Chapter 3: Lovino

Antonio's sheets were red, Lovino noted, waking up with the most horrendous headache he could ever have imagined. Antonio was on the other side of the bed, blissfully snoring away, face down in the pillow. He would have had the grace to feel ashamed and upset if the two weren't full clothed in what they wore the day before. He did, however, feel the red hot flush of embarrassment at the red bruises all over Antonio's neck and wondered how long it took for Antonio to fight him off.

"Fuck," he said quietly with a grimace, silently getting out of the bed and quickly making his way back out to the living room. He had twelve missed calls and nearly sixty text messages, the majority of which were from a worried Feliciano. There was also a single missed call from Gilbert that he chose to ignore, not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole.

"Lovino!" his brother answered the phone with a cry, nearly bursting one of his ear drums in the process. "We were so worried when you weren't at home and you and Antonio didn't answer your phones!" He was very emotional and Lovino sighed, running his hand through his hair. Once his brother got started it was difficult to get him to stop, so Lovino listened to him cry for the next fifteen minutes solid before he finally got a word in edgewise.

"Feliciano!" Feli stopped short at the tone in his voice and he continued. "Feli, I'm at Antonio's house. I got wasted and passed out here but I'll be home soon." He hung up without another word from his brother, his head throbbing horribly as he leaned back on the loveseat to wait for Antonio to wake up. It was seven in the morning and the sun was obscured by rain clouds, making it seem earlier than it actually was. Lovino wondered exactly how long Antonio could sleep for.

Only ten minutes passed before his impatience got the better of him and he quietly snuck back into the bedroom. The man had not changed position in the over half an hour Lovino had been in the living room and he grimaced. Heavy sleeper, he noticed, poking him in the shoulder. "Antonio," he said somewhat quietly, shaking him gently. "Antonio take me home." No response. He called the name again, louder, and still nothing.

Lovino climbed back into the bed, braced himself against the wall, and shoved Antonio's sleeping form off the mattress and haphazardly onto the floor, where he squealed loudly and sat up in bleary confusion. He looked at Lovino and his disgruntled face suddenly turned to pure sunshine, a huge grin on his face. "Buenos días, mi corazón!" he greeted, pulling himself up from the floor and stretching. Lovino again ignored the blatantly obvious hickeys on the man's neck and glared at him. How did he look so perfect when just waking up?

"Take me home."

The car ride was quiet, Lovino staring at his hands and occasionally at Antonio, who for his part, wasn't being nosy. But the question at the tip of his tongue, the forefront of his mind, was a difficult one to ask, because he wasn't sure if he would be elated to disappointed by what he was sure was going to be the answer. "We didn't do anything last night, did we?"

Antonio licked his lips before answering. "You don't remember anything?" Lovino shook his head, only blurred images coming to mind. "We didn't sleep with each other Lovino. But I did not realize how drunk you were until you tried to take your clothes off." He flushed bright red and looked away, mortified, embarrassed. "If I had known I wouldn't have let it go as far as it did. I'm sorry." Antonio's expression was a mix of disappointment and regret and it sliced him deeply in his already wounded heart. He was a fool for thinking Antonio was the answer to all his problems.

But at that moment, all Lovino wanted to do was alleviate those fears in his eyes with what was admittedly the truth. "I kissed you because I wanted to. Don't give yourself such a hard time. I don't remember much after that, but I do remember kissing you on the couch. I wanted to do it, so don't worry so much." He didn't meet Antonio's eyes as he spoke, instead choosing to stare at the dials for the radio, sure that if he looked Antonio he would be swept away into something he wasn't quite ready for.

"That makes me feel a lot better," he admitted, following Lovino's directions in silence as they made their way back to the house. Lovino wasn't sure if he wanted to be away from Antonio so soon but he knew he needed to. He needed some time to reevaluate what he was doing with this guy. Antonio pulled up in front of the large home and parked, though Lovino stalled getting out of the car as he watched the man. He was so warm, so welcoming, the air of happiness and sunshine and kindness emanating from him in waves.

"Thank you for everything," he said through gritted teeth, wondering why he didn't just meet Antonio first and Gilbert just left him alone. Antonio smiled and nodded, gently placing one hand on Lovino's before unlocking the doors.

He asked, "Can I see you sometime? Under better circumstances?"

Lovino snorted. "After all that shit you had to put up with because of me, you still want to see me again? Are you fucking retarded?"

"If I say yes will you let me see you again?" His self depreciating smile vanished and he looked at Antonio, unsure of what to say. Did he want to say yes for the right reasons? All Lovino knew was that being around Antonio made him forget his heartbreak, he knew he really liked him and seeing him again could be a set up for another painful, agonizing, failure. But somehow, Antonio seemed worth the risk.

"Phone." He held out his hand expectantly as Antonio fished his cell out of his pocket, and programmed his number into the device. As he handed it back to Antonio, a whim overtook him and he leaned over to kiss him again, wanting to experience the sensation completely sober. Antonio's mouth was slightly dry but soft, his curls brushing Antonio's forehead.

