Jesse stood at the front of the class, flicking through the slides of the PowerPoint, while the students copied down, dutifully.
"So like, all the atoms in the nucleus are made of Quakers, or something. And there's this thing called a boson. I think that's kinda important, so like- research it or something." The teacher said, while playing doodle-jump under the table with his phone.
"Sir! Do you even know what your talking about!?" Piped up Wendy. She was a total nerd, who after becoming a nun decided to come back to high school because she loved the lessons so much. The principle really wanted her to leave, especially since she was thirty-five now, but he didn't want to like, anger Jesus or whatever by arguing with a nun. Jesse found teaching her majorly weird, especially since she used to baby-sit him.
"Umm, duh of course I do I'm the teacher." Jesse replied, while sending a snap-chat to Dr skinny Pete.
"Well, what's a Boson then?"
"Do I have to spoon-feed you everything? Independent research, bitch!"
"Jesse! Are you ready to teach!?" The classes head's whipped around, to see a bald man leaning on the door frame, while smoking a joint. It was Walter Heisenberg.
"What the hell man!? You can't be here!" Jesse hissed, actually worried for his class- I mean, they were basically being exposed to a man who sold meth and melted bodies for a living. He could get sued.
"I'm here to teach, are you deaf?" Walter said triumphantly. He strode across the classroom like he owned the place, and sat himself firmly on the desk.
"Why do you even want to be a teacher, yo!?" Jesse whispered frantically, trying to get the serial killer to leave. The class just ignored them and talked amongst themselves, because like typical teens they did not give a single shit about whatever the teacher was doing. "It's not even that easy!"
"Jesse, your attempts to deter me are useless- " Walter said, shaking his head, "I've convinced kids to do drugs for years, I know how to get through to them."
"That's it I'm actually calling the cops- " Jesse began, only to have a gun shoved in his mouth once again.
"Ha! Look everybody! Mr Pinkman's gonna get shot!" Some kid called out, and everyone laughed.
Jesse scowled at Walt and backed away
"fine. Go ahead and read of the PowerPoint. See how much fun teaching is, bitch."
"No. No power points." Heisenberg said. "Teaching is a passion! You have to do it properly."
"Whatever." Jesse said, still sulking because Walt would shoot him if he tried anything.
"Good! Okay class I'm your new teacher!" Walter said, pausing for a moment "And my name is... Mr White."
Skyler knew something was up with her husband. He'd been acting all strange and moody, and he hadn't even finished his bowl of meth this mourning.
She didn't think anything of it, but one day, when she was looking through the trash (how she usually got most of her clothes) she came across an incriminating book called 'how to educate kids' she gasped!
What was Walter doing looking at this!? She knew it couldn't be junior's book, because her and Walt had locked him in the car boot last weekend and he hadn't been out since. She meant to free him soon, but she kept forgetting, you know? Oh well, there was enough left-over moldy food in there to keep him going for a little while...
"99%! Everyone in the class got 99% or above!" Jesse said, beaming. "Man, your a goddamn artist!"
The class he just finished their quizzes after Walt's lesson, and they'd all gotten super-high results. Jesse was so happy about this he forgot Walter was a serial-killer who sold drugs, and just focused on him being impressed.
"I know, I know I'm rather skillful." Walter said, trying to be humble "But when will I get my pay-check and health benefits?"
"What are you- retarded? You can't just turn up and teach the class and get paid and stuff." The younger man said, disdainfully as he sucked on his lollipop (his replacement for METH).
"Well that's what you do isn't it? Minus the teaching part."
"Asshole. You have to like, sign up as a teacher first, you have to speak to the principle." Jesse said, rolling his eyes.
"Great. Get me a meeting with him." Walter said, grinning. "Getting a job should be easy, they're desperate for teachers these days!"
"Yeah only cause your asshole brother in law keeps attacking them and slaughtering their families." Jesse grumbled. "Whatever I'll go speak to Principle Krazy 8, but he only like, hired me cause Emilio's his cousin and me and him go way back!"
"Just show him the test results. He'll hire me." Walter said smugly, he stuck a joint in his mouth, and lit it by shooting at it until it went on fire. After the roof was sufficiently destroyed, he walked out, leaving Jesse to clean up the mess.
"Sorry I'm late, honey." Walter said as he arrived in the baby-scanning room. Skyler glared at him.
"Fuck you." Skyler said as the doctors scanned her tummy "I need to talk to you."
"We're talking right now, Skyler." Walt said evenly.
"Don't play dumb, fool! I found books in the house! Books about teaching! And who's Jesse Pinkman!? Why were you calling him of our phone- don't try to deny it I checked. I looked him up on Facebook too and he's a teacher! What's going on!?"
Walter sighed, he had to think of a lie- fast! No way he could tell her he was a teacher." I uhh. I was tired of my customers calling me dumb so I got him to tutor me."
"You got taught!? Lessons?" Skyler said, aghast. "You have a brother in law in the DEA how could you!?"
Walter growled, tired if his wife bitching at him, if she was this mad at tutoring sessions, he could only dread how she'd react if she found out the whole truth! "You know what you need to do for me, honey, you know what I want you to do?" Walter said, papatronizingly"Get on my Ass. I want you to crawl into my Ass for five minutes- you know I'd appreciate it."
