Chapter 3:
Author's Note:
My god this took forever... granted it's almost 7k worth of words, and I struggled and rewrote many different parts, but still. It's been like what five days? I've writing in my spare time between school and work, so yay! Fanfic.
Thank you everyone for your interest, and I hope I live up to your expectations.
Couple of things: 1) I've been working on a faberry, possibly faberrittana or fapezberry, pokemon crossover: would people be interested? 2). the Quinn section I'm torn on, so opinions would greatly appreciated on that topic. 3). Had I been the owner of Glee, we would have had Faberry by season 2 at least and the issues of season 3 & 4 would not have happened. But I don't. So i'm sad.
Enjoy people and as always: read and review.
Because I can,
SurrealSteamPuck (WeOffendedShadows)
June 1st
Rachel had gotten herself under control. Well, it would be more accurate to say that Quinn had gotten her under control, and she just went along for the ride. Santana drove someplace, rambling on and on and on about something that Brittany was either agreeing or disagreeing with. She wasn't sure. The words didn't seem to exist in her mind, just sounds that happened to reach her ears. Rachel was alone with two-thirds of the Unholy Trinity in a strange car headed to a strange place probably do something horrible and-
"Tana," Brittany said, "she's not breathing again."
"Oh for fuck sakes," Santana replied. "We're not going to kill you, hobbs."
Rachel didn't, couldn't say anything. The words left her again, leaving her with just sights that she couldn't explain and sounds that made no sense. The place she was in moved quickly, or at least was, now the world around her was slowing down, turning slightly before stopping completely. Things were around her, of some shape and some color, and they just hung about watching her, while the two other human-shaped figures moved in the front seat, one shouting now, something strange, demanding that-
"Rachel," Quinn said, "I need you to breathe."
Rachel took a deep breathe in and closed her eyes. Quinn didn't touch her again; she didn't know how she could handle that if the cheerleader did. The kindness would be too much. There was a figure leaning close to her, in the backseat, Rachel remembered, that was where she was, in the backseat of a car that Santana was driving to some place unknown.
"Good, good," Quinn said, "Just take it-"
"I will not let you kill me," Rachel said, trying to keep her breathe even and hands still, refusing to cross them in front of herself.
Santana barked out a laugh. "Like you could stop us." Rachel opened her eyes and glared at the Latina standing just behind Quinn. Rachel was seated as far as she could from the driver side, placing as much distance possible between her and Santana, her arms wrapped around her legs. The former cheerleader had climbed in next to her, kneeling and looking like the serene angel she tended to, when she wanted to. But Rachel knew of the demon that lived in her, the one that showed her face in Santana every day, and how they perverted poor, sweet Brittany to their evil way of thinking. She would give them no-
"Rachel," Quinn said, and she turned to look at the blonde, "Relax, it's okay, we're not going to hurt you." She turned slightly to the other two. "Go." Santana frowned but nodded. Brittany clapped once, a bright smile on her face, before taking the Latina by the hand and practically dragged her away.
"Is this some kind of game, Quinn," Rachel asked. "Did you kidnap me and take me just to lose me in a forest, or – no, you're not going to kill me, are you?" Quinn shook her head. "Strip me naked and leave me out her to be eaten by bears or cougars or wolves, because then technically you didn't kill and still could keep your words and I-"
Quinn sat right next to her, legs almost touching, in the middle seat of all things. Why was she so close? Rachel fought herself, willing her heartbeat to slow down, to stop her hands from shaking, to just keep still and not like the predator see her fear.
She locked eyes onto, staring into her own. Rachel just looked into the pale blue eyes, hoping to see something, anything that would release her from the hold the Head Bitch in Charge had over her. Quinn Fabray had power, real power, not star power like Rachel would once have when she escaped from Lima where she could gather fame and fortune in some order of respect, but rather the power that the ice queen of McKinley possess drew a person in and would ground them into dust and ash without a second thought. It could raise a person into the sky with just a simple smile and crush them back onto the earth with brief frown. She commanded the masses to do her bidding, and when she fell back in sophomore year, monsters came forth and threatened the school, until she took charge again. Not even Santana or Brittany could do what she could.