"Is that a yes?" Antonio asked in a daze and Lovino moved to climb out of the car.

He frowned. "What do you think asshole?" That smile never got old, never ceased to give him butterflies and make him fall just a tiny bit more in love with him. God he was so stupid, pathetic. He threw himself at the very first person to even act like he was interested after what happened. Was this the real deal? He couldn't tell. As he climbed out Antonio did too, closing the door behind him. "As far as first dates go, that one sucked dick. Try harder next time."

Antonio laughed heartily as he walked Lovino up to the door, stopping on the stoop and kissing him one more time. "See you soon, mi corazón," he promised, walking back to his car and waving as he went. Lovino watched him go, feeling a sense of loss that he couldn't quite place, something he'd never really felt before. As he pondered that he unlocked the front door, so much on his mind that he could barely process it all.

"Feli?" he called, taking his shoes off and locking the door behind him. A loud crash sounded a squeal followed, sending Lovino around the stairs as fast as he could and into the kitchen as he went. Feliciano stood before him covered in food, his apron a mess and his eyes wide and fearful. Sitting at the bar was big, blonde Ludwig, his usually well kept hair in his face and shaggy from sleep. He wore only his boxers and a black tank top, and Lovino rounded on his brother in fury. "What the hell is he doing here?" he demanded, trying to ignore all the ways Ludwig reminded him of his brother.

Feliciano gripped Lovino by the shirt and precariously dragged him from the kitchen. "Ah, Lovi, Ludwig and I had a sleepover last night that's all. Don't be so mean, big brother! I really like him."

"Just keep him away from me," he snapped, storming up the stairs and slamming the door to his room shut behind him. He needed a nap, he was way too tired to deal with all this right now. Tugging his cell phone out of his pocket, he tossed it onto his bed and when it landed, realized that the indicator light was flashing.

Hey Lovi! This is Antonio. Hope to see you soon.

He gritted his teeth and cuddled under the blankets before allowing himself to fall asleep.

…

Lovino woke up with a terrible sickness in his stomach. It had been almost a month since he had last seen Antonio and it wasn't because he didn't want to. It also wasn't because Antonio didn't want to. The two exchanged texts more often than Lovino spoke with anyone and he found himself more and more interested in Antonio as time went by. But he'd only been broken up with a little over two months ago and while the pain was healing, he was worried about the impact a similar situation with Antonio would cause.

Every time Antonio brought up seeing him again for some reason or another he said he was busy, he changed the subject, he made excuse after excuse. He half hoped that Antonio might lose interest, though Lovino wasn't sure which would devastate him more. He envied Feliciano's easy relationship with that potato eating German bastard who was always going to be on his shit list for almost anything he did.

"Lovi, dinner!" Feliciano called through the door, knocking loudly and interrupting his train of thought.

He groaned, a hand to his stomach. "I'm not hungry."

"What?!" The door was slammed open and his brother flurried over to his bedside in worry, a creasing growing deeper between his eyebrows. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm going to vomit all over your stupid face if you don't back up!" he threatened weakly, putting a hand over his forehead. His face burned and his eyes were tired and warm, and he was in no mood to deal with his brother right now. The buzzing of his phone met his ears and he turned it on to read the message Antonio sent him briefly before writing back that he was dying and to leave him alone. Feliciano backed up in fear of projectile vomit and headed to wards the door.

"Feel better Lovi," he said tearfully before closing the door quietly, leaving his brother to his own devices. He wanted to go back and closed his eyes, ready to pass out for the next several hours, but just as he was falling asleep, his ringer sounded in his ear, startling him.

"What?" he groaned into the phone, rolling over and pulling the blankets over his head. Why couldn't the world just leave him alone to his misery.

Antonio laughed in relief and Lovino felt his heart skip a beat, the feeling making him even more irritated than he was before. Not seeing Antonio for a month was supposed to alleviate that feeling, not make it more prominent. "I really thought you were dying! I was worried."

"Don't be stupid," he grumbled into his pillow. "I wouldn't just text you if I was dying. I'm just sick."

"Want me to come visit?" Antonio asked and Lovino heard a clang on the other end of the line. He wondered what Antonio was up to though he was much too embarrassed to ask.

He snorted. "What for? So you can get sick too?"

"Well no. So I can see you." I haven't been able to in weeks, something always comes up." Lovino felt guilty. He really wanted to see Antonio, so much that it ached him at this moment to try and dissuade him from coming. But he was so sure it was going to end in an unmitigated disaster. He wanted to be sure before he even tried anything.

He answered, "No, that's okay. I have Feli taking care of me."

"Okay, if you're sure!" He sounded a tiny bit disappointed and the guilt gnawed and Lovino painfully.

