A/N: Well, I must begin with a big thank you. People really stepped up to answer my little pop quiz on the last two chapters. Much appreciated. I heard from twice the number of readers & I learned more about your reactions to the M-rated content of stories than my simple a/b/c questions alluded to.

Generally it seems the response to those parts of this story, or any story that goes down that route, is a very personal, individual one, and as a result some people are not comfortable sharing that personal experience or find it hard to find the right words to express their views. I guess all I'd add is that writing these sections of stories is equally difficult and you're really putting yourself out there when you do.

Anyway, thank you for sharing. Time to move on...

Chapter 12 – Coming Back Down To Earth

When Castle comes back out of the bathroom, he slows to a standstill just inside the doorway to Kate's bedroom, the words he was about to say quickly dying on his lips. His partner is laid out on the bed exactly where he left her, only now her eyes are closed and he can tell from the regular, rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and the lack of tension in her hands that she has fallen asleep.

He leans on the doorframe for a second or two just watching her. He's pretty sure that she'd hate it if she caught him looking at her like this. But the sight of her is so compelling, his deep surprise at what they've just done still so fresh and startling, that he's unable to stop himself.

Being with her through these perfect moments of shared intimacy they've just created and enjoyed together; the mutual honesty, all the touching, the pleasuring, vulnerability and openness - it is all so new. He can't quite get over it - seeing her completely unmasked: no pretense, no front, nothing left between either of them after the last twelve or so hours of yelling and then sharing, confessions and finally making things right.

It thrills him - every tiny, magnificent second - and then it terrifies him to the core to think of losing her, now that he finally understands how truly wonderful getting this close to her can be.

So he watches her with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes, one hand pressed over his mouth, unable to trust himself not to make some involuntary noise that might wake her up. He feels so tenderly towards her in this moment. She's tough and she's fierce when she needs to be, he knows that, is still slightly in awe of her strength and her selflessness. But she is also a woman and a beloved daughter; a woman who had her mother ripped away from her in the worst possible way and at far too tender an age. And these are the things that he sees and feels now as he looks at Katherine Beckett, private citizen, instead of Kate Beckett, NYPD Homicide Detective.

They've moved on to a new phase in their relationship – still friends, hopefully still able to work together. But now they are becoming so much more than that. They are two people who love one another deeply, who've long denied those feelings until it became apparent, even to Kate, that they could be denied no longer, that she didn't want to hide that part of herself from him, that she needed him as much as he wanted and needed her. Castle really couldn't be happier about how things have turned out, so long as they continue getting to know one another in this vein, without backsliding, without regret. He knows her well, and that worries him slightly, for all her reassurances. She has a tendency to run from love for fear of being hurt or let down. And he still has demons of his own. They surround him now, silent in their bone-deep threats, like wraiths unseen but still felt, a battle he must wage by himself to keep from tainting everything.

So he stands still and he breathes, choosing reality over some imagined, self-concocted, fantasy of doom for a change. He focuses on all the evidence before him and around him, all the truths of the last twelve hours, all the good, taking a moment to quiet his busy mind, before he approaches the bed.

Kate is still naked, as is he, and he doesn't want her getting cold, so he moves towards her as quietly as possible, and then he gets into bed on her side, since she's lying width-ways across the mattress, her body mostly on his side. He leans in close, strokes her hair and then he whispers to her in an attempt to get her to move into a more comfortable position – her head on the pillows and her body under the covers at least.

"Kate, I'm just gonna help you move, okay? You're gonna get cold if you stay like this," he tells her, kissing her forehead to keep her relaxed, hoping his voice isn't so unexpected that it startles her if she's already dreaming.

"Mmm," she murmurs, smiling at him with her eyes still closed.

He gently lays the covers over her and then slides one hand under her lower back and is on the point of helping her move when she comes too quite suddenly.

"Sorry," winces Castle, kneeling back beside her. "I didn't want to wake you, but…" he shrugs, "…you were going to get cold."

