A/N: I'll probably get you a bit out of the mood from the end of the last chapter, but please read this, it's important.
So I've been thinking about this last (yes, last, but wait don't frown yet) part and I realized that it is very important to me to write the story my way, but that I feel terrible to have to disappoint some of you. So, I (think I ) found a way in which this will be executed most painlessly.
This chapter has 4 parts: The first applies to everyone. The second and third part are different continuations. For those of you who want a Rizzles endgame and a stop to the uncertainties and the teasing and using and what not, read the part labeled "Rizzles Endgame".
For those who want to stick with me and read the sequel I'm planning to write, read the part labeled "With Sequel". However for that one I don't have a fixed plot yet, I'm not guaranteeing anything, it's a fully indeterminate scenario and I don't know how it will end. But I can for sure say that it will not be easy going or painless, and that you will most probably hate what I'm doing with the characters because they will not be lovey-dovey cute and fluffy Jane and Maura in an unconditional love as a great part of readers expect them to be here. I'll remind you that this is fanfiction, and that I wish to abide to no norms that someone has established in their head of how RI based fanfic should look/flow.
And the 4th part is the end piece and applies to both scenarios.
I know that this turned out to be a rather short story but those are as much words I can extend actual 72 hours into.
So, finally, a biiig thank you for all of you who have stuck with me until here. An even bigger one for those who wish to continue in uncharted waters afterwards, and... I hope you had fun.
Enjoy.
(Part 1, for all)
When she arches up to you to kiss you again, there is no more restraint.
You let go of her arms and start walking backwards, pulling her in. It's a miracle how you make it up the stairs that quickly, without tripping on the way on any of the clothes that are now discarded around. When you finally step in her bedroom you only have the underwear left on you. She is the one walking back now and you push her gently as she reaches the edge of the bed.
She sits back. A smug smile forms on your face and place a knee on each side of her, and your hands immediately find themselves on her back, taking off her bra. Not even a second afterwards you feel the click of your bra clasp and the soft scraping of the straps down your arms. When they are free you reach for her but she escapes you, sliding herself lower in between your legs. And then her tongue is on your abs and her nails on your chest and are leaving invisible scratches as they smolder the tissue under your breasts when she moves tantalizingly over them. Her tongue slithers to the side of your waist and for a fraction of a moment brushes over that weak spot. You squirm. You can feel her chuckle victoriously, like she had just stuck a flag on this new territory, this new conquest. Her hands now slide on your lower back, but only lightly touching you, her fingertips like feathers on you. And then her tongue does that thing again and you feel your guts doing somersaults inside. She sucks and you involuntarily shut your eyes and bite your lip. She bites and some primal sound escapes you.
And you almost moan out her name.
It lingers on your tongue and you feel it slipping out of your gasping mouth, but you close it and you stop yourself. For an inexplicable reason it feels too personal, too intimate. And now you don't want to put any emphasis on the fact that you're doing this with her. Maura. No. It's just pure untainted sex with a random attractive body.
"Move up." you say as you get off of her, and she lays fully in the middle of the bed without complaints.
A very, very attractive body, you think. You lie down on her side and support yourself on your elbow. Your left hand moves slowly along her front, and, reaching even lower, tugs at the edge of her underwear. You try to figure out if her being naked under you was included in one of those "blurry images" she said she remembers from two nights ago. She smiles at you so you get up and slide them off. You're just about to return to laying next to her when she stops you. She points at yours and you casually throw them somewhere on the floor behind you. In an instant it strikes you that this was the last barrier. The last she hadn't seen of you. It surprises you how little you care about this and how big of a deal you expected to think of it as.
So before you know it you find yourself on top of her again, unable to quench the thirst for her kisses that gets repeatedly reborn the moment you part from her.
You don't tease around anymore. You simply reach for her, reach inside of her.
Her mouth snaps open, her head arches back into the pillow and she jabs five nails into your back and five into your scalp.
