Chapter 2

"I must be totally insane!" I mutter to myself for the twentieth time as I sit in my car outside Tante Zoe's house just before 11:00am. This morning when I woke, it seemed perfectly reasonable to call up this Tante Zoe person, but now I'm here it seems perfectly ridiculous. "This is for Dave." I say one more time. and step out of the car and walk to the house.

I knock on the door and wait and wait – and wait. I'm just about to knock on the door again when it opens. A little girl with pigtails and the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen stands there looking at me, sucking her thumb. We stare at each other for a few seconds until the child suddenly spins on her heels and runs down hall. "Mamma! There's a strange white man at the door!" she shouts at the top of her lungs.

"Desiree! Get the door!" An older woman's voice shouts from the back of the house.

I just stand at the entrance not sure what I'm supposed to do. A bored teenaged girl appears out of nowhere and signals me to follow her.

We walk down the hall to the last room on the right which she opens and motions me in. She closes the door behind me not saying a word, leaving me in the room. I step into the centre of a quite sunny room that has very garish 1970's wallpaper on three of the walls. I glance around the sparsely furnished room idly as I wait for whatever will happen next. A small cough brings my attention to a big chair in the corner of the room where an elderly lady sits. I am stunned when I realise that she is the same woman in that was in my dream. This has to be Tante Zoe. Instead of wearing a white dress, she is wearing a periwinkle coloured dress with a small repeating pattern in white. Her head is wrapped in a printed cloth close to the same blue as her dress and I can see tiny wisps of cottony white hair peeking out.

I realise that we have been staring at each other in silence for quite some time. I decide that I should make some kind of attempt at courteousness. "Tante Zoe, my name is Kurt Hummel." I say as I hold out my hand to her.

The hundred year old woman merely nods and indicates that I should sit in the chair close to her. I sit down and wait patiently for her to speak. She simply grins a gummy grin at me and stays silent.

Is this some sort of test to see if I'm serious? I wonder as I sit there, feeling more uncomfortable as the silence continues. Just when I am about ready to ask Tante Zoe what was going on, the door to the room opens again and in saunters Desiree still as bored looking as ever. She ambles over to Tante Zoe with a small bowl and waits. The ancient woman dutifully opens her mouth and the teen pops the contents of the bowl in her mouth. Tante Zoe works her lips around the object and once they are in place she gives me a dazzling white smile. Desiree leaves as silently as she came after delivering the dentures.

"These old false teeth (click) hurt my gums, but it is almost impossible (click) for people to understand what I say (click) without them in." Tante Zoe states; her ill-fitting dentures seem to click to on certain words as if to emphasize them.

I'm not sure what to say to that so I just smile blandly and nod.

"Now then (click) Mon Cheri" Tante Zoe smiles again and leans forward to pat my knee. "You want to go back in the (click) past."

I am little startled that she knows that. Perhaps she only gets customers who want to go back in time. "Yes, that's correct. I had this friend who…"

"I don't need to know the (click) details." Tante Zoe interrupts.

"You don't?!"

"I'll get the details the next time you come."

"The next time I..."

"After you get everything you want sorted out." She says interrupting me again. "It's not concerning a cat or other domestic animal is it?"

"No, it concerns my..."

"Oh good! A few weeks ago I had a visit from this blonde haired (click) crazy girl and she spent an hour talkin' about her (click) cat. I can't waste an hour of my time like that. I'm a (click) hundred years old; I don't have much (click) time left." Tante Zoe explains.

"Don't you have to know? What if I want to change something that will ruin this time line?"

Tante Zoe just laughs, "You watch too much TV. Do you realise how big the (click) universe is? How many billions of stars there are? The universe has been here a long, (click) long time and it will be here a long, long time after we're (click) dead. Do you really think anything you can possibly do will make a scrap of difference to the (click) universe?"

"We're not talking about the universe, we're talking about me going back in time, in this world and changing something that will affect certain people here in Lima. Those small changes could influence bigger changes and those changes could affect still bigger changes." I argue. "What about the butterfly affect which says if a butterfly flaps his wings…"

"You still worry too much about your influence. The world is an organic thing; it (click) stabilizes and balances itself all the (click) time. Nothing you can do in the past will affect the world today – well maybe it will affect your little world in Lima," Tante Zoe allows, "but isn't that precisely the (click) reason you are going back?"

"So I can do anything I want and not worry about ruining the fabric of time?" I ask just to make sure.

Tante Zoe chuckles, "Fabric of time! Oh lordy! Are you from that (click) show, what was it called - Star Trek? You won't ruin anything, besides I worry more about what we're doing to this (click) world in the present time. We're polluting it with our (click) garbage! Crazy people in crazy countries stock piling old Nukes. I'd worry more about what we do now and how it will affect the (click) future! Besides, the universe looks after itself. You won't be able to go back if it's not necessary."

"I think it's necessary. What do I do exactly to jump back in time?"

"My great-granddaughter Desiree will sell you a bag of (click) herbs. Tonight, just before you go to bed, you should burn those herbs and stare into a (click) candle. Now the herbs are not magic, they just put you in the right mood to help you with your (click) concentration. It is up to you to set your (click) mind and will yourself back in time to the day you want to relive. If you do it correctly you should wake up on the (click) day that you want to go back to," she explains.

"Wait! I'm supposed to WILL myself back in time!?" I ask dubiously.

"Do you have faith?"

"I don't believe in God if that's what you're asking." I exclaim sounding defensive.

"Faith by itself has nothing to do with (click) God. Do you have faith in yourself?" Tante Zoe asks pointedly.

