A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I had finals week and was too busy studying to write 4,000 words. Anyways here it is, better late than never!
"Finnick!" Someone yells. I jolt awake, sitting up in shock, hands looking for a weapon. I find a pen and swipe it through the air blindly. It's dark, except for the few rays of light coming in through the bottom of my bedroom door. The lights turn on. Natalie's standing there, amused. She un-crosses her arms and sighs. "We're going home. Thought you'd wanna come with us. Get yourself dressed and your crap packed – we leave in an hour." She tells me, before leaving me to get changed and closing the door behind her. I throw all of my crap into the large duffle bag I brought here, and get dressed.
I have enough time to grab a cup of coffee (no milk, two sugar cubes) to-go and a piece of fruit (some cross between an apple and a peach) before we get on the train. Grant, Natalie, myself, Blight and Johanna are all waved goodbye by a cheering crowd. I will not miss the Capitol, not one bit. But I will be back here soon, too soon. Then again, any time at all is too soon. I'll come back in when Johanna gets to 4 on the Victory tour six months from now, right after my sixteenth birthday. Great, I'll be of age, and I will be sold to even more desperate Capitol people. Sounds like tons of fun. And then, I'll be back for the 67th Hunger Games. Yay.
"The train is actually pretty nice. I didn't notice that coming here." Johanna comes up behind me, interrupting my thoughts. "I guess that's because I was trying not to think about being in a televised fight to the death." There's a hit of sarcasm in her tone, but there sounds like some deeper pain. I turn around, and notice how tired she looks. The type of tired that only victors truly understand. The inability to sleep from nightmares. I didn't get much sleep last night either, but I'm almost used to it now.
"You look tired." I tell her, trying not to sound sympathetic. She'd hate it. "Nightmares?" I don't know why I ask, since the answer is an obvious yes.
Johanna rolls her eyes and , scoffs. "What am I, a toddler?" I raise an eyebrow at her to let her know I'm not buying that. She sighs, and leans back on the wall of the high-speed train. "Yeah. Is that normal?"
"Yeah." I frown, giving her a warning. "They don't get any better over time."
Johanna bites her lip, and mimics my facial expression. "Oh." She says, quietly. She quickly composes her natural 'bitchy' expression, and adjusts her bag on her shoulder. Blight, Natalie and Grant have gone to the dining car next door, and I can hear them laughing over breakfast. "Wanna go somewhere?" She suggests. I nod. I'd follow her anywhere. Johanna drops her bag on a chair, and I do the same.
We walk to the back of the train, and she stares out the back floor-to-ceiling window, looking at the extensive track behind us. The Capitol is the size of a small village from this far away. She train jerks to a sudden stop and she falls off-balanced. I lift my arms out to catch her. We just kind of stare at each other for a little, not knowing what to do or say. Finally, a Capitol attendant comes in to let us know that the train is having a technical problem. "Thanks." Johanna says, standing up. "Thanks." She turns to me, smoothing out her dress. "So what happens now?"
I sigh, sitting down. There's only so much I can dare to tell her. Johanna takes the cue and sits down as well. "Well, it's different for every person. But really, you just chill for a few months, lie low, move into your new mansion in the victor's village. A few weeks before the Victory Tour, President Snow might come to visit to congratulate you."
"What do you mean? He never leaves the Capitol, never." Johanna asks, confused. I just smile sadly and shake my head.
"That's why I said maybe." I try to explain, "It's different for every victor. I really can't explain it, you just have to wait a few months. Mentoring is a whole different story. It's a gigantic burden. Really, it's difficult, because yeah, you only can prepare these kids and help them to some extent. They're on their own, and they have to take care of themselves, but still, you're responsible. Having to go home without any of your kids with you, it's heartbreaking. It's almost like you've killed them. And no matter what, you'll only be able to save one, but usually that's not even the case."
Johanna looks up at me for a minute, something hidden in her dark brown eyes. "Wow." She just mutters. "I didn't even know you were capable of sympathy. Impressive." I shoot her a look. I guess we're back to the way we really are, the whole friend thing was just last night. Two can play that game. I guess I have to keep up the flirty persona, even with her. Oh well.
"So, who are you gonna live with?" I ask her.
"My kid brother. What about you?"
