Author's Notes: It is highly likely that this fic will be my last Fuffy fic for awhile (don't worry I will be updating until it's done). Original fiction has tickled my muse and I've fallen back in love with writing it...but don't worry, I'll always come back for Fuffy...it's like my mistress...Not to shamelessly self-promote myself here, of all places, but if any of my regular readers are interested in something different... invalidreality .wordpress .com (no spaces)

I'm lying awake in bed next to Satsu, unable to sleep, afraid to sleep because of the dreams I fear I'll have yet again. It isn't just the dreams that are keeping me awake right now, though: the talk I had with Faith earlier is replaying over and over again in my head. We really did take a step forward—okay, maybe just half a step—but even that is something that's never really happened between us before.

"Buffy, go to sleep," Satsu mutters sleepily next to me as she buries her face into the side of my neck and I feel her softly exhaled sigh on my skin. "It's late."

"Not tired."

"Stop being stubborn," Satsu laughs as she lifts her head to look at me. "It's almost four in the morning, baby. You haven't been sleeping very well lately and now that we have a big bad to deal with, you should be sleeping while you still can."

"Told you I'm not tired."

"Well," another soft sigh blows across my lips just before I feel her lips on mine in a soft, fleeting kiss, "if you aren't tired, why are you still in bed?"

I smirk as I hold her closer to me, feeling her warm, soft, naked body pressed up against my side. "I like to cuddle with you and besides, you make the cutest little noises when you're sleeping."

"Do not."

"Do so," I chuckle. Her leg slips in between mine, and I wriggle against her a little. "I like those cute little noises you make when you sleep."

"Mm-hmm," she moans softly as she shifts to lay nearly on top of me. Even though we had several long hours of sex, we've also had several more hours to recuperate and I'm completely worked up again. I know she is too. "Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"I know now is probably not a good time to talk about this but," she takes a deep breath as she pauses, not moving from where she is just yet but I can tell from the look in her eyes that I'm not going to like where she's taking this, "when are we going to tell everyone about us, Buffy?"

I close my eyes and sigh. I don't know what to say to her right now that won't end up with us in a fight that'll wake up everyone in the house. I force my eyes to re-open and instantly regret it. She has this heartbroken look in her eyes that makes my heart twinge, and not in a good way. I want to be able to tell her that yes, we'll tell everyone in our lives that we are together. I want to tell her that things are going to be different, easier. I want to be able to say what she wants to hear, to be able to fall in love with her, but after all this time I can't kid myself and I won't lie to her.

"I don't know," I say finally, my voice barely a cracked whisper. "Satsu, I don't know if I can...not now when we have this Falken guy to deal with."

"Are you ashamed of what we have together?"

"No! It's not like that-"

"Then why do we have to keep hiding this, Buffy? This has been going on for three years now, hasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Three years exactly tonight," she says softly as she rolls off of me and I hear her choke back a sob. "I knew you wouldn't remember. It's not like this means anything to you, right? We're just fucking, aren't we, Buffy?"

Oh, I am such an asshole. "Satsu, I-"

"Don't," she says sharply. She scrambles up from the bed and begins grabbing her clothes from the floor. I'm sitting here watching her, and I have no idea what to say or do. "I know a lot is going on with you and with everything else right now, but I thought you were different, Buffy. Guess I should have figured it out, though...after three years of this it's pretty clear I'm nothing more than a fuck."

God, she sounds so bitter. So angry. So upset. I finally manage get up from the bed and move to stop her. I can't let her leave like this. "Baby, I'm sorry," my voice whispers. I take the bundle of clothes from her hands and drop them back on the floor so I can wrap my arms around her and hold her close. "I am so sorry."

She is trying her hardest not to look at me, so I just kiss her cheek softly, letting my lips linger for a moment as I feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. When her tears begin to fall, I begin kissing each one away as I start trying to back her up to the bed. Suddenly she gives in and I find my head held in strong hands as she kisses me hard, so hard that my knees are buckling and my breath seems to be stuck in my throat. Then I'm being forced down on the bed and suddenly she's straddling my hips and kissing me even deeper, our tongues are having some sort of duel for dominance, and I suddenly and fully realize that I'm in no position to try to control this. It's all her.

