GPOV
After Bella kicked me out, I stumbled around aimlessly, trying to sober myself up. I knew I shouldn't have brought up Mark, I knew that, but I couldn't help it. It was a recurring pattern with me: I'd try to fix things, and just end up digging myself a deeper hole.
I sighed. And then Bella waltzed into my life.
I knew when I met her that I would have to improve in order to keep her. And I did. She made me want to be better. Unlike everyone else, Bella cared enough to help me.
I wanted her back, but…I wanted her to be happy.
I had seen B walking around Port Angeles on Saturday. She had her new beau with her, and a couple of the others that had been at her house. She looked beautiful. She looked…happy. Seeing her, seeing her like that, had been a kick in the stomach. My heart ached all over again when I thought about what I lost with her. I kicked myself every day for throwing it all away…and for hurting her in the process.
I sighed. Why had I listened to Mark? Better yet, why had I jumped into bed with him? He shouldn't have been at Bella's house that day (or any other day, for that matter), Tray never allowed him anywhere near her.
I had a habit of hanging around B's house after we got together. I hated being at my house. Technically, it was just me and my mom, but whenever she wasn't passed out drunk, she was entertaining some john.
I have no valid excuse as to why I hooked up with Mark. Oddly enough, it forced me to pull my head out of my ass. After the fall out with Bella I hit rock bottom. I locked myself in my house, and I nearly drank myself to death. But the more I drank, the more I kept thinking about Bella. I couldn't do it. I couldn't allow myself to drift away from my grief, while I was the cause of hers. I just couldn't.
I found out later that Mark just wanted to use me to get to Bella. I guess having Travis pay him off didn't cause their family enough pain for him. I wanted to kill him for that. He deserved to die for what he did to his kids, and I deserved to die for letting him use me.
The thing is…Bella doesn't know that. The night I showed up at her house, I had intended to tell her. I stopped at a bar to gather some liquid courage, but by the time I had enough, I was drunk. And the rest is history.
But that's not important. Bella needs to know about her asshole father. And if I have to make an ass of myself again just to tell her, then so be it.
Not as long, or as good, as I had hoped, but I was desperate to get something out to you all. Sorry it took so long. I had exams to worry about, and then projects, and then work. Anyways, drop me a line, tell me what you think
Until next time, my darlings.