I walk in, Jena. Sweet kind Jena, is making cookies, his father is at work, good, I know this is stupid, but Jared scares me. Axels little cousin Joey and his twin sister Lucy - they are ADORABLE, their about four and say the cutest things!-are on the floor playing trains. Very. Very loudly.
"Axel, honey" Jean says wiping her hands on her apron " can you go to your room please?"
Axel hesitates but nods "fine" he whispers walking up to his room.
Lily runs up to me giggling "Mervil" she said hugging me tightly
I pick her up holding her tightly " mucky pup" I say grinning, I can't wait to be a mother…but on my terms, nobody else's.
"you'll be a great mother" she said kindly.
"thanks" I wisper tears in my eyes, I wipe them away quickly.
" I want you to baby sit them, it's ok right?" she smiles weakly
" sure!" I grin happily " I'd love to! When?"
"…..To…..night" she said drawing out the words " im sorry it's just his aunt is going through a nasty devoirce and can't take care of them tonight, and I can't either, but I know you could"
" no its fine" I smile " I don't have any plans"
After about four hours, Axel and his mum and dad are leaving and a horrible lurking feeling is at the bottom of my stomach.
"now we'll be gone for several hours" She smiles
" I know" I smile " it's ok have a great time"
Axel groans tugging at his tie " do we have to mum?" he wines
Jared laughs " you'd think taking you to a ball was a punishment" he said as they left.
After about two hours I hear a knock at the door, I don't answer, I go up to the kitchen I had just put the two babies to bed and now it is time for the best part of babysitting- raiding the kitchen
" Ha" a deep gravely voice says behind me, a dark hood covers there face. " I thought they'd never ever leave"
I close my eyes tight "get out!" I yell.
"As if, princess" he said
" Why did you call me that?!" I demand
"Spoilers" he smirks " first off tell me about the fight in your heart, tell me honestly, or. I. will. Kill. The. Children" he says.
How did he know about my heart? " you wouldn't" I wisper.
" I would. "
" I….I have this need, this want to see everyone around me suffer, I want to taste their tears…." I brake down " I have this lust for misery, for chaos, and I don't know why" my voice is shrill, my voice brakes again " I keep fighting it and fighting it, but…..but it keeps coming back more strong" I tear up.
He makes a horrible laughing sound at the back of his throat. He grabs my thoat and throws me to the floor, my side hurts horribly.
" have you checked the children?" he laughs vanishing, I charge up stares I feel I have a fever but I can't give up now, I charge up to the room I can hear him after me I look behind me "Who are you!" I scream, but there is another person in a black clock behind me terrorized I know I have to get to the children, I have to. The one person who had just got there grabed a book out of thin air and whacked me on the head, then all I see is black.
~ one day later.
I wake up and all I see is white. Jena is sitting by me, holding my hand " sweetheart" she smiled warmly " thank goodness"
I look at her " what happened?" I whisper me voice is weak and scared.
"Apperently, the children, they…they were poisoned, by their mother, their dead"
My heart drops NO! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
" she wanted someone to take the fault, us, but it's fine, she is in a jail cell right now"
" where am I?" I whisper because I am too weak to do anything else every part of me is aching and I know it is my fault that the twins are dead, if it weren't for me.. It was the two pepoule In the black coats, if I had just made it in time, they would still be alive, it is all my fault, I hate myself! "where's my dad's"
" your appendix exploded, thank heven's you called us in time, you would have died otherwise" she smiled stroking my hair and for once in my life I feel as if I am loved. "your fathers apparently took a surprise trip to Jamaica, they'll be back in two weeks, your staying with us until then" she smiled.
What?! Their gone when I need them most? Why? How could they? If this were to happen to Axel, no matter what Jena would come home! "oh" I say softly.
She gives me a sympathetic look " can I get you anything?" she smiles
I shake my head slowly "well" I say but am cut off Axel screaming
"LET ME IN" he yelled
I hear muffled orderlies, and his father telling him I need my rest, no minors, sanitary issues.
" NO" he screamed " I will burn you! I will burn this whole building!"
" I want to see Axel" I swallow hard. "please. "
" Really?" she sighed " Is that all? Sweetheart?"
I manage a weak nod.
She sighs heavily then gets up, more muffles then Axel walks in with a triumphant look on his face, he runs over and hugs me tightly, I groan in pain.
"Axel!" his father said sharply " she needs her rest!"
" no I'm fine" I say the same time axel says pouting
" she can rest when she's dead"
Nice. Gruesome. I like it, unoptimistic, I've been rubbing off on him. I'm glad though I've never been one to "look on the bright side", I mean how bright can the sides get? There's worse, and even worse. We visit for a time, then he has to go, they all have to go, visiting hours are over. I wish they weren't, the silence, it scares me, because it screams the truth.