All of that power was directed at Rachel, and she was happy that she was sitting down, or her knees would have given way and she would have a hurt behind.
"I'm sorry," Quinn finally said.
Rachel blinked.
"I can never take back what we. What I did, to you," she continued. Something flashed in Quinn's eyes, a brief reflection of some liquid. It was probably venom being readied to throw at her. There was nothing she could use readily in her defense, but Rachel was wily. "We made freshmen year hell for you. And a most of sophomore and a bit in junior.
Rachel remained silent.
"I made it that way," she corrected. The venom was transferred from her eye to her hand with a quick swipe. Rachel pretended not to see it and reached for the door handle. "Me. And you continued to survive the hell I push onto you. The slushies, the taunts, the pictures-"
"Pictures?"
"They've been removed. Nothing real, just some drawings in a few girls' bathrooms." Rachel knew of those; she was worried of photograph or film that some pervert decided to take of her and post just as means of destroying her future. That would have been too much. "I fixed that last bit, painted over every last bathroom just to be sure." The smile was a distraction; don't get pulled in Rachel.
"You lived through everything, and nothing ever seemed to get you," she continued, "until I stopped looking and actually started seeing you. Until Santana and Brittany helped me see just how messed up I was." Lies, don't listen, don't listen, it's all- "This is just some of it, but I wanted to make amends to the people I hurt, especially you."
"So this is a ploy to make yourself feel better?" Rachel asked. "Fine, apology accepted. I'm leaving." She reached behind her to grab the handle, to escape into the freedom that was only inches away; her attention focused on the minute opening of the door. Close to the open world where there was no monsters in human skin to hurt her.
"I deserve your hatred," Quinn said. The voice, the beautiful notes that always made her smile, sank into her, settling hard into her stomach. Rachel had spoken to herself so many times with the same tone, the same heaviness, while looking into the mirror each morning, lying to herself that things would be better, that they could be better. "I deserve everything that you could throw at me, and more. And it wouldn't be enough."
Rachel said nothing; she refused to look towards the former cheerleader.
"It wouldn't be enough to take back anything. Frannie said, it would never be enough." Who was Frannie, was this another cheerio? "No matter what I did, I could not erase the past."
Rachel leaned forward a little bit. This was a pity party and she wanted – a sniff. A soft, weak sniff pierced everything and she froze, unable to move. She turned around in her seat to see tears, real tears, on a heartbroken face of the beauty queen, who had some trouble with herself. "And I don't," she said, fighting back a sob, "I don't want to erase it, because if I did, it would mean I would have never had Beth, and that was the best thing that had happened to me. I wouldn't trade it anything for that, even though she's...even though I don't... with everything that worked out the way it did, it was the for the best, for-"
"For the best?" Rachel slide into Quinn's personal space. "Everything you did to me was for the best? The pain you put me through, the fear of the slushie, the torture and terror you gave me everyday. That was for the best? Who the fuck do you-" A hand covered her mouth.
"I meant my life, Rachel," Quinn said; the tears had stopped, and Rachel tried to figure out how her make-up continued to look perfect despite the tears that had slide down her cheeks. It wasn't fair. "I meant being kicked out and thrown to the bottom of the shit pole that is the McKinley High social hierarchy. I meant my father being... who he is. The shame, the depression, the slight psychosis, all of it was worth it to bring Beth into the world, even if I never kept her. And I understood. After New York, I finally understood.
"The high school bullcrap, the things that I thought made me so much better than you, than anyone else," Quinn frowned, "None of it mattered. Everything that mattered to me was worthless. Prom Queen, Head Cheerio, president of the chastity club, Miss Perfection, Miss Beautiful, Miss Wonderful. The Ice Queen. I opened my eyes, really opened them, the first day in New York, though it had started early, and had no idea who the dead and empty girl was in front of me. The lonely girl with sad eyes. And for a brief moment, I knew that I caused you to look like this. Not Santana. Not Brittany. Me. And I can never forgive myself for that."
