Author's Note: (May 21, 2013) I worked really hard on this chapter! So I hope you appreciate it! (There are notes at the bottom to explain some cultural things for extra clarity.) The title of this chapter translates into "Last Look at God" but I was also trying to also communicate "Goodbye/Farewell to God" at the same time. "Mi osame" translates into "last look; farewell look". Either way, this is goodbye to Akito.

Remember in the manga when Shigure tells Akito that he doesn't like to share? His possessiveness will kick in in this chapter. Hehehe. Enjoy!

Chapter 7

Kami no Mi Osame – Last Look at God (Funeral Part 2)

Shigure was deeply disturbed by everything that took place in that small office. Disturbed and confused. He had never seen Hatori look so scared in his life. What happened between him and Akiten? For a moment there, he felt this strange vibe radiate off her before Hatori managed to calm her down. He didn't understand any of it. Furthermore, he felt this all-new sense of fear and protectiveness of Akiten.

He held her a little longer, like Hatori commanded, but he also felt this strong urge to hold her… like he needed to hold her. He could feel her negative energies draining away slowly, slipping down her cheeks in clear salty droplets. He shifted slightly so he could cradle her small frail body better. He brushed her hair back soothingly and, closing his eyes, softly touched the top of her head with his lips. It felt bittersweet to him. Here he was cradling his skeleton of a child as she struggled with her own mysterious inner demons and he, wanting to chase away all of her bad dreams, struggled with the loss of the woman he most cared about.

Raising a daughter will be a lot harder than he anticipated.

After some time had passed, she sniffled and pulled away from him. She mumbled something about being thirsty so Shigure handed her the juice box Hatori had given him before.

"All better now?" he asked as she sipped the sweet drink.

She nodded, but didn't want to look him in the eye. This time he understood why.

He cleared his throat and stood up from his seat. "I'm going to see how things are progressing out there. I'll be right back, okay? You just relax and drink your juice."

He had to find Hatori and squeeze some information out of the dragon.

He left the office and closed the door behind him gently. The hall was beginning to fill with guests, both Sohma and friends of the family, and he didn't want to draw any attention to himself, or the office. He weaved through the crowds, searching for his serious friend. He found him standing with Ayame, looking as though he was trying to keep himself together.

Ayame spotted Shigure before Hatori and he beckoned him over with his hand. As much as Shigure loved his cousin, he didn't want to deal with him at that moment… as was evident on Hatori's face as well. Shigure still smiled exuberantly to Ayame, but once he was close enough to speak softly to them, he asked if Ayame didn't mind if he stole Hatori for a moment. Ayame pouted, but thought better than to kick up a fuss.

"Aki-chuu?" was all he asked for confirmation.

Shigure nodded and pulled Hatori aside to a private corner. Hatori knew what Shigure was after, but he had too much of a headache already, and he didn't want to have to deal with anything else.

"Look Shigure, I don't want to discuss this right now."

"Don't even think about trying to sneak out of this now without giving me some answers," Shigure growled under his breath. "Now tell me what the heck that was all about in there!"

Hatori pinched the bridge of his nose to try and ease his headache a little. "I don't know. To be honest, I don't know much of anything at this point in time right now."

"Bullshit," Shigure snapped as quietly as he could. He didn't want to create a scene after all. He watched the guests mingling around, expressing their condolences for Akito's passing to the Juunishi members and other Sohma family members. "You obviously know something that I don't, and I want to know what it is."

"What can I say, Shigure? That when she was born, those of us that knew about her knew that she was not a normal child? And how can she be normal? She's the daughter of God for heaven's sake! I'm sure you being the other half has something to do with it too, but I haven't come across any records of a child ever being born from God before," Hatori hissed.

Shigure was silent as he contemplated Hatori's words. Hatori rubbed his temple again and sighed. "I don't know what she's capable of. But she is definitely gifted… if you want to look at it that way."

Shigure narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "How so and in what way?"

"Shit Shigure, you think I know the answers to everything?" Hatori shot back, turning his back to the guests and stepping close so that he could whisper over his shoulder into Shigure's ear. "I told you, I don't know. I look at her mother and see how destructive her temper was, I don't even want to imagine how self-destructive Akiten might be. She has some kind of power… I don't know what it is yet because I fear what harm she's capable of doing if she's ever allowed to get out of control. Why do you think she was confined for so much of her life?"

