Chapter 2: Antonio
It had been six months since Lovino's first date with Gilbert and five and half since he agreed to be with him. They were pretty inseparable. Lovino saw Gilbert at least once or twice a day like clockwork, and it made him indescribably happy. He wasn't even sure how to behave most of the time. The days sped by as they spent more and more time together, and Lovino couldn't help but become more attached than he ever thought he would be.
It was a strange sensation to pine after someone that way, to be so much less angry at the world all the time. It had gotten to the point where his brother and grandfather had noticed and commented on it somewhat regularly.
Where did that sense of humor come from, Lovi?
Have you always smiled this much, big brother?
But Lovino didn't care; he was happy.
...
"Roderich?" he asked over the phone during the first week of summer vacation, leaning shirtless against his bedroom door and staring blankly out of his bedroom window. His had was shaking slightly against his ear. "Who the hell is Roderich?" Gilbert was silent on the other end and Lovino could feel an enormous range of emotions filter through him. They were moving faster than he could process them, and he could barely catch a glimpse of what was to come if this call was going where he thought it was going.
For a moment neither said anything, before Gilbert finally started up again, "You know I don't like all that hokey bullshit about love at first sight and soulmates and shit." Lovino listened quietly, wondering if maybe he should sit down for the rest of this conversation. "But Roderich is the guy that I think I should be spending the rest of my life with." Lovino felt his face scrunch up, the words both hurting and confusing him. What the hell? Was he really doing this after the six months they spent with each other over the phone?
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked in a low growl, tears already starting to make their way slowly down his cheeks. He didn't even bother to wipe them away. "Over the phone, Gil?"
For his part, he sounded sorry. He truly did. But Lovino didn't care one bit. "I didn't know what to do, Lovi. Shit, I'm so sorry. But when I met him I just knew that he was it for me." Lovino didn't even respond to that statement, not wanting to listen to another word from Gilbert. It was a such a brutal betrayal of his trust and he never trusted anyone, no one ever deserved it. What was the point? Why did he bother?
"Whatever, you damn fucking bastard," he said, his voice choking slightly with emotion and hanging up on Gilbert. He tossed his cell phone onto the bed and allowed himself to lay on the floor of his bedroom, very still, tears dripping onto the carpet. His body was shaking with the effort of trying to remain silent, attempting to avoid any questions from his brother or grandfather. How could he have let this happen to him? Why did it have to go this way? Six months of his life completely down the drain.
He could barely breathe between each of his gasping breaths, his nose and mouth pressed against the carpet.
…
It was a couple of weeks before Feliciano was able to convince Lovino to pry himself away from the television in the living room and coerce him to be among actual people again. Lovino was uninterested, but Feliciano begged him, so how could he say no to a face like that? Besides he was always down watch a game of soccer, no matter how amateur the teams.
"Goddammit Feliciano, how could you let that bastard get by you?!" Lovino screamed, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. It was like watching the FIFA qualifiers all over again. It didn't help that Feli's team was wearing the Italian national colors, as all the teams in this league were represented by different countries, and their opponents were wearing the Spanish national colors. They had just gotten destroyed by Spain not too long ago and he still felt it deeply in his soul.
A man with his son gave Lovino a death glare and he balked a little bit, avoiding the man's piercing, blue eyed gaze, not in the least bit diluted by his square spectacles. Lovino made a point to move down a little bit away from the man, keeping his head down as he did so. He got a bad vibe from him, anyway. At least the game was almost over, he thought with a sigh, glancing to the electronic scoreboard that listed the teams as tied 1-1 with only three minutes left in the game.
Though he was secretly grateful to his brother for getting him out of the house and helping him to not think about, well, what he'd been thinking about nearly nonstop since it happened. A cloud of anxiety began to fill his head and he shook it away, knowing that this was Feliciano's day and he needed to be a good brother and support him, win or lose.
He made himself refocus back on the field, watching the bright auburn hair of his brother dash and weave down the field with the ball at his feet, heading towards the curly haired goalie at the opposing teams goal. "C'mon Feli!" he screamed, ignoring the scary blonde man as he jumped up in the bleachers and tugged at his hair. His brother dived around another player and kicked the ball as hard as he could. They were all silent as the ball flew threw the air and the goalie, for a moment, looked past the ball and into the stands.