"Maybe when I feel better," he offered, chewing on the inside of his lip. What was he doing? He was ruining this when he knew if he were with Antonio he would be happy. Life was about taking risks and all he was doing was playing it safe. Antonio was more than worth it, more than he could ever hope to have. "You know," he said slowly, just as Antonio was about to speak again. "You can come over if you want. I won't be very interesting though." When Antonio didn't immediately answer he felt even more guilt fill his chest and rolled back over to face the ceiling. "I want you to, Antonio."

He replied back quietly, "You sure about that?"

"I wouldn't fucking as if I wasn't." The silence returned and he allowed his eyes to remain closed in frustration. This was his own damn fault from day one and he knew it. He alienated and distanced himself from Antonio to the point where he was sure Antonio was getting the wrong idea based on the admittedly very factual evidence. It's not like Antonio didn't want to see him, he was just too scared to. "Please?"

It was one of those moments where heart triumphed over head for him, where his feelings for Antonio wiped the floor with his better judgment. He really couldn't deny it any longer. He had tried and tired for the past month and all it did was make him sick to his stomach and lonelier than he had ever felt in his entire life. The way Antonio felt about him, the way he felt about Antonio, they were exactly the same and he was foolish to pretend otherwise anymore. It was just hurting himself more than Gilbert ever had.

"I'll be right there, Lovi." His voice was soft as he hung up the phone and Lovino sighed, burying himself deeper in his blankets and staring up at the ceiling, tired and worn out. Relationships with other people—platonic, romantic, what have you—they all just took so many damn work.

Feliciano brought him up a small bowl of penne with no sauce that he snacked on for a little while though his stomach was still doing somersaults for a variety of reasons. He heard Feliciano chattering up the stairs before the door was even opened to let Antonio in some time later, and he caught the back end of his statement, "It's so nice to see you Antonio! Thank you for keeping Lovi company, he really does need it." He smiled at them both before leaving the room, shutting the door and heading noisily back down the stairs.

Antonio stood awkwardly by the door as they stared at each other, and held up a white grocery back, trying to restrain a dopey grin. "I brought you some sopa de ajo blanco, Lovi. I hope you like it." He placed it on the bedside nightstand and continued to stand about uncertainly, biting his lip and watching Lovino with a puzzled expression.

He signed and held his hand out to Antonio from under the blankets, half surprised when the man allowed himself to be pulled underneath beside him. "I'm sorry," he said, the words grating through his teeth. He hated to say it to anyone, but Antonio deserved an explanation. He wrapped himself around the man, his head on his shoulder and his arm stretched across his chest. He felt so warm and safe and happy. "I've been so worried about what happened between me and, ah..." he paused for a moment before continuing on, "Gilbert that I forgot that you're not him."

Antonio snorted and shook his head, causing Lovino to flush uncertainly and hide his face before the other man could see. "That I am not. I am not quite so foolhardy as Gilbert, god knows, though I can be a little slow with some things." He stopped and Lovino felt his mouth press against his hair. "But I am not so foolish Lovino to let someone like you slip away so easily."

"That why you tried so hard?"

"Only because I knew you felt the same, mi corazón."

"You didn't know shit." Lovino was kind of mortified; he had thought he'd been so slick, so clever. He thought he hid his feelings so well, kept them in an airtight seal where no one could detect them. And all this time he knew. His face burned hotter in embarrassment and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep them from tearing up, trying not to seem like the big baby that he actually was.

"If you say so, Lovi," he replied easily, smiling against his hair and resting his cheek against the top of his head. They were quiet for a short while, Antonio running his hand slowly across Lovino's shoulder. He was so glad Antonio came over to see him, so happy that he was finally able to make up his mind. He allowed himself a small, short lived smile before turning to Antonio with a serious expression. "What is the matter?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

He asked quietly, "Is Gilbert angry with you?"

"He'll get over it." Lovino nodded, scooting up a little bit and pressing his lips against Antonio's before pulling back very quickly, realizing why he was in bed in the first place. "Everything okay?" His voice was worried and Lovino sat up, shoving his messy bangs out of his eyes and groaning. The sun was too bright after being under the blanket for so long.

He whined, "I'm sick you damn idiot. Get out of my bed, you're gonna get sick too."

Laughing Antonio wrestled Lovino back down to the bed and situated himself over him, an elbow resting on each side of his head. "Don't be silly," Antonio teased, pressing kisses to his cheeks and mouth gently. "I'm not going anywhere." Lovino rolled his eyes and allowed Antonio to do what he wanted, each peck becoming longer and more passionate.

"I know, you bastard, I believe you," he gasped as Antonio kissed his neck softly and slowly, burying his fingers into the man's dark curly locks. But nothing went farther than that as Antonio continued to press his lips to his, making his body tingle and his heart pound and every vein in his body pump hot blood that drove him absolutely insane. He'd never been with anyone before, and he wanted so badly to experience everything with Antonio. He could tell, from first sight, that Antonio was it for him.

His one and only.