Chapter 4
Waking Up
I woke up in a familiar room.
I was in mum's bedroom and in her bug comfortable bed.
Even though I had just woken up I felt completely exhausted.
I rolled over and coughed slightly.
Suddenly the door was thrown open and mum came running in with an anxious look on her face.
As soon as she saw that I was awake she let out a sigh of relief and pulled me into a bone crushing hug.
I realised she was crying when a few tears dropped onto my head.
I pulled back and looked at mum.
She looked so warn out, like she hadn't slept in days and she lust looked so disheartened, like everything was gonig wrong for her.
"What's wrong mum?" I asked, gently wiping the tears with my sleeve.
"I'm just so happy you're finally awake." She sighed into my hair.
"What do you mean by 'finally'?" I asked, not really wanting the answer.
"Honey you were unconscious for three days." She said sadly. "We even brought in the nurse to make sure you were ok. She said you were physically and mentally exhausted and that you would wake up when you were ready. But you were just so dtill and pail, you really started to worry me."
"I am so sorry mum." I whimpered. "I don't know what happened. Bex just wrapped her arms around me and suddenly I was back in Washington and I was being attacked again. I just couldn't stop myself and i kicked her then I ran away. I am so sorry."
"Shh. It's OK." She soothed while rubbing my back. "Bex is fine, just a few bruised ribs. She was more worried about you. We practically had to drag her away from the search for you to get her checked out.
I laughed. That sounded exactly like Bex.
I knew by the look in her eyes that mum still had something to say.
"Honey I asked Bex if that was the first time anything like this had happened." Mum murmured. "And to my great surprise she said no. She said that it has been happening every night during the holidays."
I took a breath to protest, surely it wasn't every night, only every once in a while but Mum held a finger up to stop me.
"She said that she had to wake you up at least twice a night because you were screaming in your sleep. Honey why didn't you tell me this was happening?" She asked sadly.
I closed my eyes and pushed myself away from her. I could almost feel her hurt stare but i needed space to think. I needed to sort out the thoughts in my mind before I put them into words.
"I couldn't... I couldn't tell you because... um." I stuttered. "I don't know... I just felt... I felt like you would have more important things to worry about than... than a few stupid nightmares. I didn't want to worry you and I felt so weak and stupid because it was affecting me so much. I am a spy and I should be able to handle anything thrown at me without breaking down like this."
Mum sighed and tried to pull me into a tight hug but I moved away.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I can't handle the interrogation right now. Please just give me some time."
I got up and avoiding mum's worried gaze, I walked out of the door.
I had a clear path to my room since according to my internal clock it was quarter past 12, meaning that everyone was still in lessons.
Bex and Macey would be in CoveOps.
I wonder what Solomon thinks of me now?
I showed so much weakness three days ago that I think everyone will feel a little ashamed of me.
When I reached my room I fell onto my bed and although I was exhausted sleep just wouldn't come.
I lied there until 6 o'clock before anything changed.
There was a small knock at the door and Bex, Liz and Macey crept in. I pretended to be asleep but I know I fooled no one but thankfully they didn't disturb me.
It was silent in the room for 35 minutes before Bex walked over.
"I know you are not asleep. I just want to tell you that I am fine and that you didn't hurt me." She whispered. "I understand if you don't feel like talking right now but I also want you to know that no one, and I mean no one, thinks any less of you for what happened. They care about you and they just want you to feel better soon."
She squeezed my shoulder and walked away.
A single tear dripped down my cheek but I didn't bother wiping it away.