Lovino felt a breath choke in his throat as the man caught his eye from the goal, realizing he recognized those bright green eyes. Realizing that he remember exactly where he had seen them before. He felt boiling fury and overwhelming sadness fill him to the brim as he stared at Antonio before noticing that the man was being bowled over by a well kicked soccer ball to the face. There was a collection of winces in the audience and Lovino blindly ran down to the field, knowing the game was over as Team Italy celebrated their victory. He pushed his way through Team Spain and forced himself through the players so he could situate himself by Antonio, feeling absurdly concerned for this idiot that he barely knew.
"Am I dreaming?" Antonio said blearily as Lovino leaned over his bruised face, his eyes slightly unfocused as he took in the sight of Lovino. The man furrowed his brow in confusion at Antonio, unsure of what the say as he really had no idea why he even cared so much about what happened to him. He took in quick glanced at the other players who were watching him uncertainly and turned quickly back to look at Antonio. "You are so beautiful."
Lovino's jaw dropped as he stared back at the still dazed soccer player as the rest of the team burst into hysterical laughter. Feeling his face start to burn, Lovino stood from Antonio's side and backed out of the group of players to head over to where his brother was standing, celebrating the win with the rest of his team, his face lit up with a bright smile.
Lovino grasped his brother around the waist and hoisted him a few inches from the ground in a congratulatory embrace, feeling incredibly familial that day. "Good job, Feliciano," he said with the biggest smile that he could muster, kissing his brother on the cheek as Feli's teammates pressed around them, still excited about their win.
"Thanks, big brother!" Feliciano replied as Lovino set him back down, putting his arm around his brother's shoulders. Feli seemed like he was going to say something else but gazed past Lovino before he did and smiled brightly at what he saw. "Good game, Antonio!" Lovino turned sharply and saw the happily grinning face of the olive skinned goalie, a bruise the side of an orange on his cheek, already red and swollen to the point that Lovino winced just looking at it.
"You know this guy?" he snapped, looking between his brother and Antonio in shock as the creeping sensation of hurt and agony started to plague his chest despite his best efforts at attempting to stop it. He hated Antonio, hated that the man was such a painful reminder to what had previously passed in his life so soon. But it was difficult to think badly of him. It wasn't his fault, though, what happened, and he had no right to hate Antonio for what had occurred. And besides, he was still as handsome and perfect as day they had first met.
Kind of met, he mused to himself as he reluctantly met the man's green eyes again and noticed that Antonio's face dropped a little bit, and his expression became a tiny bit morose. He knows what happened, Lovino realized.
Feliciano nodded happily, hugging Antonio around the neck. "Yes! He is the captain of Team Spain in this league and we've played each other before. He's a great goalie but no match for my skill!" His brother made a show of miming kicking a soccer ball and smiling back at Antonio who simply laughed and shrugged his shoulder, ruffling his brown curly hair a little bit in embarrassment.
"I doubt you'd believe me if I told you I got distracted," he said sheepishly, nudging his cleats into the dirt and smiling nervously.
"By what?" Feliciano asked in confusion, waving goodbye to a few of his teammates as they all started heading towards the parking lot at the far end of the park.
With the most attractive, alluring and breathtaking expression on his face, he shot a glance at Lovino, a soft smile gracing his features, his eyes lit up in the sun. Lovino felt his heart skip a beat and suddenly became furious with himself that he could've been hit by a meteor and died happy. "Have you ever thought you'd seen an angel?"
Feliciano's face lit up as Lovino burned in embarrassment, wondering how rude it would seem if he just ran away right at that moment. "Yes! That big, strong, blond defense player on Team Germany!" Lovino could almost see the little hearts floating around his brother's face as he thought about whoever it was that he was thinking about. But Lovino didn't really have time to think about that as he still had not yet broken eye contact with Antonio. There was a fire of passion in his eyes, something he could never remember being in anyone else's that looked at him
Without missing a beat, Antonio laughed and smiled at Feliciano, finally looking away. "You mean Ludwig, Feli? Angel isn't exactly the term I would use to describe him but I'm sure Gilbert will be pleased to hear someone has their eye on his little brother." The spell of Antonio had finally broken the moment he uttered that name and Lovino left the soccer field so fast, barely watching where he was going in his unhappiness. All Antonio brought was bad memories and bad feelings for him, there was absolutely no room in his life for that guy.