"I suppose so."

"You suppose you have faith in yourself? What sort of answer is that? Either you do or you don't. Do you even know what (click) faith is?"

"I'm not sure." I answer honestly.

"Faith is not hope that things will turn out. Faith is not asking some superior being to help (click) save you. Faith is expectation. Faith is knowing without a doubt that (click) something is going to happen. That it already has happened, but it is just waiting to manifest itself. Do you have faith that the (click) sun is going to shine tomorrow?"

"Well yes…"

Tante Zoe interrupts, "of course you do, because you know for a fact that the sun is there shining in the (click) sky whether clouds and bad weather obscure it or not. Every day of your life you have woken up to the sun being (click) there. If you have that kind of faith in yourself, and have the (click) determination and desire to turn back time to save your friend then it will happen. We perceive time as a linier movement. If you understand that it is not linier, you can focus on a particular point in time and go back, but it takes faith, expectation and determination to make it work. Don't blame the herbs if it doesn't work, YOU have to make it happen. You have to (click) demand this from the universe!" Tante Zoe finishes her speech off so impassioned she almost loses her ill-fitting teeth but she manages to push them back in her mouth just in time.

I must say I was impressed and invigorated. Her words seem to fill me with energy. I feel like I could do anything. "Thank you Tante Zoe!" I splutter enthusiastically.

Tante Zoe falls back in her chair exhausted. She waves her hand in a dismissive way. "Now you go Cheri and save your (click) friend."

I stand up to leave but as I pass her she grabs my hand. "Now think carefully about what point in time you want to go back to. Don't make a hasty (click) decision. Choose a time that will be the most benefit to you and your friend. Pick that point in time and (click) concentrate on it as hard as you can."

"Thanks again Tante Zoe." I say softly and hope fervently that I get to meet this amazing woman again. I impulsively bend down and kiss her cheek.

Tante Zoe giggles like a young girl. "I haven't been kissed by a boy in a long, long, long time. I can see you're a (click) heart-breaker Mon Cheri!" I smile and give her hand a small squeeze then leave the room to look for Desiree.

Just as I reach the living room, Desiree appears and thrusts a bag of herbs at me. "25 dollars," she declares and holds out her other hand for the money.

I give her the money and take the herbs and try to say bye but the girl had already plunked herself down on the couch to watch TV. I show myself out.

The rest of the day drags on forever as I wait for evening. I keep myself occupied by preparing a dinner for my family and cleaning my room. Both Dad and Carol are ecstatic to find dinner waiting for them when they get home and are even happier that I stay down and eat it with them. I am vague and deflect any questions about my errand but I can see my Dad is okay with that. At least I`m at the table and talking and that's far more than I have done in a long time. I even watch a little TV with Carol and Dad before retiring to my room.

When I finally get to my room I carefully take the bag of herbs from its hiding place and gently pour the bag's contents onto a plate. I almost choke on the aromatic greenish blue smoke that comes from the pile after I light it. I quickly open a window to let the smoke out and hope my Dad was still downstairs watching TV. He has enough worries without thinking I`m smoking weed. I light a candle I have already prepared the occasion and get ready. I figure a few deep breaths and some relaxation techniques the Psychiatrists have taught me can`t hurt. I deeply breath in herb smoke and focus on the flame.

I remember Tante Zoe's advice and think very carefully about the exact time I want to go back. I quickly dismiss the idea of going back just to answer Dave's phone calls. Dad was right; Dave was probably already too far along in his misery for me to really help him at that point in time. Just saving him from the actual suicide was not good enough. I want to make sure Dave has support and doesn't have to go through that horrible outing that he went through at his new school all alone.

It suddenly occurs to me that the best time to go back would be at the very beginning. The day when I first find out that David is gay, the day that Dave kisses me in the locker room. I realise that since I already know the outcome of events I can change my own reaction and perhaps Dave will change his behavior. I decide that I no longer need to react in fear to David's bullying tactics because I now know that Dave won't hurt me. Offering David friendship and support so early might make all the difference to his coming out and also I'll have plenty of opportunities and time to convince David not to hurt himself.

"I want to go back to the day of the kiss." I whisper the phrase a few times fervently to the candle but soon realise that phrase was wrong. It's not determined enough. If faith is expectation then I need a firmer more decisive sentence. "I WILL be going back to the day of the kiss." I chant in a stronger more determined voice. Yes that is better. I keep repeating the phrase over and over again like a mantra. After a while the chant changes itself again to "I AM going back to the day of the kiss." I'm happy with the new phrase and chant it with as much determination as possible. The smoke from the herbs burns my throat and the smell starts to become sickly sweet but I continue on saying the words over and over. I start to feel light headed and sweaty and find it difficult to stay seated.

I end up flopping over like I'm boneless and even though one part of my brain briefly wonders what the hell are these herbs, I continue to stare at the flame and chant. It becomes too difficult to annunciate all the words in the sentence because my tongue feels so thick and uncoordinated. In the end I just start chanting "Save Dave" over and over again. The summer night is hot, sticky and close and I'm dripping with sweat from my exertion. At some point in my feverish murmurings I have this clear vision of standing in the locker room with David grabbing me and kissing me and instead of pushing Dave away I kiss him back. A strong breeze comes through the open window and blows the candle out. The same cool breeze makes me shiver as a wave of coldness passes right through my body followed by a surprising wave of intense heat. My head starts pounding and I am hit with a strong wave of nausea, somehow I manage to stumble into bed before blackness descends.