Everything seems to fall into my hands in this very moment. I can't tear my eyes away from Faith and I can feel her heart beating almost in time to my own. I'm nervous-beyond nervous-and I have every right to be. I have my doubts too and I know that everything about this is wrong, but oh so right at the same time. Faith was right when she said there's something missing in my life. She is what is missing in my life and I'm just now starting to figure it out.

"You okay, B?"

I nod my head slowly while staring at her lips. Nobody has ever kissed me the way she has and I can't quite get enough. My brain is screaming at me 'stop, retreat' over and over, but I'm not interested in paying attention to that at all. I'm not sure I even can. While I technically might have some control over what's happening here, realistically...well, there's just no way I can stop what's happening.

"You sure?" Faith asks softly as she lets go of my hands, bringing one of hers up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ears.

"I'm sure."

I can feel all my thoughts and worries about Satsu, about Falken-about everything, really-just fading away. She's just staring at me and I feel like I could get lost in her eyes. I'm kinda surprised that Faith hasn't just jumped me hard and fast already, but she seems to be stalling and I don't quite know why. I know this is wrong, but god...I rake my nails down her back and thrust my hips against hers and suddenly I just don't care any more. I'm not even real sure how we got to this point but my body doesn't seem to be complaining at all.

I can't figure out why I'm suddenly so overwhelmed by her. Maybe the run from the cemetery has my adrenaline rushing, maybe it's the feel of power from taking out every last vampire that had the house surrounded. Maybe it's something else I'm not even aware of. Whatever it is, it's busted right through all the pent-up sexual tension I've managed to ignore all these years. Now that I'm seeing it clearly I have to wonder why the hell it's taken me so long to see it. Obviously others have, so why didn't I? Am I the very last to know? That's just-

"Deep in thought again, B?" Faith interrupts my internal ramble.

"Yeah. I seem to be doing that a lot lately," I laugh softly and she only smiles down at me. It's a smile that completely melts my heart. All my thoughts about why this is happening have brought me back down to earth a little bit, though, and I really need to put a stop to this before I do something I'll regret in the morning. "Faith, maybe we shouldn't-"

"Figured," she says quietly, her voice heavy with disappointment. "If you don't want this, B, I ain't gonna push it. Ain't one to force someone to do something they don't wanna do."

"If we do this," I start and inhale sharply as she slowly moves off of me. "What'll it mean, Faith?"

"Definitely not what you want it to mean, B. Shit, this is a fucked up mistake. Shouldn't have even pulled this shit with you," she says angrily as she gets up from the bed and heads for the door. "See you in the mornin'. Bright and early."

"What? Wait," I call out to her in a hushed whisper as I leap up from the bed and try to stop her from leaving. "Faith, how did we go from almost fucking to this?"

"It was a fuckin' mistake. Read all those mixed signals you keep sending me all wrong. Ain't nothing new. Just go to sleep, Buffy."

I grab her and pull her away from the door, making sure I lock it quickly before I nearly throw her up against it. "It isn't a mistake," I say through gritted teeth. "You can't start something like this and not finish it! You wanted me to give you a chance to let you prove to me that I'm missing something in my life and news flash, Faith, I'm already starting to see just what that is."

"I can't give you what you want, B. I can't fall in love with you. I can't show up with roses and do the whole romance thing. I can't be with you and just you. I don't work that way and you know that."

"I don't want any of that."

"You just want to fuck? No strings attached?" Faith asks as her eyebrow goes up in question. I nod my head slowly as I look her in the eye. "I don't believe you. You are relationship gal. You need something more than just a fuck."

"You don't know what I need," I say softly. I reach out to run my hands over her hips and then trace my fingers over the soft skin just below the hem of her shirt. "I don't even know what I need or want right now. I just know I want to keep doing what we were doing five minutes ago."

