There is no pain like the agony loneliness kicks into the spine. What I know about living is that the pain is never just ours.
Soundtrack (not necessarily in this order): Madness Vase by Andrea Gibson, Whiskey Lullaby by VandettaCosplay, The Bleeding by Five Finger Death Punch, Scars by Papa Roach, It will be me by Melissa Etheridge, Naked by Avril Lavigne
Author's note: Sorry this has taken a while. Work has been unforgiving recently. Shall we continue?
Then: World view
Gilbert paced the length of the train restlessly for the first hour of the train ride to Paris. The other passengers didn't dare tread too close. Anger flared in those crimson eyes like a living flame. There was also an emotion he hadn't expected; shame. The Prussia was ashamed that he hadn't fought harder to hold Roderich's heart. It was humiliating that he had lost the man he'd loved for so long to a nation that barely knew if she was a man or a woman, to a nation he had once trusted.
Eventually, he made his way back to the front of the train and settled down in his compartment. He sank into a seat and clutched a black and white photograph taken that summer at the lake. It depicted himself and Roderich smiling happily on the bank.
"V-vhat did I do wrong?" he asked to no one in particular.
He had spent years tearing his heart open for this man, being the best man he could. So why? Why had the Austrian rejected him? Gilbert didn't realize the tears streaming down his face again for some time. He didn't care anymore. In that moment, he had never felt more self-destructive.
Now: Francis
It had been hours since Ludwig had called, asking if I had seen his brother. Panic ensued on both ends as we realized that Gilbert had been missing for three days and that no one seemed to know where he'd been going. I called Antonio as soon as I got off the phone with the frantic German. Unfortunately, our Spanish friend knew as much as we did.
A knock sounded from my front door, disturbing my thoughts. A silent prayer flew through my mind as I rushed to answer. My hand lingered on the doorknob for a moment, then opened to reveal the sight I had hoped for, yet had not expected.
"Mon dieu, mon ami," I exclaimed, pulling Gilbert into a hug, "What's 'appened?"
The Prussian's eyes were cold, bloodshot and tears still flowed slowly. I knew the despondent look all too well not to see it as heartbreak.
"…can I stay vith you for a vhile? I don't vant to face West just yet," he mumbled into my shirt as he returned the hug. It felt as though he was trying to hold himself together.
"Oui, of course. My 'ome is always open to you, Prusse."
I kept an arm around his shoulders and led him to the guest bedroom. Until he felt like talking, I would hold my peace.
~Several hours later, world view~
Francis sat on his couch, staring down the hallway expectantly. His eyes darted over to the clock. It was five minutes before midnight. As the chimes rang in the new hour, Antonio walked out of the guest bedroom and quietly shut the door behind him. The Spaniard dropped onto the couch next to his friend.
"'ow is 'e?" Francis asked, shifting his gaze to his half-empty wine glass.
"Stubborn as ever, mi amigo, but asleep for now, "Antonio sank further into the cushions, "I don't think Austria knew… the depth of his affection."
Neither of them had spoken to Germany about the matter yet; both knew what would happen when they did. They fell into an almost uncomfortable silence as they recalled the last six hours. It had taken all their patience to convince Gilbert to tell them what had happened. When their friend had managed a coherent, if choked telling of recent events, they had been shocked. All the same, Gilbert had needed them. Revenge on Roderich could wait.
Francis got up and began to throw away all the empty beer bottles that littered his living room. He had already called the belle fille he'd had plans with tomorrow afternoon to cancel. Flowers and wine had been sent to her as an apology. Soothing his friend's frayed feelings came first.
Now: Gilbert
Waking with a start, I rolled over with eyes screwed shut into something soft and groaned. I inhaled sharply to jar my thoughts. Lavender assaulted my senses, sending recognition ringing through me like silver bells. Francis used this detergent at his Paris home. Confusion prompted me to confirm that I was indeed at my friend's house. I was in the guest bedroom that had been my haven for an age. My brows furrowed. Hadn't I just been in Sans Souci Palace? I could have sworn I'd just been with… no, I refused to think the name. What a nightmare! I could still feel the sun's warmth on my face and the jasmine and rose infused wind in my hair. It had all been too real.
Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling and worried at my awesome Iron Cross. I'd heard so many people sat 'it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all'. My eyes burned with the tears that weren't there to by shed. There was nothing left to expose the pain. Memories of Fritz and that man buzzed unbidden in my mind. I had loved them both with all my battered heat. How was it better to watch Fritz die? How was it better to have the other stolen by a former ally? Sorrow and bitterness welled in my heart, permitting an icy calm to flood my veins. Nothing mattered anymore.
Now: World view
A thousand miles away, Roderich woke from his almost coma-like sleep in a cold sweat. Visions of Sans Souci Palace still danced in his mind, as had the man he knew all too well as Frederick the Great. The warning the former leader had issued chilled him to the bone.
"Wake up and realize what you have done."
Afterward: I'm about to crash, so this may end up being edited later. Review and tell me what you think.
Translations:
Mon dieu, mon ami – My god, my friend
Prusse – Prussia
belle fille – beautiful girl