Lovino climbed in the driver's seat of the car and waited for his brother to finish cavorting with the enemy, his arms crossed in anger over his chest as he glared at nothing. He could barely think straight, the name of the person who hurt him so much nothing but a curse to him now. A tap sounded at the window and he saw Feliciano staring in the passenger side, tears in his eyes. Lovino unlocked the doors and his brother dived into the car, taking Lovino's hands and gripping them tightly..
"Antonio is very sorry," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you're still so sad, Lovino!" Feliciano's cheeks were damp and his mouth was skewed in worry. Lovino knew that it was neither Feliciano's job nor Antonio's to apologize.
"Don't be sad, little brother," he said, ruffling Feliciano's hair. "It's not your fault and it's not Antonio's fault either." He wanted to say more to explain, but it was so difficult for him to explain himself properly when it came to his feelings, even to Feli, that he left it at that, remaining silent. His brother wiped his tears away carefully, sniffling and trying his best to perk up a little bit with a tentative smile.
He said, "Do you want to go get pizza with all of us, Lovi? After a game everyone pitches in for pizza at Marco's." Lovino knew his brother was trying to make up for something that he didn't eve do, trying to make him feel better after Antonio's slip. But damn it, he shouldn't have to. He felt terrible for the position his brother was putting himself in just for Lovino's sake. He nodded his agreement and Feliciano finally smiled. "I'll tell Antonio and then we'll go!" Feliciano leapt from the car and ran across the parking lot, leaving Lovino to watch uncertainly as he talked excitedly with Antonio's whose smile was noticeable from half a football field away.
It didn't take long before they were heading towards the pizzeria, Feliciano back to his old self and bouncing in his seat, urging Lovino to go faster. "They have the best pizza and we have to get there before the dinner rush otherwise it'll take too long!" his brother whined as he got off the freeway, heading towards the shop with a roll of his eyes. He saw the green, white and red jerseys of Team Italy and the red and yellow of Team Spain grouped outside of the ship, waving to the brothers as they pulled up.
"Feli!" the team called almost in unison as the two walked over to the entrance, leading him in and shunting Lovino off to one side. He stared at the ground and ignored it, waiting for everyone else to enter before he even tried to. A hand rested on his shoulder and Antonio's worried expression caught his eye. Still torn between whether or not he should even consort with the man, he shrugged it off and strode into the building ahead of him. He sat down at the farthest table he could in the tiny shop by himself, glaring at the table. He should have expected it, but he was still mostly surprised when Antonio pulled out a chair and sat with him.
He snapped, "Stop trying so hard."
Antonio seemed genuinely confused, or maybe that was just the typical expression on his stupid face. "Trying so hard?"
"To make me feel better or be my friend or whatever it is you're doing." Lovino had to calm himself down a little bit, knowing that once he got himself going it was very hard to stop. "That's not your job." Lovino looked away from Antonio and suddenly was not in the mood for pizza for the first time in his life, his stomach a tangle of knots and anxiety as the waiter laughed and joked with his regular customers at the other tables.
"I never thought about it like that," Antonio said with a frown. "I don't feel obligated to befriend you or have some misguided sense of heroism to fix whatever he did to you, Lovino." Antonio's voice was firm but Lovino was not convinced, trying to prevent the thought of Gilbert that was threatening to spill into his heart. "When I met you in Francis's class, all I could think about is how much I enjoyed the look on your face as you drew me. The way your body moved, the way your eyes were so intense as you worked, how your voice sounded when you yelled at us." He chuckled and looked at his hands in embarrassment, his eyes not quite as bright as he was used to seeing them. The contrast was almost disconcerting.
"Don't be ridiculous," Lovino snapped, though there was no venom in his voice as he did so. He watched Antonio carefully, trying to gauge some kind of thoughts from him, some kind of intentions. But there was nothing at all. Antonio's face skewed into a mask of unhappiness was possibly the saddest thing that he'd ever seen. The man had a face that was meant to smile, meant to be filled with nothing but happiness and somehow Lovino was the cause of all that sorrow. Somehow though he'd never admit it, that hurt more than anything else. "Why do you care so much about me? You barely know me."
Antonio opened his mouth to explain but before he could, a man interrupted them. "Ready to order?" Lovino almost snapped at the waiter but frowned when he noticed exactly who it was.
"Cousin Valentino?" he asked in extreme confusion, looking around him to see Feliciano's gleeful face, knowing that his brother was probably the cause of Valentino taking so long to take their order. "Don't you have your own restaurant? Why are you here?"
