Chapter 8

I yawned while looking out the window as I passed it for what felt like the millionth time. I knew I hardly had the right to complain when nights like this occurred. Most of the time Emma was relatively easy to take care of at night. She'd wake, cry for her bottle, and after being fed and changed she was usually out in a matter of minutes. But once in a while there would come a night where for no reason at all she could not be calmed. This was one of those nights.

As long as I continued to pace, she remained quiet, her big blue eyes watching the room curiously as I trudged, each step becoming heavier than the last. I looked over to the mirror to check on her eyes and groaned when I saw they were still open wide.

"Emma..." I whined. "Please! Mommy needs to sleep!" I received and almost frustrated sounding grunt in response and I sighed, wondering what on earth and infant had to sound that frustrated over.

I dared to stop once again, sitting down on the bed to give myself a break, but the moment I did she began to whimper... and within seconds the whimpering worked its way back up to screaming and I felt my own tears forming.

There came a knock at the door and I rolled my eyes, thinking it was probably someone coming to yell at me for not being able to soothe my own baby. "What?" I called none too friendly, my nerves completely fried. The door opened, and Frigga poked her head in with a concerned look, though I realized quickly the concern was directed towards me and not Emma who almost sounded as though she were being tortured.

"I've been hearing her for the last hour," she said as she stepped in, sitting on the bed beside me.

"I'm sorry!" I half sobbed, but she shook her head, placing a hand on my shoulder and reaching over to caress Emma's cheek with the other.

"You've nothing to apologize for," she said, watching Emma. "Being a mother is no easy task... especially when someone insists on being difficult," she added, smiling a little as Emma stopped crying for a moment to look at her curiously. Frigga reached out and gently pulled Emma from my arms, cradling her as she stared up at her, her little pink lips forming a pout.

"Why don't you take a few moments for yourself," she said, turning to me. "I'll look after her for you."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked, feeling bad as I knew it was late. From the way she smiled down at Emma and how closely she cradled her, I could tell she missed having a baby around. My own mother was always the same way with her.

I felt a small stab of pain... I really missed my mother...

"Go," Frigga simply said, dismissing me with a smile and I stood up, not needing to be told twice.

It had been two days since my last encounter with Loki, and a part of me expected him to appear at any second. I found myself looking over my shoulder and glancing cautiously at dark corners as I walked, but there was nothing. Ever since the last time I saw him, I'd been pondering over his words to me. He seemed to believe he had some sort of duty to carry out with me, but whatever it was he also seemed to have no intention of simply telling me what exactly that was. Instead he'd resorted to mind games, and the frustration was keeping me awake almost as often as Emma's fussing.

As I walked, I began to wonder if there was by chance a way to summon him? I had no desire to hunt him down in the prisons again as my head was still throbbing from the last attempt. The last two times I'd seen him, I remembered he'd inquired about a specific memory, and deciding it was worth a try, I made my way to the library, trusting it would be private enough to attempt what I was about to do.

I peaked inside, using what I was able to see through the doorway to determine whether or not it was empty, and once I was satisfied I slipped in, closing the door behind me. The library itself was deceptively large, and I felt confident enough that I'd be able to stay hidden, should anyone walk in. I worked my way far enough towards the back, and found a place to sit on the floor, leaning against the shelves behind me while I focused.

"Tell me about the first time he hit you," was the memory he'd prodded at twice now, so closing my eyes I brought myself back to that day.

"I was in the kitchen..." I said in a hushed tone. "I was home alone in our first apartment, it was a few months before we were to be married, and my he was about to come home from work." I looked around. Everything remained still, my settings hadn't changed... or so I thought at first. I was already about to give up when I noticed the floor. It was no longer the typical stone floors that extended throughout the palace. It was cheap linoleum with an ugly design I'd learned to loathe as I'd seen it so many times while scrubbing it til it was perfectly clean...

"It was 8pm," I continued. "And I'd just cut myself while making dinner..." The book cases began to shift, and I felt the slicing pain of a cut form down the center of my thumb. My stomach twisted with nausea and I closed my eyes, trying to will it away until I was certain everything had settled itself into the kitchen of the old apartment.

I opened my eyes to the sound of water running, and saw I was standing in front of the sink, rinsing off the blood. There was no sign of Loki, though I still believed he was there somewhere. It was, after all, his magic that made these memories become real.

"He came home..." I heard the front door open and shut. "And saw me washing my cut." I waited, but when I heard no footsteps, I realized I'd gotten it wrong. "No, wait... He saw the counter first." I heard what I assumed was Loki filling in my husband's role again, as he made his way towards me, stopping to look at the counter, then at me. I waited but there was no commentary as usual so I continued. "I didn't know it would stain..." I whispered.

