Lesson One: Writing a Summary
This time the room was much lighter and Alice was already standing at the podium. She looked far cheerful and had already written the day's topic on the board. She had forgone her stack of papers and instead held a small pile of index cards.
"Welcome class," she began, "Today is about writing a proper summary, including what to avoid doing and saying."
"Now a summary, according to the New Oxford American Dictionary, is a brief statement or account of the main points of something. Somehow this is something many writers tend to miss." Alice said while throwing the first index card into the air.
"Now the first thing to do is make sure your summary actually summaries your story. So don't write an unrelated summary just to be funny or get views or for some other silly reason. Also don't make the summary a quote from your story, this might come as a shock but that does not actually summarize any information from your story." She flipped the next card away before adding, "I'm not clear on the confusion over this, to be honest."
"But I am here to help, not criticize. Okay, so both. Anyway, if you think you can't write a good summary just try to mention your protagonist, antagonist, and the main conflict. With that you at least have a decent start."
"Now if you also make sure to avoid horrible grammar, capitalization (you capitalize the start of every sentence and all proper nouns, class), and excessive punctuation (such as several exclamation points in a a row) you have a better and more professional looking summary than a sad number of others. Oh, and for the love of writing, don't WRITE THE DAMN THING IN CAPS LOCK. It's annoying to read and makes it seem as if you were meant to shout the whole thing."
After taking a moment to catch her breath Alice continued on, "Having those elements in your summary just hinders comprehension and kills interest. They also are a sure sign of a badfic and so should be avoided at all costs."
"Any questions so far?" She asked.
"Of course not, I'm only doing this because I have no other choice. No one is here," she said while giving an evil glare upwards, "Damn writers."
"Anyway, onto the next part of the lesson; phrases to avoid putting in your summary. I'd say the number one don't use phrase is 'Not a Mary-Sue' because it honestly says 'This is a Mary-Sue'. If your character is not a Sue there is no need to say this, if there is a need to say this but you won't admit to it just fix your character. If you think your character is a Sue either fix whatever worries you or have more confidence in your writing. There is no real reason to include this."
"Next up, "Alice continued, "is 'First time writer, no flames/be gentle'. Now seeing as this is the internet you should avoid throwing the metaphorical blood in the water. First time writers are not the best (typically) at actually writing and this will attract flamers. The reason for this, especially if this is your first time really writing anything, is that this is one of the worst things you will ever write."
Here Alice paused and paced across the stage. She wanted to word this correctly so she didn't scare anyone away while still getting her point across.
"That doesn't mean that your story is bad however, just that it will likely be your worst piece. In a few years after you've written more and gathered some experience you almost always look at your first piece with some sense of embarrassment. But you have to start somewhere, so it's okay."
"What is not okay," she said more sternly, "is using this as an excuse to write badly. Nothing is stopping you from trying to write well."
As she walked back to the podium she threw the rest of her index cards on the ground. One of the stupid things had given her a paper cut.
"We're almost done here. Next, don't say 'Don't Like, Don't Read'. This might come as a shock but no one wants to read something they think they won't be interested in. If adding this to your summary was prompted by someone saying that they didn't like your story they might have noticed a flaw that you didn't. No one looks for a fic they know they won't like and then leaves a review."
"Finally, something that it's polite to add into your summary is warnings. Warnings are typically for things people might want to avoid like most pairings, incest, slash, characters changing sides (light to dark), rape, AU's, OOCness, OC's, lemons, and any type of abuse."
"And with that you have a decent summary," Alice finished, "Join us next time for a lesson on Story Lay-Out."
Finally done, Alice erased the blackboard and snapped for the lights to go off. She walked offstage with only a quick backwards glance, she could have sworn that there had been someone in the seats.
A/N: For some Reason What Not To Do in Fanfiction is getting favorites and follows, if you like the idea please follow/favorite this story instead. I know the this really only applies to a few people, but the other story is coming down in a few days.