Why hello everyone! Yes, you're not dreaming, I am actually posting a new chapter after almost five months of complete MIA-ness. So a lot of craziness has happened to this fandom since I last saw you guys. And as I post this Candice got engaged or something? YAY for her :D Well, it doesn't matter, though. I am holding my peace on everything and choosing nonchalance! Because I am so done with TVD.

Now what took me so long you ask. First real life, then tension that led to the inevitable writer's block. Did I get over that completely? Eh, I'm trying.

So anyways, this is it! Sorry it's shorter than usual, but hey at least it's here. I know I'm not funny.

Oh and I should tell you, this is unbeta'd. Sister is quite busy and I've kept you guys waiting long enough so here we go :)

Chapter 7: Holding On

'So you're telling me that you got drunk on your sixteenth birthday?' Stefan asks the giggly blonde whose eyes were darting over to me far too much for me to handle this evening.

'Yes' she answers between chuckles 'Why is that so hard to believe. Drinking is literally the only activity we do. It's really an exception that we are having dinner tonight'

'And we are still drinking!' Rebekah exclaims enthusiastically and Caroline follows her in clinking their glasses of beers together in a toast for nothing other than drawing the attention of the group of guys behind them.

Stefan chuckles.

'So what happened after you got drunk two miles away from your hometown?' Stefan asks, clearly amused by Caroline's story. To be quite frank, I, myself, would have enjoyed the story much more than I am at the moment if her blue eyes did not hold a question every time she glances towards me.

I know that I am being a bastard. But the problem is, I am so used to the feeling that it no longer bothers me. Besides, it's better for her to hate me now than have all hell breaks loose should I bring up our passionate kisses and have them lead somewhere else –somewhere I desperately want to go, but would like to pretend that I know better than to act on that desire.

'Well,' Caroline starts contemplating, fixating her gaze on Stefan after giving me another glance that I return with a blank one 'I don't really remember. It was something along the lines of Elena calling her mom by accident, her mom calling my mom because, you know Sherriff and all, then, somehow, I ended up throwing up on my mother's deputy.'

'Oh my God' Rebekah chokes on her drink 'you never told me that'

'I never told you that I was making out with the bartender when mom showed up, either' she wiggles her eyebrows playfully.

'You're joking' Rebekah shakes her head.

'I am not' Caroline giggles again 'He was really hot'

'Didn't you get into trouble?' Stefan asks, his voice muffled with the mouthful of cheeseburger that he is currently chewing.

'I didn't, the poor guy left with a warning and bail or something. They were easy on him because he really didn't know that I was sixteen' She sighs 'I did pay the price, you know, got grounded for two weeks and all'

'Yeah hell of a punishment' Stefan mocks.

'And a terrible headache!' Caroline protests 'Not to mention Elena and I were not allowed to be seated alone for like so long, and were not allowed to hang out together without supervision'

'That must've been horrible' Rebekah laughs 'But you did deserve it' she shrugs when Caroline shoots her a glare.

'What? My idea of rebelling against my parents was to wear a leather mini skirt that father hated so much to school!' Rebekah explains 'But that's probably because I was so scared of father that I didn't dare do anything. My wild days started when I met you' Rebekah grins.

'You bet your ass' Caroline grins back.

'Oh no' Stefan sighs dramatically 'You girls are getting drunk'

They answer him with a laugh 'No we are not' Rebekah interjects 'It's just our normal attitude'

'Mhmm' Caroline nods as she bites into her cheeseburger, filling her mouth in the most adorable way I have ever seen. How does this girl manage to look beautiful, to look absolutely captivating in everything she does is absolutely beyond me.

'What?' she asks swallowing down her food when her eyes meet mine. It's only then that I realize I've been staring.

'Nothing' I shake my head with a stubborn smile tugging at my lips.

'This is literally the first word you've spoken this whole evening' she objects, wiping her mouth with a napkin. If only she would stop drawing my attention to her lips.

'I have nothing to share' I nonchalantly shrug.

'Oh come on. You must have a wild story to tell us. Now that we know that Stefan stripped when he got drunk the first time at his 21st birthday and Rebekah's first one-night-stand was with the janitor of the school's dorm…'

'Hey!' Rebekah interrupts 'He's my brother! That story was just for you!' I grunt in displeasure.

'Oh relax' Caroline rolls her eyes 'He knows that you're not a virgin'

'I'd really rather not to think about it' I grumble 'let alone talk about it' I hear Stefan chuckling, obviously sensing my discomfort and enjoying it. He somehow finds it extremely amusing when I want to think of my baby sister as the innocent girl back home in England who always offered comfort even when she did not understand what for she was providing it.