Rachel licked Quinn's hand, but the girl didn't seem to notice. She sighed heavily and glared at her, before the blonde pulled her hand back and smiled apologetically. "Then why are you here? If you think that what you did was so unforgivable?"
"I want a new start," Quinn said.
"Hence the hair?"
"That and other things," She replied. "I want to be your friend, like you've offered so often and I've been the bitch who neglected that friendship or flat out turned it down, or, worse, used it for my own advantage for some pity high school drama."
"You want... is that?" Rachel lost her words again. She would have to keep better track of them if this was going to be a continuous thing. Because it was times like this when she needed her words.
"All of us," Quinn repeated. "Brittany has always wanted to be your friend, but Santana agreed, though she'll lie through her teeth if you ask her, that she wants this too." She reached down and took Rachel's hand with the one she licked on it. "We, I believe that had things been different that first week, you not absent and my father not who he was, we would have been great friends. So let's fix that. Please."
Rachel stared at Quinn, trying to mask herself with her hard "I'm-a-1920's-gangster" face. From Quinn's expression, it either worked really well, or didn't. She would have to practice in the mirror later. "I reserve the right to run away."
"Of course," Quinn said, "You were never that gullible, or you would have fallen for some of the more stupid, cruel pranks the jocks wanted to pull our freshmen years. Oh, don't look so surprised." She reached forward and picked up her hand. "Come, the food should be at least ordered by now and Santana''s probably wondering if she has to hide a body or something."
Rachel didn't move when Quinn slide across the seat towards the driver side door. "It was a joke, Rachel."
"Are you sure? Because you - that does not seem like a topic people joke about, and I've seen the history channel with their programs on cults and I'm too young-"
"Dead bodies aren't until the third initiation rite, so don't worry yet. We'll make sure you're ready before it comes to that."
Rachel froze again; her face suddenly cold and that cold draining down her body, pulling her hand from Quinn's as though she was burnt. "Seriously, you'd think-" Rachel just nodded, and Quinn slide back to the diva. "I swear, it's a joke, we've never done something like that, certainly never to you"
"Oh," Rachel replied. "I just thought-" Numerous times Santana had threatened to kill her, even jokingly, though she never took them serious, until it came to the moment they were brought up again.
"Friends will joke and tease each other." Quinn smiled, and she couldn't look into it. Wouldn't, because that would mean the Ice Queen had you in her sights and knew just how to hurt you.
"I've never had that with people." Rachel looked away and finally saw the parking lot they had pulled into. "joking and teasing I mean. Friends too, I guess."
Quinn picked up Rachel's hand and rubbed her thumb along the back. "You have three now. And that will never change." She reached across her body and pushed the door open. "Out, Santana is Snix when she's hungry and it's hard to tell when that bitch of a person will show herself."
"Huh?" Rachel asked, stepping out of the car, though Quinn hadn't let go of her hand yet. The blonde flowed out and closed the door in a single motion, as though it was always meant to be that way.
"It's okay," Quinn said, smiling down at her. Rachel was just shorter, not by much, but freshmen year had created such an idea of Quinn, that she was a little surprised at how small the girl actually was. Not small-small, but Rachel had always seen as a larger than life figure that crushed stars like her. Today, the ice queen, who's black hole-heart had been focused on Rachel so long, looked human, and it frightened her, but a good way, she assured herself. Because if Quinn Fabray could be human, then she certainly could be something else, maybe more than a star.
Because stars were lonely. She learned that in elementary school. Sure there were planets and stuff that circled around them, but they were never with others of their kind. It was their duty to shine and shine and shine, warm the hearts of planets and things, but stars were left to be by their lonesome selves. She cried she got home that day, until Daddy explained the differences between Stars like Sol and Barbara. But the metaphor remained; high school was just planets and asteroids and debris circling around her, and she was long in the universe, even when the rest came to be interested in the things she was. It was okay, it had to be, because one day she would be like Barbara not like Sol, but Sol was bright and strong and beautiful in its own way, and Rachel could accept that.
But she didn't have to any more. Now, Sol was a binary star with at least one other people, maybe three, to keep it company in the ever growing and dying universe. It wasn't alone any more.