"Fuuuck, Maura!"
You bite your tongue the second you say it but it doesn't matter cause the name is already out and to you it sounds as if the walls are screaming it back to you.
And you had always thought she'd be very vocal, as open in her physical expressions as in her regular outlook on sex. Yet she's biting her lip and her eyes are shut tight, but no sound escapes her.
You are now out and removing strands of her hair away from her face. She reaches up and grabs your fingers, guiding them down to her mouth, sucking them in fully, sending shivers through you. Your teeth tug at her ear.
"Show me what you like," you whisper and you slide to her side to give her space. There is a smooth wet trail that you leave as you move down her body again. It's excruciatingly pleasant, every time your fingertips glide unhurriedly on her skin. Like following a treasure map except that there is gold everywhere.
She doesn't wait for you to play but kisses you fiercely and grabs your hand, covering it with hers. And then she starts moving you against herself and you let her guide you and you hear the slick sound your fingers make and her short breaths that quickly join in the rhythm and her blazing torso is rubbing on yours and the sheets rustle below you and she speeds you up and her eyes shoot up to the ceiling and... and you move with her and you... you... You can't stop watching her. You can't stop watching the way her upper lip curves downwards as she's seeking air open-mouthed, or the twitches on her cheek that she's probably unaware she's doing every time she gets a little bit closer, or the way her hair is messed up and spread out everywhere and still looks hotter than anything she would have done with it on purpose.
A wave wakes you up from your eerie observation. It strikes you and travels through your veins when she moves her hand to you. It's right then that you realize how ready you are.
She pushes down on your back with her free hand and tries to kiss you, sloppily, breathing heavily, the control over her movements lost on her.
And it's not her sliding or pressure that does it. It's not her tongue impatiently seeking for yours. It's not her wildly pressing herself onto you.
It's the way she writhes under you. The way she squirms. It's the way her eyes shut tightly and the way her lips freeze mid-kissing you. It's the second she lets out that sound, too soft, too gentle, too quiet, yet trumpeting in your mind. It's the feeling that she has, in this way, in these few moments, fully surrendered to you.
And then it's you that's falling over the edge too. With her.
. . .
. . .
. . .
She has the most annoying possible morning alarm. It wakes you up so sharply that in the first second you don't even realize where you are. Limbs intertwined and messy sheets. You fell asleep there, shortly after you nearly collapsed.
"Can you press "snooze" Jane?"
You shake your head as if it will help clear it and smash the off button on her alarm.
Careful not to be too noisy you look around for your underwear, and are just about to go for the rest of the clothing when you hear her stop you.
"Jane, get back in bed."
"I need to go."
"No, you don't, the alarm just went off, I know there's time."
"No, Maura, I need to go." Sleeping and cuddling stimulates the hormones in a way that lead the brain to form deeper emotional connections. Remember when you told me that?
"Jane..." she says it through a resigned exhale. "Please..."
But you can't give in. It's not okay. You return with your clothes wrinkled in your hands and sit on the edge of the bed, starting to put the jeans on.
Don't fuck up, Jane.
So you just switch the tone to a much softer, calmer one.
"Look, I don't wanna leave you but I have to pack and get ready and drive Jo Friday to Korsak's and... just, I can't."
It takes you only that short to put it all on. It's far from hidden that you're in a hurry. She sees through your excuses and your bullshit, and she knows you can get your bag set in twenty minutes and your mother can pick up the dog.
Her voice is soft:
"I won't see you for a while."
You don't know why or how or which devil poked you in the throat with his spear for you to actually spit it out, and you feel the sting of it, but you can't take it back:
"Get Bran to keep you company."
In the same second you turn to her to say you didn't mean that, to call it off, to say you're sorry, to let her know, to remind yourself and her of the mantra: "still none of your business".
But she stops you.
"Bran's gone."
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"He's not gonna keep me company."