'Anyways' Caroline dismisses 'Now that we know all of that, you must have something juicy up your sleeves'

'I can't, honestly. Or I would be considered a bad influence on Rebekah' I mock.

Rebekah snorts 'Your existence in my life is bad influence that's why you are no role-model of mine. Don't worry big brother, I won't be running to do whatever misdeeds you've done back in the days'

'Back in the days?' Stefan exclaims with a roar of laughter 'Oh, honey, you have no idea what he still does' I look over at him with raised eyebrows and he returns it with a challenging look, daring me to shut him up 'He's done it all; Partied till the morning, got high on Crystal Meth, on crack, Marijuana, woke up next to women he doesn't know, sometimes two or even three at a time, almost drug-dealt. I'm pretty sure he pole danced at some point'

'Ha ha, yes Stefan, I've done all that. Except for the last one, or if I did I really don't remember. But you were there with me every step of the way, so maybe you were there when I did' I smirk.

Caroline and Rebekah are a laughing mess right now. For some reason, they find this far more amusing than it really is. I cannot say, however, that I am not enjoying the ringing sound of Caroline's laughter.

Damn it.

'So what are you gonna tell us next?' Caroline says between giggles 'You started a rock band and slept with a guy'

'Oh he didn't sleep with a guy' Rebekah says, trying to suppress her laughter 'he slept with Stefan!' she bursts.

'WHAT?' Caroline practically yells, looking between the two of us.

'Here we go again' I roll my eyes. Stefan insists that it's funny and starts laughing all over again.

'You're not serious, are you?' Caroline asks with a baffled expression.

'Oh they never admitted it' Rebekah shrugs, a glint of mischief in her eyes as they meet mine 'but I'm pretty sure it happened. I mean they do everything together, they go everywhere together. You can only take it for so long before it gets really weird' she shrugs 'don't worry, though' she adds, taking my hand and his in both of hers 'I'll still love and support both of you when you decide to announce it.' she says solemnly.

'And I promise you,' Stefan says just as firmly 'that I'll let you be my best man in the wedding'

I can't help but chuckle at the constant joke that seems to amuse my sister so much, and even more, her blonde best friend who is almost dying of laughter. She looks one step away from falling off her chair.

'Well, I'm really glad we can amuse you' I tell Caroline who is now wiping her eyes.

'You really do' she grins at me. But I still see it, the confusion, the question and the tiny bit of anger in her blue eyes as they hold mine. For the first time this evening, I allow myself to hold her gaze for a reason that I fail to know. Perhaps I want to gauge a reaction from her, something that would drive her to tell me what she is thinking even though I am almost completely aware of it. Or perhaps I just want to see how far have her frustration got and how much longer will she hold it back. Or maybe I'm trying to plead for forgiveness after giving her a cold shoulder for the past three weeks or so after being able to taste her lips; a taste so exquisite that I can still feel it on my tongue whenever I look at her.

'Well, I apologize that I won't be able to provide you with entertainment anymore tonight' I rise to my feet, already jumping into my jacket and ignoring the look of disappointment in her eyes 'but I should get back home'

'So soon?' Rebekah frowns.

'Yes' I sigh 'I have to wake up early tomorrow. Dad is paying the firm a visit'

'Ugh' she wrinkles her nose in disgust but with a sympathetic gaze in her eyes 'Good luck' she says sincerely.

'Thank you, sister' I smile slightly.

I'm striding towards the door when Stefan follows up with a cheerful 'Wait for me, hubby!'

The girls burst into laughter again as I roll my eyes when his hand clamps down on my shoulder with a grin plastered on his face.

. . .

'So she told you that you're an unworthy father' Stefan says dodging the punch I threw at him.

'Yes' I reply, still focused on the game before 'She said, and I quote "I wish that I had never let you into Johnny's life" then hung up the phone on me'

'Wow' his boxer kicks mine in the shins 'she was the one who went out of her way to get you into his life' he says nonchalantly.

'Well, she was eager for me to get back into her life, really. Because, and again I quote, "She could have handled him just fine on her own"' I press incessantly on the buttons at the memory of her taunting words.

'And does she like think that saying those things to you will help you the least bit?' Stefan scoffs, managing to dodge another punch from my wrestler.

'No, of course not, she is sending me books about parenting' I sigh.

'Haven't you read those?' he grunts as though what I said personally offends him.

'A couple of them, yes' I say as I deliver a kick to his boxer that shoots him down.

'Dammit' he mutters 'seriously, though, what's her problem. It's not like you scared the kid or scarred him for life. You've just been distracted lately. It happens.'

'She says that I should get myself together in those couple of days during the week when he's with me and get my life in "order"' I almost growl out the last part, which causes my anger to rise and my wrestler to delivers the final shot to Stefan's 'There!' I smirk.