*******
November 1st:
Rachel couldn't fight the cold. She had tried before, even threatening use of actual weapons, but it always seemed to win, to creep under whatever layers she wore and into her body, sapping her energy. Despite her birthday and Hanukkah being in the beginning of winter, it was too gray and dull and empty for her to enjoy, despite the happy-face she showed often. It was just a matter of getting through the three months of evil. She could do it. Except when it became more. It was November and Autumn(not fall, because that is a verb not a season) ended much early than she wanted and the temperature dropped until she was sure frost would from as they walked, solidifying them in place
Quinn held her hand as they walked through the forest, in some direction, with the edge just beyond their vision and approaching too slow. She walked barefoot and had slowly lost height as they exited. The pair had to pause every couple of minutes as Quinn adjusted her cloths, rolling up the pants and sleeves as she shrank. "Aren't you cold?" Rachel asked. The forest was too quiet, even for early morning winter-November-not-Autumn, when the animals slept in hopes that spring would arrive and warm up their bones. Rachel hoped the same thing.
The tigress, or was it tiger given that the form was male and Quinn possessed, or was it still presence tense, too much to think about, focus Rachel, turned slightly, but never dropped her hand. "Hmm?"
"Bare feet?" Rachel asked. Quinn smiled softly.
"I'm kinda used to it," she replied. "It's not the first time that I've had to deal with being naked or mostly nude during cold months."
"How do you-"
"Can we hold off the 20 questions until we're inside?" Santana said. The pair of cheerios had stepped back, talking softly in their own little world. Unlike Quinn and her, they at least wore clothing suitable for arctic terrain, which Rachel believed was necessary to deal with the weather: thick coats, gloves, and boots. Rachel was left in a thin-clothed rental cheerleader outfit, with flats on because the heels seemed ridiculous and made her ass look even better and she was already highlighting so it was better just to leave good things alone. The coat she was given didn't do much, and she could really use tea, or vegan hot chocolate, or coffee, or something warm. She'd probably even drink a warm glass of milk right now, those poor tortured cows.
"Fruit loops," Brittany said.
"That's right, you promised Britt's fruit loops, Q," Santana replied, "and we wouldn't want to disappoint her. Would we?" The glare was leveled at Rachel, as if she was the one holding them up.
"Of course," Quinn said. "We're almost out. The Berry's is just few more minutes after that."
"my..my home?" Rachel paused, but Santana just shoved her to keep walking.
"Yep," The Latina said, "Told your dad all about you taking care of Quinn when someone spiked her drink, it's why you weren't home at your curfew, which who the fuck still has a curfew at seventeen?"
"You do," Brittany said, "Mami would have been upset with us, but-" A hand covered Brittany's mouth before she could continue.
Rachel missed this. The joking between the three of them, how Santana acted like she was brutal and evil and mean,and she was, mostly, but when it came to Brittany, the anger just slide away, reveling the person she should be had she not had to protect the one person in the world who meant the most to her. Brittany was a ditz at school, and she perfected the persona so well, it was hard to tell if it was an act, except around her friends, she didn't have to pretend to be the dumb blonde or that she wasn't or that the things she saw, the way she saw the world, was strange and odd.
And Quinn, Barbara, Quinn was no longer the ice-queen, though that changed over summer, when she apologized to Rachel for everything. Life and brightness and joy and kindness and things that Rachel had a hard time finding words for, but probably knew the notes better than anything else, and the songs she could sing, but the point was Quinn was more like the girl she should have been.
They all were. McKinley, and Lima in general, was a soul-sucking town and turned people in the worst version of themselves. The Unholy Trinity was the prime example, making them into this caricatures of themselves all in the name of what? Popularity, cruelty, peer pressure, fear. All of it just destroyed the person they were meant to be. Brittany liked to say that she saved them, that befriending Rachel was the smartest thing they had done, but Rachel thought that they were far more braver than she ever was, willing to hang out with the Lima Loser that she was, even if she was going to be a star at some point.
But Rachel had friends(FRIENDS!), and she wouldn't trade that for anything. She went through a great deal and having these people-
"Come on," Santana said, pushing her again, so her feet moved faster than she wanted to, then she really could. They had lost feeling a bit ago, now that she was no longer curled up in the tiger's warm embrace. "I'm cold."