"Don't tell me you are sorry if you don't mean it," she whispers harshly against my lips. I feel a pain in my scalp as she tugs on my hair, forcing my head back against the bed. A fresh pain blossoms as she bites down on my neck—hard. Any harder and she would've drawn blood. Or made me come. God, maybe I'm some kind of freak but I can't help myself. I hear a moan that must have come from my lips and my hips are bucking up into hers with a mind of their own, my whole body screaming, craving more. "You like this, Buffy?"

"Mm-hmm," escapes my mouth almost as a moan, and I leave it at that. I don't want to say anything that might provoke her, or gods forbid make her stop. I've never seen this side of her before and I have to admit it is a little...hot. Yeah, understatement.

She has this feral look in her eyes when she leans back and stares down at me. The intensity in her eyes is driving right through me and I bite my lip, wanting to touch her, but I don't move my hands from my sides. This is all her right now and she's in control and I am not about to do anything that'll take that control away from her. I can tell she needs this and I'm just going to happily go along for the ride she's about to take me on.

Just as I fully process that thought, I suddenly find my hands grabbed, relocated, and pinned tightly against the mattress just above my head, all done so swiftly that I don't even manage to gasp in surprise until the whole thing is done. My heavy breathing matches hers as she hovers over me and I feel her skin just barely touching my own. She's staring deeply into my eyes now, and my fear of her and what we have together starts to come crashing back down. I flex my fingers as I feel her tighten her grip on my wrists, watching as she moves so that her lips are now mere inches from mine. I lick over my lips slowly, anticipating her next move. Just when did I become so completely submissive?

It's almost like time is standing still, stretching these few moments into hours. The spell is finally broken when she lets go of my wrists, bringing one of her hands down to gently stroke my cheek. I can see her eyes soften, but the lust in them just intensifies. I can actually hear her heart racing as her thumb runs over my lips, then she moves those last few inches and we're kissing softly. I'm still too afraid to make a move and I suck in a deep breath as I feel her fingers trail down across my jaw, my neck, and over my breasts.

"You are so sexy," she murmurs against my lips, barely kissing me as I feel her finger trace over my hardening nipple. "You know I'd do anything for you, Buffy. I'm sorry for bringing this up again, but I hate this. I hate feeling like I'm your dirty little secret."

I say nothing. Mostly because I suddenly can't even form words as she dips her head down and captures my nipple between her teeth. There's a raging fire burning inside of me now and I can't stop my body from reacting to every touch. I keep trying to stifle my moans, but the way she keeps biting and sucking on my nipple while those nimble fingers of hers trace random patterns over my stomach is making it impossible to keep quiet. I have a feeling she wants me to let go, to moan and scream out her name for everyone in the house to hear.

"Satsu," I whisper as she trails her lips in a blazing path down my stomach and my hands instantly find their way into her hair as I feel her nipping at the skin around my bellybutton.

The next thing I know she's spreading my legs slowly, and I look down at her as she settles between them. My breath hitches in my throat as I watch her hungrily licking over her lips, then that lovely tongue sneaks out for a quick taste. That little first touch makes the fire already burning inside me almost unbearable. She grips onto my hips so hard I know there'll be bruises there for a good couple of days, but I suddenly don't care as her lips latch onto my throbbing clit and she sucks so hard that I can't keep my eyes open or prevent a loud moan from escaping. I can tell it turns her on, can feel her excitement as she licks at my pussy and though I'm trying to keep quiet I know I'm failing miserably.

Suddenly I hear footsteps in the hallway. I reluctantly pull her gently toward me and it's apparent she's heard the steps too since she stops her wonderful torture of me without complaint. She continues moving up to lay on top of me and I slowly tuck her hair behind her ears, taking in her lazy smile. I can tell that she's no longer angry and upset—at least not as bad as she'd been just a few minutes ago—and I lean in and kiss her softly, tasting myself on her lips and tongue as she deepens the kiss. A few moments later I hear the soft sounds of Willow and Kennedy in the room next to mine, giggling and whispering sweet nothings to one another. I release a sigh, knowing that whichever one of them had been in the hallway hadn't heard us in here.