Shigure met Hatori's eyes then and shivered.

So there was something more sinister at work here after all.

Shigure cursed under his breath. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I was afraid you would turn her away," Hatori said darkly.

It was like a smack in his face. Would he have turned Akiten away had he known that she had a unique… gift? Was that what Ren was alluding to the other day? His heart sank as Hatori's words sunk in. He had been nothing but irresponsible in the past, and now he couldn't afford to keep following down that same path.

Seeing that his words had gotten through, Hatori's icy look melted a little and he broke eye contact with Shigure. "What she really needs is a normal upbringing and a way to learn how to handle her abilities. Now that she's God, I don't know what kind of a 'normal' upbringing she will get," Hatori sighed and glanced at his feet briefly. "What she needs is a father… someone to love and accept her for who she is and to guide her on her path into womanhood. Not to… not to lock her up in a small dark room…"

Shigure swallowed and lowered his gaze to the floor. He began to pace a few steps back and forth as he took everything in. "So you think she was about to… about to have an episode in there?"

Hatori nodded, his face emotionless. "She was already overwhelmed. That's why I asked that she be moved to someplace more private. I don't know what happened before I entered the office, but something upset her and was about to set her off. I could feel the energy and see how she was shaking…"

Shigure cursed again, running his hand through his hair. What would have happened if Hatori hadn't come in when he did and calmed her down? What upset her? He would have to be more careful with what he said to her… he might trigger something in her and set her off. And then what would happen?

"I suggest that we keep her in the office until the funeral starts," Hatori concluded with a sigh. "The less exposure she has to people she doesn't know, the better. When the funeral is about to start, she should have had enough time to fully cool down. Then you can bring her out and have her sit down with the rest of us in the front row. I'll save you both seats off to the side."

Shigure nodded silently. He excused himself and headed back towards the office. His mind was now filled with troubled thoughts about his daughter. There was more mystery around her now than he ever thought possible. There was something profoundly disturbing about her, but did he dare to find out what that something was?

He nodded at his younger cousins, who looked curious as to what he was up to, but he hurried off before they might pursue him further.

He was about to knock on the office door when it swung open and the director stepped out. Shigure looked over his shoulder and saw Kureno sitting with Akiten.

His blood began to boil.

"Ah, Sohma-san! I have been looking for you! My condolences to you and your daughter over your wife's passing."

My wife? Who told him that? Shigure thought in heated confusion, but just nodded his head stiffly.

"Everything is ready to go. We will bring your wife out in about thirty minutes and begin the services. Does that sound good to you?"

Shigure nodded, trying hard not to grunt at him. He just wanted to get inside the office and get that man away from his daughter. "Could you excuse me for a moment? Thank you," he said, pushing past the director and closing the door behind him roughly. He might have come off a little rude to the director, but he didn't care.

Kureno looked surprised when Shigure entered, glaring at him. "What are you doing here?" Shigure demanded gruffly. He was referring to Kureno interacting with Akiten within the privacy of the director's office.

Akiten's eyes widened when she saw the anger and hatred flash in her father's eyes. "Shigure, it's okay," she said, getting up from her seat and stepping towards Shigure with outstretched hands. She latched onto his jacket and tugged on it to get him to break his death glare and look at her.

He exhaled, nostrils flaring, as he turned his attention to his daughter.

"It's okay," she said again. "I know Kureno-san. I have seen him a few times before at the Honke."

Shigure's eyes widened. He had seen her a few times… before him? She was his daughter! How could this tramp know about his daughter and meet his daughter before him? Where was the justice? He gritted his teeth.

"Don't be upset," Akiten pleaded with large puppy-dog eyes. "He's always been very nice to me…"

Enough was enough. "Get out Kureno," he grunted. He couldn't stand him in that moment. It was one thing when Akito chose Kureno over him… but he couldn't have Akiten too.

Akiten lowered her eyes, still clutching the hem of his jacket with both hands. Her face felt hot with embarrassment. Had she done something wrong?

She felt Kureno brush passed them as he murmured, "Sorry for the intrusion, Shigure-san." She squeezed her eyes shut. An image of Mistress hissing and raising her hand flashed in her mind. Would Shigure hit her too?

She waited. When nothing immediately came, she touched his hand and pictured calming things and pushed them through her touch. She could hear him slow his breathing as his heartbeat relaxed before he pulled away to loosen his tie around his neck.