Kate yawns and stretches, tugging the covers up to her chin. "Don't worry. I should get up anyway. What time is it?" she asks, tipping her head towards the digital alarm clock on her nightstand.

Castle leans over and checks it for her. "Just after three-thirty. I had no idea it got so late already."

"Time flies when you're having fun," she says, giving him a wink and then she fishes around above the covers for his hand. "Lie down with me for a minute?" she asks, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

Castle hesitates, still slightly on edge, waiting for his hopes to be dashed, if he's honest. "Sure. Everything okay?"

"Everything is fine, Castle," Kate tells him, giving him a slightly stern look, as if she can read his mind. "Just…come on, lie down with me. And no, I'm not one of those needy women who wants to be held for hours after sex, in case that's what you're wondering."

"I wasn't. And just for the record, I really wouldn't mind if you were. I'm not averse to a little cuddling myself."

"Good. Then come snuggle with me."

Castle chuckles, quickly joining Kate under the blankets. "Who'd have thought Kate Beckett was a snuggler?"

"Tell the boys and this will be the last snuggling you and I ever do," she warns him, giving out mixed signals when she tugs on his arm to get him to wrap them around her body and wriggles back against him until they are spooning.

Castle is silent for just a couple more seconds before he pipes up again. His default: an inability to shut up.

"What about not telling them you like to snuggle, but telling them—" He pauses to consider exactly how he wants to phrase the rest of his question, disappointed in himself for not thinking things through before he opened his mouth.

"What? That we're…together?" she asks simply, sending his heart into a frantic, thumping, hopeful rhythm.

He's worried he'll look too eager, so he tries to control his wobbly voice and play it cool. "That…or dating or however you want to label this."

"Are we dating? Is that what this is? Because we know an awful lot about one another to just be dating, Castle. Don't you think?"

"I'm open to suggestions. Whatever you want to tell people is fine with me, just so long…" he says, leaning in really close, so that they're sharing the same pillow and his mouth is by her ear, "just so long as we can do this again," he whispers, brushing a little kiss against her skin.

He really does want to play it cool, he does, but she's turned him to mush, and he just can't help himself. Him and his stupid, overeager mouth.

Kate laughs and then rolls onto her back to look at him. He has to let her out of his embrace to give her room to turn towards him and this small thing makes him sad. He has to remind himself not to be a sentimental idiot. He has a whole lot more of her in his life today than he did this time yesterday. Her naked body for starters, since her skin just brushed against his. And her thigh is still pressed against his thigh for God's sake, leaving his whole body alive to the fabulously erotic proximity of hers.

"You think this is a one-off?" she asks, dark eyes watching his face with just the barest hint of amusement.

"I hope not. Point is, we made it and the phone didn't ring," he adds, trying to sound casual and funny. "That must be some kind of a record for us. Not to be interrupted by Honey Milk or Gates."

"Sure. But, Castle, back up a second. You can't surely believe that we went through everything we've been through together and this is just some casual fling?" Kate frowns as she explores Castle's face, trying to get a read on his expression, on his thoughts.

She wraps the covers over her chest and then eases up on one elbow to look down at him properly.

"Do you? I mean, is—? That can't be what this is for you? I know you, Castle. We're both too invested in this for it to be anything but serious, right? Tell me I haven't got that wrong? I thought we'd cleared that point up already."

If anyone sounds panicked now, it might just be Kate.

"No. No, you absolutely haven't got it wrong. I just didn't want to presume or push you into something you're not comfortable with. We can take this at any pace you want," he assures her.

"I don't sleep with men on a whim in case you haven't noticed. And the condoms in the drawer over there?" she says, deciding to tackle that issue head on while they seem to be attempting to lay some ground rules and trying to define things. "They've been there a while, let me tell you."

"Okay, fine. Relax. And while we're on that subject, maybe we should talk about…you know."

"What? Protection?"

"That, and…"

"What, Castle? We're grown-ups. Just say it," says Kate, getting a little frustrated with him.

"I know I have this…this bad boy reputation," he begins, raising himself up on his own elbow to look at her properly, so they're on the same level.

