A/N: Alright, did a little better on the update time. Dreams always get the creative juices flowing. They're probably my favorite thing to write because they can be so fantastical and you can really delve into some interesting themes. Love to write them. I actually had intended to go somewhere else with this chapter before remembering that I ended the previous one with a precursor to a dream sequence, so now I can save that for Chapter 6. This chapter here gets pretty emotional at times. It gets pretty heavy, and the sequence of the dream actually ended up being pretty hard to write, as I imagined the scene in my head. It's horrifying. *shudder* Anyways, here's the chapter. Please read, review, and enjoy!

DISCLAIMER/LEGAL MUMBO-JUMBO: I do not own The Last of Us, it is Naughty Dog's property.

CHAPTER 5

FEAR

Joel turned the handle and threw his weight into the door, flinging it open. The operating room was dimly lit; far too dimly lit for surgery. The air was thick and heavy, with a sweet, sickly scent permeating the room. Three figures surrounding the operating table turned to look at him through empty eyes. Joel recoiled in horror at the sight of the doctors. Signs of infection pervaded their bodies, with flowering fungal growths protruding from various points of origin. Their joints cracked and popped as they turned to face him.

Suddenly, a bellowing voice shook the room, with deep undertones that made Joel's spine tingle. "You can't save her."

The three doctors parroted the phrase from the disembodied voice as they approached Joel with outstretched arms. "You can't save her. You can't save her. You can't-"

Joel raised the revolver and cut their words short. He scampered over the twitching corpses to reach the operating table when he realized what was so heavy on the air. Spores. He scanned the room to find blooming fungal horns spouting spores into the air. His gasmask was in his pack, but there was no time. He had to get Ellie out of that room.

Reaching the table, he stooped to remove the oxygen mask covering her face. He positioned his arms beneath her shoulders and legs and tried to pick her up, but she was planted to the table. He tried again, but she wouldn't budge. Joel's eyes danced over the operating table, searching for an explanation. Tendrils of fungus had begun creeping over her limbs and digging at her skin, pinning her to the table.

Joel steadied his resolve and tried again to free her from the grasp of the tendrils. "C'mon, baby girl. I gotcha. I gotcha." He strained against the fungus, hearing it crack and fracture. Ellie cried out in pain as the tendrils broke free. At that moment, more Infected broke into the room adjacent the operating room. Joel could hear their moans. "Oh shit."

Through their sputtering and shrieking, he could make out the words, "You can't save her." Joel turned to the back door of the room and fled, Ellie in his arms.

The hospital was a maze. Corridors led to dead ends and the floorplan was seemingly without structure, doubling back on itself. The disembodied voice shook the foundations again, taunting him. "You can't save her." The voice seemed to invade his very mind, echoing within his skull. "You can't save her."

Joel frantically searched for the way out, darting this way and that, with Ellie limp in his arms. "I'm gettin' you outta here, girl."

"Joel…" Ellie's weak voice muttered.

"I gotcha… I gotcha… c'mon…"

"Joel… something's wrong…" Ellie whimpered.

Joel looked down at her as he ran. She was holding a hand in front of her face. The tips of her fingers were beginning to disintegrate, transforming into spores and floating away on the air currents.

"Joel!" she cried in fear.

He looked down at her bare feet, likewise flaking away into spores. Averting his eyes and focusing on the corridor before them, he pushed on. "We're okay… we're okay…"

The clamoring of the Infected grew louder behind him. The horde's bellows had become a chant now. "You can't save her. You can't save her."

Joel kept running, turning down another corridor. An open elevator shone like a beacon in the distance. He glanced down at Ellie, who was now weeping in his arms. Her hands had disappeared, and her forearms were withering away as the spores continued to disperse. Her legs now ended at the knee. Her cries of anguish cut Joel to the core, and he held her close as he sprinted down the corridor toward the elevator.

Halfway down the corridor, something whizzed by Joel's head and erupted on the floor before them. A cloud of spores exploded in their path. He held his breath as he plunged through it. "Get back!" he shouted futilely. With every second, the weight in his arms lessened.

