Joanna had arrived over an hour ago and immediately after entering the apartment she knew that something was wrong. It wasn't everyday that she was invited over so late and the somber looks on Brian and Olivia faces gave it away. She decided to let the strange feeling go until after they had all finished their pizza.
"Something's the matter," she commented as she sat down on the couch next to Olivia.
Brian glanced at Olivia before sitting down on the opposite side of his mother and taking in a deep breath. "We lost the baby," he said ripping it off like a band-aid.
Olivia felt like she had been punched in the gut every time those harsh words descended out of his mouth. She felt like she was trapped in a nightmare.
Joanna turned to Olivia with her mouth hung open and fresh tears brewing in her light hazel eyes. She placed a hand on Olivia's leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm so sorry," she said, "I know how happy the both of you were. I... I don't know why bad things happen to two good people like yourselves..."
Olivia sniffed and that's when Joanna realized that she needed to stay. "I'm staying over," she announced as she stood up, "Olivia, dear, you need rest and Brian, you too. I'll clean up the house. Just for tonight."
"Ma, that's not necessary." He knew how his mother liked to clean when she was upset and if he was being honest he needed his mother near by at this time. He had hoped that she would plan on staying.
"I want to," she replied, heading into the kitchen to clean up the few dishes in the sink. When she was out of sight Brian scooted closer to Olivia and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. He kissed her temple and they sat there in silence, wondering why God couldn't have given them the one thing they both wanted more than anything else in the world.
"You okay?" Brian asked after a little while.
Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I'm just going to go lay down for a bit I think."
"Okay," Brian said, understanding that she needed some time for herself at the moment, "I love you."
"Love you too," she said solemnly before heading down the hallway toward her bedroom. She had no thoughts about stopping in the nursery but when she walked passed the door she couldn't help but turn back.
The nursery had been ready for months. As soon as they had found out they were expecting a little boy they went shopping for everything they would need to fill the new baby's room. It had been painted a pale blue with dark cherry picture frames hanging on the wall of his first ultrasounds. There was a rocking chair in the far corner next to a window with a blanket draped over the back of it for those nights where she had to stay up late with the baby. The crib was also a dark cherry color with white bedding just waiting for somebody it could keep warm. Olivia let out a sob as she made her way over to the rocking chair and sat down. She took a good look around and suddenly it was hitting her like a ton of bricks. She lost her baby. She would never get to lay eyes on her son.
"Liv?" Joanna had heard Olivia's crying in the kitchen so she made it her duty to check up on her. She tapped softly on the door before pushing it open and catching sight of Olivia with tears rushing down her face. "Oh, Sweetheart."
"I did everything," Olivia sobbed, "everything! I'm never going to get to see him." Olivia stood up from the chair and walked over to the dresser that contained a small lamp and a basket full of little things like pacifiers and diapers. She was so angry that she didn't even think before she pushed all of the stuff to the floor with all of the energy she had left in her. "I JUST WANT HIM BACK!"
Brian heard the commotion and came rushing into the room, seeing a distraught Olivia tear the room up. She was throwing things and knocking pictures off of the wall, only to drop to her knees and bury her head in her hands. Brian walked straight passed his mother and over to Olivia where he kneeled down next to her and pulled her into his chest. "It's hurts so bad," she sobbed into his now tear soaked t-shirt.
"I know," Brian whispered as he ran his and up and down her back, "I know. Let it out, Liv."
"I never got to see him," Olivia whispered as her tears continued, "I don't even know what he looks like."
Joanna had tears brimming in her own eyes as she saw the strongest woman she knew crumble before her. She decided to leave the room to give Brian time to calm Olivia down.
"He looks like you," Brian replied, willing his own tears to stay at bay. I saw him just for a quick second. He looks just like you, Liv. He has a head full of brown hair and he has your nose."
Olivia let out another sob and Brian continued to rub her back and try to soothe her. "It'll be okay," he kept saying, "we can try again. I know it hurts but it will be okay."
"He was just kicking me yesterday and I was complaining..." Olivia's tears had stopped now but her voice remained shaky. "I would give anything to have him kicking me again."
Brian didn't have any words left to comfort her so he kissed her gently on the temple and rocked her back and forth until she initiated that she wanted to get up. "I'm sorry," she apologized as she stood up off the floor and wiped her dry tears, "I don't what happened. I just was so angry and then I was sad and I don't-"
"Liv, it's okay," Brian said calmly, "I'll clean it up. Don't worry about it. Why don't you get some rest, okay? I'll be in there a bit."
Olivia nodded and left the nursery without another look back. She didn't want to step foot in that room again unless it was to lay a baby in the crib.
Brian started cleaning up the mess by picking up the lamp and placing it back on the dresser. He didn't hear his mother come in until she spoke up. "You're a wonderful man, Brian. What you did for her... you held her when she was at her weakest and that's what a great man does."
Brian turned around with tears silently pouring down his cheeks. He had remained strong for Olivia but he couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Come here," Joanna whispered as she opened her arms wide for a hug. Brian gripped her tightly, telling her that he loved her and how thankful he was that she there. "You two will get through it," she promised, "It'll be okay. It will all end up okay."