Chapter 4

I stood in front of a mirror while Lydia brushed out my hair when Thor stepped in, a duffle bag in his hand which caught my attention. "I brought you something you might like," he said with a smile, tossing the bag onto the bed. "Jane used your clothes you left behind in the hospital as a reference and bought you new clothing to wear."

"Seriously?" I asked, my face lighting up with a smile as I broke away from Lydia to look through the bag. I'd already accepted my fate of being stuck wearing dresses and skirts a while ago when it dawned on me that I had none of my clothes out here, but opening the bag and seeing pairs of jeans sitting at the top made me smile with excitement.

"I believe there's clothing for your child in there as well," he added. "She felt you would be more comfortable in a new world if you had your own clothing to wear." Truer words had never been said. I loathed dresses with a passion, and the only thing close to pants I had seen on a woman was armor. Having my own clothes to wear was just what I needed.

I looked through the bag, pulling out a few outfits for Emma, smiling at how adorable she would look, and turned to Thor. "Send her my thanks," I said and he grinned.

"I will," he said, and left me to go about the day.

In the middle of the night, I was tossing and turning in a cold sweat. I didn't know why sleep was still coming so difficult to me. After everything that had been taking place. I should have been exhausted. But instead I lay awake, tossing and turning, my body seeming to rebel against my desire to simply sleep.

The longer I struggled, the more I couldn't stop wondering what was keeping me awake. I wasn't feeling stressed or overwhelmingly depressed, so those two usual causes were eliminated as possibilities. I wasn't in pain. In fact I was almost certain my leg was already fully healed. And for once, Emma wasn't keeping me up. She had already awoken for her feeding over an hour ago and was now sleeping contentedly with a full belly. And yet I lay wide awake.

And while I felt at peace for the most part, I couldn't fully shake the feeling in the back of my mind that something was wrong.

Knowing I wouldn't sleep at all until I settled whatever internal battle my mind was having, I sat up in the darkness and thought about it. It was difficult for me to put my finger on, but it was a subtle unease but as I tried to clear my head I began to recognize the feeling. It was one I'd battled with particularly hard for the past month. Guilt. Guilt of what though? Was is the guilt of staying for so long through every thrashing and angry threat even after I learned Emma was coming? Or was it the guilt of knowing I'd nearly killed us both trying to escape?

As my mind dwelled on the car crash, my stomach twisted and I felt as though I would vomit. I closed my eyes tight and forced myself to think of something else, desperate to settle my stomach. I focused on my breathing, drawing my legs to my chest and hugging them tight with my arms while I buried my face in my knees. I inhaled until my legs were crushing my chest, then exhaled slowly, running my nails over my scalp lightly. My mind raced, trying to find something else to focus on, but all I managed was the thought of how hot and stuffy my sweatshirt suddenly felt.

My sweatshirt Jane had bought me. My dark green sweatshirt with a hood. The same shade of green I'd seen on Loki's leather armor.

It was several minutes before the feeling subsided, but I remained in that position for some time until...

"Hello, Anna."

I snapped my head up. In the darkened room, the little bit of moonlight that shone through just barely illuminated his features at first, and as if on queue, he stepped forward into the light, grinning down at me mischievously.

My heart began to pound.

"I'm dreaming?" I asked.

"Are you?" Loki asked. "Or are you wishfully thinking out loud?" I didn't answer him. My mind went back to the conversation I'd witnessed between him and Frigga and realized whatever spell had been used then to make that possible, he was using now to see me. I knew I should feel relieved since that would mean he was no more than an illusion, but the way the light bounced off him as opposed to going through him made me suspicious. He took a step closer to the bed and I crawled backwards, putting space between us. He stopped and smiled at me amused. "Do I scare you?"

"No," I lied, and his expression told me he didn't buy it.

"You're a terrible liar." He took a step closer and I scooted back until my shoulders hit the headboard. "And what if I told you I'm not going to hurt you?" he asked, his smile only appearing more menacing.