Valentino winked at him and laughed. "The restaurant's only open for dinner, I work here for a little extra cash during the day." He made a show of his notepad and eyed the two of them expectantly. They ordered and as they finished, Valentino leaned down to Lovino's ear and whispered, "He's much easier on the eyes than the other one. Good catch, cousin, Lovi." His faced burned as he prayed Antonio did not hear, watching his cousin skip back to the kitchen almost a little too happy for his liking.
"Your face is red as a little tomato, Lovi!" Antonio gasped with a giggle, a smile finally situated back where it belonged. It made him a little breathless, but his fury was greater than his overwhelming infatuation and he glared with all his might as Antonio, who, all things considered, was unperturbed.
"Shut your damn mouth, you jerk," he said through gritted teeth, turning away from the other man and shooting daggers at his brother. It was his bright idea for Lovino to attend and now he was stuck with this idiot for the duration of the meal.
Antonio whined, "Ah, Lovi, don't be like that. I really want to be your friend."
"Why?" he snarled, turning to face Antonio so quickly his neck ached. "Why so badly? What possible fucking reason could you have for wanting to be my friend? Besides the stupid need to repair whatever damage you think Gilbert did to me." The restaurant was painfully quiet and Lovino realized he was the center of attention, Lovino's jaw dropped and his eyes wide in concern. Antonio's face was a mixture of confusion and hurt, and for some reason Lovino felt incredibly guilty. But instead of trying to rectify the situation, he stood up and did the only thing he knew how to do; grabbed his brother by the arm and ran away.
Today was one of the worst days he'd had in a long, long time.
He passed through the door with Feliciano in tow and turned away from the interior of the restaurant and into the broad chest of a very tall, muscular man in a soccer jersey adorned with the colors red, yellow, and black. "Oh, Ludwig," Feliciano said breathlessly, pulling free of his brother and standing almost demurely at the front of the shop. "How was your game? I just got back from mine too, we beat Spain and I had a lot of fun but it's so funny because we were just talking about you and how you're a great player and you help Germany win so often!"
Ludwig seemed at a loss for words as Feliciano rambled on at him, but Lovino was soon being swept away with a firm grip on his elbow. Antonio was gently prying his keys out of his hands but he could barely register the fact. "I'm going to drive you home and Feli can drive your car, okay?" He didn't argue as the serious look on Antonio's face made him pause, confusion filling him as he climbed into the passenger seat of his car. Antonio closed it behind him and Lvino watched him trot back across the parking lot to Feliciano, pulling his brother aside to explain the situation.
A mop of silver hair caught his eye and he twisted around in his seat to see Gilbert and another man walking over to the three. He had delicate features, pale skin, and a pair of wire framed glasses perched on his nose. He had an air of pomp around him, and Lovino realized that he and the man were quite possibly exact opposites. He was very attractive, though, Lovino had to admit, with light eyes and dark hair that shone. But when Gilbert planted a kiss on the man's cheek, he knew who it had to be.
Roderich.
He felt his chest constrict and he turned to face the dashboard, gripping the sides of the seat and staring at nothing as his eyes grew wet with tears. Before even a minute had passed, Antonio was back and starting the car, cursing under his breath. "I'm so sorry, Lovi. Just try not to look," he said, his wide green eyes filled to the brim with some kind of emotion that he could not identify. He drove to the only exit from the parking lot, driving right by Ludwig, Gilbert, Feliciano... and Roderich.
He couldn't help it as he turned to look out the window, time moving almost in slow motion as he moved from Feliciano's eyes, to Ludwig's, to Gilbert's, to Roderich's as they drove by. Gilbert's face nearly turned grey and Lovino saw his body tense, but then they were gone onto the side street and away from the pizza shop. Almost immediate a phone started to ring and Antonio put it to his ear roughly. "Now is not a good time," he said quietly, glancing to Lovino and turning his eyes back to the road. "No, no you're jumping to conclusions." The voice continued on the other line and Antonio sighed. "Not that it's any of your business. Stop being stupid, Gil." Lovino's jaw clenched and he stared out the window almost religiously, trying to ignore the conversation. "I'm hanging up now, I'm driving Lovi home." The voice exploded but Antonio disconnected the call, a vein in his throat throbbing gently.
