, staring out the window as they pull away from her home, a couple of impotent yet still aching whimpers finding their way out of her mouth.
Certain that she's sounding like an invalid, Kensi wraps one arm around her midsection and props an elbow up on top of it, just so she can try to muffle her own voice.
It's hard to stifle herself, though. Hell- it's hard to think.
Processing everything is proving to be the most challenging part. It's as if the truth hasn't sunken in yet, like her body is protesting any sort of acceptance. A grave loss is glaring down at her, hoping she'll stumble and fall beneath the pressure.
But she won't let it overtake her. Not yet, anyways.