(Part 2, read this if you want Rizzles Endgame, no sequel)
This is where your mind splits in the faction that wants to believe that she ended things with him, and the faction that is trying to be reasonable and says that something entirely unrelated to you has happened that made Bran end it, and not her. That this is not her choice. That you're just the next option after the previous has been taken away from her.
She sits up.
"I went to see him yesterday, just before the party, and explain that I want to terminate our settlement."
"You did?" You're waiting for the moment reality comes, slaps you in the face, and says, hey Jane, newsflash, that's not how things work out for you. But it doesn't.
"Yes, Jane. I... I want to try this with you."
"What?"
"The full package."
"But you said..." ...I was a lab rat.
"I know what I said. It's not what I felt."
"Well, why did you?" ...let me believe that? ...kick me in the gut? ...if you didn't mean it?
"I was scared."
Your mind goes blank.
Can she see all the questions that you are incapable of shaping into legitimate sentences?
You can only manage one word.
"Why?"
Her silence is short but unbearable and she's nervously rubbing her hands.
"Because that's different, and it's a new step, and it can lead to conflict , and it's full of unknowns and it might not work and then there can be a fallout and..."
The Slippery Slope is a logical fallacy in which a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another, without any argument for the inevitability of the event in question. In your head, you see her standing at her desk, citing the definition for you that one casual work afternoon. And also that second one when she thought you weren't paying attention the first time.
"That's not necessarily how-"
"But Jane-"
"Slippery slope, Maura."
For a moment everything is still, and she's hit with the realization that you're throwing her own words back at her. Her eyes wonder elsewhere for a while, but then, finally, she closes them, takes a deep breath, and looks straight at you, fiercely, as if she's reaching, digging, deep into them, trying to force them to understand, trying to let them, let you, know.
"I just don't wanna lose you, Jane."
In a second you're next to her, encasing her, her torso relaxing in your arms. She lowers her head until it sinks into your neck in that calm comfortable fit you have mastered.
"You won't."
"So-" She starts a question that you don't let her finish. You don't need to. You know.
"Yes."
(Part 3, read this if you want to continue with the sequel of the story my way, no guarantees, no complaints)
"He's not gonna keep me company."
You try to show neither the fact that you don't fully believe this, nor how happy it would make you if it were true.
"You just don't need to worry about him while you're away."
She's smiling at you. You can't help but glance to her neck and the lack of redness is partially sufficient to assure you she means it. But you know she has her ways around the truth without saying lies so you can never be fully certain.
She turns slightly and opens her arms, inviting you in, and you reluctantly agree and sink in. It's comfortable, lying next to her, but you can't bring yourself to meet her eyes.
"Maura, look I'm not... I don't... I..." Deep breath. Start over. "I'm not trying to push you into anything, but you're not just a random person I picked up at a bar, you're not just anybody, you are very important to me. And you should know that."
"I know."
There's a stark contrast between your fidgety self and her tranquility.
"And I obviously can't tell where the lines between sex and friendship and everything else stand."
She laughs:
"We'll figure it out."
"We need something like.. a safe word, for when this... starts going downhill."
"Okay."
Her arms tighten further around you and she kisses your cheek.
"Jane just... don't get too carried away, please."
You nod. You'll do your best.
(part 4, closing piece, applies to both)
The breakfast you have together is just like any other. The walk you take in the park is just like any previous one. The way you snuggle under the blanket with a movie couldn't be more ordinary.
But your blood, your lips, your breath, your skin, your mind, your heart... they're somehow at peace.
And you might be about to board at the gate and there might be what feels like a century until you see her again, and there might be all kinds of qualms and things you'll probably overthink, but when she hugs you just before you board, you are certain you can't wait to see what will be waiting for you when you get back.
After all, a month can't be that long, right?
A/N: I'll keep this story marked "incomplete" and post a notification for when I start the sequel!
Enormous thanks for your time, your reviews, your thoughts, your devotion, everything! I hope to have you around next time.
(And of course I hope to read your reviews ;) )
:)