"I hate these things…" he muttered to himself. "Like a damn choke chain…"

Akiten exhaled in relief. She saw no intention in him of striking her and she managed to calm him down. She felt tired. She turned and went back to sit down on her chair. She watched Shigure stand there, looking uncertain, yet distracted.

"How long have you known Kureno?" he asked.

She recognized the guilty look on his face, but not the jealousy that flickered behind his eyes. She shrugged, feeling self-conscious. "I don't know… a while."

Shigure didn't like that answer.

She looked down at her hands on her lap. "I first saw him a long time ago with Akito. I was too young then to know anything about the Juunishi. But I ran into him again maybe five years ago."

Shigure raised an eyebrow.

"Or rather, to be more accurate… he found me," she added, touching the petals embroidered on the lap of her kimono with her fingertips. "He was looking for something… I don't know what it was… and he found me hidden in that dark room."

Shigure tilted his head quizzically. Dark room…? The same dark room that Hatori mentioned? But he became more concerned when she clamped her eyes shut.

"Akito was furious with me…" and beat me so hard… she added silently to herself. She clutched her hands tightly together in her lap, her nails digging into her skin.

Shigure's brows pulled together. "Why was she furious with you?" What was the big deal?

"Because…" she bit her lip hesitantly. "Because I'm not supposed to exist…" I wasn't supposed to be seen by anyone. I was to remain hidden… invisible… just a shadow among shadows…

Shigure was stunned. He didn't know what to say. Sure, she had been a mistake… but that was hardly her fault! It was his own fault for not keeping it in his pants with Akito. Not to mention the mistakes that came after it… Did Akito really mean to keep her life a secret forever?

What kind of a life…?

What had changed her mind before her death?

Shigure stepped in front of her. She kept her head down and immediately sat on her hands.

"But you do exist," he told her softly. He wanted to reassure her… to take away all the monsters that haunted her soul. "And I wish I had known sooner so I could have been there for you…" So I could have given you a better life… one that you deserve… one that was worth living…

He watched as a renegade teardrop fell onto her lap. Then another. And another. He pulled her into his arms as she began to cry softly.

"I'm so sorry, Aki-chan," he whispered, feeling his eyes well with moisture. "I'm so sorry." Please forgive me.

Please.

X

After about half an hour, the director came to the office to tell Shigure that the ceremony would begin. Shigure nodded and tighten the loosened tie around his neck. He made a choking face at Akiten as he did so, in hopes of making her smile… even if it was just a little. He succeeded.

She took the hand that he held out to her and she followed him out of the office. The number of people who had gathered astonished her. She had never seen so many faces at once. Most of them had already taken their seats, but there were still more filling the spaces in the back rows. How was it possible that her mother knew so many people?

A few people noticed her walking behind Shigure and holding his hand. She felt a wave of emotions wash over her as she glimpsed the eyes of several people looking at her. She turned her gaze to the floor and could feel Shigure's anxiety building within him and spreading through her hand and up her arm.

Let go, she whispered in her mind as she loosened her hold on his hand. He responded by releasing her. She sighed and relaxed a little. With no physical contact to him now, she could focus her energies on herself and the building of her invisible protective wall around her. She would need it.

She followed Shigure to the front row, where there were two empty seats on the end next to Hatori. She sighed with relief as Hatori nodded curtly to them. He looked tired. Shigure motioned for her to sit next to Hatori and he would sit on the end. She hesitated briefly, but obeyed and sat down. She put her hands together in her lap and focused her attention on them and her reflective barrier.

The service began minutes later after Akito's body had been carried in and carefully placed amongst the white flowers next to the altar. The coffin was richly decorated in a dark, almost black, stained wood with golden designs carved into the sides. Akiten stole a quick glimpse of her mother's body, before looking away. She could feel the cold, emptiness of death floating around it. It made her uncomfortable. She noticed Shigure staring at it with a straight face, but his eyes betrayed him. They were pooling with grief. It bothered her to see him look like that, but she didn't understand why, so she instead turned her attention back to her hands and deep breathing.

Shigure struggled to keep himself together as soon as he glimpsed her. She was dressed in a white kimono. Her deathly white skin had been dusted with rosy shades of powder on her cheeks and eyelids. Her jet-black hair was delicately brushed away from her face. He heard the hushed murmurings of confusion and shock among his younger cousins sitting further down. It had never been revealed to them before of Akito's true gender. They must have missed the wake as well.