I look at the clock, it's about midnight. I close my eyes, I remember, I am in mine, and Isa's nursery, the walls are bright pink on one side, and deep blue on the other, the carpet is nice and fuzzy, I remember being mad because I was on the floor. (See back then I was so ill, the only time I wasn't being held was when either I was sleeping, or being changed. Isa was crawling over to the outlet, and I was hugging some kind of stuffed animal. I remember hearing my mother and father talking in hushed voices. Then Isa licked the outlet, his hair sticks up, comically, just the time, our parents walk in Isa starts to scream, and cry, Clarkson, my father rushes over to him. My mother comes over hushing me, singing some kind of lullaby, I don't like the fact that she is holding me so I intentionally vomit on her. After we are all calm and clean, Isa is in a huddled ball. A weakling, I remember thinking, what a fool. But now oh what I wouldn't give to be able to see him again. Is there any worse fate- I wonder-then being separated from your twin? My mother smiles " Are you ready to see Yen Sid?"
"Yaaaaay" Isa says jumping up and down, again, what a foolish, foolish, child, I remember thinking.
I blink clinging to Clarckson, nestling in. Then….Then I look at the man we came to visit. He had a long grey beard, a blue robe and pointy hat with silver moons and stars. The man looks odd. He talks like someone important, yet someone kind, and not all high and mighty. My mother and father listen and talk to him as if he is the most important person in the world. I jump off my fathers lap and stumble my way to the man and look at him. I grab his robe, he looks down at me, smiling slightly, picking me up "Mervil" he said, but then I see his eyes, and I don't know what quite happens but I think I screamed. A moment latter I am in my fathers arms, he is embracing me, everyone but me and Isa are laughing as if I had done the cutest or laughing thing in the world. My father trys to soothe me, but still laughing.
I wake up and a figure is by me, watching me. The figure is in the black coat, their face is covered, my bottom lip trembles all I see is it's neon green eyes. I sit up only enough so they can see I am awake, to give them warning before I scream for the nurses. The figure walks away without a word spoken. I curl up hugging myself tightly, I am such a fail! Before long I am asleep again my IV pole drugging me heavily.
In my dream it is another memory. I am in the meadow, OUR meadow. I am about five or six, it is my first year in this world, my parents had just died, and I don't have a friend in the world. Axel is doing something with theses strange circular things, throwing them around madly. I creep by the river, though I can not swim I love rivers. I walk by the river and go along the banks balancing myself by spreading my arms off wide, as if I could fly, as if I were a angel. I close my eyes and pretend I am walking on the clouds to see my dead parents. I hear some faint sound I blink looking over and hear Axels' voice yells "I said ' GET OUT OF MY MEADOW!'" right before I am engulfed in water, I scream, cold rushing water fills my lungs and nostrils. It burns it aches water is on my eyes and I can't think to stop screaming or breathing or even to close my eye's all I think if is to panic. Something not fun is happening. I think I am going to die. I am going to see my mommy and daddy. Then I see a flash of Axel's read hair he grabs my throws me over the bank, struggils but makes it up on the ledge. Panting " What where you doing?!" he demands " if you can't swim then what are you doing so close to a river.?!"
I say nothing looking down still coughing.
" you okay?" he asked in great concern looking at me his emerald orbs digging into me.
I still say nothing.
" I guess it is my fault" I sighs " never scare me like that again, okay kid?"
" my daddy say's were the same age" I say weakly.
" What?!" he cried out " no way, your so….little!"
" I know" I whisper.
" What's your mama like" he said looking at me
" I don't have one" I say
" my dad said you have two mama's" he said
" my first mommy died, so did my first daddy, but now I have two daddys" I say innocently, I don't realize that that is abnormal.
" oh" he said "that's cool, you wanna see my toys?" he asked and in a firey sweep the two toys he was paying with earlier.
I wake up gasping. Coughing, Jenna hands me water. I thank her.
"When's the funeral" I whisper.
"for who?" she blinked, is she for real?!
" Lucy, and Joey" I say.
"who?" she asked again her eyebrow furrowing.
" your niece and nephew" I cry out looking at her.
"Sweetheart, your on a lot of pain killers, you probably had a dream, maybe it was some kids you knew before you were adopted"
I shake my head ever so slightly " no" .
She ruffles my hair " oh sweetheart." she kissed my forehead " your just like a daughter, so you know I'd never hurt you right?" she smiled "I'm telling you the truth, I've never had a nice or nephew" she smiled "….I never even had a sister, or a brother. "