I am so relieved to be out of that damn hospital, I just wanted, no needed to see Sasuke. But before we even left the hospital Kakashi told me that Sasuke had gone back to the Academy today. On the way to his though, I did my best to ignore the pitying stares, or the people pointedly not staring out of pity. I don't need their pity, it's not pity I need.

And now I am at Kakashi's, sitting on his sofa.

I lean back into the comfy furniture, and I feel like my insignificant form is being engulfed in it. I love it.

I have a serene smile on my face but then it drops as soon as I close my eyes. Red sharingan eyes flash in the dark recesses of my mind and my eyes snap open.

And before I know it, the memory of the unbearable torture I went through wracks my body with shivers. I lean forward, curling into myself, groaning deep in my throat. My knees are up against my chest, and I push my head into them, but my legs are rigid and won't give an inch, so my kneecaps are stabbing into my forehead.

My hands then come up and grip my skull, the nails scratching my scalp, but not enough to draw blood. Maybe this pain, this small sharp pain will rid the memory of that agony. But that doesn't happen. It just replays in my head.

My teeth are grinding, crushing, and I groan louder. It's sharp, the memory, it's stabbing through my skull.

My face is wet, leaking with the sorrow, despair, that engulfs me.

"Stop, stop, stop. Please stop!" I chant under my breath, it gets louder with each word, but it doesn't sound like an intelligible word, I'm groaning, grounding, grinding the words out.

Then I feel warm, rough, hands on my arms, and I hear his voice.

"Hikari, look at me," his voice is firm, not soft, not gentle, and it brings my internal pain to a stop.

I look up, but I can't stop the tears from falling, "Why did he do this to me? Why would he do that? I can't hear him anymore! He isn't here!" I shout, I just don't understand why this is happening to me.

His beautiful black eye is looking deeply into mine, and it anchors me. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't need to say anything. My breathing calms down, and I lean forward, my hands gripping his strong, firm, shoulders.

"My head is too silent," I say, so quietly this time it's nearly a whisper, because I am tired, especially after that... episode.

And that one sentence is like a resignation.

I don't like this silence.

My tears stop, but my face is still wet, and Kakashi wipes the trails from my cheeks.

I let him wrap me up in a warm embrace, and he just holds me.

I'm not sure how long we've been sitting here, but my bum is going numb.

I feel him shift beneath me, he's on the sofa next to me, his arms holding me to his chest, and my legs are curled up beneath me.

"You should have something to eat," he says softly, and his hand comes up to stroke my hair.

I open my mouth to protest, because with my stomach in knots there is no way I can eat, but my stomach growls. Very loudly. Dammit.

There's no way I can protest anyway, because I know Kakashi won't let me not eat. He'll force me if he has to; because despite what I've gone through he won't let me destroy myself. He loves me too much to let me do that, and I know with my whole being, had the situation been reversed, I wouldn't let him do that either.

I sigh softly, "Okay," my voice is still croaky, but it's getting a little stronger.

I go to stand, but I'm stopped by Kakashi's hand on my shoulder, I look at him in question, "You are going to stay seated, I'll make you something," he says, his voice is still soft. As if he's afraid that raising his voice any higher would startle me. I guess I understand.

I raise an eyebrow, "You will make me something? Since when could you cook?" I accuse him, playfulness in my tone, and I see his face relax, although his muscles still look tense. It's now, while I'm really looking at him, I finally notice he isn't wearing his uniform. He must have gotten changed when we got back, while I had that… I'm not really sure what to call it. Attack, I suppose.

He's wearing a plain black t-shirt, and long combat trousers. Maybe he's taken the day off.

He still has his mask on though. I'll have to rectify that soon.

"It may come as a surprise to you, but I am quite experienced in the kitchen,"

I smile, "Really? Oh, my Kami, I have to see this,"

He sighs, "Fine, I guess there's no stopping you," he says, and I can tell he's joking.

My smile turns into a grin, "I've been told I'm pretty stubborn,"

He chuckles now, "Now that's a fact," he says, and puts an arm around my waist, helping me up from the sofa. I'm still shaky on my legs, but then a week in a coma will do that to you apparently.

I was only allowed to even leave the hospital because Kakashi promised he would look after me, and because while psychologically speaking I am not exactly healthy, physically I am. Despite the trauma I went through, there was no sign of anything being medically wrong with my brain. They did suggest keeping me in for observation but I strongly refused. I needed to be away from that place, with Kakashi. And I wanted to be there when Sasuke came back from school, it's his first day back after… Everything.

Kakashi walks me into the kitchen and I concentrate more on trying to walk, taking my thoughts away from that direction.

He eases me into one of his chairs, and even though I don't really need all of this physical babying, I'll let Kakashi take care of me, because I know he needs this. He needs to know he is helping me through everything, even if it is just making my food and walking me everywhere. I know him too well it seems.

I smile as he moves around the kitchen, grabbing various ingredients from his cupboards, and utensils.

I feel a pang in my chest, and my heart clenches. This reminds me of when my mother would cook for us.

My smile fades slightly, and I know if Kakashi looked back at me he'd see the melancholy lying there.

I remember when I was much younger, it was before I started at the academy, and every day I would push myself hard to finish training with my father because I wanted to get home in time for preparing dinner.

I used to just watch her, but then she would start giving me little jobs to do like cutting the vegetables, handing her the knife or spoon she needed, and she would talk through what she was doing so that I could understand.

As I got older I'd help her more and more and when Sasuke was a little toddler, he'd join us, and just sit on one of the chairs watching us attentively.

I clench my teeth, and stop the tears from escaping. My right hand clamps down on my thigh, and I clench it hard enough to draw blood. The pain takes me away from the memory.

I keep watching Kakashi. He's my anchor, he can keep me in the present.

He's my anchor.

I loved writing this chapter. Oh, God, I do feel bad because Hikari is my baby, I love her I really do, but I can't help but put her through this torment. I hope you could see where her sanity is slightly threading with her narration, obviously with ehr not being totally one percent mentally her thoughts are a little fragmented at points. But anyway, I hope you liked it! Please review! I can't stress enough how much it means to me that people are faving and alerting this story, but it truly helps me improve if people review with either compliments on my work or constructive criticism :)