A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter than usual and I apologize for that, but I thought I should leave it right where I did. Next chapter is one I'm actually kind of excited about.
In this chapter, Rose's thoughts and emotions sound kind of confused or contradicting because they are. She is trying to figure a lot of things out and I wanted to illustrate the confusion she is experiencing.
Thanks SOOO much for all of the reviews. I really do read them all and take them all to heart. At some point I would like to give individual responses to reviewers in an author's note but I'm anxious to publish this chapter so perhaps another time!
On my bio page I posted links to images of what I imagine Leila's wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses to look like.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
WARNING: Language and alcohol abuse in this chapter.
….
Rose Weasley felt like she couldn't breathe. There simply wasn't enough air in the room anymore. She couldn't even process her own thoughts. Questions flew threw her mind but she couldn't find her voice to ask them out loud; how could you possibly feel that way so soon? What happened to cause it? How long have you felt that way? and more importantly, Are you sure?
"I know," Scorpius continued, "this seems like it's coming out of nowhere. I didn't mean for it to come out like this. I was just so bloody angry at Lucius and Narcissa that it slipped out. I don't expect you to say it back or to feel the same way."
"Can we just...act like you didn't say it?" Rose asked in a small voice.
"Pretend like I don't love you, you mean?" He sounded incredulous.
"Don't say it. Please," her eyes begged him to take the words back.
"I don't understand. I thought you would be happy about this? I know you don't feel the same way, but isn't it a good thing that the bloke you're going to marry loves you?"
Childishly she clapped her hands over her ears and shook her head back and forth. "I'm not ready to hear it," she said quietly.
"Then I won't say it again. But I'm not going to recant it, either."
They stared each other down for several heart beats before Rose released a large breath of air and said, "Fine. Now, didn't you say you had a surprise for me?"
He smiled but they both knew it was forced. "I'm afraid I might have ruined everything."
"No, you didn't. It's not your fault, Scorpius, it's just...me," she shrugged.
"Right," he said loudly, in an attempt to sound joyful, "your surprise. If you'll take my hand, m'lady?"
Rose relaxed instantly. Joking Scorpius she liked. Serious Scorpius made her uncomfortable. With relief she took hold of his offered hand and he led her out of the room. The winding halls and twisting corridors had her confused as to where they were heading. Not to mention all of the blasted staircases.
"My room," he gestured to the room they were walking past, as if he knew she was utterly lost in his mansion of a home. "Here is your surprise." He stopped in front of a pair of large oak french doors which were closed.
He turned her body so she was facing the doors, grinned at her in a way that made his eyes sparkle, and threw the doors open. For a moment she wasn't sure what type of room she was entering, but when her eyes focused on the center piece; the most beautiful grand piano she'd ever seen, she knew.
It was a sort of music room. There were instruments all over, artwork adorning the walls, vases overflowing with gorgeous blossoms, in one corner was a window seat with a large arched window overlooking the fountain in the garden behind the manor. Surrounding the window were bookshelves that were empty, begging her silently to fill them with volumes of novels that were dear to her. In the corner opposite of the window seat and bookshelves was a wireless.
Seeing where her eyes were now, Scorpius informed her, "I put powerful protective enchantments around this room that shields it from all of the rest of the magic in the house. That way electronics will work in here. The only magic that touches this room is a very basic protective charm that keeps people who aren't Malfoys from Apparating or Disapparating."
Her eyes continued to glance around the room. The fireplace was lit and blazing with warm red-orange flames that reminded her of the Gryffindor common room. To make her feel more at home, she noted belatedly that the colour scheme of the room was red and gold. Above the fireplace was a giant picture that was a replica of the one she had in her bedroom of her entire family.
"This is, if you will, your room," he said quietly as she walked over to run her fingers over the piano keys. "I tried to incorporate all of the things that are important to you; music, books, Gryffindor, your family..."
"Thank you," she still wasn't looking at him as she spoke. "I mean it, Scorpius. So much. Thank you for this. It's the most...the most wonderful surprise anyone has ever given me. The most thoughtful gift."
"I think that while creating this room for you, it also gave me a deeper understanding of who you are as a person. It is, truly, my privilege to be able to give it to you, Rose. You can put all of your own books on the shelves, and add your own touches, of course."
"I wonder if I would be able to put a telly in here? Would that work?"
"Yes, I don't see why it wouldn't. The wireless works flawlessly. I didn't think you liked the telly that much," he commented.
"I don't, but it seemed like you did."
"I admit, it fascinates me."
"Then we should put one in here so that after we're married we can watch movies together. There's plenty of space in here. This room alone is probably bigger than three of my flats put together."