I get the feeling that I'm going to have to be the one to lead us into this. It'd be easier if I didn't feel so damn nervous all of a sudden, but this is Faith. She's the last person I ever thought I'd have these kinds of lusty feelings for but there is definitely no denying that she's sexy, beautiful, and downright irresistible. The more I just touch her, as subtle as it is, and stare into those gorgeous brown eyes of hers, the more nervous I get. I wish she would just get her shit together, be the Faith I know she usually is when it comes to sex and just take my ass already. It almost seems like she's as nervous as I am right now. Is that why she's holding herself back? Does she also have all these doubts and issues trying to take her over?

Then it happens: something inside of her changes, almost like a switch has been thrown, and before I can blink her lips are on mine, kissing me hungrily as she begins to lead us backwards towards the bed. It feels like a whirlwind as our hands nearly tear off each other's clothes before we even make it to the edge of the bed. Faith grabs me and holds me close to her, our bodies pressed so close it feels as if we're almost one. We don't even stop kissing as Faith gently urges me down on the bed. Her hands seem to be everywhere at once and yet she isn't touching me how I'm craving just yet. She's teasing, still holding herself back, just not nearly as much as before.

I run my hands down the length of her back, feeling her muscles ripple slightly under my touch and I grab onto her firm ass and force her hips down into mine. She grunts as I spread my legs for her and I can feel her closely shaved pussy barely brushing up against mine. I move a hand away from her ass and in between our bodies. She stops kissing me, pulling back slightly as she inhales and practically holds her breath as my fingers lightly brush over her pussy lips. If I ever imagined what it'd be like with Faith, it definitely wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't be soft, slow, sensual even. It would've been fast and hard, a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of deal.

"Touch me," I whisper against her lips as I slide my fingers over her pussy, feeling how wet she's getting and feeling her clit throb against the tips of my fingers as I circle over it slowly.

I don't want to beg for her to touch me, but I'm almost there when she finally moves to hover slightly over me and lightly cups my cheek with her left hand. She doesn't take her eyes off of me as she runs her hand down my neck, over my collarbone and slowly-too slowly-over my breasts. My nipples harden as she circles one and then the other with her thumb and she smirks as she dips her head down and wraps her lips around one and sucks, hard. I arch up into her mouth, feeling a flood of wetness pool between my legs. Then to my surprise she reaches down and pulls my hand away from her.

"Faith-"

"Shh," she whispers against my skin and lifts her head to look up at me. "Just let me."

She trails her lips down across my stomach and I can do nothing as I look down at her, watching as she closes her eyes and licks around my bellybutton slowly. Every inch of skin her lips and tongue touch feels like it's on fire and I try not to think about how it's never been like this with Satsu as she moves her lips over my hip bones, nipping at the skin as she spreads my legs wider. My hands instantly find their way to her hair as she settles between my legs and breathes over my pussy, her lips barely an inch away.

She plants several light kisses on the insides of my thighs before her tongue sneaks out for a quick taste. I hear her moan softly as I feel her fingers moving over my pussy, teasing my hole for a moment before going on to circle my throbbing, aching clit. My heart is racing, my body aching for more and I can't take my eyes off her as she eases her tongue deep inside of me. My hips begin to move involuntarily, rising slightly in time to her tongue as she fucks me slowly at first. I can't believe how close I am, how quickly she's bringing me over the edge. It feels like I'm drowning in pleasure and my whole body begins to shake as the orgasm that's quickly building unexpectedly takes me over.

I have to bite my lip to keep myself from screaming out her name. I throw my head back and close my eyes tightly, seeing stars as she continues to fuck me with her tongue. I don't have any chance to come down from my high before I feel myself coming again, hard and fast. She still doesn't stop and I can tell she just loves how easy and quickly she's making me come. I'm breathing heavily, finding it hard to calm down long enough to take a deep breath, when she finally decides to let me come down. She places a final light kiss over my clit and then I can feel her moving up my body slowly. It takes me a few more moments to open my eyes and when I do, she's smiling down at me.

"Damn, you were really worked up, B."

"I still am," I admit easily, smiling right back at her. It's crazy because this feels like this isn't the first time we've done this together. It feels so natural, so right.

"Coulda stayed down there all night."