"My sisters, dad, step-mother, and step-sister but I'd rather just live by myself. Honestly, besides my sister, I can't stand them. My dad's the best, but my step-mother changes him, and now he's unbearable." It's the truth. Besides Adrienne, I just don't want to be around any of them. I'd honestly just rather be by myself. Besides, Adrienne's done with school, and has a good job teaching English at the school. She's gonna settle down and get married and start a normal family. Maybe she'll have kids and maybe they'll be terrified of being reaped, or maybe they're careers that love the idea of bringing pride to their district. And they'll come talk to me, and I'll reassure them that it'll be okay, or that they'll do great, but not to volunteer because of whatever reason, but really because I'll be worried about losing them.
"Just kick 'em out then." Johanna points out. "Seriously. They have a house that they lived in, they can live there again. Send them back. You don't owe them anything." She's right. I really don't owe them the money or the fame. So why should I even bother? Besides, they're scared of me anyways. If they're sooo scared, they can live back at the old house. Besides, it wasn't even that much of a downgrade. We had a pretty nice house. I nod at her, and smile a little. That's exactly what I'll do.
The days goes by pretty slowly. Blight has to talk and prep Johanna for her speech, and all the crap she'll have to do when she gets home. So, I play cards with Grant and Natalie, and we eat some ridiculously large lunch. After that, Natalie gets a headache so she just goes to lie down, and Grant and I talk. "I like her, but it's weird."
"I know. Just give it some, bro. Seriously, you're not gonna see her for a while. When you do, then you can figure things out. You need to chill out though. Take a break, chill out, watch some television, take a few shots. Go for a swim, whatever. You just need to manage your life. You have a lot of free time, so you're gonna need to find something to do." And he's right.
I don't know what I want to do. But, regardless of whether I'm awake or asleep, I'm haunted by my past. It's a terrible thing, but there's nothing I can do. I'm a killer, and that's just a part of me now. Everyone in Panem knows who I am and what I've done. And sadly, a portion of them go as far as to like me for it. District 4 obviously likes me. The Capitol adores me. Districts 1 and 2 admire my quick-to-kill instincts. I don't know why, and I'm not sure if I like it or not. They should hate me for killing their children, but that seems as trivial as it does to the Capitol people.
Finally, Johanna and Blight come back from wherever they were, and hang out with us. Blight starts a conversation about some Capitol thing that Grant must know about, and they debate back and forth on it for a while. I try to pay attention, since Grant keeps stressing it's importance, but I keeping zoning out and staring at Johanna. Finally, it's Blight who snaps me out of it. "Finnick. Up here. What do you think?"
"Uh, I really don't even know." I try to come up with a reply, but I have no idea what's going on. Johanna rolls her eyes at my terrible response.
Blight nods, smiling. "See, it's so despicable that he has nothing to say!" Grant rolls his eyes, and pushes a button on the couch. A Capitol attendant stumbles in a few moments later, holding a tray. She straightens up her purple hair, and walks over holding a notepad. Blight speaks for both of them. "He wants a beer, get me a soda?"
She writes it down, and looks back at us. "A-anything for Mister Odair?" She asks me flirtatiously, batting her eyelashes. Johanna scoffs.
"Please, hun. Get me a beer, thank you." I respond in the best flirtatious tone I can get out, and make sure to wink at the end. Her paper-white skin turns bright pink, and she stumbles away giggling.
"Aren't you too young for that?" Johanna asks. Grant starts laughing.
"Oh, please. Did you see her? They all love me, and I mean it. Seriously, if I asked her to get on her knees right now, she wouldn't have said no." I am speaking the truth, even though sex has pretty much lost it's value to me, which sucks. Grant nods in agreement because he knows it's true. Johanna shrugs, contemplating the validity. She has no idea about any of it, except for the fact that I'm for lack of a better word, hot.
The attendant comes back a few minutes later with our drinks, and some water for Johanna. Johanna shoots her a few dirty looks, and I can't help but smile. Is she jealous? I hope so. I love the idea of her wanting me even a fraction of how much I want her. Her, not any Capitol woman. Maybe I can tell her without it being weird one day. I pop open my beer and lean back on the couch, sipping my drink. I run a had through my messy hair, and try to stifle a yawn. I'm always so tired. Maybe it's that I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a year. It slowly wears you out, and makes it difficult to be energetic anymore. I feel like I'm aging. I'm probably just overreacting, so I shut my thoughts up and drink the rest of the beer, slamming the bottle on the wooden coffee table and wiping my mouth.
