Chapter Seven
Saturday starts out remarkably calm and normal. Carol makes pancakes for breakfast and both Finn and Dave plow through stacks of them, which makes Carol extremely happy. Dave looks much better, almost normal. I try and engage him in conversation but only get one or two word answers. Carol does much better at conversing with him.
He tells her that his dad called and that his mom is quite upset. He explains further that his dad got a call from his office late last night. His boss's wife went into premature labour and asked Dave's dad to attend some conference in his stead. Dave asks my dad if he can stay a few more days past the weekend so that he doesn't have to spend time alone at home with his mother and my dad agrees readily.
Once breakfast is over, both Dave and Finn excuse themselves to go down stairs for gaming. I'm a little disappointed because I was hoping to spend some time with Dave myself. I decide that Dave most likely needs some mindless downtime so I leave him be.
By the time the afternoon rolls around I become aware that for some reason, Dave is avoiding me. If I go downstairs when they are gaming Dave makes some excuse to leave and doesn't come back. If I find him in kitchen he excuses himself and moves back down to the basement. He talks normally to everyone yet I am still getting clipped one word answers. I catch Finn at one point going downstairs with a huge bowl of popcorn.
"Has Dave said anything to you as to why he's avoiding me?" I ask Finn.
"He's avoiding you? I hadn't noticed."
"Well he is."
"Well come down stairs with me, Dave and I are watching football highlights." Finn suggests.
I follow Finn downstairs and I am positive that Dave looks uncomfortable with me there. To test my theory, I plunk myself down between the two boys so I am sitting right beside Dave rubbing elbows. He sits there figeting for a brief while then pulls out his phone and explains he has a text from his dad and that he's going to answer it elsewhere.
I wait for him to come back but after ten minutes I figure he's escaped me once again. Not for long though, because I will find out why he's avoiding me. I climb back up the stairs to the kitchen and find Carol mulling over a cooking book.
"Have you seen Dave, Carol?" I ask without any preamble.
"Yes honey, he told me he's decided to go out for a walk before dinner."
"I think I'd like to join him, did you happen to see what direction he went?"
"No, but I did tell him about that lovey park we have down the road, he might have gone there."
"Thanks Carol,"
"Make sure you're both back for dinner honey. We'll be eating in an hour."
"Sure thing!"
Carol was right, I found him sitting on a bench in the park. I come up from behind, sit on the park bench beside him and lay my hand on his knee in order to stop him from leaping up and running away.
"You have been avoiding me and don't you dare try to deny it!"
His mouth was open to deny it but he quickly shut it. He looks around desperately for an escape.
"Look, all I want to know is what I did wrong then I promise, I'll leave you be."
Dave won't look at me, I'm afraid he'll just get up and leave without saying anything. Finally he speaks, "It's not what you did, it's what I did. I am so fucking embarrassed and ashamed that I don't even know how to begin to make it up to you."
I have no clue what he is talking about but I take a stab at it. "If you are talking about yesterday, you have no reason to be embarrassed. What you have been through would make anybody burst into tears. There is absolutely no reason to be ashamed."
"I'm not ashamed about that, I am a little embarrassed about crying in front of everyone but I'm not sorry." Dave lets out a big sigh, "I'm ashamed about how I constantly bullied you; ramming you into lockers and throwing slushies at you since freshman year. I'm ashamed that I ramped up my bullying after you discovered my secret and I am ashamed that I chickened out and stopped seeing you after school once Azimo confronted me about being your boyfriend! I am so so sorry!" Dave buries his face in his hands, not even able to look at me.
"It's okay Dave I -"
"It's not okay!" Dave rasps out and looks at me, his eyes welling up with unshed tears. "Let's face it. I was an evil jerk. You were terrified of me, yet when you when you discovered I was gay, you tried to help me. You tried to be my friend even though you had every reason to hate me. You have done nothing but support me and try and keep me safe through this whole mess. You - you're like some kind of living saint like Mother Terresa."
My skin flushes and I turn red with shame. I suppose this should flatter me but I actually feel deeply ashamed that I was not very helpful to Dave the first time around when he suicided. I appreciate even more that I've got this second chance and I resolve once more to do my best for Dave.