"I wouldn't have minded," I laugh, watching her as she shakes her head in amusement before kissing my forehead and then moving to lie next to me. "Tired?"

"Exhausted."

Does that mean that she's done, that she's gotten her fill just by getting me off? I roll over onto my side and lightly run my hand over her shoulder, the tension I can plainly feel in her body telling me all I need to know. She needs to come too. I can not only feel it as I move closer to her, I can see it in her eyes. I feel a little more nervous than I did before, worried I can't get her off, that I'll end up looking like some kind of amateur compared to her and what she's used to. I kiss her softly, feeling her smile against my lips as I roll us over until I'm on top.

"Feelin' not so exhausted anymore," Faith chuckles softly as she wraps her arms around me. I just give her a look and she laughs again. "What, B? Not one to talk when you're naked with a hot chick like me?"

"I have much better uses for my mouth right now," I reply coyly as I bypass her lips and lick down her neck, feeling her pulse jump under my tongue.

I whimper softly at the taste of her skin and feel a flood of arousal course wildly through my body. I'm no longer nervous or afraid of doing this with Faith. It's far too late to back out now, far too late for any regrets and any doubts. I let my lips and tongue explore her body, following the soft curve of her breasts with the tip of my tongue. I breathe over her semi-erect nipple, watching it harden under my gaze before I wrap my lips around it and suck gently. Her soft, breathy moans are turning me on and I keep it slow despite the fact that I want to ravish her completely.

I know as soon as I make my way down her body and settle between her legs that trying to be friends after this is going to be impossibly hard. Really, really hard.

"Fuck," she hisses as I lick over her wet slit and wrap my lips around her throbbing, swollen clit.

She tastes amazing and I fight the urge to tell her just that. Words don't seem to want to form and I can't seem to take my lips away from her anyway. I still feel a little nervous, excited and so beyond turned on that I can't seem to stop wriggling as I move my tongue from her clit down to her hole. I feel her thread her fingers through my hair, but just as I'm loving that feeling she pulls me away from her. I look up at her in confusion to find her staring at me and licking her lips.

"Turn around," she whispers huskily as she tugs gently on my hair before letting go.

I move slowly to turn around and straddle her face, inhaling sharply as she licks along my slit without hesitation. I copy her move for more, lick for lick and it isn't long-seconds really-before she's squirming beneath me and moaning against my pussy, the vibrations sending me off and spiralling as I come against her face. I have to hold onto her thighs tightly as she comes hard to keep her from clamping them shut against my head but I don't stop, not even when I hear her whimper and take her mouth away from my pussy. When she comes a second time, I turn around and lie next to her, watching her as she keeps her eyes clamped shut, her breathing erratic and her skin shining under the soft light of the moon streaming in through the open window.

"Goddamn," she whispers as she turns to look at me. "You were right about having better uses for that mouth of yours."

I laugh shyly as I drape my arm over her stomach and rest my head on her shoulder. There's silence hanging heavily between us now and it feels awkward. I wonder if she's wanting to leave, if I should roll away from her and let her get up. She's not exactly one to stick around after the deed is done. She has her arm around me, though, and her fingers are lightly tracing up and down my spine so it doesn't seem like she's too intent on moving away just yet.

"That was somethin' else, B."

"Yeah," I nod my head in agreement. "It really was."

"It ever like that with you and-"

"Don't. Don't say her name right now, Faith."

"Sorry," she mumbles under her breath. "Didn't mean to make things all fuckin' tense and awkward right now."

"It's already tense and awkward without saying anything," I point out. "But I'm okay with this."

"Are you?" Faith smiles a little as I nod my head. "Good, 'cause after tonight, don't think I'll be able to stay away from you. Still can't give you what you want, B. Strictly a friends with benefits deal is all I'm after. And if you don't want it, I guess I could deal with that."

"You...I uh...I don't know if I can do this again," I stammer and I move away from her quickly.

"Figured," she sighs as she sits up slowly and looks over at me. "It's 'cause of you and Satsu, ain't it?"

"Yeah."

"But you don't love her, do you?"

