A/N: I know I said I wouldn't update for a while, but I got a rush of motivation and was able to put up a new chapter! Anyways, enjoy!
I'm filled with nerves. I'm not sure if I'm excited, anxious, or happy. Maybe a mix of all three. Someone knocks on the door. It's Natalie. She has her bags with her, and has traded her shorts and teeshirt for a very Capitol dress. She could easily be confused with one of them, if she wasn't already a household name. The only thing that gives away that she's from District 4 is her brown hair, and (by their standards) minimal makeup. "C'mon. We gotta put our stuff on the train before her speech begins." I quickly say goodbye to Adrienne, and take my suitcase with me. I don't see Johanna – she's bombarded with photographers and the press that documents her Tour so it can be seen throughout the districts and, of course, in the Capitol. We give our bags to one of the train attendants, and take our seats on the stage.
Natalie gives me a rundown of how the ceremonies will run. I've seen them every year, but we have a special job. Johanna gives a short speech, Mayor Hill gives her a plaque of commemoration and some school-children give her flowers. Natalie and I, being the two most recent victors, give Johanna a small tour of District 4, and then we get her back to the Mayor's house by 6 for a very exclusive dinner. Then we board the train for Districts 3, 2 and 1, then back to District 7, and finally, to the Capitol where we'll stay for two weeks. And five months from now, I'll be heading back, again.
Going back to the Capitol is more nerve racking, but for different reasons. I no longer fear for my own life – but for my loved one's lives. On top of that, anyone I love, or even any of my friends could be reaped if Snow wanted them to. Cara, any of the kids I sat at lunch with while I was in school, baby Dahlia (when she's old enough)... even Annie. Anyone but her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to her.
Johanna gives her short speech, thanking the district for it's hospitality and complimenting the beautiful sea. I can't help but assume she doesn't mean it, and I can almost sense the slightest tinge of hidden sarcasm in her tone. I can't blame her, really. While it was an interesting experience, I really had no interest in being in any of the other districts. There's polite, but loud applause, and Mayor Hill gives her a plaque. I have twelve in my room, plus a golden one from the Capitol. Then, a group of small children that look to be about five or six year old give her a bouquet of District 4's official flower and she smiles a little, but it barely reaches her eyes. I wonder what she's thinking about.
Our eyes meet. She nods at me a little, and then she casts her gaze at her shoes. They dressed her up in a deep blue dress that hugs her curves. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like how it looked on her, but I can tell she's not the type of girl who enjoys dressing up. Her stylist must be sick of her, or take pity on her the way most people in the Capitol view us district folk, even the "civilized ones". They consider us victors civilized. Don't ask me why, since we're by far, the most inhumane. Only here, would killing people be considered civilized. I bite my tongue so hard I taste metallic blood. That brings me back to attention.
Mayor Hill says a few words, the same thing she's said to every victor before me that I can remember. She shakes Johanna's hand, and then Natalie elbows me to stand up. Johanna walks over and shakes both of our hands. I think she squeezes mine, but it could just be a hand spasm. Honestly, I don't know. I can only hope that she was trying to reassure me of something, or reassure herself. Times like this make me wish that I could read thoughts. We're friends, I remind myself. If there's anything she needs or wants to tell me, she knows she can. We walk off stage and into a small room in the Justice Building. A Capitol attendant hands us small cups of a bubbly drink. Another type of soda.
"Jo, this is Natalie. She was my mentor." I introduce the two of them. Natalie smiles and says hello politely. Johanna just waves. When we finish our drinks, we have to take Johanna on a tour. She stays glued to my hip the whole time, to the point where Natalie gives her quizzical looks every few minutes.
After we take her to the Justice Building, the Victor's Village, the main port, we get to the beach. Natalie stops to light a cigarette. She walks a few feet away to a stand to buy a bottle of water, and Johanna hugs me tightly. She smells like pine and strong perfume. "You have no idea how much I missed you." She tells me, not letting go. I realized how much I craved someone else's warmth. And not in the sexual way, especially now, but like from a hug. The last time I received a genuine hug from someone, that wasn't family, was a while ago. I don't remember. Most of my friends are too busy with schoolwork to spend time with me, and anyone in their right mind would stay far away from me.
"I missed you too," I admit. "Are you okay?" I ask Jo. We haven't talked since after she won her Games, and that was months ago. She called me maybe once or twice a week in between, but that was really short and awkward. She would usually call around two or three in the morning, scared about some nightmare. She'd tell me about it, and I'd remind her that it wasn't real, and it was just a bad dream.