"Dammit Anna!" The sound of my husband's voice made me want to crawl inside myself and hide. I twisted around as I had when it happened, and to my horror, it was not Loki. My husband glared at me, but I remained frozen in place. "We're moving in two weeks! There'll be a final walk through to inspect the place, and we get charged for any damages. So why the hell would you choose now to ruin the counter?"

"Shit!" I gasped, unable to stop from replaying the events as I picked up a sponge from the sink. "It's not ruined" I went to wipe up the blood, but a faint red stain remained in its place no matter how hard I scrubbed. "Oh no... Oh god I'm sorry! I didn't think-"

"That seems to be a trend with you!" He grasped my forearm and tugged me to him, clamping down hard enough to make me yelp as I dropped the sponge. "You never think things through! Is this how it's going to be? You'll just treat all my things with disrespect because now you've got a wonderful fiancé who makes more money than you could ever hope to make so now you don't have to worry about a thing? Is that it?!"

"You're hurting me!" I cried, trying to pull away. His eyes flared with rage, and I felt utterly helpless.

"Oh I am? Well maybe it will help you remember to take better care of my things! Maybe it'll get you to stop leaving your clothes on my bedroom floor, or your drinks on my surfaces without any coasters! If that's what it takes then-"

"I'm sorry!" I cried.

"Don't interrupt me!" he shouted, and with a loud crack his hand struck me across the face hard enough to make my head jerk to the side from the force.

I stood frozen, breathing heavily while my face throbbed. He had made contact with my eye socket, and I could already feel it swelling. My husband stood with a stunned expression on his face, blinking several times, before clearing his throat.

"Anna... I..." he stammered, releasing me. I stumbled backwards into the counter, my hand covering where he struck me, and I stared at him, shaking. "I'm sorry, Anna. I didn't mean to do that..." He was blinking rapidly and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "I just... you just drive me so crazy sometimes..." He stepped closer and I shrank back, but not far enough to stop him from gently taking me by the shoulders. "Just please... try to be more careful from now on. Okay?" He kissed my forehead and turned to leave. "I'll buy you some makeup for that eye." With that, he was gone, leaving me to crumble to the floor in sobs.

"He swore it would never happen again," came a voice, and I looked over to see a pair of familiar boots standing in front of me. I shuddered as I took a deep breath, and I slowly picked up my head, the side of my face throbbing too much for my eye level to reach further than his knees.

"I know," I whispered.

Loki's knees bent as he squatted down to reach eye level with me. "And how long was it before he broke his promise?"

"A month..." I answered. "Almost exactly."

"And what happened?"

I sighed and looked around, watching as everything changed around us once again, and I was sitting in a beautiful restaurant, wearing my cliché little black dress, the only dress I owned, and my husband sat beside me, dressed in a suit and tie. Sitting across from us were two of his co-worker and his spouse. I didn't remember their names. In all honesty, I really didn't care what they were. I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to be shown off.

"You'd been crying," Loki noted, and I managed to catch a glimpse of him dressed as the waiter, bringing over a bottle of wine to our table.

"We were fighting on the drive over," I answered, my burning eyes telling me that they were probably still a little puffy from tears.

"About what?"

"He felt I wasn't dressed appropriately," I sighed, looking down at myself. The fact that I was even in a dress had me uncomfortable enough, but having been told it was too revealing knocked me down a few more pegs.

"You look lovely," the co-worker said to me and I smiled, trying to hide my pain while I said a polite, "Thank you." Loki moved around to pour the wine into my glass, and as I glanced up I caught a brief look of him pulling his eyes away from my cleavage.

A conversation had begun and I was only halfheartedly listening, my mind continuously wandering, mostly to the argument in the car. And that's when it happened. Without meaning to, I yawned.

"How about a dance, sweetheart?" came my husband's voice almost immediately. My stomach curled and I felt my mouth begin to water. "I'm going to be sick..!" I whimpered to Loki.

"Keep going..." he insisted.

I stood up, taking my husband's hand, and he escorted me out on to the floor where a few other couples were already dancing. I tried to keep my eyes on Loki, feeling even more uneasy to not have him filling in my husband's role anymore, but following him became impossible when I felt my husband's fingers dig into my back and his other hand crush mine. I inhaled sharply, but fought to keep a straight face, not wanting to attract attention.

"You just want to embarrass me tonight!" he whispered in a venomous tone.

"What's wrong with you?" I whispered back.