"Don't you want what they have, Buffy?" Satsu asks. She moves to lie next to me and I know that anything more than what just happened is definitely not going to happen now. "They are so happy together and seeing them like that all the time, it makes my heart ache to have that with you."

"Maybe one day," I whisper the broken promise, hoping maybe she'll let this whole thing go. I'm suddenly feeling very tired yet antsy. She's gotten me worked up to the point where I'm almost beyond frustrated now, but I'm not going to push her to finish what she started. "I like what we have now, Satsu. I like having you all to myself. You aren't a dirty little secret. You're just mine."

"I like being yours," she replies sleepily and it's only a few minutes before I can feel her soft, deep breaths that let me know she's already fallen asleep.

The issue of us keeping what we have a secret is bound to come out again and soon, but for now I'm more than relieved that we got over it without too much of a fight. There was even a tiny little bit of angry sex thrown in there, which I'm totally not complaining about. The only thing I am worried about is if anyone else in the house heard us, both last night and just now. If anyone did, I hope they don't say a word to me about it because I'm not so sure I can keep my fists from colliding with their faces. I'm feeling a heck of a lot of sexual frustration right now and that's not something I've ever been good at dealing with. Not to point fingers or anything, but it's totally Satsu's fault.

The sun is rising when I finally slip out of bed. I dress quietly, never once taking my eyes off of Satsu sleeping soundly in my bed. I know I should wake her up so she can go back to her room before everyone else begins to wake up, but I can't find it in me to do that. She looks so peaceful and at ease sleeping there in my bed and I just lean down to kiss her forehead softly. Oh well, this won't be the first time she hasn't left my room before sunrise. I finally walk out of my room and head downstairs, unable to ignore my body as it screams for its morning caffeine fix.

I walk into the kitchen to find that Faith is already awake—quite a surprise there—and there's a pot of coffee already made. She's sitting on the counter flipping through one of Xander's construction magazines while she sips on a cup of coffee. She nods a silent good morning as I walk past her and without a second thought she reaches into the cupboard behind her and hands me a clean mug. When she looks up at me I give her a smile before pouring myself that much needed cup of coffee.

"Rough night?" Faith asks once I'm leaning against the opposite counter and slowly sipping my coffee.

"Huh?"

"Rough night, B? You look like shit."

"Gee thanks, Faith, you look like shit too."

She chuckles low in her throat and it sends shivers through my body. "Didn't sleep, did you?"

"Not really."

"Get a visit from the panty-wrassling demon again last night or is it somethin' else?"

I ignore her, choosing instead to just walk out of the kitchen and head for the front porch. I'm hoping that a bit of fresh air and early morning sunshine will help me clear my head and get rid of the frustration taking up permanent residence in my body. Once I'm sitting on the bench at the far end of the front porch I raise a hand to touch the tender spot on my neck where Satsu bit me. Touching it even now is sending tiny shockwaves of pleasure through my body and I'm really wishing she hadn't stopped when she did. A soft sigh escapes as I curl up on the bench and stare down into my cup of coffee.

I roll my eyes when I hear Faith come out the front door. She keeps her distance at first, sitting on the front steps as she lights a cigarette. I can't seem to look away as I watch her rub the back of her neck and let out a soft groan. I'd know that look anywhere, mainly because I'm wearing it myself: the look that says she didn't sleep at all last night. Or for a lot of nights. I'm betting she's having the same dreams I am and they've been keeping her awake every night for the last several months.

"Thought we were making progress," she says as she turns to look at me. Huh? I blink a few times, trying to figure out what she's talking about. "Yesterday, remember?"

"Right. I guess you could call it progress." And I had, hadn't I?

"I ain't blind, B. You are so seeing someone and you're probably fuckin' afraid to tell me who it is. Just so you know, the whole boyfriend stealing thing? I'm so over that. So, who is the lucky guy?"

"I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, Faith," I bluff.

"You are seeing someone, aren't you?"

"If I say no you aren't going to believe me, are you?" I sigh, taking in her grin just before she takes a long drag of her cigarette. "I really am not going to talk to you about this. Not now and not ever."