Lovino was a little surprised at how angry Antonio seemed, as it was an emotion he typically did not expect to be associated with the man. The phone rang again and he ignored the call, tossing the device at Lovino. "Please pull the battery out, Lovino." He did as he was asked, watching the man silently and unsure of what to say to him. When they stopped at a light, Antonio met his eyes and smiled, tapping Lovino's hand for a second before turning back to the wheel. "Don't look so upset. You've got a wonderful smile, Lovi."
Before he could even stop to think, he blurted, "I'm so sorry Antonio."
"What?" His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Why?"
Lovino looked away, trying to stop the burning sensation in his cheeks. "For thinking you were trying to play clean up for him." They were quiet for a moment as Lovino glanced out the window for something to do rather than watch Antonio as he drove, his heart pumping so painfully in his chest to the point where he was surprised it wasn't popping out onto the dashboard. "Where are we?"
Antonio furrowed his brow and glanced out of the windows, suddenly realizing they were already parked somewhere. "Oh, I didn't realize I didn't know where you live. I guess I just sort of drove to my apartment out of habit." He scrubbed his fingers through his hair in a show of frustration that Lovino found almost sweet. He wanted to run his fingers through those brown curly locks too, but kept that thought to himself. "Where do you live?"
"Can I come in?" The questions were asked simultaneously, but he saw the grin spread to Antonio's face and felt butterflies fill his gut. Simple little things like that reminded him how much the way Antonio made him feel was so different from the way Gilbert had. He couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly the difference was but it was there, nearly palpable, and painfully obvious. He wanted to know so badly that it hurt but he just couldn't figure it out.
Antonio's place was a bit cluttered but clean, even if sparsely decorated but had a very lived in feeling about it. It felt like home. Lovino examined the pile of Spanish cook books in the kitchen and the basket of tomatoes on the counter, giving Antonio a confused glance that the other man didn't quite catch. He seemed almost nervous to have Lovino over, like he wasn't sure how to act around guests or maybe it was because it was Lovino specifically. He wasn't sure, but the way Antonio tugged on the neck of his jersey was rather cute.
"It's nice," he mentioned in an attempt to put his friend more at ease as his eyes noted a bottle of wine in a language he could not read. Lovino examined it for only a moment before Antonio picked it up from the counter with a smile. God, he hated what the smile did to him.
"Interested?"
It didn't take long before the two were on the loveseat, Lovino drunk as he'd ever been on the best tasting wine he'd ever had in his entire life. Antonio had been monopolizing most of the conversation, much better at handling his alcohol than Lovino, who drank more than he probably should have. But then again, he was only nineteen and while he had wine with his grandpa sometimes, he wasn't exactly an experienced drinker. "How old are you?" Lovino suddenly blurted as Antonio took a breath telling some anecdote or another that he hadn't exactly been paying attention to.
That threw him very noticeably, and Antonio stared at him with his jaw dropped for a moment. "Uh, thirty four," he answered, almost sheepishly, and Lovino nearly spit the wine out of his mouth. He shouldn't have been surprised though, Gilbert was about the same age. "Why?" It took him a second to compose himself before shrugging in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner, swirling the wine around in the glass to buy himself a little time.
"Just curious," he answered, the wine going down almost too easily. He was being really stupid right now, getting wasted with some guy he barely knew in a place he didn't know how to get home from. Not to mention that guy was a good fifteen years older than him. What was he thinking? But he just couldn't stop, feeling reckless as he downed the glass. What did it matter, though? He thought to himself as he scooted closer to Antonio, who didn't seem to notice. Life at that moment was just hazy and confusing and Lovino wasn't sure what had gotten ahold of him. When Antonio finally stopped talking again, he leaned in to press a kiss to the man's mouth.
Lovino truly expected Antonio to move away, but the man did just the opposite. He gripped Lovino tightly and kissed him back gently, as if testing the waters before diving in. It was almost cute how unsure he was, but Lovino couldn't think of much more of anything else than finding out what color sheets Antonio had. It was a weird thing for him, a young man who'd never even let Gilbert see him naked, who'd never had sex with anyone in his life.
There was just something about the way Antonio made him feel, like there was something more there. Gilbert had paid attention to him and Lovino had been spellbound by that. But Antonio made him feel wanted and there was a grip that those green eyes had on his heart almost immediately. Which was silly and pathetic, mere weeks after having his heart broken, less than a few days with Antonio fixing it up for him. Lovino stood up without removing his mouth from Antonio's, pulling him along to the only door he knew the bedroom to be.