"Me? What's wrong with you!" he hissed. "You show up with me tonight dressed like I just picked you up off the street corner. And now you have the nerve to act bored in front of my colleague?"

"I'm not trying to embarrass you!" I insisted.

"Shut up!" My stomach tightened, then released and I looked to Loki in panic.

"I'm really going to be sick!"

"Not yet!" he replied intensely. "What happened next?"

"Nothing," I answered. "...until we got home."

I was suddenly in apartment again, and once the door was closed, two hands were on my shoulders, and I was spun around and slammed into the wall. "No!" I screamed and a hand clamped down over my mouth.

"I tried to do something nice for you tonight!" he growled. "I thought that maybe you were tired of sitting around this dump doing nothing with your life, so I brought you out to spend some time in the real world with real people, so then maybe you'd actually have some friends for a change. But you couldn't appreciate that, could you?"

I gave a muffled cry under his palm in response, and he pulled my face forward, his fingers digging into my jaw before slamming my head back.

"Quiet!" he snapped. My heart pounded as my eyes searched the room. I couldn't see Loki anywhere. "You think I like being this angry with you? You think I like watching you cry? I hate it, Anna! I swear I hate it! But I swear you insist it's the only way I can get through to you..." Tears rolled down my face and he removed his hand from my mouth to allow me to gasp for air as my body was wracked with sobs.

"I'm sorry!" I sputtered. "I'm sorry!"

"Stop crying!" His hand struck me across the face and I let out a cry of pain. "I told you to be quiet!" He struck me again and I buckled to the floor, holding a hand up to defend myself. I could not hold back the sobs and it only angered him further. "Goddammit! Be quiet!" He kicked me in the ribs, knocking the wind out of me, and I moved to shield my face, fighting to get myself under control. "If the neighbors hear you, they'll think I beat you and then they'll call the cops, and is that what you want? Do you want me to be locked up?"

"No!" I wept.

"That's right, because without me you wouldn't have any of this! You'd be back with your parents again and we both know you have a hard time meeting men. Do you think it's easy loving you? How long do you think it'd be before you could even find another man willing to be as patient with you as I am?"

"I know," I whispered, my breathing coming in small shudders while I fought back my tears. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it."

He knelt down, taking me by the arms, and pulled me up to my feet. "Calm down," he hushed me, pulling me into an embrace. "I told you I hate to watch you cry."

I began to gag, and everything around me spun back to the way it was, as I collapsed to the library floor, unable to hold it in anymore as I became sick all over the stone. Behind me I heard Loki swear, and as soon as I was done retching, he carefully helped me to my feet, handing me a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe off my mouth.

"I knew you would come," I said after a moment. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

"What exactly do you think I'm doing?" he inquired, his expression almost stern.

"You're using my memories against me. You know exactly what hurts and you dig right into it!"

"So it's to torture you then?" He looked offended and shook his head. "Then what about the other night? In the prison?"

"Then you're at least trying to fuck with my head! Either way, it stops now! I'm not playing into your games anymore." I turned to step past him but he stopped me.

"It would be so much easier to just believe that, wouldn't it?" he cried, taking me by the arm. "You haven't figured out what this is all about, have you? You've barely even tried! And why would you when you've got my mother pampering to your every insecurity, and my brother and his moronic friends welcoming you in with open arms."

"What are you talking about?"

"I will not spoon-feed it to you, Anna! But if its mind games you expect from me, then here's one to rob you of the next few nights of sleep. Tell me, how was it that Jane came to your rescue in your time of need?"

"What?" I cried.

"You'd never seen each other before, and suddenly she's there, saving you and your daughter. Why? How did she even know you were in the hospital?"

"You're insane!" I said, trying to step away, but he held me firm.

"You wondered the same questions when she first came to you, but then you simply accepted it, just as you've come to simply accept and not question a lot of things since you've arrived. You've become too comfortable simply accepting things. But tell me, how did Jane even know you at all, Anna?"

"Because we went to school together!" I shouted angrily at him. "I knew her from school."

His expression did not change as he asked me, "Did you?"

My mind went back to the same memories it had before, of the girl sitting in class turning the pages in her book... or had she had red hair? Or the girl raising her hand in class... or did she wear glasses? Or walking down the halls... or was that girl heavier set?

The more I tried the think, the more my memories continued to shift and change until I was caught in a storm of confusion. My eyes wandered to Loki's hand on my arm and I forced myself out of his grip, realizing now what he was doing. "Stop it!" I shouted. "Stay out of my head!"

I pushed past him and fled for my chambers.