"You're cold," Rachel asked, though her words came out as just letters she repeated for a moment and strung together. She tried to take another step, but arms picked up and the forest started to move quickly around her.
"You should have told me how cold you were," Quinn said. She was being carried like a bride as the blonde ran out of the forest and onto the street, her street, if Rachel recognized it correctly.
"I'll-I'll-I'll-" she tried, but couldn't finish her words. Rachel wasn't that cold, just enough that her toes were starting to hurt and her hands were rather numb and her legs tingled just a little bit and maybe her face was burning from the winter-breeze in November, which was so wrong she couldn't find the words for it.
"Be fine once we get you inside." Quinn broke no argument. The Head Cheerleader had returned, and with it was the Ice Queen herself, capitals included even in her own inner dialogue. "You're fathers are worried about you, Rae, and I think we should make sure they know you're okay, right?" Rachel nodded, leaning against Quinn, wrapping her arms around the blonde's neck and tried to pull herself close as she could without unbalancing the girl. The warmth in the crook of Quinn's neck was nice, and it at least took some cold away from her face. The flannel felt wonderful against her hands, maybe she'd pick some up and use it as pjs; would Quinn give her this shirt, because that would be awesome and-
"Dear god," Leroy Berry said. Rachel opened her eyes to see her fathers standing in the door way, but closed them just as quick. She didn't get enough sleep with tiger-Quinn. More was required. Like now.
"I don't think it's hypothermia," Quinn said. She slide past the men and into the living room. "Does she have an electric blanket or something?" She placed Rachel down on the couch before throwing the throw blanket over her, giving her at least some other source of warmth.
"Of course, up in her room," Leroy said. "Hiram go-"
"On it," The man rushed up the stairs wihtout another word. As he came down, Santana and Brittany arrived, the former wheezing slightly.
"Fucking hate running in the cold," she said, and looked up into the small smiles of the Berry men. "Oh shit, I mean, I'm sorry."
"She always this cold, Mr. B?" Quinn asked.
"Winter is not her season," he replied. He walked around the couch and sat down next to his daughter's feet, sliding them into his lap. Quinn had not released Rachel's hands. When had she picked them up? "Doctor's say due to her smaller size and being exhausted from, well everything. Santana and Brittany have helped curb most of her insanity this year, but given that she's trying to get into NYADA-"
"She's practicing too much, again," Quinn said. Rachel tried to argue but just rolled on her side so she was closer to Quinn.
"Chica's been a wreck some days," Santana said. She stepped into the room and stood over the couch, resting her elbows on as she looked over Rachel. "Stopped her from doing something stupid with the elections, mostly, and B and her have been helping Kurt out. The audition went well, but-"
"She's one hundred percent one hundred of the time, right?" Quinn said. She brushed some hair off of Rachel's face; the girl tried to follow the hand as it pulled back to take up hers again., even though her head barely moved.
"Yep." Quinn sighed.
"Let's get the rest of you warmed up," Leroy said. Rachel tightened her grip on Quinn. Now, if she would curl up next to her, she would no have problem being warm. Even juts touching her hand, Rachel felt some heat being to grow inside her.
A blanket covered her body, and artificial warmth followed. Rachel sighed and snuggled in, pulling her hands inside. Fuck winter-November. Always ruining what she wanted. A light snore followed, and she could have sworn a soft kiss on her cheek by soft, petite lips, but that was probably just her daddy being gentle. Maybe.
******
Quinn knelt at Rachel's side for a little longer. She wanted to touch her again, but there was no longer and excuse to, in fact, there was barely a reason for her to remain at her side, but Quinn didn't want to think about it. She just wanted to stay next to the girl who had become important to her.
Two hellish months without her three favorite people in the world but she needed it; Quinn Fabray needed to determine who she was without the people who mattered, without anyone else pressuring her, even passively, with their expectations. It was also a time to try to determine just what the hell happened over the summer. She needed to know her truths.