"I tell you everything later." She mutters quietly and pulls away, pulling up her dress in the front. A dark, realistic part of me knows what she's gonna say. She's gonna confide in me about what Snow asked her to do, and how scared she is. Maybe scared isn't the right word. Johanna Mason doesn't get scared. But she's dreading it. I don't even know. I could be totally wrong. I wonder if she's a virgin. I doubt it. She's hot. It's not my buisness. How would I even ask her that anyways? Hey Jo. I know you think I'm a jerk and asshole and flirt, but that's only to keep my family safe because I'm forced to whore around for money I don't even need and chances are you do to. Anyways, I can't stop thinking about you and yeah, are you a virgin? Real smooth, Odair. That would definitely work.
Natalie walks back over to us, and finishes smoking. She stamps out the lit end and just walks away. I see Johanna smirk a little. We follow her. I feel like the two of them will get along nicely. Besides, Natalie's not that much older. Jo's seventeen, and I think Natalie is only twenty-four. We walk down the beach for a little. As we walk back to Mayor Hill's house for the dinner, I ask Jo if she knows where Blight is.
"He's here, in District Four. I'm not sure where, exactly." Johanna explains, "We're not really talking right now, because he's kind of mad at me. Long story. Again, I'll tell you on the train. Why are you going into the Capitol anyways?"
"Long story. I'll tell you on the train." I mimic her. It's the truth though. She punches my shoulder lightly, and tries to put her arm around me. I tower over her at almost six and a half feet tall, and she's probably just over five feet. Even with her in heels, there's a huge height difference. It's awkward and she ends up giving up and putting her arm around my back. Natalie laughs, and tells her about the fishing here, asking her questions about District 7 and the lumber industry there.
Dinner is uncomfortable, but only for me. Mayor Hill and her husband spend most of the time trying to make polite conversation, but it usually doesn't work that well. Johanna doesn't look up from her food, and when she does it's to make a snarky comment about something, or to answer with a 'yes', 'nope', or 'thanks'. Cara glares at Johanna from across the table. She's oozing with jealously, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't mind the attention. Grant and Blight are catching up, and Natalie's chit-chatting with the older victors and occasionally, Mayor Hill adds her opinion on a subject or comments on something.
Halfway through the second course of dinner, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. On the way back to the dining room, Cara pushes me against the wall, her face scrunched up in an angry glare. "Are you flirting with that Johanna girl?" She asks, accusingly. "You know how I feel about you. Was I wrong to think we had something between us?' I take a look at Cara, and realize she's always gotten what she wants. She's attractive, blonde, and rich. Guys don't shut up about her, and she rarely ever has a boyfriend for longer than a month or two, since she has so many boys drooling over her. Having any type of competition is new for her.
I laugh, and smirk to myself. "Jeez, Cara. Are you jealous?" I ask. "You're hot, she's hot. I can't be held down to just one girl." I explain, laughing. I sound like such a dick. Perfect. She shouldn't want me, I'm just trouble. I'll get her killed. Besides, even I was dating her, I couldn't be faithful because of my arrangement.
"Are you rejecting me?" She looks shocked, and insulted.
"Nope. I'm just saying that I can't be in a monogamous relationship with you. If you get bored and wanna spend the night, you have my number. But there's too many girls that want me for me to just pick one." I gently push her off me, fix my hair, and walk back to the table. Cara follows, a moment later.
"Did you fuck her in the bathroom?" Johanna asks me quietly over dessert. "That's a new level of classy."
"God, no." I respond, kicking her foot lightly under the table. "You have really high expectations for me."
"I always expect the worst. That way I'm either right or pleasantly surprised." She tells me, and I notice that she seems kind of sad.
"Always?" I ask. Surely, being pessimistic gets old after a bit.
"Once, I was wrong. I was caught off-guard, and I was hurt in the worst way." Johanna gulps down the rest of her drink in one sip. "What can you really expect though? It's a crazy world we live in, and even the strongest among us get hurt. Except for him. God, I hate him so much."
"We all do." I agree. She doesn't even have to mutter his name for me to know she's talking about President Snow. He single-handedly ruined my life. Well, not single-handedly. But he's mostly to blame. "He should get together with my stepmother for drinks. They have a lot in common."
"She's Capitol, right?' She asks me. I nod, and she scoffs. "Ew. How do you live with it?'