Nobody, especially not Skyler really knows what the hell Walt even meant by this. But since everything here is the opposite of breaking bad that's what he said. Skyler glared at him angrily, but mostly just confused. Luckily, Walt was saved from the awkwardness of having to explain, by Nurse Beaver.
"Excuse me, Mrs Heisenberg, like, how long you had that bun in the oven?" Nurse Badger asked walking over.
"A while. It's just kept growing!" Skler replied.
"And this is like- your first scan in all this time? How did ya find out you were expecting?"
"I looked down one day and realized I was pregnant Duh- what kind of doctor are you!?"
"I'm a nurse!" He said proudly. "Anyways.. I have like, some bad news,"
"Oh no what?"
"Well uh, your not actually pregnant, your just fat." Nurse Badger said. "I'd recommend you go on like, a diet or something yo' cause this ain't normal."
"This can't be!" Walter cried. " I don't wanna be married to a fatty!"
"Heavy." Badger said, sympathetically. "Um anyway it's like all the fat in your body went to your stomach cause of drugs."
"Fuck you! How dare you call me fat!" Skyler hissed, lunging over and trying to attack him. "You think I'm fat, huh you little bitch!? I'll destroy you! I'm still hotter than you! I could get more guys than you ever could! You look like a man!"
Walter dragged his crazy crack-head wife out of the hospital before she could kill anyone. She kept screaming at Nurse Badger calling him and ugly whore who looks like a guy, she didn't realise Badger already was a guy because she didn't know nurses could be men as well.
Jesse walked sheepishly into Principle Krazy 8's office.
"Hey, um Mr Krazy 8 can I speak to you a sec?" He asked, shifting from foot to foot nervously, the principle rolled his eyes.
"What now, Pinkman did one of your students swallow an alkali?" He said, angry already.
"No." Jesse huffed.
"Did you?"
"That was one time- I thought it was lemonade. Whatever- look at the results from my last test." Jesse said, throwing down the test papers- 99% accurate, some even higher.
Principle Krazy 8 took one look at them and scowled "who's been teaching these kids? Because I know for a fact you punk ass did not produce these!"
"That's what I was tellin' you, yo. I got this guy who's helping me teach, he's really good. He wants a job!" Jesse said, practically beaming, Krazy 8 on the other hand looked horrified.
"You mean you've been letting some guy come into the school how hasn't even had a CRB check!? When security's so high, too!? I'm beginning to question your loyalties, you little Bitch!" Krazy 8 yelled.
"Hey what's that suppose to mean, huh? What loyalties?"
"The DEA raids the school and your not in the staff room? Emilio thinks it's more than a coincidence. Emilio thinks that you sold him out!"
Jesse shook his head. "I would never! He's like a brother to me, yo! You can tell him that as soon as he escapes from being kidnapped."
"How about you tell him right now?" Krazy 8 said, as Emilio entered the room.
"Shit.." Jesse murmured.
Walter was just teaching out in the classroom while Jesse got him the job for real, that was when Krazy 8's car pulled up suddenly outside the classroom, it blocked up most of the hallway and knocked all the lockers over when it drove around, but for some reason Principle Krazy 8 still insisted on getting around the school in a car, and nobody dared argue with him because he's the Goddamn principle.
"He's a teacher just like us, I swear!" Jesse cried from the back of the car. But Emilio shook his head.
"No I recognise him from the raid. He's with the DEA! I'm calling the cops!"
"Mr Heisenberg run!" Jesse cried, jumping out the car and legging it, only to face plant the floor. The class laughed, so Jesse stayed down hoping to make them feel guilty for mocking him by pretending to be knocked out. It didn't work.
"I'm a teacher , I promise." Walter said, look I'll even show you my strategy!"
"Strategy? What the hell do you mean!?" Krazy 8 said, angrily. "Intruders will be prosecuted! Your putting the class at risk by being here! I'm calling the police right now!"
Walter panicked, he had to use his skills of influencing children. "Class anyone who doesn't attack the principle and Mr Emilio are gay and lame and they're on detention!"
The reaction was instant, the class lunged forward and started beating up Mr Emilio and Principle Krazy 8.
"Yo that's like, homophobic you shouldn't say that, Mr Heisenberg." Jesse said, hopping up from the floor to avoid being trampled on.
Mr White just laughed, "We had no other choice, Jesse, Now who's going to stop me from getting my health benefits!?"
"Jesus Christ, just because you beat up the Principle doesn't mean you have a job, bitch!" Jesse said, trying to pull the kids away, as they pulled out Mr Emilio's lung.
"Okay class settle down! Seriously stop trying to kill teachers. Yo we could get arrested for this! Aw man! No! Timmy don't bite him there!"
"Don't worry, Jesse." Walt said, pulling him back. "They'll be dead soon and there'll be nobody to call the police on us or fire you."
But then the bell went, and all the kids ran out in a hurry to get home. Emilio and Krazy 8 lay on the floor in a bloody mess. The principle twitched, while Emilio lay completely motionless, his intestines fling about the room like some sort of satanic Christmas decoration.
Walter took a moment to survey the damage, he let out a deep sigh, and lit his spliff, taking a long puff before speaking.
"Well, shit."
(a/n: i don't care if it turned out crap, I love writing this story, I feel like I can get away with putting zero effort into it :D..
Anyway, thanks to everyone who commented, it's much appreciated! Please leave a comment! please please :D