"You want to share your room with me?"
"Of course. Perhaps not all of the time, but on occasion."
Scorpius wanted so badly to kiss her. But he refrained. Instead, he contented himself with wrapping his arms around her and setting his cheek on the top of her head. "Blimey I am lucky."
"Yes, you are," he could hear the smirk in her voice, knowing she was playing, but it still hurt when she made no attempt to reciprocate his feelings.
...
"Well he's done it now," said Rose weakly as she entered her flat. Albus and Louis were still there, just as she'd left them a few hours previously, playing a game of Exploding Snap.
"Oh dear," said Louis half-heartedly, "after our little chat you still went and ruined something, little cousin?"
"I didn't ruin anything! He did! After everything I talked about with you, Scorpius told me that he loved me."
"He didn't!" Al paled noticeably.
Louis choked on the water he was drinking, "No! Bloody hell!"
"He doesn't know, of course, about all of my, er...issues, as you two so kindly put it. So I gave him a bit of slack. I simply asked him to not say that to me again. That I wasn't ready to hear it."
"You'll have to tell him eventually," Albus stated.
"I don't plan on it for a very long time."
"Or you can privately work on the problem," suggested the ever cunning Louis.
"How the bloody hell can I work through this without telling him about it? He's kind of an important aspect to consider here, Louis."
"I have a few ideas..."
...
"Is she gone?" Unfortunately for Scorpius, his grandparents had decided to wait in another part of the mansion to speak privately with him.
"Yes," he replied curtly, "just a few moments ago she Flooed home."
"Good. Now we can speak openly. Tell us, Scorpius, what you mean by choosing her, of all witches, to marry? Don't look so surprised, we were told that she was your first choice. We only wish to understand why," Narcissa certainly sounded sincere, but Scorpius knew better.
"I already told you. I love her. I might not have been in love when I put her name down, but I love her now. I initially chose her because I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. The idea of being with Rose didn't repulse me as much as any of the other options. I've worked with her in school and knew her well enough to know that I could make a marriage between us work."
"You have no...ulterior motive?" asked Lucius as he templed his fingers together reminding Scorpius very much of the villain from the movie he had watched with Rose the previous night.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you attempting to get a better social standing? Certainly marrying a Weasley has social merits and you can't deny that her family is wealthy and exceptionally influential in the Ministry. You could be well-placed to become Minister of Magic in a very short amount of time."
"Power," Scorpius spat the word like a curse, "that's all you've ever cared about, Grandfather. Power and money. When will you learn that there is so much more to life? When will you learn what is truly important? Love, and loyalty, and honour..." not trusting himself to speak, he broke off there.
"I understand," said Narcissa with pursed lips, "why do you think I am not currently occupying a cell in Azkaban? You know the story, Scorpius."
"You loved my father so much you betrayed the Dark Lord to ensure his safety during the Battle," he sounded like he was reciting a well-memorized fact.
"Exactly. However I cannot deny the wisdom in Lucius's words. Why can't you have both? You love her; very well, that's fine. Why not use the assets that accompany her? She has an influential family, take advantage of that. Doing so doesn't mean you don't love her. It means you are wise enough to seize opportunities that are laid at your feet."
"See how fate has favored you?" Lucius said with pride. "To give you such a gift. Love, power, money, all in one."
Scorpius's brows furrowed as he thought over their words. For the first time, when his eyes met Lucius's, they were not filled with contempt, but with intrigue.
...
Rose,
Nathan's trial will be held one week from today. You are required to be present. Your testimony is very important. Scorpius will have to be there as well, because it is against Scorpius that he has committed the worst crime (impersonating him illegally). Norah and Albus are required to be there as well, so don't be nervous. You'll do great. Just tell the truth. Blimey, I almost forgot to tell you the time of the trial. 8 o'clock in the morning.
Love,
Uncle Harry
Rose was frowning at the note. She was happy that Zabini would pay for his crimes, but at the same time she knew the severity of this and being at a trial made her nervous.
Not to mention her mother would probably be there as she did work in the Law Enforcement branch of the Ministry. Normally the presence of her mother would comfort her, just not in this particular situation.
Of course the entire family knew of the incident by now and she'd gotten more letters than she cared to count asking how she was and if she was alright. Her parents had just left her flat moments before she'd received this letter. Even though they'd made sure she was alright immediately after it had happened, they were now a bit too coddling. Like her Grandma Molly.
It had been two days since she'd seen Scorpius. Honestly, she was avoiding him. Ever since he'd said those three dirty words. The sun had just set, and she knew Albus wouldn't be back that night. He had spent the past three nights at Norah's and Rose didn't see an end to that pattern any time soon.