"I don't. I live by myself. Well, my sister is there too, but she wakes up before me and when she gets home, I'm usually out by then." I explain. Adrienne works at the school as a writing and history teacher from eight in the morning to five at night. But she always gets food with her boyfriend after work, and I don't see her much, except on weekends. I really want to meet her boyfriend, but I feel like she doesn't want me to. Or maybe they've been dating too soon, I really don't know.
Johanna nods. She told me that she was gonna move into her house with her younger brother. They had been living with the mayor because her parents died a few years back. Now that she's sixteen, it's alright. But now instead of buying her own home, she lives in the empty Victor's Village with Blight.
After dinner, we say our goodbyes. Mayor Hill shakes my hand and tells me I'm welcome over for dinner any time. Cara kisses my cheek, and calls me hon even though I'm not her 'hon' or her anything for that matter. Grant pats me on the back and wishes me good luck. He kisses Natalie goodbye, in a reserved kind of way. They've gone somewhat public with their relationship, but not in the Capitol. Finally, we board the train, and we pull far away from District 4 and on towards our next destination. It's a day's trip, and we'll get there tomorrow afternoon. There's really not much to see, so basically there's just a speech, shorter dinner, and then she leaves. I won't even get off the train there. I have no reason to, in Districts 1, 2 or 3. I'm actually very eager to stay on the train in District 2 because of Enobaria.
I get settled into my room and change into a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt, and make my way to the lounge car on the train. I order a cup of mint tea – with two sugar cubes for sweetness, and stretch out. Johanna joins me there a few minutes later. She's in pajama shorts and a tank top, and she's taken off the pounds of makeup that her stylists caked on her. I think she looks better this way. She sits down next to me, and says nothing. After my tea comes, she waits another few moments before speaking quietly, staring at an invisible point on the wall. "What I'm going to tell you is super secretive. For your sake as well as mine, you have to promise not to tell anyone."
I look Johanna in the eyes. "I promise."
"Okay. So maybe a month before the Victory Tour started, President Snow came to District 7. Okay, this is really sick. But I'm well liked in the Capitol, and he wanted to... sell me. Well, basically as a whore. And so, obviously, I said no. I already lost my sleep, my youth and my privacy when I was reaped. No need to lose my self respect and virginity." She tells me, letting it all out in a deep breath. I can tell that there's more. "A few days later, my best friend since I was a baby was charged with stealing, which is punishable by death. She was shot in the District Square. Snow comes back, tells me that every time I say no, somebody I care about dies. So I'm staying in the Capitol as a whore for a few weeks so my brother doesn't die. He's all I have left. So that's why Blight's mad at me. He told me that if Snow wants me to do something, I should do it regardless of how I feel, because he has no reservations about killing people."
I take a long sip of my tea before putting down on the side table. I hug her tightly, and she sniffles. "You're not alone in this, okay. I... also do that. I hate it and to be honest, it sucks, but my family is so important to me and their safety is what matters the most to me. So I suck it up and try to live with myself. And I will help you through this. We'll help each other."
"Sounds like a plan." She smiles at me, yawning. "I should go to bed, I guess. My prep team gets me up early to cake on makeup and get me dressed up." She stands up and gives me another hug. "Night. Try to get some sleep." I say bye to her, and flip through the television channels for maybe a half hour or so. I can't find anything I actually want to watch, so I give up and go to my room to try to get some sleep.
Halfway through a terrible nightmare, I hear some rustling and a loud noise. I jolt upright in bed, looking for the nearest object to use as a possible weapon for defense. I can't find anything, so I just try to calm myself down. It was probably nothing. A few seconds later, the door to my car opens, and in the dark I can make out the silhouette of a person. When they come closer, I see that it's Johanna in her panties and a tee shirt. She walks in sheepishly. "Hey," she mutters."Um, can I sleep in here tonight? I don't wanna be by myself."
"Yeah, sure." I smile at her, moving over to give her half of the bed. She's tiny and doesn't need all of the space, but I don't want her to feel like I'm not giving her any. I lie in the dark, awake, listening to her rhythmic breathing for I don't even know how long. Eventually, I do fall asleep.
My sleep is restless, but I don't wake up until I hear a groan and a loud chuckle. During the night, somehow, I somehow got curled up next to Johanna. I sit up and see that Blight is giving Natalie a few bills. Did they bet on us? Ugh. "We're here to get Johanna. Go back to sleep." Blight tells us. Johanna sits up, yawns, and says goodbye before walking out of the car.