"Bachelor number nine?" she grins, taunting him. She gives him a playful little shove.

He smiles self-deprecatingly and looks down at the covers, fussing with them for a few seconds, straightening up her white sheet and folding it over the comforter.

"Yeah, that. Anyway, I hope you know me well enough by now that you can see that was all just a publicity construct designed to sell more books. I'm no playboy, Kate. At least, not for a long time…since I met you."

"So, what are you saying?"

He sighs. "I'm saying that I get an annual health check, I passed with flying colors and I haven't been with anyone since Gina and I broke up well over a year ago."

There's an awkward silence before Kate speaks again. "Okay, full disclosure."

"What does that mean?" asks Castle, shooting her a worried look. "You haven't secretly been going on dates that I wasn't aware of?"

"What do you think?" asks Kate, sitting up fully in bed. She leans back against the headboard and folds her arms over her chest.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" He sounds jealous and he knows it's ridiculous, but being with her now matters more to him than anything and he doesn't want some ugly surprise to leap out at him to ruin everything.

"Castle," she sighs, waiting for him to sit up beside her, all thoughts of snuggling and napping gone for now.

She runs one hand through her hair and lays the other hand down on top of his, curling her fingers under his palm. She squeezes it lightly. "I haven't been with anyone since before I got shot, since I broke up with Josh and left the city. Even then…it was—" She bites her lip and hugs her knees to her chest. "Let's just say Josh and I…we didn't really see a whole lot of one another towards the end," she explains, rubbing her neck in discomfort. She doesn't add 'because of you', but she might as well have.

Relief floods through him at this news - with these personal details she's just shared about her relationship with Josh - spreading something of a salve on the jealousy and enmity he's always felt towards the guy.

"We have both been single for far too long," says Castle, with a slow shake of his head. "That is just wrong. We're two good-looking people, Beckett. What a waste," he says with comical overemphasis, turning to give her a goofy grin and a playful little nudge with his shoulder, sprinkling a little more of his magic on what could have quickly turned into a really awkward situation.

"So we're good?" asks Kate, nudging him back.

"We're good. However you want to play it with the guys is fine by me. Alexis and my mother probably have it all figured out by now anyway. In their little spy ring of two. That just leaves Lanie, the boys and Gates. Oh, and your dad."

"I…I'm on the pill, Castle. Just so you know," adds Kate, a little haltingly, determined to get everything out there at once before they move off topic.

"Right," nods Castle, squeezing her hand. "That's…that's good to know."

"Just—" Kate shrugs, looking a little embarrassed. "I know talking about this kind of thing can be awkward. Especially given our partnership until now. Well, what I mean is…" She sighs, gathering her hair over one shoulder and twisting it into a ponytail.

"Hey. Look, we're new at this, Kate. It'll take a little time until we iron out all the kinks," reassures Castle. "But if you're saying you've got us covered for contraception and condoms are an optional extra in future, then I'm good with that."

Kate grins, a look of relief washing over her face that they're in sync on this level too. "Great," she tells him. "Good. That's…that's great."

"So, this is nice," says Castle, when they both fall silent again, sitting side-by-side in her bed, resting on a stack back of pillows. "Pretty lazy Saturday so far."

"It is nice. Yeah, I'm usually doing laundry and catching up with chores on the weekend if I'm off. Dry cleaning, paying bills. Sometimes I meet my dad for brunch on a Sunday or we go catch a ball game together during season."

They're learning about one another's private lives – lots of little gems and dark corners still to be mined, despite how well they know each other already.

"I always wondered what you got up to when we weren't together. I…I mean…" Castle frowns, making mistakes left, right and center, though Kate doesn't seem to mind.

"It's okay," she smiles with a new tenderness. "I know what you mean."

"I used to miss you, you know. When we had to go our separate ways at night…or on weekends," he confesses, giving Kate a quick glance to see how this information is going down. "Used to find myself staring at my phone, willing it to ring. Or I'd wonder what you were doing, who you were with…"

"I missed you too," Kate assures him. "Imagine being eager to go into work…just so I could see you. Pretty weird considering what I do for a living," she laughs.