'Oh man! How come you always beat me at this game even though I'm the one who plays video games the whole time?' He whines, slumping back on the couch.

'Better reflexes' I shrug.

He rolls his eyes. I slump back on the couch as well, tracing patterns on the armrest as thoughts begin to dwell in my mind. It's been uncomfortable three weeks. There is this constant feeling of being haunted by something, something that I am failing to know what it is, I just know that it bothers me. Maybe it's Caroline's ordeal which I have no idea what it is yet that haunts me is what's making it hard to sleep sometimes, or maybe it's the feeling of unsatisfactory with my life, or the simple factor that I have not held a paint brush in almost three years for no reason other than complete lack of inspiration and a lump that forms in my throat whenever I look at the empty canvas and cannot change its status.

'Do you think she's right?' I ask after a moment of silence prevails 'that Johnny would have been better off without me in his life?' My voice comes out in only whispers as my hands continue to draw patterns on the fabric.

'Don't be ridiculous Nik. No one's better off without their father. You of all people should know that' my jaw clenches unconsciously at his nonchalance when it comes to that subject. For some reason, whenever it is brought up, I feel like the confused little boy again who wanted his father's love but never received any kind of affection from him. It has been a long time since I accepted that this feeling will never change, that it is one of those things that will haunt me as long as I shall live.

'Besides, don't start feeling sorry for yourself' Stefan continues casually 'It doesn't suit you'

I sigh.

'She might be right, you know?' Stefan starts with a teasing tone in his voice 'you are not the best role model. I mean you spend your free time playing video games and hanging out with me of all people'

I chuckle. If only he knew how our friendship drives Tatia crazy.

Silence falls between us again as I contemplate my next question. For almost three weeks now, I have been holding my tongue from commenting on his visit to The Five with Rebekah. The latter have kept her appearances to a minimum, something that is not quite characteristic of her, and Stefan avoided talking about anything that would remotely lead us to this conversation. Not to mention the glimpse of guilt that I have been detecting on his face, as though he knows far more than he leads on. One of the perks of knowing a person for almost twelve years is that you become acquainted even with their smallest gestures.

'When will I know about what happened to Caroline, Stefan?' clearly, my patience has reached its limit 'Or when will we talk about what happened when you went with Rebekah to The Five?'

He sighs 'I don't know anything, Nik'

'We both know that this is a lie' I snap.

His jaw is clenched in annoyance when I turn to face him 'Look' he starts 'I don't know, I kind of came up with a conclusion that's nothing but hypotheticals, so why would I bother you with that? Besides, it's Rebekah who decides when, or if, to tell you'

'Well maybe your hypotheticals can put my mind to rest' I try to stay as calm as I can in such situation. But the thought of Caroline being in trouble, or for all I know, being in pain makes my own heart ache. Ever since I saw her there has been this feeling gnawing on my heart, telling me that she needed help. Her image from our reunion refuses to leave my mind at peace. And my tone comes out involuntarily aggravated 'You know how much I care about her'

'And you know that you've been out of her life for almost four years now' he impatiently huffs 'She doesn't owe you an explanation and you don't have a right to know about her private life unless she wants you to. And she obviously doesn't'

My teeth grit together tightly to the point that it feels I will have a headache from the pressure 'So you're just asking me to ignore everything?' I spit out 'To ignore the fact that she is in trouble? That she is in need of help? That her situation is so dire that you and my sister are going out of your way to keep it a secret? That the woman that you, of all people, know how much I love and have never been able to get over is possibly in danger? You expect me to be fine with that and just sleep blissfully at night?'

'That is exactly my point, Klaus!' he almost yells 'It's time for you to let her go and move on with your life. Meet another woman, go back to painting, pick yourself up and leave that goddamned mind-numbing job you have instead of doing nothing but think about her and wondering what could have been if you haven't acted like such a dick to her. Caroline was not going to be with you four years ago and she most definitely will not be yours now or any time for the matter. So. Let. Her. go. It's for your own good.'

Not seeming to have any interest in continuing our half-conversation-half-argument, he races towards his room and shuts the door behind him.

I am left behind, more pained and confused than ever.

. . .

I do not follow rules, never have and never will. I do not like being told what to do and can never bring myself to think about shoulds and shouldn'ts before acting out.

This situation is no different. If anything, it is in this situation that these qualities can turn out to be quite fruitful.
I have no more patience to endure this insanity. I've put up with their secrecy for long enough. I will go to Rebekah's house as soon as my work is over today and ask –no demand to know the truth.

'Good morning, Nik' Rebekah says cheerfully as she enters my office.

Well, she will save me the drive to her place.

'Rebekah' I muse 'I was just thinking about coming to see you tonight'

'Well, if it's important you can tell me now. I have a rehearsal dinner to get to tonight. The bride begged me not to leave her alone in it' she rolls her eyes.