A chiming sound from the back of the hall announced the start of the ososhiki (funeral ceremony). The gathering of mourners was hushed as three Buddhist priests walked down the aisle. They were dressed in exquisite kimonos that glittered in the fluorescent light. They took their places at the front of the room with their backs to the mourners. With everyone's attention on the priests now, Akiten took the opportunity to watch them as well with curiosity.

The middle priest sat on a little stool while the other two sat on black cushions with their backs straight. They sat with their legs folded in front of them, much like the statues Akiten saw outside in the garden.

The readings from the sutras began, their voices reverberating around the room. Akiten's eyes widened at how clear and close their words were… as if they were sitting right next to her and not twenty feet away. The three of them were chanting together, almost like singing a song that went on and on without stopping for air (which they did in fact, stop for air, but each priest stopped at different times so as not to break the flow of the sutras). Akiten didn't understand a word they were saying—it was like a foreign language to her—and she leaned forward in her seat, straining her ears for the odd words that she could understand. Their voices flowed together in a gentle lull that made Akiten sigh with peace and eventually lean back in her seat, listening to just the sounds rather than the strange words and the mysteries that they held. She closed her eyes as the ceremony progressed, the harmony soothing her anxiety away.

After about 45 minutes, the singing stopped.

Akiten opened her eyes lazily as the director stepped to the front of the altar and began to read a series of messages from those who were unable to attend the funeral. Akiten quickly grew bored after the tenth message and let her imagination wander to the flowers and casket in front of her as he droned on. She didn't know the names of any of the flowers, but they all had many layers of white petals that fanned out in a circle from the centre. She noticed a small bowl of rice with chopsticks standing vertically up from the middle that she hadn't observed before. She thought that was odd, but did not question it.

The director kept reading message after message, and Akiten began to wonder how many messages there were and how much longer it would take. She began to feel drowsy.

'See how loved I am? So many people have come to see me one last time.'

Akiten jumped awake, fully alert now. Had she fallen asleep? She must have… she could still hear Akito's voice whispering in the back of her mind.

Her sudden jerk caught Shigure's attention and he tilted his head in puzzlement. She blushed in response, and returned to staring at her hands in her lap.

Thankfully, the reading of the telegrams reached its conclusion and the director called Kureno up to say a few words and to thank everyone present for their support and generosity. Shigure was secretly thankful that it wasn't him standing up there. Although he was very eloquent at book tours, he knew that he would struggle to hold back his emotions here. He just hung his head until Kureno called him and Akiten up as Akito's husband and daughter.

Panic engulfed Akiten as all eyes turned to her and Shigure. Shigure was calm as he took her by the shoulders and led her forward, shielding her as best as he could with his body until they were front and centre next to Kureno at the podium.

She kept her eyes down and clenched them shut when Shigure stopped and turned her to face all of the guests. "Bow low," he whispered to her as he stepped next to her and bowed to everyone present. She bowed, somewhat clumsily, as he did, and when she pulled herself back up, her face was flushed. She immediately turned her back and reached for him. She clung to him, burying her face into his jacket for support and shelter from the onslaught of stares.

Murmurs from the guests whispered about how traumatic this must be for the poor child, even though none of them had known that Akiten even existed. But it was the murmurings of disbelief from the Juunishi that pulled at her soul the hardest. For those who had not met her yet, they were shocked at first into silence and then driven to ask amongst themselves if it was true. Not only had Akito been secretly a woman, but also had a daughter with Shigure? Their shock flooded over her and she could feel herself being pulled down under their crashing emotions.

Ren was called up next. Akiten squeezed Shigure tighter, and she could feel Shigure tense up as well. He gripped her shoulders tightly as the woman stepped forward and dabbed her dry eyes with a handkerchief theatrically. Akiten could feel a low, almost silent rumble of a growl within Shigure's chest. A wave of protectiveness engulfed her, and it offered her some strength—if only to help her regain her focus.

Deep breaths.

The Juunishi were called up in order of year, starting with Yuki, then Haru, all the way to Kagura and finishing with Kyo. One by one, they stepped up and bowed their heads low. Akiten didn't know what was going on, but Shigure told her later that it was the family's way of thanking the guests for coming.

Then came the Nobe no Okuri (final visit with the deceased). A staff member brought out a tray of white flowers as a pair of other staff members wheeled the coffin forward on the stretcher it had been placed on during the ceremony.