Grant and Blight just stare at me. Johanna shakes her head. After a few moments of awkward silence, Grant speaks. "Okay then, Haymitch. What's been bothering you?" I frown. He did not just call me Haymitch. I'm not a grumpy alcoholic, or a sarcastic middle-aged man. And just because I drink a beer quickly doesn't suddenly make me a raging alcoholic.
I raise my eyebrows at him. Seriously? "You know exactly what's bothering me. Don't think too much." I tell him, and then turn to Johanna. "No, I'm not in looove with you. Don't even start. Not everything's about you." I see a flicker of some combination of relief and hurt in her eyes, and then it's replaced by a shrug. She wasn't offended, or at least she's pretending she's not. I do regret saying that. It was mean. Whatever though. I can be a little mean if I want to. I don't need or want people to like me. I want to go back to before I won my Games, before I was even reaped. When most of District 4 didn't even know who I was. Now the whole world does, and I absolutely hate it.
Natalie wakes up, and comes into her car in sweatpants. She sits down on Grant's lap, and kisses him passionately. Blight makes a gagging noise. It kind of hurt my stomach a little. They're so in love, and so sure of each other. I want something like that with someone, whether it's Johanna or Annie or some other girl.
We go to dinner. Johanna eats a lot, I barely touch my food. I don't feel hungry. Blight blames it on Grant and Natalie's 'little public make-out session', which causes Grant to hurl his peas at him from across the table. The Capitol attendants look on, shaking their heads. They'll have to clean this up later, but are too terrified to intercept the food-fight. Natalie catches on, and gets them to stop. Johanna hasn't spoken once. *
I jolt awake in my bed from a terrible, indescribable nightmare. I don't think I'll be able to go back to bed for a while, so I sip some water and try to steady my racing heart. A few minutes later, I hear a loud scream. I can't will myself to get out of bed. One of the attendants probably saw a bug and freaked out. There's a knock on my door. "Come in." I groan, turning on the light by my bedside table.
Johanna opens the door. Her usually perfectly straight hair is messed up, and all she's wearing is a baggy teeshirt. She still looks great to me. I can just make out the bottom of her panties. "I had a really bad nightmare." She tells me quietly. This is probably the first time she's admitted a weakness to anyone. "Can I sleep in here?" She asks me.
"Of course." I nod, moving over. She smiles a little, and walks over to the other side of the plush king-sized bed. She lies there awkwardly for a few moments, before reaching over me and turning off the light. "Does this bother you?" I ask her, "The fact that I'm in my underwear?"
She laughs. It's a short, high-pitched peal. It doesn't sound like any noise she'd make. "No. I actually like it. Besides, I'm not wearing pants." Johanna falls asleep quickly, her light breathing becoming even. I try to match her breaths, and soon enough, I fall asleep too.
I wake up, and feel something pressed on me. My arms around around Johanna's waist, and she's basically spooning with me. Not that I mind. She grinds her back into me, and I realize how hard I am. Fuck. That's awkward. I carefully get out of bed, and sit in the bathroom on the closed toilet seat for a few minutes, trying to think of dead animals and babies. Eventually, I'm okay and I crawl back into bed. It's only five, and I don't have to wake up for a while. So I lie there, and try to fall asleep.
When I wake again, it's by Grant, Natalie, and Blight busting in. Johanna's curled up against me, a leg thrown over mine. It looks very sexual. We both jolt up when they come in. "Holy shit. Jo. We had no idea where you were..." Blight exclaims, relived. He cuts himself off, and looks at how we were sleeping. He just shakes his head and smiles a little. "You two. Go get dressed, Jo. Lunch is in half an hour." She rolls out of bed, and pulls the hem of her shirt down. Natalie follows behind her.
Grant sits down on the edge of my bed, and as soon as the door closes behind them, he whistles a little. "Damn, Finnick. I was not expecting you to get with her. What was it, two days ago? You were all like she's special, I'm gonna take it slow with her." He mocks me, "And you have sex with her. I thought I heard a scream last night..."
I lean against the headboard, and roll my eyes at him, combing my fingers through my bed-hair. "We did not have sex. We slept in the same bed, that's it. Seriously. We did not do anything. You'd know if we did, you'd be the first person I'd tell."
Grant shrugs, assessing my statement. "That makes sense. Alright, get dressed. See you in twenty in the dining car." I roll out of bed, and throw on some clean clothes from my bag. I'll be back home in time for dinner. I'm excited, but I'll miss Johanna a lot. I guess we'll talk on the phone. I'll see her soon enough, for the victory tour in a few months, and for the reaping next year. I know who I won't miss. Enobaria. Yeah, she's a pretty good kisser, and you'd have to be blind to say she's not hot, she's crazy and possessive of me for no reason. I don't want to be around her. I feel like she'll some how get my phone number and call up my house.