Finally, he stepped into the elevator and punched the "LL" button. The doors began to close, too slowly for Joel's taste. He watched the Infected approach through the ever-shrinking sliver between the closing doors. Right as they reached the elevator, they shut completely and the elevator began its descent.

Joel fell to his knees and cradled what was left of Ellie. He watched in horror as she continued to disintegrate, helpless to stop it. "Ellie, look at me, baby. Just keep lookin' at me," he pleaded.

"Joel… I…" she lost consciousness.

"Ellie!" he shook her and waited for a response. "Baby!" He pulled her close and cradled her head against his shoulder. "Don't do this to me, baby. Don't do this to me, baby girl. C'mon…" He felt the remains of the little girl dissolve into spores and drift away, leaving him with empty arms. "No… no… oh no, no, no… please… Oh, God… please, please don't do this. Please, God… not again..."

Joel collapsed, alone in the empty elevator, weeping openly in utter despair. The elevator continued its descent, finally coming to a stop. The doors opened to reveal an empty parking garage, the light of the elevator providing the only illumination. Out of the shadows, Joel looked up and saw the figure of Marlene emerge. She was Infected, twitching and convulsing in his direction. Her face had been cleaved in two by the cordyceps, and she emitted the telltale clicking noises. Joel couldn't stifle his weeping, betraying his position. Marlene entered the elevator, but Joel didn't even react, too distraught over losing Ellie. Marlene's teeth sunk into him, giving him a distraction from the pain. He didn't fight back.

Joel sat up with a start. His shirt and the musty mattress were drenched in cold sweat. He pressed his fingers into his eyes. "Oh God… that felt so damn real," he said to himself under his rapid breathing.

He looked over to check on Ellie, praying he'd find her safe and sound. She was awake, the moonlight glint revealing her eyes as she watched him intently.

"The dream?" she asked.

Joel sighed, heart still racing. "A new one." He took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but his body was saturated with tension and anxiety. "Ah, hell."

Ellie reached over to put a hand on his arm, but Joel abruptly stood and crossed the room. He pushed the casement window open, basking in the coolness of the night and resting his elbows on the sill. Ellie was concerned. It had been a long time since Joel shied away from her contact. "Joel?" He kept his eyes fixed on the stars. "What is it?"

He was silent for minutes, contemplating as he watched the night sky. Ellie was still lying on the mattress, having propped herself up on an elbow to watch him. His breathing finally returned to normal as he drew in the cool air.

By the way Ellie had been awake and watching him when he woke up, he was suspicious that he might have said something in his sleep. Something that might have revealed the truth about Salt Lake City. Eager to put those suspicions to rest, he went somewhere he wasn't sure he was ready to go.

"She… she was only twelve… when she died," he started. Ellie sat up immediately, intently listening. "She loved the… the worst music." He chuckled softly to himself. "Loved playin' soccer. She was strong. Independent. Older than her age. Like I said, I think the two of you would've been good friends."

His gaze never left the sky. Ellie sat quietly and let him continue.

"It was… man, I'll never forget the day. It was September twenty-sixth. Twenty-thirteen. My birthday." A clench started to form in Ellie's throat. "I had… had to work late that night. Tommy and I were fightin' to keep a construction contract, and workin' overtime to do it. Sarah… she was sleepin' on the couch when I walked in, waitin' for me to get home…"

He stopped to take a breath and steady himself, as his voice had begun to shake. Ellie noticed him reach down and massage the broken watch.

"She… she had stayed awake to give me a present. A watch." Ellie finally had an answer to the origin of Joel's prized broken wristwatch. "I still don't know where she got the money for it… she must have been savin' her allowance for months. Anyways, I put her to bed after she fell asleep on the couch and then turned on the news. It was chaos. Reporter said… said people were... goin' crazy. Attackin' each other. Somethin' about tainted crops makin' people sick." Joel ran his fingers over the peeling paint on the sill. "Told us to 'shelter in place.' Not to leave our homes. Well, I never been one for followin' orders, so I checked on Sarah and then went to check on our neighbors, the Coopers."

