"Because I love you, dammit!"
Somehow, despite the fact that everyone in a five mile radius was involved in a battle, Sasuke Uchiha's declaration managed to be heard by the entire army. All of the shinobi quickly stilled as one of the key players in the war- and honestly, which side was he fighting for now?- made such a stunning revelation. (It was a little known fact that becoming a ninja left you with a whole new appreciation for soap operas) One of the genin still attempted to throw a kunai, before a Zetsu clone casually decapitated him; the brat's jounin-sensei nodded to him thankfully.
"What?" a dozen or so voice simultaneously soared. Incidentally, not one of those voices was the person to whom the declaration had been made in the first place, since Uzumaki Naruto was still gaping at his ex-best friend in shock.
A little background information first: all of the fighters were in a large, rocky clearing of more or less level ground (Onoki won the coin toss). The Allied Shinobi Army- with the assistance of five of the escaped Bijuu- was fighting against Madara, Obito, and a huge army of Zetsu clones. Half of the fighters on either side were Edo-Tensei-ed, so people had become mainly blase about death. It was hard to fear dying when Edo Tensei was being spammed around like Naruto's Kage Bunshin.
"Well? Aren't you going to say something, dobe?" Sasuke demanded, a little desperately, as he ignored the darkening faces around him and focused on the blonde. He took a step closer to Naruto, causing a certain nine-tailed fox behind him to growl threateningly.
"Do you really…? Sasuke?" Naruto said, bewildered and more than a little hurt, "If this is supposed to be one of your little jokes- Kami, how cruel can you be, Sasuke?"
"I'm not joking!" Sasuke said, vehemently, before his voice softened. Despite the low tone in which he spoke, his words managed to carry across the clearing. "You know there's something between us Naruto. You can't possibly tell me that you still love Sakura, not after you and I… you have always been my most precious person Naruto, and I know I've been yours. Even before we became friends we were each other's first kiss."
"First kiss?" Minato Namikaze interjected, his tone particularly cold, "Exactly what do you mean by first kiss?"
"Is Sakura that pink, one-trick banshee?" Obito wanted to know, "THAT used to be your crush, chibi-mine? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Huh? Did you just call me chibi-mine?" Naruto said, incredulous, "What gives you the right to say that, you creep? You're not another Orochimaru, are you?" Despite the fact that he had been trying his hardest to kill Naruto shortly before, the Uchiha still had the nerve to look hurt by the accusation.
"I forgot that you still had that genjutsu on," Madara interrupted, "Not too surprising I suppose, since I had been the one to place it. Give me a second."
Before an alarmed Naruto could move or protest, Madara flashed in front of the boy and placed his fingers against the blonde's forehead.
"Kai," he said, clearly.
The majority of the Allied Shinobi Army and Sasuke looked on in concern as Naruto's hands flew up to his forehead and he groaned slightly. A quick series of memories passed through his mind, at which point he blinked and tried to assemble the new information. Once he was satisfied, he looked up to see an amused Madara, who had been standing there patiently for the last minute.
"Not cool, hii-ojiisan," was the first thing Naruto said, which completely shocked the surrounding viewers. The blonde rubbed his forehead and started to mutter, "Kakashi-nii, Obito-nii, Shisui-nii, Itachi-nii, and Nagato-jii? Seriously? You wiped all of that information from my mind? I was so freaked out that year! Food kept appearing out of nowhere and someone had left a bunch of orange jumpsuits in my closet. Half the time, I thought I swore there were people walking outside of my bedroom door. I thought there was a ghost living with me!"
"So that's why you never returned my greetings on the streets," Itachi realized, aloud. He looked over at his favorite, messy-haired cousin, "Shisui? You too?"
"I had been following you, and saw you enter his home," the man explained, "Did you know that Naru-chan was the Yondaime's kid?"
"Obviously," Obito scoffed, "He looks just like Minato-sensei. I can't believe that more people didn't realize that."
"I think that they were just in denial," Kakashi added, deciding to simply ignore the surreality of the situation. Besides, he hadn't spoken to his old friend in years, barring a few tense exchanges in the battlefield. It felt nice.
"Just what the hell is going on?" Tsunade demanded, looking decidedly pissed-off.
"Well, when I was five, pretty much everyone who had some sort of connection to my family- 'cept for you and Jiraiya- proceeded to sneak into my apartment at night for a quick chat before proceeding to ignore me for the next ten or so years of my life," Naruto quickly summarized.
"Damn, I KNEW I should have followed my instincts that night and snuck into the gaki's room," Anko looked deeply disappointed. She received several looks of disbelief.
"And how are you related to Naruto?" Nagato wanted to know.
"I'm the student of his father's sensei's old teammate," Anko explained.
"What type of relationship is THAT?" Obito said, derisively, "You're hardly any better than a stranger."
"Well, Madara is basing HIS entire claim on a childhood rivalry with Naruto's second cousin once removed's husband," Zetsu pointed out reasonably, before quailing under the glare of said man.
"Not a childhood rivalry," Hashirama Senju protested, "We were destined to be the greatest of friends and comrades in battle-"
"We're not friends," Madara snapped, "Stop telling people that! I agreed to attend your birthday party once- ONCE- and that was because I was falsely lured in by promises of a tomato flavoured cake. I don't like you!"
"Uchiha and their tomatoes," Tobirama commented, as his brother sulked.
"Will you shut up already?!" Sasuke finally exploded, "I'm in the middle of a love confession here!"
"I don't know Sasuke," Naruto admitted, "I mean, I know you never stick to any one course of action, and I'm not sure if I can deal with your commitment issues- and the whole repeatedly tried to kill me thing is also annoying…"
"Oh, stop trying to play coy, Naruto," Kiba shouted, annoyed, "It's not like you've been able to stay away from Sasuke for that long, anyway. You spent four damn years of your life trying to get him back, and dragging us along for the ride. The only person that's more clingy than you is that Obito Uchiha guy, and he keeps trying to cast an eternal genjutsu on the moon to get his love back when all he needs to do is use Edo Tensei."
Naruto glared at the Inuzuka. "Shut up mutt! This is a life changing decision here!"
"It's true," Jiraiya confirmed, "The old toad sage claimed that Naruto and Sasuke were destined to have some world altering interaction. I thought they were supposed to fight to the death, but I guess I was wrong."
"How bad of a love life do you need to have to use a prophecy to get yourself laid?" one random Chuunin wondered aloud.
Naruto ignored the man and turned his attention to the impatient Uchiha.
"Okay," he said, simply, his face lighting up with a small, heartfelt smile.
"Okay," Sasuke echoed, returning the smile, "I'm glad that you said yes. We should talk about our relationship… later."
"When my father isn't glaring at you," Naruto agreed.
"Wait just a minute there," Nagato protested, receiving many nods in agreement from the rest of the blond's 'family', "You can't just come in here and expect to date Naruto! For one, he's far too young-"
"And you're clearly a bad influence on him," Minato continued, rage coursing through his body.
"There's also these killing attempts to discuss," Shisui added, with a deceptively sweet smile.
"I'm sorry otouto, but you simply cannot be allowed to corrupt Naruto," Itachi said calmly, activating his Mangekyo Sharingan, "I shall make this swift and painless."
"Suspend the war for an indefinite period," Madara ordered, "This is an internal family matter." The others all agreed rather happily, except for Onoki who grumbled about how a continental war initiated by two Konoha nin shouldn't be dismissed just because those same Konoha nin found it inconvenient.
"Why don't you let that nice young man- Neji, wasn't it?- lead you out of the battlefield, chibi-mine?" Obito suggested, "A few of us will stay behind to have a small chat with your new boyfriend."
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