Unfinished Thoughts – Chapter 3
I had already been at Clarence's for a while when Jill and the others arrived for her Friday night feeding. Maura had driven them, but she didn't stay. She never stayed, merely dropping them off and stopping by to pick them up two hours later. I was grateful. Sydney's absence was felt acutely enough without having another Alchemist there to drive the point home.
Jill ran into the house, hugging me as soon as she saw me. Neil, Eddie and Angeline came in right after her, greeting me briefly and taking their usual seats in the living room.
"Any news?" Jill asked, even though she knew through the bond that there hadn't been any. It both mollified me and irritated me that she felt the need to do that: on one hand, it was a reminder that Sydney had been gone for 34 days; on the other hand, Jill still believed I could reach her. That meant a lot, seeing as there weren't enough people around who actually believed in me.
"Nothing," I answered, and her face turned into a mixture of disappointment and confusion.
"But… but you've changed in this past week. You've been more hopeful, I can feel it."
I hadn't told Jill about my dream visits to Jared Sage, and I don't even know why. Partly it was because I knew Sydney wouldn't approve – not because it was her father, but for the constant use of spirit and the consequences it brought me. But it was also because I was tired of hitting walls, of having to admit that once again I had failed, that once again I couldn't reach her. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing the disappointment I felt every second of everyday printed on Jill's face.
I didn't visit Jared Sage's dreams every night. Nor did I have a regular schedule; sometimes I'd go twice a night, other times I'd leave him be for a day or two. Sometimes it would take me a long time to reach him, so I'd try Sydney instead, only to bump once again into the black wall that seemed to be separating her mind from me. Even though I wasn't exactly sure what my next step was or when I would be able to do something other than try and scare Big Sage by polluting his dreams with my filthy magic.
"You know me, Jailbait. I'm a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day," I said to lighten the mood, as I sat down next to her. Seeing Jill unhappy hurt me almost as much as not having Sydney around. I should know better, though; the bond wouldn't let me lie. She looked intently at me, ready to call me on my bullshit, but I was saved by my phone ringing. It was Marcus.
"Adrian," I answered, mostly because I knew it would annoy him.
"Yeah I know. I called you." The ghost of a smile reached my lips. "Listen, I have news."
I jumped from the couch, my heart racing. "Sydney? Where is she?"
Even though the high surge of emotion I was feeling at those three words he had just said prevented me from focusing on anything else, I could feel the others' staring at me, focused on my words and the meaning behind them.
"No, it's not Sydney. I'm sorry. I found her sister, Carly," Marcus said. The high I felt for those few seconds abandoned me at once, and I had to fight the darkness threatening to overcome me. This was impossible, I couldn't reach her, I would never be able to reach her and the Alchemists would win, they would strip her of everything that made her beautiful and unique, and it scared me that she wouldn't even remember me, remember what we had, when they were done with her, all because I couldn't reach her, I couldn't…
"Adrian!" Jill called my name, as she touched my hand and got the phone away from me. I closed my eyes, trying to fight the darkness by remembering all the times Sydney had brought me back, saying everything would be okay, remembering her eyes and the way she used to make me feel whole just by looking at me. Stupid and inadequate as I was, I was all she had right now, and I would be of no use for her if I let myself be dragged downs by my fits of hopelessness and despair.
When I came back to myself, everyone was looking at me, and Jill handed me back my phone.
"Marcus is waiting for you at Ms. Terwilliger's house," she said. "He found out where Sydney's older sister is staying at the moment. Adrian…"
I grabbed my key and gave Jill a quick hug. "I gotta go."
"Adrian, I'm coming with you," she said fiercely. "I don't think you should be going anywhere alone."
"Not in a million years. You have to drink your blood. I'm doing this alone."
"Then I'm coming," Eddie said. "Whatever it is you're planning – and we know you're planning something, Adrian – you might need protection."
"I appreciate the feeling," I said, "but Jill is staying so you are staying. And I'm pretty sure miss tight shoes has been watching us and giving regular reports to the Alchemists on any weird behavior, so we can't let them know we have a lead, as insignificant as it may be." Eddie couldn't hide the conflict that raged within him at my words. "Besides," I said as I reached the front door, "some paths are meant to be traveled alone."
A/N: That's it for now. I publish the chapters first on tumblr , and add them here when I have the time. Please drop me a line if you took the time to read it, feedback is much appreciated. :)