My discomfort must have shown because Dave was quick to apologise. "I'm sorry. I'm saying this all wrong. I don't mean any kind of insult by calling you Mother Terresa, I just can't think right now of a guy equivalent."
"Dave, you didn't insult me. I'm just not as good as you think I am. I'm no saint." I decide to tell him part of the truth to help him understand. I wasn't about to talk about time travel.
"I knew this other boy once who was gay and closeted. He reached out to me for help, but I ignored his pleas. I didn't like him that much, I had other worries and other excuses for not helping him. He was outed at his school and went through a week of horrendous bullying. In the end he took his own life. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about that, so I am determined that it is going to be different this time with you."
"Geez I'm sorry to hear about the other guy, but if it has made you the way you are now then I think it is a tribute to him. You're like, making his life mean something and I for one am really grateful and thankful."
"Thanks David, That is really comforting. I hadn't thought about it in that way." It was really redeeming, hearing that from Dave. I finally feel cleansed of the past and free from the consuming guilt. A great weight lifts off my shoulders and I feel that the future was ripe with possibilities. I now feel that any help I give Dave will be for him only, not to salve my wounds. I am happy and relaxed.
I finally get back to the issue at hand. "So Dave, you have apologised and I forgive you for the bullying. We've both admitted wrong doing in the past and both want to do better. Are we okay now? Are you going to stop avoiding me?"
David stays silent, looking uncomfortable. "David? What's wrong?"
"I'm scared." He says almost under his breath.
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of you."
"Me?"
"I'm scared of you and me; of this thing between us! I'm scared of what you want from me! I'm scared that you don't want anything from me! I'm scared that you like me in that way! I'm terrified that you don't like me in that way! I think about making love to you all the time, yet the idea of gay sex scares me half to death. I dream of having a relationship with you but I'm afraid I won't measure up.
"You deserve someone strong and full of confidence, who will proudly walk hand in hand with you. I want to, but I'm not proud of who I am; I'm ashamed to be gay. I don't want to be out to my friends so I can't walk beside you showing everyone how I feel about you. I can't stand the idea of disappointing you! " Dave takes a big breath and lets it shudder out. He won't look at me and he is a picture of misery.
I sigh realizing that my dad was correct; it may well be disasterous if I sleep with Dave this weekend. I collect my thoughts because I have to address Dave's fears carefully.
"David, I don't want to put any pressure on you what so ever. I do like you very much and I hope that we will have a relationship in the future. It can be platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter as long as we stay friends. We'll just let our relationship develop however it grows, with no pressure or expectations. It is your decision when and to whom you come out to. If you ever feel rushed by me just tell me and I'll back off. Okay?"
"Okay. You're not mad or disappointed?" He asks still not making eye contact.
"No I'm not mad at all. I'm actually happy we're talking about it. It's been the elephant in the room throughout this whole period. David, I think you are a wonderful person. The more I get to know you, the more I want to know you. I want to keep you in my life, and however you want to be in my life, is fine me. Please just stay in my life."
He turns and finally meets my eyes and gives me a big smile."You're gonna rue the day you said that, Hummel. You just try and get rid of me now!" He places his hand over my hand that was sitting on his lap. Through our intense talk I had forgotten it was there. I wonder how uncomfortable I had made him feel all this time.
"It's okay." he says as if reading my mind. We just sit there for a while just savouring each other's company.
"Do you want to head back?" I finally ask. "Carol's making dinner."
"Sure."
We start walking slowly back in an amiable silence. I can tell that Dave is a lot less tense now that we cleared the air. I start to wonder how things lie with his parents. I haven't heard any news since this morning.
"So you said this morning that you will be staying a few extra days?"
Dave sighs, " Yeah. My mom didn't take the news about me being gay very well. No surprise there."
"What did she say?" I ask.
"I don't know, Dad wouldn't say. He just said that she wasn't happy and he suggested that I should stay with you guys past the weekend since ha has to attend this conference out of town. I guess we'll be going to school together."
"You're right, that doesn't sound good." I agree. "I mean the part about your Mom's reaction. I'm happy that you safe at home with us." I quickly amend.
"I'm glad to stay with you guys too. She's been phoning and texting me all day." Dave admits.
"You haven't taken any calls have you?"
"No but I glanced at one text; it started with Leviticus all written out in upper case, finishing with several exclamations marks. I decided not to open any more."