Needing a distraction of some sort, she pulled a light traveling cloak over her shoulders and Apparated to the only place she could think of; The Leaky Cauldron. Her Uncle Neville and Aunt Hannah owned the place, although they weren't her real family, they might as well be as they were such close friends with her parents.
"Rose?" Austin Longbottom was behind the bar and Rose beamed at him. Despite the odd past they had, she was glad to see him. When they were young they'd been playmates, her first couple years of Hogwarts she had a large crush on him, he'd politely turned her down, then he became a sort of older-brother figure.
"Hey, Austin," she greeted him warmly, leaning over the bar to give him a swift hug. Her bottom settled onto a barstool as she placed her order, "Best firewhiskey you've got. And lots of it."
"Oh dear," he winced, "you must be having a rough day."
Rose thought over everything that was going on in her life at the moment and nodded. Nathan's trial, Scorpius's admission of love, the fact that she couldn't bring herself to say 'I love you,' to anyone, not even her family, and how she was trying very hard to not doubt everyone who cared about her. "You have no idea."
He reached her a shot glass and filled it to the brim with the amber liquid. As he moved to return the bottle to it's place, Rose put a hand on his arm, "Leave the bottle."
With a worried look, he obliged, and moved on to greet the next customer. Rose drank. She drank and she drank and she drank until she was more drunk than she'd ever been before.
There was only one time before when she'd been properly drunk. Sixth year at a secret party in the Gryffindor common room to celebrate James's seventeenth birthday. That was nothing compared to this. Then, she'd been giggly, flirty, and fun. Now she was depressed and angry.
At random intervals she would cry, angrily rant about things to Austin, and then just stare intently at the wall while drinking some more. Finally, when she tipped the last contents of the bottle into her open mouth, Austin snatched it away and threw his apron onto the bar. "My shift is over," he said, "and I'm taking responsibility for you, Ms. Weasley."
Rose snorted in a very unlady-like fashion, "Thanks anyway, Auuuustin, but I don't need a babysitter."
"I'm not a babysitter," the only thing keeping him from laughing was his concern for Rose. "I'm an escort. I'll escort you home."
"I don't want to go home," when he attempted to politely help her from the stool, she pushed him away, nearly falling over.
"Where would you like to go then?"
Rose gave it some thought and said finally, "Malfoy Manor. I rather think I need to give Scorpy-boy a piece of my mind!"
"Scorpius?" Austin asked in surprise, "that's the bloke you've been talking about all night? Bloody hell, no wonder you wanted to get pissed! I'm so sorry for you, Rose, honey."
As if his approval was all she had needed, Rose obliged to letting him help her out of the bar and into the streets of muggle London. Not wanting to leave Austin's company quite yet, she said, "Can we just walk around for a few minutes? The fresh air is so nice."
"Of course," half supporting her, he walked with her aimlessly, with no particular destination in mind. "I can't believe the Ministry put you with Scorpius. I thought...oh, never mind."
"What did you think?" Rose was trying very hard to sober-up but was somewhat failing. Her words were clear, but her movements were clumsy.
"I thought that they would put you with me," was that a faint blush on his cheeks?
"Why would you think that?" she asked stupidly.
"I put your name down as my first choice. I reckon a lot of blokes did, but I still can't believe they chose Malfoy."
Annoyed that she was unable to follow what he was thinking, she snapped, "What are you talking about, Longbottom?"
"Don't you know?" he sounded truly shocked, "I thought for sure they would have told your Mum, as she works in that department. Rose, the purebloods, we were allowed to request a half-blood or muggleborn to be with."
"What?" she hissed in disbelief, "you lot were allowed to choose?"
"Only partially, obviously, but yes."
"And you...you wanted me?" they had stopped walking and she was trying very hard to stand on her own, without wobbling.
"Yes," his answer was instantaneous, "what bloke wouldn't? You're brilliant, beautiful, funny, and I know that for the past few years you've looked at me like an older brother, but I reckon I could've made you happy-"
Rose interrupted his eloquent speech by throwing her arms around his neck and stretching up to plant her lips on his. This kiss was not unlike the one she had shared with Scorpius days before. It also sent feelings of wonder and desire coursing through her. Austin had plenty of experience with snogging girls and this definitely worked in his favour now.
He groaned against her and snaked his arms around her waist to pull her flush against him. She couldn't tell how long they stood there snogging, nor did she care. All that mattered was how warm and wonderful he was.
Her hands slid down his shoulders to the front of his cloak, pulling it open and slipping her fingers through the material until they brushed the bare skin of his chest. "Rose," she wasn't sure if it was a warning or an expression of pleasure. Either way it gave her a thrill to hear her name fall from his lips in that tone.