"Right," I said, wishing I had my cane within arm's reach to at least use as a weapon. He didn't advance again, but rather smiled at me, making it clear I was his object of amusement for the moment.

"Someone really worked hard to break you," he mused. "Enough beatings and soon you learn to cower before your master like a dog."

"Shut up!" I hissed.

"And now you cower before me. I wonder what that says..."

"You're full of shit!"

His arm snapped upwards and he leaned over the bed as if he were about to strike me, and I pulled my head to the side, squeezing my eyes shut and waiting for it. When the blow never came, I slowly opened my eyes and saw he had lowered his arm and was instead grinning, happy that he had made his point. I sighed and lowered my eyes to the mattress. I really had been trained to take a beating.

"A cowering dog," he repeated, his words stinging. He pulled back, and began to stride around the bed, looking around my room curiously as he did so. "Tell me, Anna. What were you doing just before I arrived?" He turned to face me again.

"I was trying to sleep," I answered. He sat himself down on the bed beside me, and I felt the mattress bend with his added weight.

"What else?" he asked.

"How are you doing that?" I asked, still hoping it was only a spell.

"Answer the question. What were you doing?"

I took a deep breath, trying to keep myself calm. "I felt sick... so I tried to get my mind off it."

"And what made you sick?"

"I don't know," I answered, getting annoyed with his interrogating.

"Don't lie," he said, leaning closer. I tried to recoil, but my head hit the wall, reminding me I was already as far back as I could go and pressed against the headboard. "What made you feel sick?" he pressed.

"I swear I don't know," I repeated.

"Think harder then."

Realizing the answer would probably be the only way to satisfy him, I tried to calm myself enough to focus. "I couldn't sleep... and I felt something was wrong... and when I tried to figure it out I suddenly felt sick."

He nodded and stood up, pacing away from me, and I took a deep breath, feeling a little more at ease but never once taking my eyes off him. "What were you feeling?" he asked, turning towards Emma's cradle. My heart rate spiked, and I answered his question quickly, trying to keep from angering him while he neared my daughter.

"Guilty," I answered.

"Why?" he asked, coming to a stop just in front of her, leaning down to inspect her.

My voice was weak as words barely escaped my throat. "I... I don't know." He turned his head towards me and I began to panic. "I really don't know! I felt sick before I could figure it out." He sighed and looked back down at Emma, reaching into the cradle and pulling her up into his arms. I was shaking, afraid to move for fear of what he might do. "Please..." I whimpered. "Please don't hurt her."

"Is that what you said?" he asked, not taking his eyes off her. Emma slept soundly, completely unaware anything was happening, and Loki's eyes met mine again. "When your husband laid his hands on her was this all you did? Sit back in the corner cowering? Begging for him to be merciful?"

"Please..." Tears were flooding my eyes, and I felt my stomach twisting with the same nausea from before.

"He wasn't was he?" he asked, looking back down at Emma. "After years of begging for your own mercy, why would you think he'd offer it to her?"

I began to sob, feeling utterly helpless, and after a few agonizing minutes, he lowered Emma back into her cradle, managing not to wake her. He turned to face me again and strode to the bed, standing in front of me. "Is that the source of your guilt?" he asked.

I wanted to say yes. God knew it made sense. But the answer that came out of my mouth surprised me. "No," I whispered.

"And why not?" he asked. The question filled me with rage, feeling that he was implying that I was fine with what happened.

"I escaped because of what my husband did," I hissed at him through tears. "It was one thing when he beat me... but when he hit her..." I choked, still hearing the crack of his hand against my daughter's face so vividly, and I bit into my lip, drawing blood. Loki waited patiently for me to compose myself, and I inhaled deep and ragged. "I knew I was never going to let him do that again. So I took her... and I ran."

"And did you escape?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow and looked up at him in disbelief of how idiotic a question that was to ask.

"Obviously," I said, unable to hide my annoyance. He simply stared at me, his expression hard to make out, but before he could say anything Emma began to grunt and gurgle from her cradle, signalling that she was beginning to wake.

I turned my head instinctively towards her, even though I couldn't see over the edge of the cradle from where I sat, and when I looked back to Loki, he was gone.