"Oh, wow! I know she's your Mom but please try and ignore her until you feel stronger."
"Don't worry I plan to. What do you think we're having for dinner? "Dave asks changing the subject.
I take his lead and we chat all the way back to the house about Carol's great cooking, and the video games he and Finn played. He's still subdued but he is relaxed around me.
After dinner my family and Dave watch a feel good, inspiring movie to round the night off. I go to bed, having another fitful night, wondering about Dave and his mom and how it will be resolved.
After breakfast Sunday morning, Dave asks me what I have planned today. I tell him that I have decided to get my homework out of the way. He asks to join me so we clear the kitchen table and start on our assignments. Finn joins us, not because he wants to, but because Carol nags him until he gives in. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Dave was almost back to his old self, joking and laughing with us. Of course there was an afternoon game on that Finn and Dave had to see, so they set themselves up with chips and pop in the livingroom with the wide screen TV. Dad and Carol go out on some errands and I start sorting out my closet and rearranging my chest of drawers. I was still lost in my task when Finn taps on my door several hours later.
"Hey kurt, um remember you told me to keep an eye out for Dave and let you know if I think something might be bothering him? Well I think you should check up on him."
"Oh? What happened?" I ask dropping what I was doing and giving Finn my full attention.
"Dave got a call and he stepped out to take it, but he never came back. He sounded upset when he was talking to the person and he just went downstairs to our bedroom. I mean the teams were evenly matched and the game was tied when he left. It was the last quarter; he would have raced back to see the end of the game after the call to find out what happened. Well he should have done that, if he was alright. I didn't follow him downstairs because I respect his privacy but now I 'm starting to get worried."
"How long has he been down there?"
"About an hour and a half. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't think of any reason to go down to the bedroom. I didn 't want him thinking I was checking up on him."
"I have some clothes that need washing. I'll go down and take them to the laundry room. I can see how he is while I'm down here.."
"Oh good! I knew you would come up something!" Finn says visibly relieved.
"Checking up on me Hummel?" the gruff voice says in the darkness as I step down the stairs with my laundry. I know Dave well enough by now that I know it is an attempt at humor but it falls flat since we both know that I am checking up on him and that I have reason to.
Still, I try to sound nonchalant. "I have better things to do than worry about you Karofsky. Laundry waits for no man." I force myself to move to the laundry room and throw the clothes in the washer with some detergent and start the cycle. I don't rush back into his room like I want to, I just santer in and lean against the wall trying to look casual. He is lying on the bed in the unlit room just staring up at the ceiling. He reminds me of me when I would lie on the bed for hours just staring up at the ceiling.
"Are you alright?" I ask noting how sad Dave looks.
"Got a call from my mom. She caught me by surprise. She used somebody else's phone so I answered it without thinking. I'm not going to answer any 'unknown caller' rings again."
"I'm guessing it was pretty bad. Can I lie on the bed beside you?" I ask tentitively.
"Are you going to try anything?"
I look at Dave and he has a small mischeivious smile. I'm delighted that even in these dark times he is joking. "I might try and cuddle you. Fynn's upstairs, I'm sure he'll rush down here and defend your honour if I get too fresh."
"I suppose it's okay then," Dave moves over to give me some room, leaving his arm stretched out silently inviting me to snuggle against him.
I do. I lie against his side, my place my head on his shoulder, slide my arm across his chest and drape my leg over his. We lie like this quite comfortably for a while.
"Did you want to talk about it?" I ask.
Dave sighs, "Not really, but I suppose it might help to get it out." Still he hesitates, and it takes a lot of effort to for me to remain patient and wait for him to gather his thoughts. "One moment, she thinks I'm sick and that I should think about going to therapy. She has some courses already lined up. The next moment she rants that I'm just rebelling against her authority and am chosing to be gay to spite her. Then later she accuses my dad of encouraging me to be gay. She liberally sprinkled the whole conversation with quotes from the bible explaining how sinful it is to be gay."
"You realise that all that stuff is bullshit, right?"
"Yah I know, but it's my Mom. I love her. I want her to keep loving me."
"I know Dave. I know." There is nothing left to say. I would have been devastated if my Dad disowned me. I can only think to comfort Dave nonverbally by snuggling closer and rubbing his chest with my hand.