Natalie stays, sitting on the edge of my bed. He waits a few moments after Blight and Johanna left before speaking. "I really hope you didn't sleep with her, Finnick. You should save those consensual times for people you're in long-lasting relationships. You don't want it to not mean anything-"
"We didn't do anything. She just didn't want to sleep alone." I cut her off, explaining the situation. I can't help but feel slightly embarrassed. It's weird that I don't like the idea of people thinking we had sex. For the short amount of time I've been... well, a whore, I've been open about sexual things. I've had countless conversations with Grant, Natalie, and Blight on sex, and it hasn't been awkward or uncomfortable in the slightest. But now it is. Maybe it's because I actually care about Johanna.
"I believe you, Finnick." She smiles a little, and strokes my cheek. The way she says it is so genuine, I don't know what to say in response. "Just don't do anything stupid. You're gonna be seeing her for years, so if it gets awkward, it'll stay that way for a while." Natalie looks like she wants to say something else, but she doesn't. Instead, she kisses my forehead, and turn the lights off as she walks out of the car.
I go back to sleep, since I'm in no rush and District 3 has no real appeal to me. It's very urban, like District 8, and the air is thick with smog. The victors from District 3 are nice, but they're all a lot older than me, and we really don't have much to talk about.
I wake up again around noon from a terrible nightmare where District 3's smog smothers me. I'm fine though, and I order a cup of tea and a couple rolls of bread from my bedside. Moments later, a Capitol attendant is in my room with the food, standing at the door awkwardly. "Thank you." I say, smiling at her. She blushes, her cheeks turning as pink as her hair, and sets the food down on my nightstand. Sometimes I forget that the Capitol is in love with me, and how off guard she must have been when she came in here with me shirtless. Whatever. I doubt she minded that much.
I wander around the train for a little, but there's really nothing to do. Natalie, Blight and Johanna are all in District 3 right now, and I have no intention of joining them. I read some of the latest Capitol magazines, but they're really boring. There's one dedicated to just purses. You really only need one bag to put your stuff in anyways. I have to remind myself this is the Capitol, and they focus on wants, not needs. I wonder how they can take so much and leave so little for everyone else. Don't they ever wonder about the lives of us district-people? Or are we dehumanized by Snow and his government so they don't feel bad that we're fighting to the death for their entertainment? I don't even bother. Trying to understand the way their mind works is impossible.
Natalie gets on the train a few hours later. We play cards, and then watch a talk that Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith have. They're discussing the possible arena settings and themes that might happen for the next few games. I don't want to think about it – I'll have to come home, with at least one of my kids gone. They're not my children, but it feels like I've killed someone I was supposed to be watching over. I am their mentor. But Natalie likes to speculate – she says it might help me figure out what gifts could help the kids the most. The Capitol audiences tend to dislike really cold or really hot climates, since most of the tributes die of overexposure, and there's little bloodshed. Woody areas, areas with water, and mixed-climate areas are popular.
They expect a small arena. Games with smaller arenas are a lot shorter, since there's less places for people to hide. Also, smaller areas usually mean a Career will win. Larger areas mean more hiding spaces, so there can easily be no bloodshed for three or four days at a time. Nobody knows for sure, except the Gamemakers. And they're just as entertained by the Games as the rest of the Capitol is. Usually, there's trees or caves or some type of area in which one can be concealed. And there's almost never rain. Usually, three or four tributes die from dehydration, if they make it out of the bloodbath. Some years, top contenders die from exposure. It's not even about how good a certain tribute is, it's about how good everyone else is. If everyone is equally skilled, it doesn't matter what your training score is.
I don't really want to think about this though. Not now. I don't want to think about the Games at all, but that's more difficult now than ever before. I wish I could clear all the negativity out of my mind, the nightmares, and the pain. I realize I can. I excuse myself and tell Natalie I'm going to be around. I sneak down the hallway, into Natalie's car, and tiptoe into her room. I open up the outside pocket of her purse, and find her pack of cigarettes. I carefully pull one out, and grab a set of matches. I quietly zip her bag up, and tiptoe down the hallway to my room, careful not to walk into anyone. Maybe this'll work. I'm really desperate for anything.
A/N: How was that? If you liked it, make sure to review!
Secrets fans: Don't worry, I'm working on your chapter right now!