"I wish we had both been braver."

"Shhh," Kate whispers, turning towards him so that her knees rest on his thigh beneath the covers. She touches his lips with the tip of her finger. "Let's look forward, okay? I've spent too much of my life looking back, Castle, and I can tell you from bitter experience, that all you get is a kink in your neck and a slap in the face when you turn around and realize you missed the something wonderful that was standing right in front of you, if only you'd been paying attention and looking the right way."

"That is wise advice. So, we look forward. And I meant what I said before about taking this at a pace you're comfortable with. I have a tendency to be an all or nothing kind of guy, get a little over exuberant, in case you hadn't noticed," he tells her, eyebrows wiggling up for emphasis, poking fun at himself.

Kate laughs and leans against him. "I had noticed once or twice."

"So, if I get a little…"

"Clingy?" giggles Kate.

"That or if I try to move in with you within the first month, just pack my bags and send me back to the loft."

Kate laughs again, but her heart is racing. This talk is exactly one they needed to have, and hearing Castle be so openly committed to this is thrilling and comforting rather than off-putting.

"So, tell me…am I scaring you off yet?" he teases, tucking the covers more tightly around them.

"It'll take a lot more than that," she assures him. "I didn't keep you waiting until I was sure just to have a casual fling with you or some…friends with benefits thing. I wanted to be sure because our friendship means so much to me. I wanted to be certain that I wouldn't lose that if we tried to become more and failed."

"You know, I've never considered us failing before," Castle says, suddenly looking serious again.

"We won't. I'm just saying, I'm in this for the long haul, if you are?"

"You sound so sure." And she is. She's realizing that now more than ever - just how certain she is that they have what it takes to get through.

"Finding out that I lied to you yesterday might have forced my hand on the timing a little. But, Castle, I was ready. I needed the push that you gave me."

"In that case, glad I could help."

Kate has something else she wants to share with him and there's no time like the present, she realizes.

"I…I've actually been seeing a therapist for…well, months now," she admits, glancing at him. "Since the shooting."

Castle turns to look at her, surprise evident in his voice. "I had no idea."

"Mmm. I just wanted to put in the work before I told anyone. He's a good guy. Name's Dr. Burke. Carter Burke."

"And he's helping you…I mean with the shooting and everything?" he asks with genuine concern for her.

"Yes, with the shooting…but also with us," she tells him frankly, no place to hide in the quiet of her bedroom.

"Us?" asks Castle, frowning, since this is the last thing he would have expected her to talk to a professional about.

"Mmm-hmm. I've talked to him about you. Quite a lot, actually. He's been helping me work through a lot of stuff."

"You want to talk about it?"

Kate hesitates for a second and Castle jumps in immediately to reassure her, misconstruing the care she's taking over her words with reluctance. "We don't have to. Another time maybe."

"No. No, I want you to know these things. It might help you understand why I didn't rush into this, even though I was sure how I felt about you."

She smooths the comforter over her lap before continuing.

"We talked about my fear of losing what we already had if I screwed this up. You've been an important part of my life for a long time, Castle, whether you knew it or not. That was primarily what was holding me back. Well, that and not feeling I was good enough."

"Good enough?" asks Castle with incredulity, this idea as absurd to him as if she just said she's obese.

"You're a great guy, Castle. You're…a family man, you're a successful author with a good life. I've been messed up for a long time, driven to the point of obsession at times. You know that. I wanted to be sure that I could be good for you. I had Alexis to consider too."

Castle couldn't really love her any more than he already does if he wanted to. But her consideration for his daughter over her own happiness or any personal gratification makes his heart swell all over again.

"What did Dr. Burke say?" he asks calmly, keen to let her talk this out as much as she wants to so that they understand each other as best they can, since that way lies the greatest chance of them succeeding.

"He encouraged me to talk to you, to be honest with you. He wanted me to tell you that I heard you in the cemetery."