"How did the argument end?"
"By me hanging up on her. I have never done that to her before. I phoned my dad and told him what happened. He was really upset and said he would phone her again and tell her to stop harrassing me. He even offered to skip the converence and come home early. I told him I was okay. I know this conference is big deal for him. It is a big step up in his career so I don't want him to blow it because of me. We argued about it when it first came up and I pleaded with him to go. The only reason he went to the conference in the first place was because I promised to stay here and not talk to my mom until he was home to protect me.
"Your dad is amazing. He is so supportive!" I gush sincerely.
"So is your dad, and of course are you, and Carol and especially Finn. You have all accepted me without question."
"Well we all love you, my dad, and of course me, and Carol and ESPECIALLY Finn." I say imitating his sentence and adding emphasis on Finn.
Dave chuckles, "Are you jealous of my budding bromance with Finn?"
"I would be if you weren't sleeping with him. How's that going by the way."
"Man! What is with that guy!? That guy's insane!"
I laugh at that. "His snoring is like a jet landing.
"That's not even worst of it!" Dave exclaims. "I had to fend him off all night. When he wasn't elbowing me in the ribs , he was kicking out like a mule. AND he took up the whole bed. I had to cling on like hell to the edge of the bed, hoping I wouldn't be pushed off."
I laughed in sympathy, "I know!"
"How do you know?"
"Once, when we all went to visit my dad's cousin Irene, we had to sleep over and the two of us had to share a bed. I vowed never to sleep with him again. Did he do that weird helecopter thing with his legs?"
"Yeah! At least I think so. Do you mean when he throws his legs up in the air, spins them like a whirly bird and then his body follows, flipping himself on to his belly; then a little while later, he does the same thing again, flipping on to his back?"
"Yep! He almost catapaulted me out of the bed. I woke up in a panic thinking we had an earth quake."
Dave laughed, "That's exactly what I did. Then I stayed awake the whole night, afraid to fall asleep in case he did it again."
"I know! It's freaky. I'm not sure if he has slept with a girl yet for the whole night, (with time travel I'm no longer certain whom is sleeping with whom) but any who do, are in for an nasty surprise."
We lie there again quietly, and I really love being snuggled up against Dave. "I wish Dad would let us sleep together. Just because we share a bed doesn't mean we will be doing anything. At least that way you can get some sleep."
Dave moves suddenly and I find myself pinned to the bed with him on top of me. He stares intently into my face. "I don't think you realise how irisistable you are to me Hummel. I won't be getting any sleep with you in the bad."
I gasp, unable to speak, thrilled to death that Dave feels safe enough to let me see some of the desire he has for me. Blood floods down to my penis as I am instantly aroused. I don't ask, I just grab Dave's head and pull him in for what I hope is a searing kiss, hoping that my actions don't scare Dave off. My efforts pay off, because Dave moans deep in his throat, kissing me back with enthusiasm. He starts moving back and forth rubbing our erections together, never breaking our kiss. I'm more than happy with how things are going and I wrap my legs around his legs and tilt my pelvis for better contact. The passion cranks up to a fevish pitch when...
"Hey guys, Whoa! I'm sorry!" Finn exclaims as he stops dead half way down the stairs. He is clearly uncomfortable, looking anywhere but us. Dave scrambles off me and looks horrified to be caught. I'm just pissed as hell at being interrupted.
"Sorry dudes. Don't shoot the messanger! Burt is home now has decided to take us all out to a buffet for dinner." Finn then turns tail and runs up the stairs.
"That's nice of your father." Dave states diplomatically.
"You know very well he suggested it, just to cock block us. He probably thought we were down here alone a little too long and sent Finn down to interrupt us."
"Poor Finn, do you think he'll recover?" Dave asked.
"I don't care. In fact, I hope we haunt his dreams."
"Great! It will be even worse sleeping with him." Dave sighs ruefully.
Sunday evening at the buffet turns out to be fun. Dave wore the sexy blue shirt and grey dress pants and he looked gorgeous.
"Thanks for picking this out for me Kurt. I was in no state to think about packing clothes, especially not clothes for going out to dinner." Dave replys happily as we pick out our food.
"Believe me, it's my pleasure!" I say as my eyes rake over his body. He blushes again but gives me a brilliant smile.