Akiten was still clutching tightly to Shigure when the staff member with the tray of flowers stepped up to them. "Please select one and place it inside with your loved one," he directed.

Shigure nodded and rubbed Akiten's shoulders encouragingly. She pried herself away from him, avoiding eye contact with anyone, and reached for one of the flowers. She watched how Shigure picked one up by the green stem and mirrored his movements. She then followed closely on his heel to her mother.

Shigure gazed down at Akito's face. They had done a great job with her makeup and beautifying her otherwise sunken features. Lying there in the shimmering silk, she looked better than she had over the last year. How long she had suffered… the thought gripped his heart. And he had treated her no better. If he had been kinder… gentler… would she have lived longer? Would she have lived more peacefully?

I'm sorry, Akki-chan, he thought bitterly to himself. I should have resisted when you pushed me away. I should have known… should have understood…

Akiten watched her grief and guilt-ridden father as he stared at her mother with tears in his eyes. His sorrow splashed over her like freezing cold water and she shivered inadvertently, clutching her flower tightly in her hands as goosebumps covered her arms. She waited until he gently placed his flower above Akito's heart before she swiftly placed her own next to his.

She couldn't bring herself to look at her mother. She discovered that death made her nervous. She struggled to breathe as a dark energy pressed down on her shoulders and pulled at the air within her lungs. She had never been this close to death before, staring at it mere inches away… until now. She found that it brought bad feelings and negative emotions that pulled at the roots of her hair.

Kimochi warui… Bad, bad feelings…

She clung to Shigure like a shadow as he walked away from the casket. With every step away, she could feel some of the eerie feelings fading slightly.

Ren stepped up to her daughter next and placed her flower. She paused for only a moment before stepping aside and allowing the other Juunishi members, including Kureno, to place their flowers and their final farewells to Akito.

Within moments, the Juunishi had all said their farewells and the lid to the coffin was closed. The staff took brass mallets and hammered down the nails halfway. Then the director presented Shigure and Akiten with squarish black and grey rocks the size of Shigure's fist.

"Take these. And with them, you will each hammer down on a nail to help put your wife and mother to rest." He handed them the rocks.

Akiten stared at it in her small hand. Was this to make her feel better? To make her feel included in bringing peace to her mother's spirit? Instead of feeling humbled, she felt empowered.

She followed Shigure to the casket and she chose a nail a couple feet down from his. She stared at it as Shigure brought his rock down three times. The sound echoed in the silent room like the banishing of a demon.

She pictured her mother's face as her eyes blurred with tears. She brought the rock down upon the nail—

For all the times you struck me… Bam. For all the times I couldn't fight back… Bam. For all the times you cursed my existence… Bam. For all the times you made me hate myself… Bam.

I hate you!

Author's Note: *sniffles* Aki-chaaaan! *huggles*

This turned out a lot longer than I thought! So there were lots of things going on here that you may not know about so hopefully I can break some of it down for you (I had to do research for this… and I had to fill in some blanks, so hopefully I still remained true to the style of Japanese funerals since I have never attended one before). I cut some traditional things out for the sake of simplicity (and Akiten wouldn't understand it anyway). This includes the kaimyou (precept name) and koden (condolence money). Including these would only drag the story on in a bad and unnecessary way…

Since I don't know anything about the "sutras" chanted, I figured they would be chanted in an older tongue, and perhaps in a more traditional/formal way of speaking that Akiten wouldn't have encountered growing up, and thus, wouldn't understand (especially keeping in mind the varying degrees of polite speech in Japanese).

And I couldn't find who reads all the telegrams that come in from people unable to attend funerals, so I just assumed that the director would do it (didn't seem like the role of the priests, but what do I know?)

Funeral Notes:

- bowl of rice with chopsticks standing vertically up from the middle – this is "food" for the soul of the deceased to eat on his/her journey into the land of the dead (anoyo) – this is why you are never to put your chopsticks standing up in the middle of your food because it is associated with death

- Nobe no Okuri – I referred to this as "final visit with the deceased" but my source called it "putting out to pasture" and I don't know if that's a direct translation, or just tongue-in-cheek, but I thought it was too inappropriate and mood-breaking to use hahaha! Akito's not Haru or something! Hehe

So I hope you enjoyed this chapter (even though it's rather dark and angsty…) because I put lots of work and effort into it and the research.

Please read and review! Domo arigatou gozaimasu!