Her own mouth was at his neck now, kissing and nipping as his large hands moved down until they were almost resting on her arse. Finally, they broke apart, both of them panting hard. "I'm sorry," she stuttered, blinking rapidly, "I don't know what came over me."
"Do you want to come home with me tonight?" his voice was low, rough, and so damn sexy.
"Excuse me?" her blue eyes widened.
"Don't worry, I have no plans of taking advantage of your intoxicated state. I can give you a sober-up potion and then let you make the decision that you want to make, but I would very much like it if you were to spend the night with me."
His meaning was clear and Rose's heart sped up into overdrive. The drunken fog of her brain fought with logic. Did she want to have a night of senseless passion with Austin Longbottom? A large part of her was screaming, 'Sweet Merlin, yes!' but another side was vehemently opposing this idea.
"But we're both engaged now, we have fiances..." she babbled.
"Sod them," his words were harsh, but true, she realized with a jolt. How many people were going to be faithful to their respective spouses in arranged marriages? There would probably be an innumerable amount of affairs going on very soon. Would she and Austin be one of them?
Quickly, her imagination spun into a 'What-if' mode, thinking what things would be like if she accepted his offer. She could see herself meeting up with him secretly for years to come. Was that the sort of marriage she wanted?
With blurred, slowed movements, Rose shook her head, "No," her voice was still clear and steady, "I'm sorry, Austin, but I can't." Scorpius's face swam before her eyes and she heard those three blasted words again spilling from his mouth in her memory. What if he meant it? What if he truly loved her? She couldn't repay him this way.
"I wouldn't tell anyone," he vowed. Rose knew he wasn't trying to just sleep with her. She knew Austin well enough to know what he was offering her; a secret life with him that their spouses would never know about. Maybe even running off together one day, away from this madness.
Godric, a part of her wanted that so bloody bad. Did she love Austin Longbottom? No, not as anything more than a wonderful friend. But that was still more than she loved Malfoy. "Please," she whispered, confused and thoroughly intoxicated, "just take me to Malfoy Manor."
Austin's eyes looked sad for just a moment before he composed himself and took her into his arms, "Alright. Hold on."
Apparition. Not the most pleasant experience in the world. Especially when one was so full of alcohol that vomiting was a real possibility. Rose managed, however, to hold onto all of the firewhiskey currently sloshing around in her stomach and they appeared magically in front of the tall wrought iron gates.
When her hand touched the gates, they swung open and Austin escorted her all the way to the front doors. "Rose?" Scorpius opened the door, light spilling out onto the porch from the inside of the house, "Longbottom?" he growled.
"I'm just bringing her here, Malfoy," Austin didn't sound any more fond of Scorpius than Scorpius sounded of him. "She's quite drunk and requested that I bring her here. To you."
"Well, then, thanks...I guess," Scorpius lifted Rose easily as Austin had been supporting her as she had stumbled her way up to the mansion.
"You're welcome," it was said grudgingly and they both knew it, but still gave each other curt nods before Austin retreated into the darkness of the night.
"Hullo, Scorpius," said Rose grumpily as he carried her up several flights of staircases.
"Why are you drunk?" he asked abruptly.
"I wanted to forget," she mumbled, "about everything that's going on. I'm afraid that I was sick of being brave and decided to be a little coward for just one night."
"Drinking away your sorrows is cowardly," his voice was cold.
"Are you mad at me?"
He sighed heavily, "No, Rose, I'm not mad at you. Just disappointed. It's a bit of a blow when a man admits his love for a woman and three nights later finds that she has been drinking to cope with everything."
"I wasn't drinking because of you," she said in a surprised way, "well, okay, maybe a little, but not really. I was drinking because of Zabini and my own thoughts. Not to mention, if anyone should be mad, it should be me."
"Why should you be the cross one?"
They had reached his bedroom. Scorpius moved to push the door open but Rose objected immediately, "No. I want to go to my room, the one you made for me."
With a grunt, he continued on down the hallway a bit and they entered the room he had prepared just for her. He set her on the window seat then stood across from her.
"Now are you going to tell me why you're angry?"
Rose's face was pensive for a while, as if she couldn't quite remember what she'd been thinking of a few moments ago, but then she said with a gasp, "I remember! Austin told me," she stood on shaky legs and poked a finger into his chest, "that you chose me. What do you think I am, Malfoy? Some sort of...of trophy?" she screamed, "Some sort of prize? Someone who can be bought or sold like a...like a House-Elf?"
