Hello everyone! So I'm breaking this section of the story up into two parts, rather than just cramming it all into one chapter. I think it flows better that way- you'll probably see what I mean as you continue reading on. Anyways, thank you for all of your love and support, I really can't say enough how much it means to me!
-Hazel
She can hardly believe this is actually happening.
It was foreshadowed, and something that always comes along with death. You have to bury them, hold a service in honor of their memory.
But as Kensi stands in front of a full length mirror, adjusting the skirt of her conservative black fit and flare dress so it runs straight, she can hardly breathe. Her father was never supposed to die like this.
Donald had promised her that on more than one occasion- telling his little girl that he'd be safe, and that he'd be coming home soon.
He'd managed to keep that promise for years and years, before eventually dying just a couple of miles away from home.
Completely unfair.
She grabs a strand of pearls from the top of the dresser, winding them around her neck before pinching the clasp shut. The room is eerily quiet, just a couple of muffled chirps coming from the birds perching on trees outside her bedroom window.
Kensi's fingers trace over the necklace, lingering for a couple of seconds on each individual pearl. She's only ever worn it once before- to some Christmas party that took place years ago. Never had that type of jewelry qualified as being 'her style.'
But they were a gift from her father, so Kensi decides earlier in the day that she's going to wear them with pride.
Glancing away from the mirror, her eyes catch on the clock. She finds that they only have about ten more minutes until it's time to hit the road.
As her body rotates back towards the mirror, she exhales a single shaky breath. Her eyes are stinging but she defiantly looks towards the ceiling, hoping that the forces of gravity will work in her favor and the tears will stay at bay.
"Kens?" There's a knock at the door, and a soft voice speaking from the other side. "Can I come in?"
Usually he wouldn't even ask, just enter. But the circumstances are different, now- quite a lot has changed over the past few days. She lives with him now.
He'd gone over to Kensi's old house for her, going into her room and loading just about everything into his truck. She just couldn't do it, not yet, so when he offered up the proposition there was no way he could turn it down.
"Sure," Kensi responds weakly, her hands trembling as she pulls half of her curls up into a barrette.
Deeks enters, his blue eyes dull and sad. He closes the door and leans one shoulder against it, the fabric of his crisp black suit crinkling.
"You look beautiful, Kens."
There isn't a hint of flirtation in his voice, only an unparalleled sincerity.
"Thank you," she says quietly, looking to the floor.
He's really not making this any easier.
"I've got my truck parked out front, whenever you're ready to go."
Kensi simply nods, again turning her attention towards the figure staring back at her in the mirror. It doesn't really look like herself- all prim and proper. But Kensi knows that she has to accept the change, so she does.
"Oh, by the way," he adds before closing the door. "I um... I just want you to know that if you need anything-"
"I know," she interjects, her smile and words both delivered with a soft spoken gentleness. "Thank you."
He nods, giving her a halfhearted smile. "Always."
They drive towards the church in silence. Kensi keeps a box of her father's letters on her lap, all ten fingers tightly gripping the exterior of the old and worn out keepsake.
As she stares out the window Deeks continuously sneaks little glances in her direction, keeping an eye on his girl all the way to the church.
"You ready?" Deeeks asks, swallowing as he stops the car and she finally turns to face him.
She exhales. "Ready as I'll ever be."
He nods, but doesn't immediately hop out of the truck like she'd expected him too.
"I love you," he adds. "I feel like I haven't been saying it enough over the past couple of days. I just want you to know that... I'm still here."
Kensi swallows hard, pushing the car door open as she nods.
"I know. And I love you for it."
Before the service, Kensi and Deeks have to wander around a large banquet hall and try to make smalltalk with people whom she hasn't seen for years. It feels surreal, like she's just floating through this room of acquaintances and old friends, trying not to burst.
Deeks holds her hand the entire time, keeping her grounded. When it seems as if she's about to crumble, his smile and unwavering protectiveness helps her stay afloat.
His eyes are practically speaking, with each glance. 'It's gonna be okay,' they keep on telling her. 'Just a little bit longer.'
For Kensi, one of the most difficult moments to bear is the entering of the church. Every person is seated, all eyes on her as they walk through the massive wood doors. Deeks drops her hand before they walk in because he knows that she needs to stand at least somewhat alone in this, but still remains close to her side- gravitating towards her like a magnet.
They take their seats in the very front row, Kensi keeping her head tucked as they go. She's always hated being the center of attention, and despises it even more under these circumstances. One by one people come forward and give their little speeches, the speakers mostly consisting of her father's teammates.
There isn't much to compare and contrast with the words that are spoken about her father. The vocabulary terms remain pretty standard throughout- he was brave, heroic and a 'fighter.'
When it finally comes time for Kensi to stand and speak, she moves slowly towards the podium- both hands shaking as her knees threaten to buckle. She clears her throat and finds that a choking sob nearly escapes, but she just barely manages to stifle it.
"My father was an incredibly brave man."
There's that word again. Brave. She silently condemns herself for using it, but knows that there isn't anything more well suited to describe him with.
"He sacrificed everything for this country, for his people... but it never got to him, nor did it bother him. Giving up a normal life to keep others safe came naturally to him. There was no other option. You stand, and you fight."
She looks down at her own scribbled handwriting, a small cry escaping her lips. "He lived for me, though. That's what he told me, and I've always believed him. He showed me everything and taught me everything. Through him I learned how to be independent, and how to find my place in the world. I was always supposed to hold true to the standards he'd put in place for me, and find a way to make my stand. That was my goal in life."
Kensi takes a brief moment to exhale before continuing. "But above all else, my father always told me that if I was lucky, I'd find someone willing to stand alongside me."
She glances to Deeks, tears welling up in her eyes. He easily catches the implication and smiles toothlessly, making Kensi's heart lurch into her throat. Rather than breaking down completely though, something in his gaze gives her the strength to carry on.
"My father made me want to help people, and change the world in any small way that I could. I hope that, one day, I'll turn out to be as great of a person as he was." She swallows before giving her final remarks. "So, with that said, even in his absence I'm going to keep on striving for greatness… just as he always taught me to."
Kensi fights back tears as she steps off the podium, a couple of stifled cries ringing out from the crowd.
Although she tries with all her might not to be annoyed as she listens to the tearfulness of others around her, she finds the fact that her cries are indistinguishable amongst the rest to be rather infuriating. Nobody there has suffered anywhere close to the amount of loss she has, and just accepted it. That's the worst part, really.
Kensi doesn't get a fight, and neither does her father. He's just gone.
Deeks grabs her hand the minute she takes her seat, his fingers intertwining with hers before moving back down to rest in the small space between them. She's crying, and he utterly despises it. Deeks won't try to comfort her and say that it'll all turn out fine in the end, because he can't make those types of promises. Not when there's little or no proof to back them up.
Kensi's lost her father, and they both have to deal with the repercussions that come along with it.