Judy Fabray had taught her daughters how to hide and control the tiger within them, the lineage they had of the First that had walked as human, joined the culture, to follow a love that She had not known before. Where as Frannie preferred and accepted that she was a female human more than a tiger, Quinn reveled in the secret form she owned, something her father could never control. They were not were-tigers, though it would be easy to mistake, given that she often accepted during the full moon. Her mother called it that: accepted that your form was not human, but tiger; that you, the girl, was really a dangerous feline. The traits and personalities of stereotypical creatures bleed into both forms, because Quinn was both girl and tiger at the exact same time. Appearances just changed.
Her hand stretched out for a second, before she pulled it back. Rachel wouldn't like to be treated this way, she told herself, repeated to herself, just to try to stop her from giving whatever warmth she could to the diva, even if only a hand on the forehead or cheek.
Quinn Fabray was born a female human; it was a truth that she had never questioned. Nor had she questioned the fact that she was also born a female tiger. These were facts that were ingrained into her body as much as her natural eye and hair color. Cosmetically, it could be changed, but these were truths for her. And her body responded as such.
Because Quinn had known she was female as an accepted truth, she had given birth to a wonderful girl after a stupid mistake. The girl was not blessed as she was, to remain and know only what a human would know, but nevertheless, the brief moments that she held her child were her happiest moments she could remember. Not even the few blessed good memories of her father could compare.
The months that followed, well, year really, if Quinn was being honest with herself, she struggled. Giving up Beth had been the hardest thing she had done, and she regretted it but regretted that she regretted it. The tiger that she was hated the decision, viewing it as a betrayal of everything she was. The human that she was knew, without a doubt, she had made the right choice for her child. Quinn was not ready to be a mother, to care completely for another life, no matter what other emotions she felt. Thus, to control the anger and the sadness of her tiger-side, she did not accept it any more, she could not, lest she lose control and destroy things that her human-side cared for.
She did not remember most of Junior year. Brief flashes of moments that hid themselves away because Quinn was only part of herself, an ice queen and head bitch in charge. These were her accepted truths now, they had to be. She knew she could not cope otherwise.
But prom came, and her dreams were shattered, everything that she was meant to be, broke down. For the first time in over a year, Quinn accepted her tiger-self and ran into a heavy first where she cried and cried and cried. She mourned giving up her child, mourned that she could no longer be a standard student. She mourned that she was completely and unavoidable different that everyone else, and she would struggle with both of her-selves daily. These were her truths now.
Through out all of her struggles, even though she was a bitch and horrible human being, Santana and Brittany never left her side. They fought, they bickered, they disagreed and backstabbed each other, well, it was more Santana and her, Brittany was a peacemaker between them. Quinn was not alone, despite how much she felt some days. New York was a chance to change, having left Ohio for the first time in her life to a place that was bigger, louder, fuller than she ever had known. The smells alone were invigorating and distracting, but she enjoyed every second of it. The place had sparked a new idea of her truths.
The little snore was so Rachel, soft and gentle, an almost musical quality to it. Quinn pulled the blanket up to her shoulders, almost covering the diva completely before she sat back down and watched over her.
A hair cut was the start. But like an addict who was detoxing off of their drug of choice, Quinn needed to detox off her bitchiness. She needed to make amends, even if it was with only one person. For three years, she and the Cheerios saw to it the suffering of one Rachel Berry. Never had a person made her so angry just by existence, and Quinn never questioned her anger, her hatred, her dislike. While getting to know the girl through glee, something at the time Quinn had hated, had lessened most of the negative emotions she felt, they would have never been friends had the loss at Prom not occur. Had she not broken down in the forest and question who she was and why she did what she did.
It took three weeks to gain the courage to speak to the girl, to find the reason and intellectual understanding of why she should apologize. It took three weeks to convince Santana that it would be better for both of them, especially them, if they took away the dislike and hatred of the girl. Quinn figured that Santana argued with her just to be contrary. While Rachel would be gaining them, she knew that the Unholy Trinity would be gaining the diva, and she always felt the only girl who would really escape Ohio, the only person to never break under their horrible gaze, was something great and wonderful. It was part of the reason why Quinn tore the girl down; she hated beautiful things.