'Aren't you a life savior' I mock.

'Excuse me just because you do not realize the importance of wedding planning, it does not make it any less important' she says indignantly 'Besides I'm doing something that I like'

'Alright, sister, no need to be cross about it' I chuckle 'But I do, indeed, need to talk to you'

'OK' she nods 'but first, can you please give me Caroline's paycheck. She told me to drop it off at her place'

'The accountant has already sent it…' I dismiss, shrugging and start to say another sentence but Rebekah's horrified expression cuts me off 'What?' I ask instead.

'But it's only nine A.M in the morning' she practically shrieks.

'Yes we send them a day earlier so they arrive at the appointed time. Or in that case send Caroline's earlier. She's the only one we have working from home. Why is that such a big deal?' I frown.

The blood is literally drained from her face and she only gets paler. Her hands start shaking as she fights to extract her phone from her bag and starts fumbling with the buttons

'Rebekah, what's going on?' I ask her, my heart already pounding in my chest at the obvious panic in my sister's eyes and the terrified expression that she continues to wear as she presses the phone to her air.

'Come one, Caroline, answer the phone' she keeps chanting in a shaky voice before letting out a gasp.

'Rebekah what is going on?' I almost yell.

'Oh no, oh no it's disconnected!' she ignores me, racing towards the door.

I grab her elbow and spin her around to face me 'You're not leaving this office until you tell me what's happening Rebekah'

'You don't understand' she hisses, horror still evident in her eyes 'He'll kill her, Nik! He will goddamn kill her!'

With that uttered, she snatches her elbow from my grip and continues her run.

Kill her? Who? Why?

My mind is racing with a million thought, and the only thing that I can register is that Caroline is in danger. Nothing else matters. And I am halfway through the parking lot before I realize that I am following Rebekah.

She doesn't seem shocked to see me and is in too much hurry to argue about me jumping into the car with her. The drive is rather dreadful, far longer than either of us can endure even though I do not really understand what exactly is happening and even though Rebekah breaks every traffic rule that ever existed. Her hands are shaky on the wheel, her attention not the least bit to the rood and her eyes are wide opened. It is by sheer luck that we get to the house in one piece. She parks recklessly in front of the neat-looking house in the middle of a friendly-looking neighborhood. I do not have much time to contemplate my surroundings as I jog behind Rebekah towards the front door.

She knocks incessantly.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

And waits.

No answer.

'Caroline?' she screams 'Caroline open the door!' she tries again, knocking harder before trying to give the handle a twist when we are met with only silence 'Dammit'

I stand idly by, weighing my options. We clearly need to get inside to see if Caroline is OK? I shudder, not really wanting to think about the possibility of her being hurt.

'Does she have a backdoor?' I ask.

'No, none that I know of' she answers as though just noting my presence 'And even if she does, it doesn't matter it'll be locked, too' she is speaking hurriedly, tears brimming in her eyes.

'Then I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way' I nod 'Do you have a pin or a small knife?'

'Yes, yes I think I do' she starts fumbling with her purse until she gives me a small knife and a hairpin 'Keeps predators away' she quickly dismisses my questioning glance towards the knife.

'Watch the road and tell me if anyone approaches. I think we drew enough attention' I order, kneeling on my knees and starting to unlock the door like I learned with Stefan back when we used to break into locked rooms in our private parties out of nothing but curiosity. It's got us into troubles more often than not.

It's much more easily done when you are not drunk.

The door clicks opened and with the silence that follows its opening, the drumming beats of my heart become even more prominent. There is not a single sound in the house, not a single sign of human life in it.

'Caroline?' Rebekah calls out shakily as she steps into the hallway. I stay a few feet behind, taking time to swallow the lump in my throat.

Halfway through the corridor Rebekah and I part ways. I land in the kitchen. A knife is lying on the floor and the coffee machine is on. The pan was obviously set for cooking as oil shimmers on its flat expanse and there is bread in the toaster. I gulp down, unable to find my voice and call after her.

My heart beats are getting louder, stronger. It's pounding against my ribcage like a wild animal pound against the bars of its cell. I can almost feel it ripping its way out of my chest.

Rebekah shrieks loudly. Her scream of terror is a cross between my name and nothing but noise.

My legs can barely hold me as I race towards the source of Rebekah's screech, knees almost bucking at the simple thought of what she might have found.

I find myself in the living room standing next to Rebekah a second afterwards.

As frozen as her while I stare at Caroline drowning in her blood.

I know, I know, cliffhangers suck. And they suck even more with the slowness of my updates. But I promise you I'll do my best to give you the next chapter as fast as I can.

Tell me what you think!

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