"Why the hell not?"

"In case you have forgotten, we aren't really the best of friends, Faith."

"Be a good time to start workin' on that, don't you think?"

I'm having a slight case of déjà vu here. This conversation is far too much like the one we had yesterday. Something tells me that Faith isn't going to leave this whole thing alone, either, and I let out a heavy sigh as I look back down into my cup of coffee. I know I am definitely not going to be telling her about me and Satsu any time soon, but if I don't tell her something she'll never drop it and I've got way more important things to deal with at the moment and so does she. Like Falken. Like the fact that Giles is married now, which kinda makes me shudder just thinking about it. I hear Faith chuckle softly and watch as she stands up and makes her way over to the bench before sitting down next to me.

"There is someone," I start quietly, not looking at her just yet because I know she has this big shit-eating grin on her face because she was right. "I've been seeing someone but I'm not really ready for anyone else to know about it right now so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't keep pressing me about it."

"Won't say anything else about it then, B. But can I ask you one thing?" Faith asks as I find a bit of courage to look over at her, wishing I could fight off the blush that's rising in my cheeks. "Are you happy with this 'someone' that you're with?"

"Yeah. I really am."

"Good to know."

"What about you?" I ask, figuring since we're on the topic of relationships I might as well ask her if she's been seeing anyone even though I'm pretty sure she's still doing her 'get some, get gone' deal. "Nobody special?"

"Me? Nah," she shrugs. Judging from the intent stare she's levelling at it, she now seems to find the ash on the end of her cigarette more interesting than the conversation we're having. "Only relationship I'm in is the one where I go and get my itch scratched when needed."

"Sounds...fun."

"Sure," she shrugs again. "Gotta do what I gotta do."

"Don't you ever..." I stop, suddenly realizing this conversation is about to get real heavy, real fast. I'm not so sure I can handle this so early in the morning and I'm not so sure she can either.

"Don't I ever what? Wish I could find someone who could deal with me, someone I can be around long enough to have some kind of real, stable relationship with?" I cock my head to the side and raise an eyebrow, which gets a nervous laugh out of her. She licks her lips slowly and then releases a heavy sigh. "Sometimes yeah, I want that. I want it all. Other times, I just don't think I could handle it. I ain't built for relationships and I don't know how to love anyone. Don't think anyone could ever love me. Just the way it is y'know?"

I realize I really don't know Faith as much as I'd like to believe I do. There are those few times-very rare times I should add-when she'll say something that seems so out of character for her, but it's really more just her finally opening herself up, bit by bit. I have the strangest urge to hug her right now and tell her that everything she thinks about herself that she just told me isn't true. Suddenly she laughs to herself and casually slings her arm around the back of the bench behind me. I can't help but stare at her and I realize she's really truly beautiful.

Whoa, back up, brain. Beautiful? Faith? In the same sentence? I have absolutely no idea where those thoughts come from, but strangely I'm pretty okay with thinking that Faith is beautiful. I wonder if anyone's ever told her that. Sure, she's probably heard how hot and sexy she is plenty of times, but I'm sure nobody has ever told her that she's beautiful and genuinely meant it. All right, hold up. This has got to be a side effect of Satsu and her little game of fight'n'tease'n'fall back asleep. It's done a number on my level of sexual frustration and I'm ready to hump whatever or whoever. That must be it.

I blink as I realize Faith has been talking to me the whole time my brain went on the whole 'Faith is beautiful' charade. She laughs and playfully nudges my shoulder, and I blush furiously just from that simple contact. I ignore her when she asks me where I went off to, refocusing instead on the end of the driveway as Giles and his wife walk up towards the house, hand and hand.

"Mornin', G," Faith says as she stands up from the bench and stretches out. "Kinda early for a walk, ain't it?"

"Rachel and I like to take a walk every morning before we have a cup of tea," he replies with a smile only a man in love could have. "Is anyone else awake yet? I would like to resume our research efforts in order to ascertain as much about Falken as we can in the shortest time possible."

Right back to business. At least Giles hasn't gone and changed completely. Unlike some people...