Speaking of my house, I have to tell my dad and Juliette and Dahlia that I want them to move out. That'll be a fun experience. I guess I'll talk to Adrienne about what to do and how to approach the topic. She always knows what to do, and what to say.
Lunch is awkward. Blight talks a lot, and gives everything a sexual undertone. Johanna's cheeks are pink and she doesn't look up from her tea, except to take bites of her overly-stuffed sandwich. Natalie sips her wine and smokes, occasionally blowing smoke in Blight's face. Finally I give up at the awkward silence. "We did not have sex, okay?" I say.
"If you say so." Blight grins playfully. I know that he knows I'm telling the truth, but acts like he doesn't believe me. It's a little aggravating. The train slows down considerably, and a Capitol attendant comes in to tell us we're five minutes away from District 4. I excuse myself from the table to pack up my bags, which isn't that hard to do since I'm pretty much packed from when we left the Capitol yesterday. I have enough time to say my goodbyes.
"I'm gonna miss you, bro." I tell Blight, giving him a hug. "Call me sometime."
"Of course." Blight assures me, writing my home phone number on a sheet of paper and putting it in his pocket. "You can get mine from Grant. Next time I see you we're getting legally shit-faced. Prepare your liver." Natalie shakes her head and Johanna scoffs. Grant gives Blight a high-five, and I go to say my goodbye to Johanna.
"If you need anything, you can call me. Seriously, that's what friends are for. I'll see you in a few months, be careful." I tell Johanna. I'm so scared she'll screw up and that it'll have terrible consequences for her. All I can do is be there for her. She gives me a hug, and her lips brush my cheek.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you soon." She says, sounding slightly indifferent. I see right through it. The train comes to a complete stop. "Take care, Finnick. I'll miss you." She says quietly, but loud enough for me to just catch before I get off the train. I'll miss her too.
Grant, Natalie and I get off the train and we're only a ten minute walk from the Victor's Village, so we ditch the car that was waiting for us and walk there. We're still district-people, not citizens of the Capitol, an we intend on acting like that.
When I get home, Adrienne is sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book and drinking coffee. Her whole face lights up when she sees me, and jumps off the chair, almost knocking over her drink to give me a hug. I reciprocate it, not wanting to let go. "I've missed you so much, Finn." She tells me.
"I've missed you so much." I say back, finally letting go. I look around, and notice the house is eerily quiet. "Where is everyone?" I ask her.
Adrienne's face pales, and she walks over to the fridge, sliding me a soda from across the table. I sit down. "Juliette and dad moved out." Before I question her, she shushes me. "Please, let me finish. Juliette saw the games, and then saw that you have friends who are victors as well. She doesn't like the idea that you're hanging out with, for lack of a better word, killers. I don't see you that way, but she's scared of you, which is pretty ironic since she comes from the Capitol of all places. But she's decided to move back to the old house, and brought Dahlia and Dad with her."
"Wait, really?" I ask, confused. What the fuck? On the bright side, I don't have to express my wanting them to move out, so that's good. But the whole thing just seems so weird, and I feel like something's being left out. Adrienne strokes my cheek.
"Don't let them change the way you feel about yourself, Finn. You're amazing and smart and funny and handsome and yeah, you were in the Hunger Games, but so what? You're still the same person you were a year ago." Adri reassures me. I kiss her on the forehead.
"Don't worry about me." I tell her, standing up. "I'm gonna unpack and chill out. I need a shower or something." I tell her, going upstairs. I throw my bag on my bed, and strip down, going into my bathroom. I run a hot bath, and sit in the scalding water, ignoring the pain. Eventually, I get used to the water and it feels nice. I just close my eyes and try to relax. No more Capitol woman or men, no more mixed signals from Johanna, no more Snow and no more Games and innocent kids dying, at least for a few months.
When my fingers have turned to prunes, and the waters turned lukewarm, I get out of the tub and throw on sweats. I'm just about to sit down on my bed when the phone rings. I jump to get it. "Hello?"
The voice at the end is unexpected. Never in a million years did I think that Cara, the mayors daughter would all me. Yeah, we kissed a few months back, but that was it. "What are you doing later?"
A/N: How was that? Review if you liked it! :)