When morning arrived, I set out in search of Frigga, needing answers. My leg was fully healed, so my cane was no longer needed, and after my scare the night before I had Emma with me, not wanting to leave her alone in case Loki returned.

When I found my way to the courtyard, I found Frigga standing beside Thor, both of them watching as the soldiers of Asgard busied themselves with their training. As I approached them, Thor was the first to notice me, turning to greet me with a smile which soon faded when he saw the look on my face.

"Anna?" he asked, and Frigga turned to face me as well.

"The prison here... how secure is it?" I asked. Thor's brow furrowed, surprised at the question.

"It's impossible for anything to escape, I can assure you," he answered.

"Why do you ask?" asked Frigga with concern.

"Because Loki was in my room last night," I answered, holding Emma closer.

Thor shook his head. "That's not pos-"

"I know what I saw," I insisted. "He was in my room last night. He even pulled Emma out of her cradle!"

"Calm down," said Frigga in a firm voice.

"Don't tell me to be calm!" I snapped. "I don't know how he did it, but he was in my room last night and he had my daughter in his arms!"

"Anna, I can promise you he wasn't," said Thor insistently. "Loki is under constant watch inside that prison. If he'd left his cell for even a second, we would have known about it."

"He's right," said Frigga. "Even with all his tricks, there's nothing Loki can do to free himself."

I stared at them both, wanting to argue, but I could tell from their faces they weren't lying. "I swear I saw him..." I muttered, and Frigga placed a hand on my shoulder.

"If I may..." she said gently. "I'd like a word." Despite my agitated behavior, there was nothing but genuine concern in her eyes, so I nodded and let her lead me away. Emma was fascinated with the sunlight that leaked between the columns as we walked, her occasional coo's echoing down the halls. When we reached the library, I followed Frigga inside and she closed the door behind us as I looked around the giant room to see we were alone. The sight of so many books brought me comfort, but also made me regret the fact that I didn't read nearly as much as I used to. I'd always promised myself I would get back in the habit, but never got around to it. And with Emma around there was less time.

Frigga seated herself on a bench and signaled me to join her, and I obeyed, bouncing Emma in my lap as I sat down. "I've been meaning to speak with you since you arrived, but wanted you to have time to heal first," she began, watching as Emma began to stuff her tiny fist in her mouth and gum at it. "You do feel safe here, don't you?" she asked,

I sighed, shaking my head. "I did until last night," I answered honestly. She frowned and shook her head.

"You are safe here though," she tried to ensure me. "No one can harm you here."

"I want to believe that," I replied.

"Well then why don't you tell me about last night. What happened, exactly?"

"He just appeared," I answered. "He started asking me questions about myself, and when I wouldn't answer he grabbed Emma and started questioning me about my husband."

"I see..." she said, though I couldn't tell whether or not she believed me. "Thor told me of why you escaped Midgard. It must have been difficult for you back there, living like that. Making the decision to escape and rescue your daughter took a great deal of courage." I nodded but couldn't help but feel I was being patronized. "With everything that's happened to you in the last few days, it's only natural you would suffer nightmares-"

"I didn't dream it," I cut in.

"Would you not consider it for a moment?" she asked me. "You can't overcome years of abuse in a few days. The stress you've endured would easily lead to nightmares. Does it not then seem possible for your dreams to manifest themselves in the form of someone you've seen here who bears qualities that remind you of your husband?" I silently considered the possibility for a moment. I had to admit, it made a lot of sense... and as Thor had pointed out, Loki couldn't have left his cell without someone noticing.

"I guess," I finally admitted. "I've just never had a nightmare feel that real before." She nodded in understanding and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I promise you, Loki is locked away and unable to come near you or your daughter even if he wanted to." I nodded silently as Emma let out a small squeal, causing both Frigga and I to smile. "Now that you're healed, feel free to roam the palace more. You should make friends here so you'll feel more at home. Then perhaps these nightmares will cease." She smiled at me as she stood up and I offered a half smile back.

"All right," I answered.