The silence that falls over the bedroom is weighed down with feeling - with Castle's hurt and Kate's regret.

"But you didn't. Why?" he asks, keeping his tone neutral so as not to imply any further criticism.

They've done that already – raked over the coals, pointed the finger of blame and then tried to bury it. He's forgiven her as best he can while it's still slightly raw. Now he just wants to understand her thought processes, fears and motivations better.

"I should have. I was too slow, I know. Point is, when things blew up yesterday, I knew what I had to do, Castle. I knew I didn't want to lose you, that there's never a perfect time to take a chance on something this special. With Dr. Burke's help I ran towards you instead of in the other direction. That's what he did for me."

Castle is impressed by her level of self-awareness and her courage to be able to talk openly about her experience of therapy. This is all good progress on her part. She's better, he can see that now; can see the sincerity on her face, the light in her eyes, can hear her genuine care for him, her fear that she might have lost him over this.

"Then good. He sounds like a great guy," he tells her resolutely.

"He is."

"Maybe someday I can shake his hand. Thank him for helping both of us."

"I'm sure he'd like that. You're way more fun than I am."

"I don't know about that. You're pretty fun when you want to be."

They smile at one another, and then Kate gets an idea.

"Actually, I'm kinda starving," she declares, as if the thought has just snuck up on her and surprised her. "Wanna get something to eat? We kind of missed lunch. Only if you can stay, obviously."

Castle is thrilled that she wants him here, but he reins in his exuberance to be certain.

"You sure you haven't had enough of me? I don't want to monopolize your time this weekend."

"Earlier, we said cards on the table, right?"

Castle nods.

"I'd like you to stay over tonight if Alexis and Martha can spare you, give us the whole weekend to just…spend some private time together before we have to go back out there," explains Kate, jabbing her thumb towards the window.

"Okay, then cards on the table from me. I feel like all my Christmases and birthdays have come at once, so you will have to throw me out of here if you let me get any more settled."

Kate laughs.

"I'm used to your crazy, remember?" she smirks. "You want the usual on your pizza?"

"We're having pizza?"

"Tell me you don't feel like pizza right now," she gloats, pretty sure he probably does.

"You can read my mind now too? Should I be worried?"

"Nope. Your impure thoughts are now my impure thoughts, Castle. Relax."

He laughs and it's so easy, being with her like this.

"Let me check in with my mother and Alexis. You order the pizza. Oh, and maybe help me find my clothes?" he says, looking around her bedroom floor.

"How about you wear my t-shirt and your shorts for now? I'll throw your clothes in the laundry overnight. Because believe me, you won't be needing them," she tells him, getting out of bed with a graceful unfurling of her long limbs, throwing him a saucy smile over her shoulder.

Castle lunges after her. He manages to grab her hand and tug just before she makes it out of reach, toppling her back down onto the bed with a squeal of surprise.

"Have I told you that I love you today?" he asks, crawling over her body and planting his hands either side of her head.

"Tell me again," she insists, gazing up at him lovingly, while she reaches out to cup his jaw and stroke his cheek.

"I am so in love with you it's probably not healthy," he confesses.

"Not healthy?" grins Kate, amused as ever by his flair for dramatic hyperbole.

"Mmm. I'm not going to be able to think about anything else from now on. People we meet will take one look at my stupid love-struck face and just know…instantly," he tells her, snapping his fingers.

Kate shakes her head, fighting back a goofy grin. "And that's not healthy?"

"No. The boys are gonna beat my ass if I put a foot wrong. And Lanie has so many clever, traceless ways to dispatch with a body I don't even want to think about that."

"Better not put a foot wrong then, lover boy," she tells him, playfully patting his cheek.

"Oooo, lover boy? I think I like that better than writer boy," muses Castle.

"Well, then you should let me get up and order us some food. Because the sooner we get some sustenance, the sooner we can road test that new nickname of yours."

TBC...

As usual, if you can spare thirty seconds to share your thoughts I'd love to hear them. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.