Joel faltered. Ellie could tell that it was painful for him to relive these memories. She arose from the mattress and quietly approached him. She lifted a hand and gently placed it on his back.

He continued, eyes still fixed outside. "Jimmy… he worked in the city, where they said the outbreak was the worse. He was… well, I didn't know it at the time, but I suppose he was a runner by then. There was a struggle. I broke away and raced back to the house. Sarah was awake, waitin' for me in the den. We had no idea what was goin' on… she was so scared." He paused and took a deep, even breath. "Jimmy broke through the slidin' glass door… I shot him. F-First person I ever killed. Just then, Tommy showed up in his truck and we tried to get out of the city. We passed our friend Louis's farm, his house was on fire. We saw cars crashed into light poles. Everything had gone to hell in a blink. Everyone else was tryin' to get out of the city, and in the rush of it all, our truck got broadsided. Sarah's leg was broken, and I had to carry her. We fled on foot towards the highway, runnin' from Infected the whole way. Tommy hung back to buy us some time. I… I swore to God that was the last time I would see him."

Joel cleared the clenching from his throat and pressed on. "I ran with Sarah in my arms. The Infected were right behind us. With every step, I was praying we'd get out of it somehow. Just before they caught us, they were mowed down in a hail of gunfire. A soldier with an assault rifle stood before us, and I thought… I thought we were safe."

Ellie could gather where this was going, and an ache of sorrow formed in the pit of her stomach. Joel continued. "He… he radioed to his superiors… they… they made the call. Sacrifice the few to save the many… whole fuckin' lot of good that did them." Ellie looked up at Joel to see wet paths down his cheeks glistening in the moonlight. His voice was shaking badly now.

"He opened fire. I tried to shield Sarah from the bullets, but one hit home… Jesus…" Joel had to stop, unable to continue until letting out a groan of sorrow and taking several breaths. "One hit home. Poor baby girl…" Tears began to pour from Ellie's eyes upon hearing those words, and she tried to stifle her sniffling. "I couldn't save her… before I knew it, she was… g-g-gone…"

Ellie couldn't help but wrap her arms around Joel and squeeze him tight. He returned her embrace and tried to keep it together, but was failing. "Fuck… I'm so sorry, Joel. I'm so, so sorry." Her heart broke for him. All this time she hadn't known how Joel had lost his daughter. She had assumed it was to the Infected, as most people were lost in the early stages of the outbreak. It wasn't until later that the likes of the hunters arose. But to hear that it was just regular, fellow human beings who had gunned her down in feeble hope of saving a few lives, Ellie shared Joel's despair vividly.

Joel fought back the grief of memories and tried to regain composure. His breathing returned from sporadic to slow and even as Ellie listened with an ear to his chest. Joel reached a sleeve up to wipe his face. "Shit… look at me, blubberin' like a goddamn baby."

Ellie giggled. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Joel smiled, and then felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over him. The dream meant he hadn't slept well, and revisiting the memories of that fateful night in Austin had taken more out of him than he realized. "I'm spent. What say we get back to bed, hm?" Ellie yawned in reply.

She returned to the mattress and made room for Joel. He stood at the window a moment longer, staring at the stars once again before pulling it closed. He joined Ellie and pulled the blanket over them both, lying on his back with his hands behind his head. He felt pressure on his left arm and looked over to find Ellie resting her head on it, facing him. She placed her left arm on his chest, trying to provide some comfort. He took her hand in his right and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "You get some sleep, alright?"

"Alright," she smiled.

He watched her until she was lightly snoring. A twinge of guilt worked its way back into his mind. He was starting to question if he had done the right thing when he lied to her before entering Jackson. The answer wasn't on the ceiling, but his eyes scoured it anyway. Finally, he succumed to the exhaustion and finished the night in a dreamless sleep.

AFTERMATH: PART II CONTINUES

WITH CHAPTER 6