Maybe that was why she disliked mirrors.
For most of the summer, the Trinity were Rachel's only companions besides her fathers, sometimes together, sometimes just one of them with her. They had to earn her trust and friendship, and Quinn knew it would be difficult, but she loved to see the short brunette smile, really smile, not the stage one she used most of the time. It was the brightest thing Quinn had seen, Rachel's smile lit up a room and made heavy hearts finally lighten their load. The task of becoming friends, of accepting the girl for who she was, and helping the diva lessen the diva-nature and bring out her true self was worth every insult she received, every lingering doubt that looked upon her, every question to understand why they were being so nice. The distrust was earned, but in the end, Rachel Berry had become a friend.
The time spent of Rachel had been one of happiness and contentment. Where Santana and Brittany would cuddle together during their movie nights, Quinn was left with Rachel and holding her throughout most of the scary movies the Trinity seemed to love. They hung out the most, with Quinn attending some of her events and practices, an effort to support the girl. And somewhere along the way, she noticed just how beautiful the girl was.
That was when a new truth formed, one that altered herself in a way Quinn had not expected. Before she was a female who had always been attracted to males, her truth that she had never waiver from, never questioned, because it was what her father had taught her; it was what was normal. But with Rachel, some more questions, some more doubts formed in her mind just what she was and who she was attracted to. Santana and her talked one night, and with Quinn trying to figure out just what she was feeling, since the girl was the only person she knew who had similar struggles until she had accepted who she was. The Latina helped her and held her in her tiger form as Quinn cried at a new truth for her, another one that altered just everything who she was: she was a female who had fallen for Rachel Berry, the sweet, kind, driven girl with a tendency for insanity and obsession and wordiness.
The truth almost broke her because it was also a truth that Rachel was straight. A truth that had sent her running so hard and so fast, because she couldn't look back. "Q?" Santana said. The tigress looked over to her friend. "Best stop staring at her, you're getting a bit creepy, though Britts says it's cute."
Quinn stood up slowly, stretching to her feet in a single motion. Her eyes found the diva again, taking in that she was safe, she was warm, she was happy if given the smile on her face. She fought the desire to lean down and kiss her forehead, as though a parent would a child, or more accurately, as a lover would their heart. But it would be wrong to do so. Rachel held no interest in her. Her heart sank a bit further, the tiger wanting to express it's sadness, but she held it in. Now was not the place to pity herself. A Fabray felt no pity or remorse, even towards herself.
Inside the Berry kitchen, everyone stood around the island, warm cups in their hands. Brittany was eating a large pool, her teeth crunching on the colorful cereal, a smile with each spoonful. Green tea and sweet coffee drifted around everyone. "Here," Hiram handed Quinn her cup, a large one, almost a bowl really, but the light green was picked out by Rachel, and it always brought a smile to her face when it was in her hand. As always, it was filled with warm, whole milk and a dash of coffee with cinnamon sprinkled in it.
"Thanks," she muttered, receiving the cup-bowl and smiling as she gentle sipped the warmth. Quinn was not cold, but the drink always reminded her of Christmas when she was younger, when her father was not who he was and her mother had not accepted her truth that she was a drunk and obedient housewife, just to keep a semblance of peace.
"So," Leroy said.
"So," Santana replied.
"So," Hiram added.
"Buttons!" Brittany said. Quinn snorted and tried to hide her smile in glass, but still felt the glare from the Latina.
"How was the party?" Leroy ignored the outburst, but smiled at the blonde. The real question he was asking had more to deal with why their daughter was out until morning and how come she was so could.
"It's my fault," Quinn said, speaking before Santana could say anything. The clock in the study down the study, the groups' breathing and heartbeats, and Rachel's gentle snore were the only sounds she could hear. No one spoke or moved. If it was just Rachel, it would be comforting, but the silence always annoyed her. "Someone slipped me something, I don't remember when or what but-"
"Rachel was the one who noticed," Santana continued the lie. "Took care of her until morning when we walked over here. Got rather cold too, so-"
"Why is Quinn still in this," Leroy asked, waving his hand up and down at Quinn's outfit, "costume? Where is her shoes?"