"I didn't buy you," he objected, his voice betrayed none of the panic he felt.
"You might as well have! Treating me like a common object! Like a whore! What was it like? Did all of you pureblood prats get together and then bid on which person you wanted to marry like a bloody auction?"
"No! Rose, it wasn't like that, please-"
"Why?" she cried, her voice cracking, finally showing how truly drunk she was, "why the...fucking-" she hiccuped, "hell did you choose me of all people?"
Not wanting to reveal the deeper more complex reasons to her while she was in this state, he simply said, "I couldn't imagine being with anyone else."
Taken off guard by this, she stumbled back, tilted her head to look up at him with a frown and said, "Oh. I see. You thought I was the best," this filled her with a secret happiness. When she had previously been so bloody angry with him it was quite a turnaround to now feel flattered. With a giggle she added, "you wanted me." just as she had said to Austin.
"I did," Scorpius affirmed.
"So did Austin," she commented as if she were making a casual observation, "and I kissed him."
"Tonight?" Scorpius felt his chest tighten. He couldn't breathe.
"Yes," Rose didn't sound ashamed, "I kissed him tonight. Before he brought me here. He wanted to take me home with him. He offered...well, you know."
Scorpius thought he might be sick. To think! Albus had worried about Austin Longbottom being competition to him when in reality he was competition to Scorpius. "What did you say?" he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"I told him no. That I was engaged."
This startled Scorpius so much that he couldn't help the next question that escaped him, "Why? I didn't think you wanted me. Wouldn't Austin have been preferable?"
She shrugged unconcernedly, "Perhaps."
"Then why didn't you go with him?"
Rose blinked as if she didn't quite understand the question. In her head, she repeated the question several times, unable to put her answer into words. How could she explain to him that she'd seen his face, that she didn't want to hurt him, that although she didn't love him she cared about him very much? The easiest response she could give him was simply, "You tasted better."
"I tasted...what?"
"You tasted better. Snogging Austin was like snogging any other bloke. But snogging you is like...like sunshine. It's bright."
"My kisses are...bright?"
"Yeah," she encouraged, truly believing that she was explaining herself well when in reality it was rather muddled, "like everything was dark and I was living in the dark but you made it light."
"I see," he was now very concerned about her well-being, "do you need to lie down, love? You're swaying on your feet."
"Read to me," the request was so sudden and strange that Scorpius wasn't sure he heard her correctly until she spun around, plucked a book from the shelf that Scorpius had put there, and handed it to him.
Without saying anything, he sat on the window seat and Rose curled up with him. Scorpius conjured a blanket, covering both of them with it, and he opened to the first page of the book and began to read. Neither of them were paying attention to the story, really. Before he reached the third chapter she was asleep and before he reached the fourth, so was he.
...
"Owwwww. Oh, my head," Rose moaned as she sat up the following morning. Her body was cuddled up with Scorpius's and if she hadn't been so hung over she would have liked it.
"Mmm," he mumbled, "Morning."
"How did I get here?"
"You don't remember?" he sounded alarmed. Worry coated his words.
Rose closed her eyes and tried to recall everything she could from the previous night. "I remember that Austin offered to escort me home," blurred pictures of the bar, Austin offering his hand, and Rose accepting, ran through her mind.
"And then?"
"That's it," and she meant it. Everything was black after that. Very vaguely she had the feeling that she should be mad about something and a lingering feeling of guilt plagued her, but the events were lost in her intoxicated state. "I assume I must have asked him to bring me here."
"That's right," relief was in his voice now, "you did. Then you asked me to read to you and we fell asleep right here." Joy was bubbling just under the surface of his calm composure. She didn't remember! She didn't remember that he had chosen her! She wouldn't be angry with him for it or hold it against him because she didn't even know!
"Thank you, then, for taking care of me," embarrassedly she climbed off of him and attempted to smooth down her rumpled skirt.
"It was no problem. Any time you need anything, I'll be here. Now, how about breakfast?"
Awkward. That was the only word that came to her mind. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy sat across from Scorpius and Rose at the dining room table and she could read their faces as if they were screaming their thoughts at her.
Clearly it looked like she had spent the night with Scorpius. With red-tinted cheeks Rose asked softly, "Pass the jam please, Mrs. Malfoy?"
With a small smirk that was barely holding back laughter, Astoria said, "Here you are, dear, help yourself to anything you wish, as I see you already have helped yourself to our son," a giggle burst through at the end.
Rose flushed even darker, but she dared not correct their assumptions. It was worse, she thought, for them to think she was a drunk than a slag. With her head held high exhibiting all the courage she could muster, she sat through the longest meal of her life.