"That's not the point!" I say in a hushed whisper, feeling myself growing angry despite how good and satisfied I feel right now. "I just cheated on her, Faith. This was great and all, but it's not helping me feel any better about being a...a slut."

"One roll in the sack with me and you're calling yourself a slut," she chuckles dryly. I sit silently, watching as she gets up from the bed and grabs her clothes from the floor. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you wanted this as much as I fuckin' did, B. You wouldn't have gone through with it if you didn't and you sure as fuck wouldn't have stopped me when I tried to leave."

I feel the tears spring to my eyes as I watch her get dressed slowly. One minute I'm okay with this happening between us and the next I feel like complete shit. Once Faith pulls her shirt on she looks down at me for a moment then leans down to give me the softest kiss I can ever remember receiving.

"Don't wanna fight with you over this, B. Don't wanna ruin what we just shared together by bringing in reality. What happened here tonight, it was fuckin' intense. You know where to find me if you want another go."

She leaves me sitting here with my mouth open in slight shock. I watch her leave and shut the door quietly behind her and I have a flood of thoughts rushing through my head, thoughts I really shouldn't be having right now and thoughts that I'm not ready to be having. I shouldn't feel this way about Faith. I shouldn't be falling for her like this when I'm with Satsu. I know she'll never give me what I want, what I've only just barely admitted to myself that I want, so why can't I let go of the thoughts of being with her instead of with Satsu?

I get myself together and get out of bed. I throw on a pair of clean panties, a pair of shorts and pull on an old t-shirt. I'm exhausted, but if I try to sleep I'll just lie awake for the rest of the night thinking about everything that just happened between Faith and I. I pull my hair back into a loose ponytail as I walk over to the window and look out at the moon still high above in the sky. I climb out and sit down, feeling the soft breeze blowing across my damp, clammy skin.

I've lost track of how long I've been sitting out here when Faith climbs out the window and sits down next to me. We say nothing as we sit there and watch the sunrise together. I don't even know why she came back and why she's sitting here next to me. We seem to be having a silent conversation, every breath that we take saying words neither of us can ever say. I hold my breath when she reaches for my hand and intertwines our fingers. We sit that way for a little while, then she finally lets go of my hand to light a cigarette. I tear my eyes away from the brilliant sunrise to look over at her and find myself completely mesmerized by how relaxed and carefree she looks right now.

"How you think shit is gonna go down with Falken?"

"I don't know," I reply, a little surprised. I didn't expect her to talk about our newest big bad when there were much bigger issues to deal with. "I guess we'll find out soon enough though, won't we?"

"We aren't all gonna walk away from this."

"I know. It's the life of a Slayer, unfortunately."

"We're gonna need more," she states simply as she turns to look at me. "What we got ain't enough and we both know it, B. We need an army to fight this asshole."

"We'll get our army, Faith. We'll fight this; we'll fight Falken and end this before it gets out of hand. Before he unleashes Hell on earth."

"Damn right we will. How many times are we gonna have to save the world before the world doesn't need saving anymore?"

"I don't know," I shrug and I watch her as she shakes her head and takes a long drag of her cigarette. "As long as there's evil in the world, it'll always need saving. We're the only ones that can do it, but hey, at least I'm not the only one with the weight of the world on her shoulders."

"That definitely takes a bit of the edge off, doesn't it?" Faith laughs as she winks at me. "Fucking takes the edge off too and it's pretty clear you figured that out since Sunnydale."

I roll my eyes, but I can't fight the smile that slips out. Even after what has just transpired between us, something is definitely different. The longer I stare at her, the more I realize that I really don't know her at all. Everything I do know about her, it's all just a façade, a cover for who she really is inside. I begin to realize why we've never been able to be friends after all these years. I want her. And I know she wants me, but she's just too chicken shit to admit it.

And once she does admit it, I know my relationship with Satsu will end then and there, that is if it hasn't fallen apart before that does happen. The crossroads I'm at now is really beginning to make sense and I know whatever path I do choose to take, both will lead me right to Faith whether we're ready for this or not.