"Lost them," Quinn said. She honestly did. "I don't really remember where, but Rachel found these cloths for me..." She let her voice trail off and looked away. It was better to simply lie here, then try to explain that some jock had followed Rachel out, who left because she was bored and only the drunks were hitting on her while her friends ignored her(some by design, others by accident). It was better they thought the story instead of knowing that Quinn shifted to frighten off the would-be rapist and chased Rachel because she wanted to know if the girl was okay. Sometimes, it was better that the truth was not known.
"Did," Hiram started, shook his head, letting the question go. "I'm glad you are okay."
"Me too," Brittany said. "That party was kinda sucked anyways, so Tana and I left early. Sorry we weren't paying attention to help." The girl looked so sad and distraught, which only made Quinn glad it was just a lie. She was also glad that Brittany knew how to lie and hide things better than Santana or herself.
" I am fine, really," Quinn replied. "Is it okay if I hang out here today, though?"
"Of course, just later, kay?" Leroy said, nodding with a large smile on his face. "In fact, we're glad to see to you again. It's been a while."
"I've been working through some things."
"I can see that," His eyes drifted up to her still short hair. At least it was not pink any more. "Are things better?"
Quinn smiled her good-christian smile and nodded. "I've accepted a few things about myself, and slowly being folded back into the group."
"What she means is that she's no longer being a bitch and now wants to be friends again," Santana translated. Quinn turned to glare and growl, but Hiram's laugh broke her anger.
"You will never clean up that tongue, will you Santana," he asked, and it was Brittany's turn to snort. The brunette cheerio turned a bit red,as much as her tan skin could blush, at least, and she looked away, at least trying to act embarrassed. "Maybe that was the wrong thing to say."
The Berry's were the first people Brittany and Santana had been open to, especially since they offered to answer questions they had regarding their treatment in a small, bigot-minded town like Lima. Though times were changing, people tended to be a bit slower than that. But the men had accepted the pair and opened their door to any thing they needed, even if it was just a space to crash the night. Though they banned sex in their house, something that Quinn was thankful the two respected. She remembered Rachel's blush at that conversation and how cute she looked.
"She's said worse," Quinn said.
"And done worse." The proud smile on Brittany just made her girlfriend blush even harder.
"Well," Leroy said, coughing and turning away, "sadly, Hiram and I do have to get some work today, so if you girls don't mind, you can come back later, okay, when we're home. Not that we don't trust you, but-"
"No prob, Mr. B," Santana said. "Rules are rules, plus Mami and Papi are probably worried sick about us."
Quinn said nothing. She was unsure how Judy would take her late night. Despite their commonalities, their relationship was a bit strained since being kicked out. It was slowly being rebuilt, but things were slightly better.
The other issue was she did not want to leave Rachel. If only for her own sanity. But needs must, she supposed. Plus actual cloths would be a decent separation and barrier for her own desires. More layers meant less likely she would do something.
"Quinn?" Brittany asked, placing a hand on her arm. She spoke before she did so, making sure that the girl was aware of what was happening, aware of her surroundings. It took once when another Cheerio surprised her for the other two-thirds of the Unholy Trinity to understand do not touch her when she was unaware. "We'll give you ride, yes?"
She just nodded. Brittany clapped her hands and started to pull on her. "let me say goodbye first?" It was plea, and Quinn knew she sounded desperate, but she could only hope that neither her friends or the Berry's noticed. Santana raised an eye brow, but nodded.
She walked swiftly, her feet barely touching the floor as she gliding into the living room. Quinn crouched down in front of Rachel. Some of her hair had fallen over her face, and the diva twitched her nose in trying to remove it; Quinn pushed it away, and a smile grew on Rachel's face. She leaned into the hand, and she was worried she woke the girl. But the little snore did not stop.
"I'll be back," Quinn said, "later." When she could get herself under control and stop the desire to touch and hold and protect Rachel. "Be safe and warm."
She left the Berry's without another word, standing next to Santana's car parked on the street, as snow fell slowly around her.